I don't own Invader Zim, BUT I WILL SOON, MEATY MEATY STINK POO
HUMANS!!!!!!! Anyways, on with the show!
(On a clear, early morning, Zim's little space cruiser is recklessly flying towards the ground, ablaze for some mysterious reason. Zim and GIR are inside. GIR is holding the steering wheel, while Zim is gripping the dashboard with all his might.)
Zim: (Screaming) AAAAHHHH! GIR, stop, STOPPP!!! AHHHH!
GIR: HEEE!!! Peen-guins! I don't like the Peen-guins! EE-HE HE!
Zim: AAAHHHH!
(The cruiser runs through the branches of a tree. Several birds smack into the windshield, and after a split second pause after the last bird, a fat, greasy man smacks into the windshield. He was apparently eating chocolate cake. The cruiser crashes, bounces a little, than grinds to a halt outside Zim's base. The fat man slowly slides of the windshield, leaving a greasy streak and producing appropriate sound effects. Zim pulls GIR into the base quickly, and GIR smiles with his tongue hanging out. Once inside, Zim lets go of GIR and turns around to yell at him.)
Zim: That's the last time GIR.
GIR: Aww...but I liked it.
Zim: No, GIR. I put this off long enough. Follow me, GIR. It's time I switched your AI brain.
GIR: Oooo! (GIR mysteriously pulls his fat, stinky, muddy pig from behind his back.) Piggy wants one toooo!
Zim: (Smacks the pig out of GIR's hands) Brains are not for stink meat animals GIR. They are for the might of the Irken invaders. They are tools to help the mighty Irken race conquer the galaxy. They are... (He turns back to see if GIR is listening.)
GIR: (Puts a finger through the side of his head, twists it back and forth a little, and pulls out a glob of yellow slime. As Zim turns around, GIR puts it in his mouth.) Mmmmm.
(Zim sighs, pulls GIR towards the toilet, and shoves him in. He crawls in next to him and pulls the flush. They come out of an elevator to a store room containing shelves of cyndrilical containers.)
Zim: Hmmm...There's one around here somewhere. Let's see, house brain, cruiser brain, gnome brain... (Without turning around.) GIR, LET GO OF THAT PIG! GIR: (Trying to stuff one of the still closed cydrilical containers directly into the skull of the pig with a back and forth twisting motion. He looks up as he is called and then throws both the pig and the container to the side. Zim turns back to the shelf.)
Zim: Ah...here it is! A SIR unit brain. (He pulls it off the shelf. He almost has it opened when an alarm goes off. A red light starts to flash and a large screen on the wall shows Dib outside, throwing rocks at the window. Zim drops the container as he starts to yell.) CONFOUNDED MEAT PASTE HUMAN. I WILL PUNISH YOU AND YOUR HUGE HEAD TILL YOU SUFFER WITH PAIIINN!
(As Zim turns around to go apprehend Dib, GIR starts to tug at Zim's shirt. Zim stops walking, and doesn't turn around.)
Zim: (in a calm voice) what is it, GIR?
GIR: (pulling out a muffin.) I made him a muff-fin!
(Zim takes the muffin and then leaves. GIR then plops down and then pulls the container next to him. He opens it up, and then opens up his head compartment. He throws an old, moldy cupcake out of his head, pulls an uncooked hamburger with really sloppy pink meat out of the container. He then slaps that into his head with a squishing sound and closes his head compartment. He then smiles his silly smile.)
(Zim steps outside)
Zim: And what could you want, human?
(Dib pulls a lever on a little control pad he has in his hands. A net pops up and captures Zim. While he is hanging there, thrashing, Dib starts to throw meatballs at him.)
Dib: Aaa HaHaHaHa! Finial, everybody will know you're an alien. I will be famous.
Zim: AAAHHHH! THE PAIIIN! THE SEARING MEAT PAIIIIN! AAHHHH!
(Dib pulls out a Polaroid camera and snaps a few pictures. As Gaz walks by, he shows her one.)
Dib: See Gaz. SEE! No human is burned by ordinary meat. He's an alien.
(Gaz examines it for a few seconds, and then throws it into Dib's face.)
Gaz: That the McMeaty's meat man. Great job, stupid.
(GIR slams open the front door, not in his disguise, and runs around cackling. After running in a few circles, GIR starts his jets and flies off down the road. By now, Zim's pain had ceased. For no apparent reason, the net breaks and Zim falls to the ground with audible force. But he immediately raises his head, with a look of terror, and screams at GIR.)
Zim: GIR RETURN NOW! THE HUMANS WILL SEE YOU!
(GIR is to far away to hear Zim, but his crazy cackling can still be heard. Zim is shown greeting his teeth in fear. He is still grating his teeth as the background changes to his class room. The class is making noise, and then the bell rings.)
