It was at times like this that I knew Callie Rose was thinking about Tobey. She would be sitting down, or just home from school, when suddenly she just stopped. A look I had never seen at any other time crossed her eyes and she smiled faintly. And, then, she looked so much like Callum.

Callum.

Callum, you should be here for your daughters wedding day. You should be here to walk her down the isle, dance with her, and ask Tobey about his prospects. How he would treat our Callie, how he would nourish her, and how if he ever, ever hurt her, his nether regions would be gone forever.

This should have been us, Callum. I should be getting into the gorgeous and overly expensive wedding dress, randomly thinking about you in front of the mirror, like Rose is doing right now. You should be at a shop similar to this one, trying on a suit, thinking about me, like Tobey is probably doing about Callie. We should have been the ones choosing the venue, the menu.

But we're not Callum. And it's my fault.

Never for one second, not even for one nano second, do I regret not having an abortion. But I should have testified anyway. I should have said that you didn't rape me. Almost certainly you would have been put in prison for the involvement in the kidnap, but that was only years. But this is a lifetime. A lifetime. I have now lived for a two and a half decades without you Callum. And its all been the same.

I wake up, hug Callie, kiss Nathan, eat and go to bed. Every single bloody day. But not one of those days go by when I don't think about you. Every night, I lie on the bed on my side, and close my eyes. My memory doesn't do you justice, I know, but oh … the times we had. Celebration Park crosses my mind and leaves just as quickly, and then our first kiss, on my mother's beach. I read your letter of love over and over again, breathing in the words, and I imagine that we are back in my old bedroom, your arms wrapped around me … the first time you told me you loved me.

"Mum?" Callie said behind me. I was snapped out of my reverie.

"Yes, love?" She sighed heavily, and stepped off the stair she was on in front of the shops mirror. She put her arms around me and I hugged back immediately.

"Mum, the reason why no one is walking me down the aisle is because I am imagining Dad doing it. He should be there." She let go of me but looked me in the eye. "I know you wanted this to happen with you and him … and I am sorry that I stopped your dream for happening."

"Don't be." I said firmly.

"But do you know what I am even more sorry for?"

"What?"

"Ripping up your photo. But … look at this!" She said, opening her new Gucci bag Tobey had gotten her for her 25th birthday. She pulled out an A5 photograph. I recognised it immediately. It was the photo of Callum and I. "I stuck all of the pieces back together – it took days I swear, Tobey scanned it in the computer and retouched it. Good huh?" I smiled as she did, and hugged her tightly. "I love you Mum."

"I love you too Callie. I will miss you when you move." Callie stiffened and stepped back.

"What?" she asked startled.

"You and Tobey are obviously moving away. Just me and your grandmother left." I sighed.

"Mum. I have £2 million in my bank account, and Tobey has about £100,000 left of his college fund. Well - " she said looking at herself in the mirror. "He wont after I buy this dress." She smiled, thinking about him again. "That's beside the point. We are getting out of Meadowview. But you are already out of it Mum – you are living back in your old house. And … I will make him come and visit." She smiled.

"I know. I know. Callie … you do love him … don't you?" I had to ask. She wasn't going to make the same mistake as I did – I let Callum go. She has to grab him while she can.

"You are one heck of a pleb sometimes Mother." She rolled her eyes. "Do I love him? Hmm." She looked around, and I already regretted asking. Of course she did. "I love him more that the entire of the universe combined."

"And your grandmother and I?"

"I love you more than another entire universe combined." She laughed.

Callum, our daughter laughed.

She laughed. What I would give to hear you laugh again. She sounds like you when she laughs, that same mischievous smile, the twinkle in her eye. You may have been gone for 25 years … but I remember your laugh like I remember my own name. It is second nature to me.

And … I just want you to know Callum, Nathan may be in my life now, and his ring may be on my finger. But you will always have a special place in my heart. About ½ of it. You used to have all my heart – but then our daughter was born. She took the other half.

Sorry.

I smiled when I apologised to him in my head. Callie smiled back at me – knowing I was thinking of him. I wanted to tell her so much that she was living the dream – a loving fiancé and money. But I didn't want to ruin her week with my depressing sayings.

After all, like Callie, Callum was a dreamer. And he woke up. All dreams have to end.

Someday.