In Another Life
A/n: This is a birthday fic for my best YT bud, Joanna (Warrior_Princess922). If you leave a review for this story, please wish her a great day as I know she makes fantastic videos and writes great fics. It would make her day (and mine) if you visited her YT account (Warrior922) and comment on some of her videos. This is a Sana fic because I know she LOVES them.
Summary: Set after the bomb in season 5. Sawyer is back on the beach and is utterly alone except for a beautiful spirit that haunts the beach. Intrigued by this last, stirring mystery, he approaches this beautiful, goddess-like spirit and learns some shocking home truths. SANA.
He was sitting on the beach, listening to the calm, serene sound of the frothy waves against the sand when it happened. A mysterious bout of mist seemed to sweep across the shore and hover there like the stars in the midnight sky. His eyes seemed to spot something – or someone – walking slowly across the sand. As best as he could tell, it was a woman but without his glasses, he couldn't tell.
The last thing Sawyer remembered was the intense light sweeping him away from everyone he'd ever known and loved. His lips were frozen on Juliet's name and he could hear Kate's frightened screams for Jack before landing back on the beach. The golden sand reminded him Jack's spur-of-the-moment plan to reset the clocks had failed and he didn't know whether he was relieved or disturbed by that fact.
"Sawyer…" a soft voice, lighter than air, whispered. Sawyer stood up and looked around nervously. He knew the spirit was calling him forwards, yet he was afraid to answer the call. For the first time in his life, Sawyer was afraid of following the unknown.
The soft summer breeze tenderly caressed his cheeks, bathing him in warmth and comfort. What disturbed him the most about this scene was the silence. Not a sound or voice echoed across the lonely land he'd lived on. This was not paradise, not by far, yet he felt strangely at ease here. Everywhere teemed with beauty and could remember every sharp, crisp detail of his life on the island, which relieved him. He remembered the first time he'd kissed Juliet, the moment where he'd unravelled Kate's past, the moment Hurley had humiliated him and other sweet, simple memories.
Sawyer started to walk forwards, noticing that his old camp was still here. He could see everything but the people exactly where it had used to be. He meandered into his old tent out of curiosity and saw his stash (what was left of it, anyway) exactly where he had left it all. He was impressed. Walking out of the tent, he found himself drawn to Claire's tent. She had disappeared so suddenly, so tragically that it was all he could do not to run into the unknown and hunt her down. Aaron's crib, overturned but still in one piece, was where his hand landed and he propped it back in its rightful position.
Something silver flashed against the auburn colour of the sand and he automatically reached out to examine the object. It was a ring with the initials DS on it. He almost wanted to pocket it because it was in his nature to obey the finders-keepers rule but he ignored temptation. This was found in Aaron's crib, therefore he could deduce it was either Claire's or someone else's; someone else who spent a lot of time with mother and child. This could very well be Charlie's ring, he mused.
He was broken out of his thoughts by the soft call of the spirit. This time his feet marched obediently towards the source of the voice and he felt resigned to his fate. There was nothing left to fear anymore, for everything he'd ever loved and locked within his tough vault of a heart was gone.
Sawyer infiltrated the mist and found his whole world turned to silver glass. He saw the rest of the camp through a thin, transparent sheet of glass and felt oddly calm. His body relaxed and part of him hoped that this beautiful spirit was Juliet, so he could apologise for yelling at her, for looking at Kate and not at her and for not being able to save her.
His visitor was a woman, and someone he'd grown to care about but it was neither Kate nor Juliet. It was Ana Lucia.
"Son of a bitch," he whispered, shock flooding his face.
"Hey you," she replied, turning her head to the side and examining him with a small smile on her face. It was the most tranquil he'd ever seen her.
Ana Lucia had always been a woman with a frown – that was the general observation. She was tough but sexy, hard hearted but sincere, violent but protective. To put it in another context, she was unlike any woman he'd ever come across before. A flicker of longing, pulsing like an old bruise or a dying flame, surprised his heart and he found himself moving towards her.
In terms of her appearance, she hadn't really changed a lot. Her hair was down and her ebony curls seemed to enhance her beautiful, olive coloured skin. Her eyes, once filled with anger and bitterness, were lighter and filled with…what was the word? Hope. He didn't know what to think, where to look.