Ms. Bitters: SILENCE! Today you WILL turn your books to page 254 and you WILL learn about the HORRIBLE force of gravity. When you are finished reading you WILL answer the 500 questions on World War III. Let's begin.
(A kid raises his hand.)
Ms. Bitters: Yes child?
A kid: There hasn't been a WWIII yet.
Ms. Bitters: YOU DARE QUESTION MY TEACHINGS!!! (She pulls a small lever on her desk while simultaneously pointing at the child.) DETENTION!
(A trapdoor opens under the child's seat and he falls down into a hidden chamber. Flames come up and then dissipate. Then we see the dungeon like chamber, and a group of sickly looking children converging on the badly burned, twitching one. The door closes.)
Ms. Bitters: Now back to class. READ!
(All the children immediately fall silent and start reading. Zim is still grating his teeth in a nervous fear that GIR will be spotted. He try's to open his book, but is too nervous even for that. Dib starts laughing at him uncontrollably, and Zim changes expressions to glare at him for a second. Suddenly, another child slams open the door. His face expresses pure horror.)
Another Child: MS. BITTERS! THE VENDING MACHINE IS ON THE FRITS AGAIN!
(Suddenly an alarms sounds, accompanied by a red, rotating light. GIR breaks down the door that the other child was stretched out across. Still cackling, he begins to run around the room, shooting lasers from his eyes. They don't hit the kids, but every so often a child gets pegged with a rubber animal doll that GIR throws.)
Ms. Bitters: EVERYONE DOWN THE EMERGENCY ESCAPE HATCH.
(A weird elevator looking thing appears in the corner of the room. There is a pole to slide down. The children start to run to and slide down the pole with military efficiency, except for the few who are pegged by rubber animals and fall down the hatch. All the while, Ms. Bitters is chanting "GO GO GO GO GO!" After the last child slides down, Ms. Bitters follows them. Dib, Zim, and GIR are the only ones left in the class room. GIR has stopped shooting lasers and throwing stuffed animals, but he is still running around in circles, cackling away. Zim grabs his arm as an attempt to stop him.)
Zim: STOP NOW GIR! YOU ARE JEPORDIZING THE MISSION!
GIR: I GOT WOO-ERMS ON ME. EEEWW! WOO-ERMS! NOW WE FLY WOO-ERMS!
(He activates his jets, pulling the still clutching Zim with him. Zim starts to scream in fear. Dib just stares at them flying away, shrugs, and walks over and slides down the pole.)
(On a clear, early morning, Zim's little space cruiser is recklessly flying towards the ground, ablaze for some mysterious reason. Zim and GIR are inside. GIR is holding the steering wheel, while Zim is gripping the dashboard with all his might.)
Zim: (Screaming) AAAAHHHH! GIR, stop, STOPPP!!! AHHHH!
GIR: HEEE!!! Peen-guins! I don't like the Peen-guins! EE-HE HE!
Zim: AAAHHHH!
(The cruiser runs through the branches of a tree. Several birds smack into the windshield, and after a split second pause after the last bird, a fat, greasy man smacks into the windshield. He was apparently eating chocolate cake. The cruiser crashes, bounces a little, than grinds to a halt outside Zim's base. The fat man slowly slides of the windshield, leaving a greasy streak and producing appropriate sound effects. Zim pulls GIR into the base quickly, and GIR smiles with his tongue hanging out. Once inside, Zim lets go of GIR and turns around to yell at him.)
Zim: That's the last time GIR.
GIR: Aww...but I liked it.
Zim: No, GIR. I put this off long enough. Follow me, GIR. It's time I switched your AI brain.
GIR: Oooo! (GIR mysteriously pulls his fat, stinky, muddy pig from behind his back.) Piggy wants one toooo!
Zim: (Smacks the pig out of GIR's hands) Brains are not for stink meat animals GIR. They are for the might of the Irken invaders. They are tools to help the mighty Irken race conquer the galaxy. They are... (He turns back to see if GIR is listening.)
GIR: (Puts a finger through the side of his head, twists it back and forth a little, and pulls out a glob of yellow slime. As Zim turns around, GIR puts it in his mouth.) Mmmmm.
(Zim sighs, pulls GIR towards the toilet, and shoves him in. He crawls in next to him and pulls the flush. They come out of an elevator to a store room containing shelves of cyndrilical containers.)
Zim: Hmmm...There's one around here somewhere. Let's see, house brain, cruiser brain, gnome brain... (Without turning around.) GIR, LET GO OF THAT PIG! GIR: (Trying to stuff one of the still closed cydrilical containers directly into the skull of the pig with a back and forth twisting motion. He looks up as he is called and then throws both the pig and the container to the side. Zim turns back to the shelf.)
