(Lyz's POV)
I came so close to death today. Tonight. I was doing my job, observe and record. Not interferring. That was all. Instead I gets called in and sent as part of a rescue team. I went in with my crew and came out with only my friends and supervisor. The rest dead. I've lost so many over my short life timy compared to the rest.
I stare at the bowl of food as my right hand takes the fork in my fingers then stabs at a piece of food to deliever to my mouth. I remains silent as the others continue to talk while checking up on me every once in a while. I hold back oceans of tears as I eat the reheated chicken stew in the white ceramic bowl. Nibbling on the pieces of chicken and mixed vegetable. I look up at the others who seem to be feeling fine after all this commotion while I, feeling all this torment.
"Lyz, you ok?" The scotsman asks me. I look up to him and giving him my best smile, nodding then go back to eatting my food.
The food needs salt. I tear off a piece of biscuit then puts it in the liquid of the stew and slowly eats it. Shock. That's why I'm eating the food. Low-blood sugar and shock. They bandaged me up and protected me. Joe's even feeling fine and laughing with them. As if this is something normal.
Watchers are stupid. Joe's stupid. Why fear anything when you have friends who instill it in you?
I glare the food wanting to grab it and throw it against the wall. Wanting to hear the ceramic bowl break and the food splatter on the wall but that'd cause commotion. I want to be left alone.
The bathroom. I can be alone in the bathroom and not have them talk quietly behind me as I sit at the bar.
I get up and head to the bathroom leaving my jacket and satchel by my stool. I walk calmly down the dark hallway to the woman's bathroom and push open the door. Heading into the closest stall, I hear the door close behind me, locking it and my back to the cement block wall. And those oceans of tears begin to pour down my cheeks as I slide to the floor shaking from it. My hands cover my wet face and soon become fists ready to release my anger with a hit to any surface. I quickly stand up taking one step and start hitting the hollow, steel stall walls.
My fists collide with the hollow steel and it calms down. Hit after hit causing the dent to deepen further and further as tears continue to pour. This continues for a while until finally I just feel physically drained and slump to the ground with my head resting on the cement block wall.
I close my eyes....
Opening them, it seems a bit of time has passed whether it be seconds, minutes or hours, I'm not sure but no one has checked up on me. I assume it's just a few seconds or maybe a few minutes. I stand up and glare at the door as the anger I had earlier seems to have ressurected itself and I kick the stall door off its henges. I walk out looking around seeing a window and head towards it quickly getting on the sink next to it wanting out of here. It suddenly feels stuffy and close as if something has a hold on me and I cannot escape it.
I push and pull on the window until finally I can get it out. Once open I quickly crawl through the small square whole and land on my side on top of a dumpster. Scanning the alley, I go towards the opening to the parking lot and run to the street haling a near by cab.
I need to get away from here. Telling the driver my home address, I get in and relax a little as he heads to my home. I stare at the dark colored ceiling of the car until he gets to my home and I pay him then walk up the steps of my house. I bend down and get my spare from underneath a brick then open up the door. I go straight into my room and plop on my bed laying there with my eyes closed realizing I can't sleep. I get back up and grab my stereo and my Jewel case then look around in my trunk at the foot of my bed finding my sais. Heading out the back door through the kitchen, I set my stereo on the steps of my porch and put in t.A.T.u's Debut CD, 200 km/h in the wrong lane, and put it on number five, "How Soon is Now?" and repeat.
The music starts up...
I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son
and the heir
of nothing in particular
Bobbing my head to the beat, I grab my sais and head out into the middle of my backyard beginning my kata.
you shut your mouth
how dare you say
I go about things the wrong
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everyone else
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
With every tense and focused moment, I can my anger slowly leaving me as I think of what has happened. I begin to lip synch to the song.
You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home and you cry and you want to die.
Tears begin to weld up once more in my eyes as I realize just how close I was to dying. I would repeat it if necessary and change nothing for they are my friends. I trust them and vise versa. I would give my life if necessary.
When you say it's gonna happen "now",
When exactly do you mean? see I've already
Waited too long and all my hope is gone
You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
Or would I?
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
Would I repeat it without changes? Would I save my friends while depending on no one else but myself? Was that the reason we lost so many? He was a threat to all. Had to take him out but did we? Did they finish him off? Do I need to go back to check? Do I need to call to make sure?
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
I feel hands grab me from behind and suddenly pain in my chest. I scream out in pain as I drop my sais and look down to my chest seeing a large knife sticking out of me with a large hand with a hold on it. I lose breath wanting to scream more but can't. Suddenly there's a twists and now my tears are for more pain then fear. I'm going to die and I know it. There's nothing else I can do.
There's a club if you'd like to go you
Could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own and
You leave on your own and you go home,
And you cry and you want to die.
I slowly slide down that person's body as I see them let go of the knife, I fall to the ground on my chest driving it in further.
When you say it's gonna happen "now",
When exactly do you mean?
see I've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone
No air. No time to scream or say goodbye. No time to regret.
You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
Suddenly there's knock on the stall door and I jump looking at it. It's Amamnda, "Sweetie, are you ok?"
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
I smile to myself and stand up wiping off the tears from my cheeks.
You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
Taking a deep breath with a small smile, I open the door seeing her looking worried.
I am the son and the heir
Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
Of nothing in particular
"You ok, Lyz?" She asked me. I smile weakly and nod, "Yeah, just realizing how glad I am to be alive. You?"
There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
So you go, and you stand on your own and
You leave on your own and you go home,
And you cry and you want to die.
She smiles at me laughing and wraps an arm around me, "Definately. Come on, we're all worried about you. Let's see that nice smile some more shall we?" I grin at her and roll my eyes. "Come on, there are several great looking men out there who are dying for a flirt." I laugh soundly as we head out of the bathroom heading back out.
When you say it's gonna happen "now",
When exactly do you mean? see I've already
Waited too long and all my hope is gone
You shut your mouth
How dare you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
Just like everybody else does
Smiling to everyone as we reach the bar, glad I'm alive.