Planet of Zuyma

Gemma found the task difficult and it was difficult indeed, but she promised to help me anyway. It took her a few months to persuade them to give me a chance; a chance to do again what I liked best : teaching. Their schools were huge spaceships ; they produced warriors. Beautiful, slender warriors ; everything was so beautiful there , so rough and spicy , including my nights.

And finally the Zuyma agreed and sent me to one of their schools as a teacher. I was to teach them English and Gundara. Never before had I seen so many beautiful teenagers, girls and boys. And I started to wonder whether their beauty surpassed mine or not; which was silly, for soon I realized that none of them had softness ;they were rough, I was delicate and that was a healthy exchange. And , nevertheless, my wild nights had taught me something about war.

I started to long for some of them secretly; then, after a while, only one of them remained in my thoughts , though the other's physical presence still woke my skin with desire. He was kind of fourteen or fifteen , I guess ; I wish he had been an outcast or something , this way it'd have been much easier. Still, there are no outcast angels, nor neglected warriors, isn't it? And all those men who had pierced me and had made my body quiver with pain, they hadn't been enough. I longed for him, that's all.

Then there was this girl , a sort of weirdo , I think ; I came to her because she was crying in a distant corner and I thought Zuyma never cried. She told me she had received a phone call from her mother ; her father had died.

" I won't go home ; not any longer, miss. It's useless. U go home and see him laid on a table ; and the next day u come home and see him no more." She wiped her face and looked at me. " Has it ever happened to u, miss? "

" Yes , it has. I had a brother."

" Do u still have a family or something? "

" Well , I had a friend , Gemma. I left her on Earth with her husband and her little daughter. I found another friend here. "

" How was she? Your friend? "

"She was brave and had the brightness of a godess. This is why I loved her. She would've died for me. "

" Yes , I guess there are no more brave men and women on the planet u came from. They are scared and won't look to the left or to the right. Not even inward. "

" Then she gave birth to a child and I understood I wasn't the most important person to her any longer. "

" Miss… is there anything out there… u know… "

" Why should u think of this ? Don't u have a boyfriend to consolate u ? "

" I used to. What about u , miss ? Are u alone ? "

" Me? Oh , yes. I was afraid of the butterflies , u know ; they are rather painful. "

" That's true. And the ache doesn't let u act like u. I feel better, miss, now that I had the chance to talk to u. Thank u , miss. "

" Any time. Feel free to come and speak to me whenever u wish. I know how it feels. "

I was afraid that somehow, they would miss my body that much that they might forbid me to teach any longer. They might want me back to the fortress one day. I closed my eyes for a while. I saw Gemma with her little Iara in her arms ; I saw Katwa smiling and telling jokes, like he used to ; then this poor girl next to her father's body. I had left my people and I had found new people. Zuyma had entered under my skirt and in my breast like a sword.

" I'll think of your words all the time. I'll miss that day. Good bye, miss."

" No, they won't send u to prison. U are pregnant. I will let them know it. U have got to defend yourself. "

We went along the great corridor and Gemma walked in front of me. They were waiting for us, in circle.

" Uta is pregnant, u can't put her in prison. She is carrying your child. "

" She made a terrible mistake. She dishonoured us. It won't be easy to forgive her. "

" He maimed me! " I cried. " Look! Look at my teats and see my torn nipple! Yes, I slaughtered him and hid him under my bed. And I'm not repenting, not now, nor ever! "

My worst fear was that all and each of them could eat me up one night. And suddenly I remembered the girl asking me about that something out there and the way I refused to answer to her, though at that very moment I needed an answer myself. I had wondered about it on Earth and I still wondered about it.

" Great Zuyma, " I said, " do u think there is something out there? "

He stood up and came to me but I withdrew.

" Something beyond… something when we are no longer. I'm so tired… please… "

My cheek rested in his hand. " I may love u one day. Please, don't put me in prison. "

" If it were my child… "

" I will bear your child one day, but not this time. This time it has no father. But your child will have golden hair, the most beautiful creature ever. Just… find an answer to this. "