Zim: Ah...here it is! A SIR unit brain. (He pulls it off the shelf. He almost has it opened when an alarm goes off. A red light starts to flash and a large screen on the wall shows Dib outside, throwing rocks at the window. Zim drops the container as he starts to yell.) CONFOUNDED MEAT PASTE HUMAN. I WILL PUNISH YOU AND YOUR HUGE HEAD TILL YOU SUFFER WITH PAIIINN!
(As Zim turns around to go apprehend Dib, GIR starts to tug at Zim's shirt. Zim stops walking, and doesn't turn around.)
Zim: (in a calm voice) what is it, GIR?
GIR: (pulling out a muffin.) I made him a muff-fin!
(Zim takes the muffin and then leaves. GIR then plops down and then pulls the container next to him. He opens it up, and then opens up his head compartment. He throws an old, moldy cupcake out of his head, pulls an uncooked hamburger with really sloppy pink meat out of the container. He then slaps that into his head with a squishing sound and closes his head compartment. He then smiles his silly smile.)
(Zim steps outside)
Zim: And what could you want, human?
(Dib pulls a lever on a little control pad he has in his hands. A net pops up and captures Zim. While he is hanging there, thrashing, Dib starts to throw meatballs at him.)
Dib: Aaa HaHaHaHa! Finial, everybody will know you're an alien. I will be famous.
Zim: AAAHHHH! THE PAIIIN! THE SEARING MEAT PAIIIIN! AAHHHH!
(Dib pulls out a Polaroid camera and snaps a few pictures. As Gaz walks by, he shows her one.)
Dib: See Gaz. SEE! No human is burned by ordinary meat. He's an alien.
(Gaz examines it for a few seconds, and then throws it into Dib's face.)
Gaz: That the McMeaty's meat man. Great job, stupid.
(GIR slams open the front door, not in his disguise, and runs around cackling. After running in a few circles, GIR starts his jets and flies off down the road. By now, Zim's pain had ceased. For no apparent reason, the net breaks and Zim falls to the ground with audible force. But he immediately raises his head, with a look of terror, and screams at GIR.)
Zim: GIR RETURN NOW! THE HUMANS WILL SEE YOU!
(GIR is to far away to hear Zim, but his crazy cackling can still be heard. Zim is shown greeting his teeth in fear. He is still grating his teeth as the background changes to his class room. The class is making noise, and then the bell rings.)
Ms. Bitters: SILENCE! Today you WILL turn your books to page 254 and you WILL learn about the HORRIBLE force of gravity. When you are finished reading you WILL answer the 500 questions on World War III. Let's begin.
(A kid raises his hand.)
Ms. Bitters: Yes child?
A kid: There hasn't been a WWIII yet.
Ms. Bitters: YOU DARE QUESTION MY TEACHINGS!!! (She pulls a small lever on her desk while simultaneously pointing at the child.) DETENTION!
(A trapdoor opens under the child's seat and he falls down into a hidden chamber. Flames come up and then dissipate. Then we see the dungeon like chamber, and a group of sickly looking children converging on the badly burned, twitching one. The door closes.)
Ms. Bitters: Now back to class. READ!
(All the children immediately fall silent and start reading. Zim is still grating his teeth in a nervous fear that GIR will be spotted. He try's to open his book, but is too nervous even for that. Dib starts laughing at him uncontrollably, and Zim changes expressions to glare at him for a second. Suddenly, another child slams open the door. His face expresses pure horror.)
Another Child: MS. BITTERS! THE VENDING MACHINE IS ON THE FRITS AGAIN!
(Suddenly an alarms sounds, accompanied by a red, rotating light. GIR breaks down the door that the other child was stretched out across. Still cackling, he begins to run around the room, shooting lasers from his eyes. They don't hit the kids, but every so often a child gets pegged with a rubber animal doll that GIR throws.)
Ms. Bitters: EVERYONE DOWN THE EMERGENCY ESCAPE HATCH.
(A weird elevator looking thing appears in the corner of the room. There is a pole to slide down. The children start to run to and slide down the pole with military efficiency, except for the few who are pegged by rubber animals and fall down the hatch. All the while, Ms. Bitters is chanting "GO GO GO GO GO!" After the last child slides down, Ms. Bitters follows them. Dib, Zim, and GIR are the only ones left in the class room. GIR has stopped shooting lasers and throwing stuffed animals, but he is still running around in circles, cackling away. Zim grabs his arm as an attempt to stop him.)
Zim: STOP NOW GIR! YOU ARE JEPORDIZING THE MISSION!
GIR: I GOT WOO-ERMS ON ME. EEEWW! WOO-ERMS! NOW WE FLY WOO-ERMS!
(He activates his jets, pulling the still clutching Zim with him. Zim starts to scream in fear. Dib just stares at them flying away, shrugs, and walks over and slides down the pole.)