What's A Crush To Do

Chapter 1

The world was covered in blankets, I couldn't see a thing, darkness spread across my eyes, the last thing I saw was a flash of green, the only curse that can cause that light is the killing curse, and I knew some one had died, some one I loved. Laughs spread across the damp streets, puddles mixed with rain and blood splashed around my feet, I was standing in the blood of my loved ones, my body to numb to do anything about it. Screaming, I raised my wand, I couldn't make out the figure in front of me, but it was getting closer and closer, the laugh louder and louder, I knew that laugh, for it had visited my nightmares ever since I was one years old, before I knew what I was doing I reached my wand to him, he was so close the tip of my wand was digging into his chest, yet he was moving even closer, I was terrified, I couldn't hear anything, anything except that laugh. Its weird to think that one laugh can have such an affect on one person, that laugh froze my heart, and I could feel it shatter inside me. I had to do something, I couldn't let him kill any one else, I couldn't let him kill any one else I loved, I tried listening out for any one else that could still be alive, but the smell of dead bodies made my stomach hurt as I held back my vomit, I couldn't show my weakness, but he already knew, laughing louder this time, I reacted, "Avada Kedarva" I screamed, but nothing happened, I screamed it again and again but nothing happened, he just laughed. Why won't he die? When he killed every one I ever loved in my life, but the bastard wont die.

"You lost everything Harry Potter," He said through a smile, "I told you, you would." I wanted to scream, how dare he be right, when it meant every one I loved would die. Pointing my wand directly into his heart, pushing it in, even though I was sure his heart had froze long ago, I screamed the killing curse, the curse he used thousands of time to make my life empty, to make me feel alone, which I was. He didn't laugh, for a moment he didn't do anything, but i knew it worked, his black eyes stared at me through the darkness, I blinked away my tears as my energy drained away, there was a gasp, some one was still alive, looking around desperately I hoped it was some one from our side, some one from the order. I looked back at the man who ruined my child hood, the man who shaped my teenage body as an adult, and I couldn't believe my eyes, where my wand had hit his heart, a flame had begun, and he stood there, still, covered in fire, not a sound, not a laugh, just silence, and I knew, i knew I had won. Falling backwards, I watched as he went up in smoke, his ashes whirling in a circle, but it wasn't over, his ashes came flying at me, struggling to move I realised how much pain I was in that was being blocked by the adrenaline, he was in me, laughing once more, as he sent images through my mind.

The screams, the cries, it was hard to take, but then I saw who had died, the flash of light, I saw who it had hit, I cried out loud, they couldn't be dead, not both of them, but they were, their bodies on top of each other, their ginger hair covered in each others blood, my stomach turned, and I could feel vomit and blood in my mouth, Fred and George, they were gone. But they were not the only ones, members from the order where sprawled across the floor, I recognised a few, and my heart broke in two as i saw Lupin amongst the dead, the laugh returned, but he sounded weak, he sounded defeated, just as much as I felt.

"You bastard!" I screamed, "You didn't have to kill them!" My thoughts turned back to the present, as I felt him move inside my mind, laughing, "You've lost, your weak not me!" I didn't know what to say, it was like what happened at the ministry two years ago, when his soul entered me, I got rid of him then, but I was stronger then, I've lost everything now, and a part of me just wants to give in and die with him, but then I hear another voice.

"Harry," He calls, and I turn my pain filled body to the side and see him staring at me, "You have to fight Harry," I was sick of fighting, but his voice made it possible, "You have to forgive." That was it, the key to killing him.

"You killed a lot of people, your sick, you get off on torturing people, but you didn't kill every one I love. You failed to kill me, that was always your plan, to prove your self, even though you killed my parents, it was your fault Sirius died, and its your fault that wizard children have nightmares, but, I forgive you because I know if you were any bit human, you wouldn't have been able to forgive yourself ." My voice was shaking but I had done it, he came crashing out of me, and I knew he was gone, and I knew he would never be back.

Ron rushed forward, holding my limp body, he was the only one around moving, we were the only ones left. "Harry, you did it mate." He said, I could tell he was smiling, I saw white lights flash around me, as Aurors filled the darkened streets, he held me tight.

"Ron.." I said weakly, I was sure I was going to die that very moment, but there was one thing that I had to say, "I love you." My body was weak, and my breath was short, he held me even tighter.

"Don't die on me Harry." He said, "I love you, your going to make it." His voice pulled me through, "You have to be there for me, please, don't die." His smile had faded, and through sore eyes, I could see him cry. "Hold on Harry." And I did, I held onto the love of mine and Ron's friendship, with the secret wish that one day, we could be more than friends, that's how I survived the war and many didn't, only no one else knows that's secret, not yet any way.

0x0x0

I sat on Ron's bed, he was next to me, just sitting, he couldn't say anything, neither could I, there was nothing I could say, nothing that would comfort any one, not in this house any way, they had lost three important members of the Weasley family, the twins who was an asset to the family, always making every one laugh despite the situation, and Percy, who was removed from the family last year, after he showed that he was more dark then any one had even noticed. But they were Ron's brothers, Mrs Weasley's sons, and now they were gone, it had been a week since Fred and George died to save the lives of their younger brother, something Ron had only told me earlier that day, and it was some thing that only I knew, I felt special that he confided in me, but there was nothing I could say that would make him feel better, he never cried, he just sat there, he punched the walls some times, to let his anger out, I was sure he was putting on a brave face for his family, especially his younger sister and mother, who spent most of their time crying. The garden was full of Weasley's, I sat with Ron, who didn't leave my side much, only to help his mum, but then I would help to, it wasn't much being there for Ron, but it made him feel safe, and I told myself I would never want him to feel as if he wasn't safe, so if that meant me being with him for the rest of my life, I would be there, helping him through anything he had to go through, just so he didn't have to go through it alone.