"You were…dead," he blurted out, turning crimson as he realised how impolite he sounded.
"Well, duh." She sounded amused, playful even. "Let's not play state-the-obvious, there's not a lot of time."
He gulped as she stepped forwards. He could feel her breath, cool with a hint of mint to it, against his cheeks and he was scared. Scared. She grinned playfully at his nervous look.
"Don't be scared," she teased him. "I thought you were the – ooh, how did you put it? – the Big Bad Wolf?"
Sawyer gave a single mirthless chuckle. "I thought spirits were meant to be, you know, all angel-like and serene," he retorted. "You're a very unusual spirit."
"I am dead," she returned. "But I'm also here. Ergo, I'm not a spirit and I highly object to the term. I prefer the phrase soul if you don't mind, despite the fact I don't think I actually have one."
He grinned, feeling more relaxed in her presence. This banter between them wasn't hostile like it used to be. This was more brother-sister type banter and he strangely loved it. As ironic as it sounded, this was the closest to normality he'd been in a long time.
"You said before there wasn't a lot of time left," he remembered. "What did you mean by that?"
She lost her playful grin and suddenly resembled a deer caught in headlights. Her eyes flashed with panic and she stepped backwards, looking frightened. To see her so vulnerable, so out of her depth was what motivated Sawyer to step forwards and smile down at her.
"For the first time in a while, I don't know what's going to happen," she confessed. "I always had a plan, always knew what I was doing or where I was going. I don't know how I know but I can feel that something is coming."
She gazed up into his eyes, grinning weakly at him.
"I heard you were with that "Other", Juliet," she teased. "Never would've seen that coming."
"How did you know about that?"
Ana playfully punched him in the shoulder. "I'm the all-seeing, all-knowing soul," she replied in a mock ominous tone. "I see everything."
"Is…is Juliet there?" Sawyer asked hesitantly. "Is she where you came from?"
"I didn't really come from anywhere," Ana snorted. "But I haven't seen her, which makes me wonder if she's really dead."
Sawyer absorbed this in silence. Could he really trust that Ana was telling the truth, or more importantly that this beautiful spirit really was Ana? He could've been going crazy, for all he knew.
"I've been following you guys for a while, actually." Ana bit her lip, looking like she was trying not to cry. "Jack really knows how to screw things up in style, doesn't he?"
Sawyer laughed grimly. "Tell me about it," he said, rolling his eyes. "I knew from the moment he came back that he was going to try playing the hero again. He's never satisfied with taking orders. I guess I just foolishly hoped he'd leave things be."
They fell into a companionable silence. Ana gracefully sat down and beckoned him to join her. They proceeded to watch the ocean in silence for a while before she spoke again.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" Sawyer looked surprised.
"For stealing your gun," she replied in a detached manner. "It was a stupid thing to do."
He didn't reply, choosing to study her carefully. She was in the same clothes she'd died in, which reassured him slightly because it gave a glimpse of truth to the situation. She didn't look like Hollywood's version of a spirit and when he went to touch her, he actually touched solid flesh. Again, this gave him comfort because it minimised the amount of abnormality there was in the situation.
"What was it like?" he suddenly asked. "Dying…what was it like? I'm sorry if it's an inappropriate question," he hastily added.
"No you're not," Ana countered, sticking her tongue out at him. "You're morbidly curious, which is perfectly fine. To answer your completely unoriginal question, it was like switching channels on TV. One minute, you're tuned into one programme and the next you're watching something completely different. It was just as sudden, just as quick as changing channels so it wasn't like it was painful or anything." She drew her knees up towards her chest, so she could rest her head upon them. "There was no white light, no flashes of my life…it was quite boring actually." She smirked at him. "I don't really remember where I went but I did hook up with several other dead people." She suddenly made a face. "I won't even go into how awkward meeting Shannon was."
"Why have you come back?" he wondered aloud. "And why to me?"
To both of their surprise, they'd ended up back on their feet, staring at each other with a blend of emotions – fear, sadness, apprehension, nervousness.
"I don't know," she replied honestly. "I guess you're the closest person I have to a friend. Though friends don't have an impulsive sex session with each other," she added with a grin.
Sawyer shuddered. "Don't even go there," he warned her teasingly. "I think we can call it quits on that score; I took your gun and you took my virginity." He grinned to let her know he was joking.
