Note: Part three of the 6 am angst spree - freeverse poetry.

Characters: Kokoro Yome, Sumire Shouda

Warnings: mentions of abuse, language

or maybe not

and maybe, just maybe, after a hundred lifetimes we can find each other again

at one we spout gibberish while
facing the toys hanging over our
kaleidoscope eyes
we lie on our backs and
reach for the stars
there is no other direction except
up up up

at five we talk nonsense and bicker
about dolls and cars and
everything in between

at sixteen we raise our voices
on the bleachers and
at each other

at twenty one we barely hum
along the wedding bells and holy promises

at thirty we raise our voices once more
and at thirty seven we shatter
all mirrors with fists and decibels
you curse the deities that the
world has come to believe because you
know that your destiny's supposed to be
more than having an insufferable and miserable
time under the roof that we share
the accusations are falling off your mouth
like burning comets in a jet black sky
and there are countless explosions
in my mind - I'm already crazy,
as you always told me but I can still understand
every charring bit of your statements
even if the arguments play back like dysfunctional
records on a dusty speaker

and maybe,
just maybe,
after a hundred lifetimes we can
find each other again
and the pain won't be there anymore
and you will welcome me back to your arms
and you will whisper that you loved me,
you always have, the way you used to
before we became so broken like this
but then as you throw the last glassware
to the wall you turn your back and I can see
from the tremor of your hand that you
do not want to hold me ever again -
your eyes continue to bleed of the words
you're trying to shout while you mutter a
hasty farewell
pack your bags
and escape from this
goddamn house of hell
without saving me from the fires and
I am left with the thought that the last time
I will see you will be when I place roses
on your grave and apologize to a headstone
for the things I never said
because even if God forgives us both
there will be two heavens for each of us -
for me, an imaginary heaven in your
embrace and for you, a real heaven without
my grasp; it is okay, it is fine, it is alright
because this way the noises will disappear
and all I will hear is myself
basking in the silence that reminds me that I am
alone but another existence starts
at one and bellows of its desperation
to touch the stars above
and I will stare at it, tracing the contours
of its face and wondering
why why why
does it resemble you and
why why why
does it make the same noises that you do
and because it is as fragile as the pieces of
glass on the floor I cradle it in my arms
sing lullabies
and assure it that at five all there will be is
quiet because the world will be no more
and it barely makes a squeak as I
hurl it to the door and the house becomes alive
when sirens tear through the empty atmosphere
the sound of handcuffs clicking makes me laugh and
the people around me shake their heads
and call me a madman; it is okay, it is fine, it is alright
because maybe after a hundred lifetimes
it won't be like this and I will listen to your
heartbeat as you sit across me with only a
contented smile
there will be no more screams or sobs to
pierce the air and it will just be us,
just us,
just us.

or maybe not.