Selfish Love : MinSu
By: JB - unni

A/N: Another DBSK fic. Yes, It's really the only thing I write right now, but it's mostly because they inspire me the most. Carrying on, here's my MinSu fic. I'll just say now that the MinSu-ness will come in a little later in the story, not right away . So... just saying. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy reading.
Pairings: MinSu - DBSK , YooJae - DBSK
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own DBSK, or any Suju members mentioned. I do not own the lyrics from the song 'Gotta Be Somebody' by Nickelback.

He found that nothing could soothe his aching heart.

Junsu was sitting on the sofa, holding a soccer ball in his lap while seemingly watching TV. His eyes were on the screen, but his mind was elsewhere. He could hear Yunho chattering loudly, laughing here and there, on the phone in the kitchen. There was a soft snore he heard behind him, through the wall in their bedrooms. Changmin was sleeping.

Suddenly, Junsu heard Yunho yell from the other room. "Eunhyuk did what?!"

'Eunhyuk... oh, Hyukjae,' Junsu ran the thought through his mind. That was his best friend since his childhood days, more commonly know to Junsu as Hyukjae, not Eunhyuk. Nonetheless, the exclaimation had piqued Junsu's interest. He tip-toed quietly and pressed himself against the wall near the kitchen to hear better. Looking innocent, Junsu popped his head from the corner, and blinked up at Yunho sitting at the table. He flickered his eyes towards him, and smiled with a knowing look in his eyes.

"Did he... really? Wow, who would've... oh, okay," Yunho drummed his fingers on the table. "No, that's okay Chul. I'll talk to you tomorrow... yeah, okay. Goodnight." Yunho suddenly looked over to Junsu quickly, and cupped a hand over the recieving end of the phone. This didn't stop Junsu from hearing. "Mm, I love you too."

There was no secret to it. Yunho and Heechul from Super Junior were lovers, and everyone accepted that. It was a secret from the fangirls though.

Junsu emerged from the corner, and stood with a small smile on his face. "Hyung, can I ask what happened to Hyukjae?"

Yunho held a confused look. "Hyukj-- oh, Eunhyuk, right." Everyone knew his best friend with the opposite name except him, Junsu guessed.

"Yes," Junsu said.

"I was just talking to Heechul," he cleared his throat, "and he said that Eunhyuk planted one on Donghae on live TV." Yunho laughed to himself, while Junsu's mouth was round with an 'o', and disbelief in his eyes.

He gawked. "Live in front of everyone? Eunhyuk...?"

Yunho chuckled. "Yeah. He admitted once on an interview that he used to like Donghae, and said he didn't anymore, but I guess he wasn't exactaly true to his word. Chul said they'll be breaking a lot of girls' hearts."

Junsu raised a brow. "He kissed back?" Yunho nodded. Suddenly there was a phone ringing elsewhere, and it was recognized as Yunho's ringtone. He stood up and left the kitchen to get it

The news, it made him feel lower, worse then before. Was he the only one without love?

Junsu went back to his throne on the couch, and hugged the soccer ball to his chest. The TV was off, pitch black and empty, a common feeling Junsu felt in his heart. He stared back at it anyways, thinking long and hard.

The heart wrenching pain was present even when Junsu took the smallest, slightest glance at him, his love. It tore him in two, then in four, continuing until there was nothing left, his heart placed through a paper shredder, the pieces left were so tiny, they were dust. To have loved for nothing, that's what Junsu thought of his situation. Yoochun's lips, the ones he had longed to kiss, didn't belong to him, but to Jaejoong.

In the beginning, Junsu knew and believed he had the chance. There were embaraces, smiles, memories, and kisses. He wished Yoochun's kisses were placed where they should have been, on Junsu's lips, but instead landed on his cheeks. He thought they were serving more then just fanservice, but Junsu learned that the hard way.

One day, the very day Junsu's thoughts were on finally confessing to Yoochun about his feelings, the tables were turned. He came to the TVXQ HQ early to set something up, or recite his lines, when he heard voices from the kitchen. Evesdropping, something Junsu hardly ever did, he quietly listened in. Junsu's heart was put through the paper shredder at that moment, when he heard the exact words that he was going to use to confess, being said by Yoochun to Jaejoong.

Junsu let the tears fall that night.

Suddenly from the corner of his eye, and he regretted the sight, he hadn't noticed Yoochun and Jaejoong enter the room. The position they were in didn't help Junsu either.

