Fan Fiction yet Untitled

It was the third of May and Sig and his mom had drug Edgar, kicking and screaming, to Norway to visit the tiny village they once called home. Well Norwegian born Sig and their parents called home. While Edgar loved and respected his Norwegian roots he was an American and did not consider himself Norwegian first. He could think of a lot better ways to spend his precious few weeks off before cod fishing. He wanted to ride his dirt bike, drink with his buddies, and find a fling to enjoy for the short time he was home. The new bartender at Ballard Oil Company looked promising, but that conquest would have to wait. He would, instead find himself marooned on the tiny island fishing village, the home of his ancestors and frankly not enjoying it one bit. The last time he made one of these trips his mother tried to marry him off to a third cousin. He would have to dodge all the well meaning but nosy family members, mostly females that would inevitably begin all greetings with "you are too thin and why are you not married yet?" This trip might just be the end of him he thought until…..

As the abbreviated Hansen clan exited the plane at the small airport on the mainland Edgar noticed how his mothers face lit up. She seemed significantly younger in just seconds. She breathed deeply taking in the cool, sweet, salty air. Edgar smiled. He had not seen her happy since the passing of his father. It had really taken the air out of her sails. She was such a strong and independent woman, she had to be to be married to the likes of Sverre Hansen and mother to three rambunctious boys. Being mom and dad for most of her life would have felled most women, but his mom was a rock. She needed this trip and he was going to grin and bear it, for her. He no longer envied his older brother Norman that was allowed to remain home because of his everyday, regular job. He really felt privileged to see his mom finally smile and really mean it. She smiled right through to her soul.

Feeing pleased with himself, and privately acknowledging his own maturing in the quiet of his own mind, Edgar was snapped to attention by a shrill cry from the end of the tarmac. There in all her multi-colored glory stood his mother's sister, Auntie Elsa. This woman was truly a force to be reckoned with and Edgar had secretly hoped he would have a little warning before he had to face her. This woman came at you like a rogue wave. The things that would come out of her mouth could hit you with the force of an angry 80 footer and leave you rattled and sometimes broken. "She should come with a warning signal," Edgar related to himself, or so he thought. "She means well, she has always lacked tact Edgar, but she loves us all. It is just her nature," mom remarked. Edgar looked over his mom's head to see his oldest brother Sigurd smiling deeply and trying not to laugh. "Hey man she bugged me from the time I was 16 about getting married," he shook his white blonde head, "and when I did she kept pushing June to get pregnant." Sigurd snickered a bit, "The only way I got her to shut up was to tell her we just tried again in your upstairs bathroom, pray for us, will ya. I promise I am doing all I can." Mom shushed her eldest son as the distance between her brood and her nosy but well meaning sister narrowed.

"Oh my sister, I have missed you so much. We all have. It is so good to have you home!" Aunt Elsa is nearly screeching as she places my mother in a well meaning headlock. She being much taller than our mom is able to reach over and slap Sig on the shoulder and shake her finger at me. She quits the embrace to stand back and survey us all one by one. First mother, "My gorgeous little sister still has her girlish figure! I have always envied your ability to remain so svelte!" She then turns to Sig, "And where is June and my beautiful girls?" Sig smiles, rather sheepishly, "School is still in back in the states and June has a job now." Edgar looked at his brother as if he had just slapped the old woman. "SHE HAS A WHAT?!?!" Elsa feigned a swoon that would have made Scarlett O'Hara envious, or maybe not. Edgar had to move quickly to catch her wrists before her rather large bottom hit the ground. Mom fanned her with the magazine she had been reading on the plane and Sig stood there afraid that he had egregiously hurt the woman. After a few loud exhalations Aunt Elsa regained her composure and glared at Sig, "I will never understand why a woman would work when she has a home and family to care for unless it is necessary to feed her family." Through gritted teeth she questioned Sig, "Is the fishing not good in the colonies?" Sig stood there with his hands in his pockets looking at the ground and trying to explain that his wife in fact enjoyed her work and took the job at the garden center because she truly enjoyed it.

While Edgar felt a little sorry for his brother that was catching the wrath at present, he secretly was glad that it was not himself. But never fear his turn was coming. When she felt that she had ridiculed Sig enough for the moment her attention turned with her body to the young man still holding onto her forearms. Edgar did this too steady her and to save Sig and himself from the wild swinging of her over packed ruff-sack that she called a purse. Many swear she keeps large stones in there. She struck a young male cousin of theirs at the last family reunion and knocked him out cold. Apparently she had just left the fish market and had purchased a frozen fish pudding. Forgetting about the previous purchase, she swung with all her might. Poor Sven never had a chance. He spent the next two days on bed rest recovering from a concussion and in the dentist chair for a week after that, getting crowns on his teeth. She tilted her chin down and looked up though the top of her red framed glasses, "So, "she paused for dramatic effect, "are you a queer or what?"

Edgar reared back in shock, and then let out a high pitched squeal, "Why by God, Auntie Elsa, you finally figured me out!" He picked up the hem of her loud tunic and exclaimed in an obnoxious voice, "Where on earth did you find this fabulous ensemble I must have one for the parade, you will come to see me won't you? I get to ride on the convertible this year. I am queen of the gay pride parade in Seattle! Aren't you proud?" In one lax moment, enjoying his own performance, he let go of the arm. So pleased with himself, he never saw it coming. "WHACK!" When he woke he found himself stretched out on the backseat of a golf cart being shuttled through the airport to a taxi that would take them to the ferry. His mother was leaning over him calling his name, he could here her, but could not quite make out her form just yet. He knew she was close and he felt safer for it. He stayed in this submissive state until they reached the car and he was sure he had regained his strength. Incase he had to make a run for it.

Once they reached the taxi, an SUV thank God, Sig helped Edgar up and into the rear seat, Edgar could feel the slight tremors of suppressed laughter shaking his brothers body and gave Sig a little more of his weight to tote. Mom crawled back there with him placing his head on her lap and lightly brushing his hair form his face. Sig and Elsa were in the front with the driver, no one said a word. Edgar opened his eyes and winked at his mom. She winked back and blew him a kiss. She loved her sister, and she had survived her, just barely, her boys would too. The trip to the ferry landing was short and Edgar found himself miraculously recovered as soon as the taxi stopped at the ramp to board. He collected some of the luggage leaving Sig the heavy stuff intentionally and bounded up the ramp. "Well now that I think about it he does run kind of funny," Aunt Elsa tried to rationalize the revelation of her nephew's sexual orientation. Mom simply shook her head and proceeded up the ramp without rebuking Elsa's belief that Edgar was a homosexual. She thought Edgar would appreciate the break from being grilled about why he had not managed to marry. He was after all considered dowager by the age of 25. This tiny town they hail from is traditional and provincial. Edgar's not marrying is seen as a weakness by the older members of the community. While the younger members envy him for maintaining his single status, as the young men imagine Seattle to be the center of debauchery they long for. Strip clubs on every corner and gambling halls upstairs, not so, but that is their perception.