"Virginity?!" Ana spluttered, looking mock outraged. "As if!"
He smiled at her and didn't try to remove his hand when hers entwined with his. In his mind, this was just a catch up session between two friends. The sun, rolling lazily across the sea blue sky, began to sink into the horizon, signifying that it was sunset.
Sawyer gazed at Ana and saw her expression change from a contented one to one of worry. He wanted to ask what was wrong, yet refrained from doing so because he wasn't sure if he wanted to know. A flicker of the old Ana burst into view when she turned to stare at him. A hard, tough expression took the place of her vulnerable façade, yet he understood why it was happening – she was trying to protect herself from some kind of hurt and pretend that that she could outrun anything or anyone.
"We're going to have to say goodbye soon, aren't we?" he asked, looking at the patches of crimson sky that were appearing before his eyes.
She turned to gaze at him, and then slowly nodded.
"As soon as the sun completely disappears, so will I," she replied, her voice shaking with some kind of emotion.
"Ana," he said slowly. "Why are you here? You've evaded the question but I know you know."
Her bottom lip started to tremble and so did her hand. Their hands separated and she gazed up at him, looking so child like that he wanted to hug her. With their history, he felt it might've been awkward so he refrained himself from doing so.
"I guess I came here to…to…to…" she couldn't finish the sentence. "I'm sorry," she said again.
"Sorry for what?" He was confused.
"For this." And with that, she grabbed his head and pulled her lips to his. For that brief moment, nothing else in the world mattered. Their lips moved smoothly together and their tongues danced together in a perfect blend of the elements fire and water. He grabbed the back of her hair and pulled her towards him, understanding her desperate need to have the perfect goodbye. He wasn't betraying Juliet – he was just saying goodbye to a friend.
The kiss stretched to the end of time and beyond. She didn't tighten or relinquish her grip but occasionally dug her fingers into his shirt, not out of passion but out of a subconscious desire to check that she was really doing this, that he was really here. This time, their kiss led no further. As their faces entwined, Sawyer felt cold spots of liquid against his cheek and realised she was crying.
Ana broke the kiss off. She stepped back and saw Sawyer staring at her, expressionless. Rendered speechless, she traced her lips with her finger, closing her eyes and reliving the moment. When she reopened them, he was smiling at her.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I just needed to…"
"To say goodbye," he finished.
"Yeah," she said, laughing softly. They stood there, a few feet apart, and smiled at each other. The wind, in a calm surrender to the sun, blew one last time and backed away. In that last, precious gust of wind, a whirlwind of sand blew around Ana and Sawyer, momentarily trapping them in their moment.
"You know I would've, you know, saved you if Michael…" Sawyer began, looking at the ground.
"I know," she replied softly. "I was particularly touched at the speech you gave to Jack." A soft grin emerged. "For future reference," she added as she pulled out a pair of sunglasses from her denim pocket, "my last name is Cortez."
"Thanks." Sawyer stuck his hands in his pocket and fixated his gaze on the ground.
They turned at the same time and saw that the sun was only seconds away from departing this world for the night. Sawyer quickly took this opportunity to embrace Ana fiercely. She returned the hug with surprise and inhaled his scent deeply.
When they broke apart, she smiled at him and sighed.
"Bye," they murmured together.
"You know that old idea that if someone's mean to you, it means that they really, really like you?" Ana suddenly mused aloud.
"Yeah, what of it?"
"Think on it," she suggested, putting the sunglasses across her eyes. She grinned at him. "You know," her voice was wistful, "in another life we would've made a great pairing." She smirked at him, as if pretending she was just joking. He saw right through the façade, right to the centre of the soul she'd claimed was nonexistent.
The sun was rapidly pulling itself down and Sawyer could see that Ana was starting to fade away. Her body was blending into the background and she looked at peace, as if she had had an epiphany.
"Oh yeah," she added as an afterthought. "Charlie says hey." And she was gone, just like that. There was no poof to signal her disappearance – she just faded away. And all he was left with was this raw grief that he couldn't hide or pretend wasn't there because, let's face it, he had no one to hide it from.