His mum asked him to say something at the service, he hated speaking to crowds, he wasn't shy, he found it uncomfortable, I don't blame him, but I watched him standing up there, looking at every one crying, and he looked like a hero, he didn't smile, and he didn't start talking until the crowds had finished talking amongst them selves, he cleared his throat and begun to speak.

"My mum asked me to say a few words, I was more than pleased to, Fred and George, are, were, the most interesting people I had ever known, there was no one like them, no one as funny, and no one as strange, they spent their lives making people laugh, even if it meant making people miserable first, they would make them laugh after, it was the sort of people they were," He paused and looked at the graves behind him, "They didn't go down laughing, like they always said they would, it happened so fast that night, and nothing about that night was funny, a lot of good people died, Fred and George they died as hero's just like every one else, I was the reason they died, they jumped in at the same time, as the killing curse was about to hit me, if it wasn't for them, I would be dead right now, all the names I called them in the past, every time I swore I would kill them for turning my hair yellow, or giving me sweets that made me ill, I take it all back, because they were hero's, and I never told once when they were alive just how important they were to me, when I was younger and they turned my favourite teddy into a spider I told them how I hated them and I swore that I would never talk to them again, but turning my teddy into a spider helped me get over my fears of spiders because when I screamed they came in and told me it was okay, they held my frightened body and turned it into my teddy again, and then from that moment I knew if I needed them they would always be there for me. And they were. I loved them, and I always will, they weren't just my brothers, they were my friends, and frankly, with out them the world is going to be one hell of a boring place to be." Ron finished his speech, and looking around every one was crying, I was crying, but he wasn't, he sat next to me, and I grabbed his hand, and he smiled awkwardly and then looked down at his feet, his hand still tightly in mine.

"Ron that was beautiful." Hermione smiled, as tears fell from her face, that was the most Ron had said since his brothers were killed, and I was sure that was going to be the most he would say for a long time, but I didn't blame him, I was proud of him, he smiled at Hermione who only had a few bruises, after Lupin had taken her back to the house along with Ginny before Voldermourt had even showed up, something they were both secretly grateful for.

After the service, there was a small party, Ron spent most of his time sat with his mum, who wouldn't let him, Ginny, Charlie and Bill out of her sight, Mr Weasley was also there, comforting his wife and children, but looking at them, Ron was the strongest, he cradled Ginny in his arms, as Bill and Charlie drank away their sorrow. I sat with Hermione at the lake, staring at the water, it was peaceful and it made me feel safe.

"Ron's really brave, I don't think I could handle it like he is." Hermione said as she stole quick glances at Ron, I didn't know what to say, I nodded in agreement and stared at the water, wondering if Fred and George were as peaceful as the lake. A couple of hours had begun to pass, and every one had started to leave, Hermione's parents had come and said how sorry they were to Mr and Mrs Weasley, and then took Hermione home, she didn't argue even though she wanted to stay, after everything that had happened she told me she was going to spend more time with her parents.

I sat with Ron in his bed, he was quiet but I was getting used to that. I didn't like it, but I couldn't push him into being okay. Like I predicted he hadn't said anything since his speech at the funeral, when his mother spoke to him he would reply with nods and shrugs and just walk out of the room once their one sided conversation had finished. It broke my heart all over again seeing how miserable Ron was.

He still hadn't cried, but if he did he hid it well. He was his families rock and I could tell he knew if he cried he wouldn't be able to be there for his family the way he thought he had to be. I hated the silence that grew between us. I hated not knowing what he was thinking, but the thought of knowing what caused his eyes to mist scared me.

I stared at Ron, his eyes were focused on a spot on the floor, his teeth biting at his lower lip nervously, he went to speak but stopped himself and stared at me.

"What is it?" I asked softly and he shrugged. "You know I'm here Ron, you can talk to me about anything." He nodded gently but didn't speak, he put his head on my shoulder and I felt the sudden need to embrace him, and I did. I wrapped my arms around him and he did the same and buried his face in my neck. I felt his body shake as he held back tears I knew he needed to cry. "Its alright Ron." I say quietly and the emotional break down begins, he cries harder than I think he has ever cried, not that I would know, this is the first time I had seen him cry. His body shook as his tears fell and then he pulled out of the hug, his face covered in wet lines of sadness, his body reacting as if he had sat on a stove as he jumped of the bed and paced the room bitterly, tears still forming as he raised his fist to the wall. I heard the impact of the wall on his knuckles, and saw the blood slowly start to pour from his freckled skin. But he kept on punching as though he couldn't feel the pain, I couldn't sit and watch him do it to himself, reacting on speed I jumped up and walked over to him quickly, pulling his body close to mine, he didn't stop punching, his fists colliding with my shoulder, I flinched in pain but didn't move away from him, he punched harder and faster and I wrapped my arms around his body as he took out his anger on me, he eventually stopped punching but he cried hard into my shoulder. My arms held him tight protecting him from the world.

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