Authors Note: Well first I do not own Pretty Little Liars or anything related to PLL. I wish I did but oh well. Okay so I think we all felt bad for Hanna at the end of that last episode. I know I did. So that being said this is what my crazy brain came up with at three in the morning. First story so if it sucks, tell me. I can take it. *braces for impact* Here we go.
Emily had just changed into shorts and a t-shirt and was getting ready to crawl into bed when her phone started vibrating. She picked it up and saw Hanna's name flashing across the screen. Sighing Emily answered hoping she wasn't going to have to listen to a drunken rant about a guy eating his own beard or ducks snowboarding. "Hello?" She said pulling the covers down on her bed.
"Em..." Hanna said on the other end.
One word. One syllable and Emily knew something was off.
"Hanna? What's wrong?" She heard Hanna take a shaky breath on the other end, then she heard sniffles. "Hanna." Emily said again, louder this time and even more concerned.
There was another sniffle before Hanna spoke. "I...I need you." Hanna replied her voice cracking. Emily had never heard her sound so broken. "I... I know I've been a mess and I know all I do is screw up bu-"
"Where are you?" Emily interrupted already sliding her jeans back on over her shorts and grabbing her keys. She slid on her jacket and quietly but quickly snuck down the stairs.
Hanna sniffled again before answering. "Th..the park."
Emily was out the door and in her car in record time. "Hanna stay there okay? I'm coming. Don't move."
"I have nowhere to go." Hanna replied weakly.
Emily's heart broke at her words. She shoved the key into the ignition starting the car and stomped the gas. "I'm coming, Han." She heard a click and looked at the screen to see that Hanna had hung up. Emily carelessly tossed her phone into the passenger seat before increasing her speed praying that no cops were around.
A few minutes later she saw the sign for the park and whipped her car into a parking space. She grabbed her phone and got out quickly scanning the park for Hanna. She spotted her immediately. Not that she was hard to find. The park was empty other than the two of them. Hanna was sitting on one of the benches with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. As Emily got closer she noticed that Hanna was soaking wet and had a half empty bottle clutched in her right hand. Hanna had her head resting against her knees so she didn't notice Emily's presence yet. Not until Emily had knelt down in front of her and put a hand on her forearm.
"Hanna?" Emily said causing the blonde to raise her head. Hanna said nothing so Emily just stared at her tear streaked face waiting. When Hanna still didn't speak Emily glanced at the bottle and sighed. She put a hand over Hanna's and gently pulled her fingers away. "Hanna...Hanna let go." She whispered.
Hanna blinked at her before glancing to the bottle and releasing her death grip. Emily poured what was left of the alcohol on the ground before tossing the bottle aside not giving a damn about littering laws at the moment. She looked back at Hanna and noticed that Hanna wasn't even looking at her. She was just staring out into the night like she was waiting for it to swallow her whole.
"Hanna?" Emily asked. Nothing. "Hanna!" Emily said putting her hands on Hanna's cheeks and getting her to look at her. "Tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me." Emily said more concerned than ever.
Hanna looked at Emily before her eyes started to fill with tears. "I'm scaring myself." She replied shakily. Emily wiped away the tears that fell down Hanna's cheeks. "I don't even know who I am anymore." Hanna whispered looking down at her knees. She swallowed hard before looking back up at Emily. "I mean is she right? Am I always the problem?"
Emily looked back at her confused. "Hanna, what are you talking about? Who said that?" She asked moving her hands away from Hanna's face and resting them on the girls knees.
"Aria. I told her about Zach and she... she didn't believe me. She thought that I just got drunk and invited him into my car." Hanna said shaking her head as more tears fell.
"Wait your car?" Emily asked even more confused. "I thought he got...too friendly at the Brew?"
Hanna sighed wiping her tears away. "He did. I was going to let that go but..."
"But what?"
"Earlier I was sitting in my car and...Zach got in with me. He said he had felt a vibe and, thought that I was feeling it too. He gave me his number then he uh...put his hand on my thigh-"
"Oh my God, Hanna he didn't.." Emily asked panicked.
"No! No." Hanna replied quickly. "He just creeped me out is all."
"And Aria didn't believe you?" Emily asked truly shocked.
Hanna let out a humorless laugh and looked down at her knees. "Nope." Her eyes began to tear up once again. "But why should she right?" She asked looking back up at Emily. "I mean.." She shrugged. "I'm always the problem right?"
"That's not true and you know it." Emily said seriously.
"Isn't it?" Hanna asked just as serious.
"Hanna 'A' is the problem. We all know this."