Sawyer sat down upon the golden sand and stared out at the open ocean. It was strange that Ana, of all people, had chosen to appear to him but he was glad for it. He'd said all he needed to say to her and made his peace with her death. Part of him wished he could've loved her in the way she deserved but when your heart belongs to another, you can never give it away.
Like tumbleweed, a whisper of sand blew past and lingered on his cheek. Odd as it seemed, he imagined it was Ana…giving him a last, beautiful kiss on the cheek before disappearing forever. The next time he'd see her, assuming Jack's plan actually worked, would be at Sydney airport or on the plane. She probably wouldn't remember him, nor would he remember her but some memories can never be erased from time.
Often it seems people fear death because they are afraid of being forgotten. What we are truly remembered for is not for the actions we performed but for the memories we've helped create and been a part of. For all he knew, Sawyer could've been talking to a mere shadow of Ana and not the Ana he knew himself. It was more realistic to think that what he'd been talking to was his own guilt, presented in an easier, more beautiful form so that he could make amends for the sins he'd committed. However, his heart preferred to think of her as a real human being who'd chosen to appear to him one last time so that they could have a last goodbye. They'd never been close – and never would be – but sometimes the heart is brilliant at deceiving itself. We never know who we truly care about until it's too late.
As the night wind struck up its own soothing lullaby and the beautiful pearl white moon tucked itself into the ink black blanket in which it permanently resided, Sawyer closed his eyes and prayed for the first time in his entire life. He prayed for redemption, for love and for the women he'd loved and lost. He thought about Ana's ambiguous last question and realised she'd cared about him too, despite the tough exterior she always presented. He kept his eyes closed and pretended that he could hear the beautiful laugh of the woman he loved – which unfortunately wasn't Ana. How much easier would it have been if it was?
When he opened his eyes, he was leaning back against an uncomfortable blue chair with the minimal amount of leg room a person could get. If he looked out the window, he could see the clouds drifting lazily by. Sawyer sighed as he realised he was back on the plane but a sliver of silver lining remained in his situation – he remembered everything and everyone. He got up, smiled at several people he recognised and meandered his way to the back of the plane. She was sitting in her seat, fast asleep and twitching as she dreamed. He gazed at her for a long time before turning around to go back to his seat.
"Sawyer?" Her voice startled him. He turned around and saw her rubbing her eyes. "Do you remember, or was it just a dream?"
"It was real, Ana-Lulu," he teased. "I'm just glad I'm not the only one who remembered."
"The last thing I remember," she said slowly. "Is being on a beautiful beach at sunset and being with you. I don't think it's a proper memory though because after that…my memory fails me. I just remember waking up back here."
Sawyer hesitated, wondering if he should tell her the entire story or not. Would she believe him or would she think he was crazy? He glanced around and saw various people immersed in their own little worlds.
"Budge up, Miss Giggles," he commanded, pushing past her to take the empty seat next to her. "I'll tell you what I remember if you tell me what you remember. Deal?" He outstretched a hand and watched with unconcealed surprise as she smiled at him.
"Deal," she agreed, taking his hand and shaking it firmly. "Now, where to start?"
"How about with once upon a time?" he asked sarcastically. They both laughed and started to recount their separate accounts. In another life, they'd both said they would try to be friends and overcome their differences. Their new life started there and then from the moment they shook hands. Sawyer was still hurting over Juliet and would probably never fall in love again but spending time with Ana was a damn good way to stop himself from doing something stupid.
Once upon a time, a conman and a police officer crossed paths and hated each other…or at least that's what it looked like on the outside. Inside, they both cared deeply for each other and vowed to start again somehow, someway. Their story has been given a second chance, a second chapter and this time…they'll get it right. They might never fall in love but one thing is for sure, they'll stay true to who they really are and remain firm friends forever.
One thing has remained constant throughout their lives…they both are stubborn, prone to overreaction, crippled by bitter memories and lonely. They will always be drawn to each other by their similarities not because opposites attract.
All we need to survive is one person who truly loves us. Sawyer and Ana might not be the conventional couple but they care and respect each other because of what they've been through. Whether their paths lead to a future together, who knows? Let it never be said that Juliet was forgotten because he thought about her more than ever. He loved her and always would and Ana knew that. Benjamin Linus once said that destiny was a fickle bitch, implying that life takes us in an unexpected direction and we just have to make the best of it. Truer words were never spoken.