Jaejoong was in Yoochun's arms, and they were kissing each other passionately. They were backing up into the living room, to the couch, where Junsu was. Junsu's breath was caught in his throat, holding in a small cry of pain, and be bit his lip to control the hot tears threatening to escape his sorrow written eyes. There he was, the love of his life, holding in his arms someone else-- anyone else but Junsu. The couple broke apart for air, panting heavily, when Jaejoong finally took notice of Junsu's heart-broken form on the couch. He must have a taken no notice.

"Junsu!" he exclaimed between short breaths, face a scorching red. "S-Sorry you were here to see that." In fact, Junsu was very sorry he was there.

How much more could he be hurt?

He took in a very sharp intake of breath, looking for self-control within himself. "N-N-No..." he cringed as he stuttered. It was the only thing keeping his tears from falling. "I interrupted you two, so I'll g--"

Jaejoong began fretting for him now. "You don't have to! You were here first, and--"

"Shush," Yoochun placed a finger on Jaejoong's lips. Junsu felt a flame of anger and jealousy flicker in him. "You can stay here and watch..." Yoochun glanced at the unwavering TV and back to Junsu, "--TV... we'll go somewhere else." Yoochun's eyes went back to Jaejoong, and so did his lips for a short moment. Then they were gone, a door closing.

Junsu's heart sank gravely, and his head fell into his hands. The soccer ball dropped to the floor and didn't bounce once, but rolled away silently. At this rate, he thought, he not even be able to stand beside or even breathe the same air as Yoochun. He was Junsu's one and only, his love. He wanted Yoochun to be his, only his, only he could kiss him like that. It was selfish. But now Junsu wasn't his love, would he be able to find another?

'No', Junsu thought, 'impossible.'

It must've been at least an hour that he held his head in his hands. His knees were getting sore from placing his elbows on them. The were sore now. It could have been exhaustion, and Junsu had fallen asleep. He lost track of time, and his senses.

There was pitch-black darkness, with that small light a long ways away. In the air, a voice was calling out to him, crying his name. It was the puzzling dream everyone had. Junsu ran but he couldn't catch up to the voice, and the light faded.

Junsu heard the voice loud and clear suddenly. It was his own name. "Junsu... Junsu?"

The darkness was lifted, and Junsu blinked his eyes to adjust to the light. There was a blur waving itself in front of his face. Junsu was face to face with Changmin.

His brown eyes were big and almond shaped, brows raised. His lips were pulled down to a confused frown, mouthing some words that were inaudible to Junsu at the moment. He studied Changmin's face with sleep drawing his eyes down. Junsu's eyes flew to Changmin's soft looking hair, each wavy brown lock lay gently beside his face. Changmin snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Huh, what?" Junsu took his hands away from his face and stared up at him.

"Hyung, were you crying?" Changmin wiped something off his face with a brush of his hand. Junsu looked at his palms, which were wet and touched his cheeks to find tears. He took his sleeve and swiped at them until he was sure they had all disappeared. Changmin was instantly by his side, and gave him a quick hug. "What happened hyung?"

Junsu thought he would probably have to explain why he was sulking all the time, so he went on with it anyways. "It's about kind of about Yoochun..." his voice barely broke out from a whisper. Changmin nodded and encouraged him to go on. Junsu explained most of it and came to the part about his feelings.

"I love, or loved, Yoochun, but he loves Jaejoong," Junsu sighed.

Changmin said, "And you really think you won't be able to love anyone again?"

Junsu glanced at Changmin. "I don't know right now." He ran a hand through his hair.

Changmin turned his head, and his whole body to face Junsu. "Hyung, don't worry, you'll find someone," he said a bit shyly. "Sometimes you just have to take what's distracting you out of the way, stop centering things to yourself, and see how other people are looking at you. They love you too." Junsu didn't know half or anything of what Changmin said, but nodded silently.

In the next few days, Changmin having known the source of Junsu's downpour, was helping him cope with his heartbreak, taking his mind off of it when he could. Junsu felt he'd gotten closer to Changmin then he ever did, not feeling so lonely anymore, but the dull pain was still pulsing inside him. The two were outside on a soccer field passing the ball to one another. Changmin found it was the best way to keep Junsu busy.

But to Junsu's dismay, Changmin suddenly brang up the topic that was supposed to be taboo.

"You loved Yoochun a lot, didn't you Junsu?" he kicked the black and white ball.

Junsu trapped it, and was hesitant to kick it back. "Yes. I'm starting to get over him... but it still hurts. Why are you asking Minnie?"

He shrugged. "You still looked bothered by it, like you need to take it off your chest." It was getting colder, and without discussion, the two began walking back to the HQ. Junsu pondered quietly to himself, looking for the right words.

Changmin spoke, "I've been in your situation Junsu. It was just like that."

Junsu frowned, pushing a button on the elevator. "This is a lot different Changmin, girls don't count. I love Yoochun."