"Really?" Hanna said standing up. Emily stood too and watched as Hanna paced. Hanna turned to Emily arms crossed and tears streaming down her cheeks. "It wasn't 'A' that stole and forced my mom to sleep with Wilden. If it wasn't for me Wilden never would of targeted all of us and my mom never would of went to jail. It wasn't 'A' who pushed Wilden's car into a lake. It wasn't 'A' who tried to bury that gun. It wasn't 'A' who forced Caleb to stay in Ravenswood with Miranda. It wasn't 'A' who gave that ticket to Aria's mom and almost got her busted. It wasn't 'A' who hooked up with Mike. It wasn't 'A' who ruined my dad's wedding!" Hanna had gotten louder and louder with each sentence and now she was almost sobbing. "And it wasn't 'A' who was going to help Ali leave, or who got drunk at your mom's dinner, or who let it slip to Sydney about Shana and New York. It was me, Em! All of that was me!" Hanna yelled shaking her head and turning away from Emily.
Emily was speechless. She had never seen Hanna like this. Not when she found out Mona was 'A', not when Caleb broke up with her and not even when her mom was arrested. Hanna was broken. And Emily had no idea how to fix her.
Before Emily could respond Hanna turned back around with painfully lost expression on her face. "Who am I Em? Am I this drunken mess? Am I 'Hefty Hanna'? Mona's creation? Alison volume 2?" She asked her voice cracking once again.
Emily was crying now too. Mostly out of guilt. She was so wrapped up in the fact that Ali was back that she didn't even notice that Hanna was spiraling out of control with no one there to help her. As she looked at the lost girl in front of her she couldn't help but think of herself. She was lost too once. Hiding from who she was in a deep dark closet too afraid to even crack the door. But Hanna had helped pull her out; Letting her know that it was okay to be who she was and they would all still love her. You were Emily dating Ben and now you're Emily dating Maya. We love Emily. Now Emily had to do the same thing for Hanna.
Emily walked towards Hanna until she was directly in front of her. She swallowed the lump in her throat before taking a deep breath. "You, Hanna Marin, are a lot of things but you are none of those people you just described." Hanna looked up at Emily but remained silent so Emily continued. "You may have problems Hanna but that does not make you the problem. We've all made our mistakes."
"Yeah bu-" Hanna's words were cut off as Emily put a hand over her mouth.
"Hanna stop. Listen to me okay?" Hanna gave a small nod and Emily removed her hand. "The good thing about friends is they see the real you... even when you can't. You can't fool friends, right?" Emily said giving Hanna's words right back to her. All Hanna could do was nod. "Well you don't fool me. You expect me to see you as this drunken screw up and I'm telling you that's bullshit. I see the girl who let me live with her so I wouldn't have to move to Texas. I see the girl who was willing to confess to a murder to get her mother out of jail. I see the girl who arranged it so that I could see Maya before she was sent away. The girl who took care of me when I was drunk. The girl who was willing to let her boyfriend break up with her rather than see him get hurt. I see the girl who accepted me for who I was before even I could. The girl who helped me realize she would love me no matter what. The girl who isn't afraid of anyone or anything when it comes to protecting the people she loves." Emily put her hands on Hanna's cheeks again and stepped closer. "You are no ones creation. You aren't a volume 2 of anyone. You are the best daughter and friend anyone could ask for. Whether your Hanna who likes to wear designer dresses and five inch heels or Hanna who likes to wear beanies and converse shoes, you'll always be you and we love you." Emily finished wiping away Hanna's remaining tears.
She wasn't sure if she got through until after a few more seconds, Hanna smiled. "Thank you, Em." She said wrapping her hands around Emily's wrist.
Emily smiled back. "You're my best friend, Han. Anytime you forget that or just need to hear it you let me know and I'll say it all again." Hanna nodded and Emily kissed her forehead before pulling her into a long hug. "I love you." She said squeezing Hanna a little tighter.
Hanna smiled into Emily's shoulder. "I love you too."
After a moment they separated still smiling. Emily looked down at her phone to see it was after two in the morning. "It's late. Why don't you just come stay at my house?" She suggested looking back up at Hanna.
Hanna nodded plucking at her soaked clothes. "Yeah I'd rather not go home soaking wet and smelling like whiskey."
"You can text your mom and tell her you're staying at my house." Emily said looping her arm through Hanna's and heading back towards her car. "Where does she think you were anyway?"
Hanna sighed. "With Caleb. Which I was, but I left there then all that mess with Zach and Aria happened and I... just didn't wanna go home."
Emily just nodded and decided to to ask if Alison being at Hanna's house had anything to do with that. The car ride back to Emily's was silent. Emily lost in her own thoughts and Hanna trying to ignore the one thing she had yet to get off her chest. They arrived at Emily's and entered the house very quietly and tiptoeing up the stairs to Emily's bedroom. They successfully snuck in without waking Pam and Emily quietly closed the door behind them. She went to her closet and pulled out a t-shirt and shorts for Hanna to change into. "I'd let you take a shower but that would definitely wake my mom, so." Emily said with a shrug handing Hanna the dry clothes.
