Disclaimer: don't own, never claimed too.
It's about losing someone and losing your faith and will. Having lived with a pain like no other for so long, having being given no sign it was ever gonna get better. It's the beginning of the end.
Forgotten.
Life is not a fairy-tale, it's not a movie and it's not a book. The things you dream really don't come true, not for people like me any way.
Doesn't stop me dreaming though, thinking of situations, gestures, really special things. You tracking me down, willing to risk everything if only to say you still love me. Like something out of a film, dreamed up by someone else and not just me.
There are times when I can't sleep because I'm to busy thinking of you. I wish you would come back. I'm stuck in this empty shell of a house, with a lack of emotion and nothing but memories.
The memories are the reason I should leave and the reasons I stay. I don't want to let you go.
I can't explain the general numbness that settles over me while I'm conscious, it's like I'm on drugs or something. What I do feel is not my own.
I wait for that something to make it better, though it'll never happen. Like I said this isn't a movie, good stuff never happens for people like me.
It's been so long since you went; yet the house still smells of you. Sometimes I wake up and forget that you've gone. I can remember being in your arms, and your warmth. I remember you taking the nightmares away, I remember loving you more than anything in this world. More than life itself.
And also how you never felt the same, how I didn't mean a thing to you, I was just another lump of flesh. I let myself be so used.
It still hurts after all this time, I do my best to not think, hence my large amount of sleep, drink and drugs. It's the only way to forget without forgetting.
I do most of this to myself, and knowing I should be stronger doesn't help. But I'm not ready to be ok, I have lost my world.
I had this dream about you the other night, when I woke up and remembered I ended up sobbing for hours after. I was lying in my bed pretending to be asleep and you came in. climbed in bed with me and just took me in your arms, and kissed me gently on the mouth. It felt so real, it broke my heart.
Comes back to the harsh reality you aren't coming back, and I will never feel your skin again.
I wish you could be mine again, and I wish I were your world. I hope you miss me the way I do you; I hope you think of me all the time. I want to pretend it never happened and you never really choose someone else.
Like a whisper in trees my pleas will fall on deaf ears, not wanting to be heard, people like me don't get saved. Required to go on living for no reason at all.
I'm waiting for the good times to come around again, and the colour come back into my eyes. When it happens someone better let me know, because I can't remember life without pain.