"Love? You're heart still beats for him." Changmin didn't imply it as a question, it was a statement.

Junsu furrowed his brows. "Loved. Maybe that's the better word now."

"Heartbreak," said Changmin. They got back and opened the door, greeted by Yunho who was on the phone once again. The two headed first for their rooms to change, but Junsu's hand stopped on the doorknob when he heard a low moan coming from in the room. He nearly choked on his own breath, and in time Changmin lead him away into one of their music producing rooms. There was a keyboard here and there, a laptop, chairs, and a small sofa.

Changmin went to his laptop quickly, typing away. Junsu sat down on the sofa, and slammed his head against the wall at the thought of who was moaning. If Heechul had been here, Junsu would've had another choice of thought. There was a tap on Junsu's shoulder, and he turned around.

"I was just thinking, but I think that this song relates to you right now, hyung," Changmin clicked the mouse, and there was a song playing. Junsu didn't understand much, but he could pick out the chorus.

"'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that

'Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be somebody for me out there." --Gotta Be Somebody - Nickelback

Junsu raised a brow. "That's nice Minnie, but I don't really..." He was going to finish off with the word 'care', but it didn't seem right to put Changmin down like that. The youngest was right though, he really did relate to the lyrics. 'There's gotta be somebody for me like that,' he sung to himself.

"It could've been Yoochun..." Junsu didn't realize he'd said that outloud, and very audibly at that.

Changmin said only one thing. "Junsu..." His voice was as sad as his expression. He plopped down on the couch bside Junsu, and stared up at the ceiling. "You know when I said to look past Yoochun, and at the other people that love you?"

Junsu sighed in exasperation. "Yeah, I know, they matter too."

Changmin was silent before he repeated one of his previous statements from before. "I'm sort of in a situation like you right now--"

"I know, Minnie. But I said girls don't-- wait, you're in one right now?" he looked over at him, puzzled.

"Yes. I love him, he loves someone else, and that someone is with another," Changmin closed his eyes, lips curved up into a small smile.

Junsu gaped. "Him?"

"Yup, so it's complicated."

"You're okay with it?" Junsu inquired softly, eyes staring intently at Changmin, waiting for his answer.

Changmin paused. "It seems selfish, but I feel like I have a chance now that... the one he loves doesn't love him."

Junsu raised his brows in surprise. "Really? Who is--"

"It's you." Changmin said plainly. Junsu's eyes widened, and he blushed at how he couldn't get that through his thick skull sooner.

"Sorry I couldn't notice that earlier," said Junsu. At that moment, Changmin scooted over to be closer to Junsu's side, facing him now. Junsu could feel his warm, sweet breath on his face. Round, brown eyes stared back at him, Junsu could only feel the heat creeping up into his face.

Changmin suddenly embraced Junsu, crushing the boy against him. He held on like Junsu would fly away from his arms. "I should be sorry, and that I'm saying this now, hyung. I... I really love you. I'm sorry that this is a bad time to be saying this." He let Junsu go from his vice grip, and looked shyly up at him. Junsu was at the loss of words.

Changmin continued. "I was like you with Yoochun, but I liked Jaejoong; he didn't see me that way. So I gave up... and kind of saw you in a new way. I was scared though, to see how you might've reacted to a confession like that. I feel so selfish though, knowing Yoochun didn't feel that way about you and all... wanting you all to myself, and, uhm..."

It was a small, almost fleeting peck. Junsu leaned forward to shut Changmin up, placing his lips on Changmin's. He wasn't too sure why he did that, but to Junsu it felt right, and wrong. But Yoochun wouldn't care, he didn't love Junsu, and even for the split second, he liked the feel of Changmin's lips. Though he didn't dare go back for one more. Instead, he apologized.

"M-Minnie, I don't know why... I'm sorry," he said, utterly embarrassed.

Changmin was a bit quiet. "No, no, it's okay hyung. I... like it." He glanced up shyly, now the one with a blush on his face, cheeks reddening. 'The flushed color on his cheeks made him look cute', Junsu thought. Changmin said softer, "Can I have another one?"

There was no bit of hesitation. Junsu leaned in to meet with Changmin's lips. The youngest was careful at first, gentle. The more Junsu was falling into Changmin's spell, the deeper and more passionate Changmin grew. 'He had been holding back for so long', Junsu could hardly think through bliss. Changmin really did love Junsu, he could tell from the motion of his soft lips. It was the one feeling he'd wanted all along, to be loved.

So Junsu was wrong. In the beginning, he told himself that there was no one. But he knew better now that there was someone out there that could soothe his aching heart. Even if it was just little by little, he knew Changmin would now be there for him, just as he always was.