Hanna gave her a small smile. "It's fine, Em. The dry clothes are enough. Thanks."
Emily smiled back before turning back to her closet and hanging up her jacket then pulling her jeans off leaving her in a white v-neck and shorts. When she turned around Hanna was already changed and running her hands through her tangled hair. "I can wash those for you tomorrow so you won't have to take the home smelling like alcohol. Emily said nodding to Hanna's wet clothes in a pile on the floor.
"Sure thanks." Hanna replied finally giving up on getting the tangles out of her hair, She folded up her wet clothes and set them in Emily's desk chair.
Emily went over to the bed pulling down the covers then grabbed the extra pillows and tossed them to the end of the bed. She turned around to see Hanna staring out the window with her arms crossed. She was obviously still bothered by something. "Hanna?" Emily asked.
"Do you still like Ali?" Hanna blurted out turning around. Emily just blinked at her not expecting the question. "Like...LIKE her?" Hanna said stepping closer.
Emily looked around the room before looking down at the ground and biting her lip. "I... I'm not sure."
"But you think you do?" Hanna continued stepping closer again.
Emily sighed. "I, I don't know Hanna. It's complicated."
"Well explain it to me." Hanna said with a shrug.
"Why does it matter?" Emily asked a little harsher than she meant to.
Hanna took an unconscious step back before dropping her arms and shaking her head. "It doesn't, nevermind. C'mon I'm tired." She said moving past Emily and crawling into the bed and facing Emily's door.
Emily stared at Hanna's back confused before deciding to let it go and turned out the light then crawled into her side of the bed. She stared up at the ceiling in silence before she felt the bed move and turned to see Hanna had rolled onto her back and was still looking very bothered. Emily waited a few minutes but when Hanna said nothing she sighed frustrated. Emily pushed herself up on her elbow and looked down at Hanna. "Okay what is it?" She asked.
Hanna glanced at her. "What is what?"
Emily rolled her eyes. "Don't do that Hanna. Don't play it off like it's nothing. That's one of the ways we got here in the first place. Stop holding things back and letting them eat away at you. Tell me what else is bothering you. I told you you're my best friend and I'm here for you." Emily said staring down at Hanna and waiting.
Hanna opened her mouth but no words were coming out. She just laid there looking like a fish. She closed her eyes and shook her head getting mad at herself.
Emily was tired and frustrated so she couldn't help it. She yelled. "Damn it, Hanna! What the hell is it?!"
"I think I like you okay!" Hanna yelled back sitting up quickly. Emily's jaw dropped and her eyes were wide. It might have been funny had the situation not been so serious. She had no time to respond before Hanna started talking again. "There, happy! Is that what you wanted to hear? I think I like you. I mean it feels like I do, but you're a girl. Not that I have a problem with that but I'm straight. At least I thought I was. Cause you know, there's Caleb, he's a guy. Then Travis, also a guy. Sean, Wren, Holbrook, all guys. But then there's you. A girl. A girl who's my best friend. A girl who is probably in love with my other best friend. And it's all just complicated and confusing. I'm Hanna. I hate confusing. It makes my brain hurt. You make my brain hurt. But then, you also give me butterflies. Like the kind I felt with Caleb. And sometimes when you get too close it's like I can't breathe right. Which is ridiculous cause I may be stupid but I know how to breathe. But with you sometimes I can't." Hanna knew she was rambling and sounding more and more stupid but she just couldn't stop. She had to let it all out. "Then there's my heart. It beats faster when you hug me, or hold my hand or even if you just look at me a little too long with you're stupid gorgeous face and that stupid smile. Then there's Alison. And you and Alison. Seeing you two together makes my stomach hurt and my chest tighten. I hate it. I don't know when this all happened. It just stared one day and I can't make it stop. I try but I can't. And it sucks cause there's Caleb who still loves me and I still have feelings for him but I have feelings for you too. But you like Ali or you think you do. I just can't take it. There's too many feeling and too many people liking different people and it's all too confusing!" Hanna finished with a yell. She grabbed her head in her hands and rested it against her now upraised knees.
