El Camach 14-16 March 06 (tuned up on 22-23 July 09)

JKR, not me

Charlie/Bill slash (from their time at Hogwarts and after).

Without You*

The Burrow was a wonderful home—wonderfully hectic. Before the first war, when the Twins had only just been born, the Burrow was still a safe place to call home. Bill was two years older than Charlie. Charlie, of course, tailed his big brother like a shadow. During the long summers, the boys played together, anything they could think to do. On rainy days, they'd hide around the house and snatch Percy's toys. Molly was pregnant for the fifth time when they had to move into the safe house. They lived there for about a year, or a year and a half. Ron was born there.

Charlie was always a very happy child, but, once Bill left for Hogwarts, his cheer departed with his older brother. Bill felt a strange pull in his stomach as he boarded the Hogwarts Express. It wasn't quite excitement, nor was it fear. Maybe it was the anguish he saw in his brother's eyes. For a long time, in the shelter, Bill and Charlie could hardly be seen without each other. Bill started to mature at a rather young age; a by-product of confinement. Charlie, by comparison, was still a rather scrawny 9 ½ -year-old. During the summers, Bill told Charlie lots of things: how to dress and talk, how to act around girls. Charlie, nor Bill, for that matter, forgot that in the years they were apart.

* * *

Charlie arrived back to Hogwarts for his third year. At 13, his sense of… of everything was blooming and alive. Bill, now a Prefect, could no longer share a compartment with Charlie, a disheartening fact. The year passed as the life of a 13-year-old boy should: slow and fast, at the same time, all the while filled with new sensations of sex.

Charlie's first experience with sex happened that summer. He had walked into his room, which he still shared with Bill, to find his brother masturbating. He left quickly, blushing a true Weasley red, without Bill even realising his presence. But Charlie could not ignore the enigmatic and foreign sensation coursing through his body and settling in his trousers.

After History of Magic, Binns had held Charlie back to "discuss his latest essay," which turned into a 45-minute drone about Goblin rebellions, ending with the old ghost falling asleep. Already late for dinner, Charlie stuffed his books into his bag and darted out. He rushed down the corridors, cursing the hour, then… FTHWACK! Charlie smashed head-on into another student.

"Damn! Sorry, I just wasn't… wasn't paying attention… sorry…"

After gathering his scattered possessions, Charlie finally looked his victim in the face.

"Oh! Hi, Bill," said he.

"Charlie, you ought to be more careful. I'm a Prefect, now, you know," said Bill, puffing out his chest in mock pompousness. Both boys burst out laughing.

"So," Bill continued. "How've you been? I hardly see you these days…"

"Yeah, I know. I've been alright. Real busy with classes, and Quidditch!"

"C'mon. Let's walk."

As the boys walked down the corridor, chatting about the most recent Gryffindor Quidditch win, Bill steered them into an empty classroom. So they could sit and talk, Charlie supposed.

"You've grown ever since we got here!" exclaimed Bill.

"Three whole inches!" replied Charlie, please his achievement was recognised. Bill rose and sat down next to Charlie. Charlie noted his brother's unique scent, something sweet he couldn't quite name. Charlie's mind was snapped back to thought. Bill faced him and put his hands on his younger brother's shoulders.

"You really amaze me, Char," Bill was the only person who used (and was allowed to use) that abbreviation. "It's been so interesting to watch you grow and really come into your own here. You're gonna be a great wizard, Charlie. And, hell, you're one of the best damn Quidditch players I've ever seen!" Bill smiled, but the smile was heavy with sadness. "I just…I suppose I feel like I haven't been a very good brother. I've just been caught up in my own life, doing school stuff and Prefect work, and I've totally left you hanging." Bill's eyes bore into Charlie's; the look was filled with regret and apology.

Without a pause for thought, Charlie lunged forward and kissed his brother. The kiss was wet and imperfect, but well-aimed. For a moment, Bill's eyes darted around, shocked and nervous, but, after a short time, he allowed his eyes to shut. Charlie exhaled; it was almost more a soft moan. Bill let out a cheeky growl and took over the kiss. Bill pushed his brother over, onto the table they were sitting on. Three years Charlie's senior, Bill moved confidently, laying down, pelvis to pelvis, on Charlie. The older boy eased Charlie's mouth open and slowly coaxed Charlie's tongue into play. It seemed like a long time before Bill pulled away from his brother.

"W-woah, Char," breathed Bill, staring at him. "Just…wow. What—why?"

Bill paused; Charlie was shaking.

"Char, are you okay?"

Charlie tried to speak, but he couldn't get rid of the lump in his throat. Embarrassment started to settle in.

"I—I'm sorry, Bill. I shouldn't've… I just… I needed you to understand that you've never let me down. And, well…I'd…I'd never kissed anyone before…"

Bill was surprised.

"Really?"

Charlie nodded sheepishly. Bill took his brother into his arms. The younger boy seemed so young all of a sudden. Bill held Charlie close.

"Charlie, I will always be there for you, I will always love you and you can come to me anytime you need me."

* * *

"Good morning!"

Charlie rolled over in bed and pretended not to hear Bill enter. Bill pounced on the lump of Charlie/bedclothes.

"Wake UP!"

"Bugger off, Bill, I don't want to."

"But you're the Best Man! Get. UP!"

Bill was shirtless. He lay down on the bed and propped himself up on his side, facing Charlie, who was facing him, hiding under his pillow.

"Charlieee," Bill said, poking his brother in the ribs.

"Ack, Bill! Cut it out!"

"Never!!!" Bill exclaimed, launching an attack on his brother.

"Guh! BILLLLL!" Charlie dislodged himself from the bedclothes and began to defend the keep. The boys playfully fought for awhile. As the bothersome attacks ceased, Charlie slid his leg over the top of Bill's and ran his hand over his brother's muscular arms. Bill responded by moving one hand to Charlie's buttocks and the other to touch the younger man's face. Charlie was 26, Bill almost 29. This sort of thing had been happening ever since that time in the empty Hogwarts classroom. And now, Bill was getting married. To Fleur, of all people. Charlie knew that he and Bill could never be together, but they were in love. A much deeper love than just brother to brother.

"You okay?" Bill asked, kissing Charlie's forehead.

Charlie deeply inhaled the scent of his brother's hair. That same sweet smell. He tipped his head to the side, planting small kisses on Bill's jaw, neck and shoulder.

"Hey," Bill shook his brother gently. "What's up?"

"Well…I was just thinking… This is the last time we'll be together like this. You're marrying Fleur and this'll all have to be over…"

A tear fell onto Charlie's pillow. Bill wiped a second tear from his brother's face.

"You were the first person I ever loved," Bill began. "And there were others, but you were always the one I came back to."

Charlie's tears began to course steadily down onto the pillow. Bill continued.

"I may be getting married, but that doesn't mean I don't still love you, Char. Hey. Look at me."

Bill sat up and pulled Charlie up too.

"Charlie," Bill wiped his brother's eye with his thumb, his hand on Charlie's face. "Charlie, look at me. I love you. I will always love you."

In a moment, years passed before the young men's eyes. The time during the war – coming out of Binns's and smashing into each other – their first kiss – Bill's proposal to Fleur… They looked at one another, their eyes expressing more than words could.

"C'mon… We'll be late…"

*Title inspired by the RENT song "Without You."