"Kaka-sensei, where did that log come from when you made that Substitution-thingy?"
One could literally hear Kakashi's blink as Naruto's question sank in. Here they were waiting for that boat to ferry them and Tazuna across the sea, and Naruto was asking about something that took place hours ago.
In the entirety of shinobi history, not one person has bothered to ask (out loud) a pretty obvious question. Where the hell do the neatly cut logs for the Substitution Jutsu come from? After all, when a shinobi pulls off a Substitution, it's often on-the-fly and at the last split-second before impact with whatever projectile or Jutsu enemy shinobi use. They wouldn't have the time to chop off a bit of bark, cut it up evenly, and leave it to be impaled by enemy attacks.
… It must be said, however, that even though no one has asked about the logs, that didn't mean no one bothered to investigate. It's just… if you didn't have the security clearance for it, you weren't going to learn the truth. Ever. The truth behind the Log is much darker, creepier, and queerer than initial expectations.
Kakashi gave his most rambunctious student his best eye-smile that he could muster.
"Ah. Well, I'm afraid that you're not old enough to hear about that, Naruto. Terribly sorry." Not.
"It can't be worse than that birds-and-bees talk! The Old Man worried about that one, too, and by the time he was ready to give it to me, I'd already developed the Sexy Jutsu, y'know! But it's still an Anti-Pervert move, damn it!"
The silver-haired man sweatdropped at that revelation. Naruto really was the most surprising, knuckleheaded ninja. … But then again, should he really be surprised? Orphans have minimal supervision. Or in Naruto's case, he had Anbu shadowing him that weren't exactly allowed to reveal themselves unless Naruto was under some sort of threat.
The blond peeking into dirty magazines or whatever the hell he did clearly didn't constitute a threat.
"I'm sorry, Naruto, but I really can't tell you." Kakashi half-shrugged helplessly. Because Kakashi didn't put much effort into things that didn't deserve it. Like shrugging, or… listening to Guy…
"Do ya keep a bunch of logs in a scroll somewhere on ya?" Naruto pressed. Kakashi sweatdropped again. Oh boy. Now the brat was guessing.
At least the truth could never be guessed, because it was just so ludicrous.
"… No, Naruto. If we actually made use of the trees around the village, we wouldn't be a Hidden Village anymore… In case you didn't know, trees take a very long time to grow back." Kakashi snarkily replied, only feeling the slightest bit guilty that he'd slightly hinted at the truth.
"Is there a Summoning Contract for the logs?" This one was Sakura. Kakashi sighed inwardly as it appeared their discussion had attracted Pinky and Broody.
"Really now, Sakura… Be serious now. Do you really think an inanimate object holds a Summoning Contract?" Even for Kakashi that was absurd. Even if there was a Contract, do you really think the Log would just forgive and forget the nearly infinite number of slain Logs throughout the decades the Hidden Leaf has been around?
"Anbu, then." Sasuke grunted as he made his guess. Kakashi almost stiffened at the suggestion. Almost.
"Care to elaborate?" Kakashi asked, narrowing his only visible eye.
Sasuke hn'ed.
"I don't know, maybe they cut down trees in the dead of night and store them somewhere…" Sasuke's voice was stoic and sounded uncaring, but really he was just as curious as his teammates.
Kakashi snorted at this suggestion. That would be the D-Ranks for Anbu… But still no. Very much no.
"No, Sasuke… Your guess has the same flaw as Naruto's. Besides, Anbu are the elite. They are not lumberjacks."
Kakashi would honestly be offended at the insinuation that all he did in his Anbu career was cut down trees for Substitutions, but they were his cute little Genin… They just didn't know any better, just like he didn't know any better when he was their age. He was honestly the tiniest bit disappointed in the lack of imagination behind their theories; he'd come up with a total of forty seven different theories before learning the truth for himself.
The truth was more disturbing than any of his forty seven theories.
"C'mon, just tell us!" Naruto pleaded, mustering the cutest puppy dog stare he could.
Kakashi was not impressed. Years of associating with the psychotic Anko desensitized him to the whole concept. It wasn't Naruto, it was just him.
"Oh, look. Boat's here. Come along, children." Kakashi the trio of Genin closer to the dock, making a mental note to ask Lord Third what to do later. Because the Genin would persist in their questions.
This was entirely unprecedented. If they'd just taken the traditional route of investigating the matter for themselves… Because being asked about the Truth behind the Log was just plain awkward for Kakashi. If something stumps you, you don't ask about it directly. You use any means necessary to get to the bottom of it, even if your superiors subtly discourage it. What were they teaching kids in the Academy these days?
Sarutobi looked side to side as he stopped at a seemingly random point in one of the hallways of the administration building. One Chakra pulse to ensure no one was in the immediate vicinity later, and the aged Kage placed a hand on a blank wall. There was the briefest of glows beneath Sarutobi's hand, and then the portion of wall to the left of his hand slid to the left, revealing a hidden passageway.
Hiruzen stepped through the portal, and it closed behind him immediately after he passed through it. After navigating the labyrinth that laid behind the seemingly simple portal, Hiruzen came to a room where a single man was strapped to some kind of bizarre machine that made up an entire wall. Slowly, Hiruzen approached the man with his face grim.
"Tenzo… Wood stocks are down because of you... Shinobi are not getting the Logs they need to survive situations. This will not stand, do you hear me? You will give my men the Logs they so desperately need. Even if it kills you. You are expendable, keep that in mind."
Tenzo whimpered at the amount of Killing Intent radiating towards him. Hey, he might've just been one among two hundred and three Cloned Tenzo's who were supplying shinobi of the Leaf with Logs, but that didn't mean he had to like being pushed to the brink of death every day.
This was simply humiliating. … Even if he was a Clone, and the original was kept free to keep up appearances.
Author's Note:
… Well, that happened. A very small treat for you guys, but I only have two weeks of the semester left, and I really need to buckle down! Haha. =_= But I wanted to get this out sooner rather than later, because I just loved the hilarity of it. Hope you enjoyed. ^^