Emily sat next to her in stunned silence trying to process it all. Hanna liked her. Her boy crazy best friend actually liked her. In the relationship kind of way. Question is, what was she going to do now. Like Hanna said it was all very confusing. She'd be lying if she said she had never thought about her and Hanna. But that's all they were, Thoughts. They were out of her head as quickly as they came. Most of the time anyway. Hanna was her straight best friend and that's all she would ever be. Well so she thought. But here Hanna was telling her that wasn't the case. However they weren't the only two involved. There was Caleb who was still very much in love with Hanna and Ali who Emily never new if she was still in love with her or just the idea of being in love with her. Everything was jumbled in Emily's head. Her thoughts racing a thousand miles a minute. One stood out above all others. She did have more than friendly feelings for Hanna. She had just buried them in fear. Fear that what happened with Ali would happen Hanna. But Hanna wasn't Ali. Hanna had openly admitted she had feelings for Emily. There were no mixed signals. Hanna would never manipulate her or use Emily's feelings against her. Emily didn't exactly know what was going to happen or where these feelings were gonna go. All she knew was right now. And right now there was something she needed to do. She looked to Hanna who she knew was crying. Emily had no idea how long she had sat there silent but it was obvious Hanna had taken her silence as a bad thing.
She reached out and pulled Hanna's hands away from her head. "Hanna."
Hanna pulled her hands away from Emily and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Em. Don't worry I'm leaving." She said starting to get up.
Emily grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. "Hanna stop."
"Emily, let me go." Hanna said still not looking at her.
"No." Emily replied holding onto her arm.
Hanna sighed frustrated, eyes firmly fixed on the door. "I don't need you to pity me. I get it okay. I don't want to hear your rejection speech."
"That's not what this is." Emily whispered not letting Hanna go. She saw the pulse point in Hanna's neck jump as Hanna closed her eyes. "Hanna...Hanna look at me." She said gently pulling on her arm.
Hanna shook her head. "I can't."
"Why?" Emily asked.
She saw Hanna's jaw clench before she swallowed. "Cause I'm scared of what I'll do." Hanna whispered so low Emily barely heard it.
Emily reached her other hand up to turn Hanna's face towards her. Hanna raised her eyes to Emily's. They stared in silence and neither knew it was for a few seconds or several minutes. Emily cupped Hanna's cheek and gave her a small smile. "Don't be." She whispered. Emily leaned forward and gently brushed her lips against Hanna's. She felt the other girl stiffen and she rubbed her cheek with her thumb telling her to relax. After a moment she felt Hanna's shoulders relax and the girl was kissing her back. Everything was slow and gentle both girls not wanting to scare the other one away. Feeling less nervous Hanna tangled her left hand in Emily's hair as Emily ran her tongue across Hanna's bottom lip. Hanna opened her mouth and their tongues slid together slowly as Emily gently pushed Hanna onto her back and threw a leg over Hanna's waist straddling her. After a while breathing was becoming an issue so the girls separated panting lightly.
"Damn." Hanna said resting her hands on Emily's hips and rubbing her thumbs across Emily's skin under her t-shirt.
Emily laughed lightly. "Yeah...damn." Hanna smiled up at her and Emily smiled back pushing a strand of Hanna's hair away from her face.
"Now what?" Hanna asked.
Emily sighed. "I have no idea."
"Me either." Hanna replied. "All I know is things are still really complicated and you're a really good kisser."
Emily smiled at her and kissed her nose. "So are you."
Hanna ran a hand through Emily's hair and leaned up. "You missed." She whispered before reconnecting her lips with Emily's.
There was no hesitation neither girl nervous this time around. Hanna slid her hands down and under the back of Emily's shirt lightly tracing her nails up and down her spine. Emily bit down gently on Hanna's bottom lip before sliding her tongue into her mouth once again. They pulled apart after a few minutes and Emily rested her forehead against Hanna's. "We're never gonna figure this out if this is all we do."
"I know." Hanna said still running her fingertips up and down Emily's back. "We don't have to figure anything out tonight, Em. I'm just glad we got all this out in the open."
Emily pulled back and looked at Hanna with a smile. "Me too." Hanna smiled back and Emily noticed how drained she looked. "You're really tired." Emily said tracing a finger down Hanna's jaw line.
"I'm fine." Hanna replied blinking heavily as Emily continued her tracing.
"Uh huh." Emily said unconvinced as she rolled off of Hanna. "You need to sleep."
Hanna turned and pouted at her. "I liked where you were."
Emily smiled before kissing Hanna's pout away and pulling her into her side. "I'm not going anywhere."
Hanna cuddled up to her side resting her head on Emily's shoulder and threw her arm across Emily's waist then tangled their legs together.
Emily kissed the top of Hanna's head and starting to run her fingers through her hair knowing it always put Hanna to sleep.
"Em." Hanna said sleepily after a few minutes.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."
Emily smiled and rested her cheek against Hanna's head. "I love you too."
And it was true. Whether it was just as friends or something more they weren't sure. They still didn't know what they were going to do. Things were hard and they we're confusing but the did love eachother. And right now, that's all that mattered.
A/N: Good? Bad? Should I write more or am I a disgrace to all things literary. Let me know.