Chapter One: Good Enough For Her

Dear Diary,

Whether Freddie likes me or not, it won't change a thing. He still loves (sickening…) Carly and he still tries (sadly…) to get with her, but she'll always say, "I like you to, Freddie!"

He'll respond, "No, Carly. I LIKE you."

She'll get that look on her face and reply with, "Oh…well, I'm sorry Freddie but I like you as a friend only."

He continues being hopeful. "Please, Carly! Give me a chance!"

She will never know what she's missing. She will never know what he could offer as she states with a little sympathy, "I'm sorry, Freddie."

Defeat drips from his voice as he says with his head down, "Oh."

Then she smiles, hugs, and walks off as if nothing ever happened. Why can't she see that he's perfect? Why can's she see that he's everything most girls want and need? Why can't he like me?

I know why. I tease and poke fun at him. He doesn't know that every insult and torment is just to hide my real feeling, to hide my real self. I can trust you, Diary because…yes. Samantha Joy Puckett isn't as cruel and mean as she seems to be.

I'm not saying I'm soft. Heck no! I'm not like that perfectly, pink, and model perfection twin sister of mine. I'm not even close. AND OF COURSE I'M NOT LIKE CARLY! I'm not THAT soft.

If I had to describe the first day when I started acting like…this I would start with the day I first met Freddie. That was the day I got my crush and found out that he was in love with Carly. The day that the only way I could stop them from getting too close was to be cruel.

Write in you later,

Samantha (Sam) Joy Puckett

Sam closed the notebook and shoved it into her backpack before walking into the kitchen part of her and her mom's apartment. Her mom's current boyfriend, Jack, was sitting at the counter with a beer in his hand. He smiled at Sam with his yellow teeth visible behind his smile.

"Hey, Darling," he said.

Sam took a few steps back. She knew better than to say anything to her mom's "perfect" boyfriends after a bad experience with Dungeon, a fired rock star with anger management problems. Sam shivered at the remembrance of that night and sat down in the chair of the corner of the room. A light switch was next to the chair and she went to flick it up.

"Don't even try," Jack said. "Your mama hasn't paid that bill in over a month."

Maybe that's because she's spending it all on beer and cigarettes to make YOU happy, Sam thought.

"Can't you talk?" Jack asked getting up and walking over to her. "Well, can't you?"

"I can," Sam said.

He leaned in closer and shoved the beer can towards her. "Take a sip."

"I'm too young."

Sam wasn't afraid of most people and didn't always enjoy rules, but she knew that after her dad left with Melanie she shouldn't mess with her mom's boyfriends. How did she figure this out? Well…let's just say that the whole scholarship thing was something that her mother and her agreed on saying. That was true. Melanie did have a scholarship. They just never mentioned that she got that because Mr. Puckett made sure she got one.

Well, as I already said Sam doesn't get scared easily. Once her dad left with Melanie, his so called Favorite Child, she watched her mom cry for days, weeks, possibly months. That's what made Sam so strong. She toughened her heart while her mom let hers bleed. She could never replace her father, while her mom tried to find that replacement.

She felt a stinging pain her scalp and cried out.

"Were you listening to me?" Jack yelled, pulling on her hair harder.

"Y-yes," Sam said remembering her mom's sayings.

Be nice to my boyfriends.

Always say yes to them.

Do not worry about me.

Leave if it gets to…difficult.

Everything I do is for you.

I will always love you.

"Well?" Jack said.

"Yes?" Sam asked.

"Are you going to take a sip or not?"

"I am."

He held the can to her mouth as she took a sip. The taste was strong and terrible. Sam heard Jack laugh as he let go of her hair and she stumbled into her mom's room. Her mom was lying on her bed. Her dyed black hair fell in a mess of tangles. Sarah Puckett sat up and a bruise was seen on her arm.

Sam crawled onto her mother's bed and kicked off her black Converse. They fell to the floor with a thud and Sarah jumped. Sam sat with her legs crossed on the purple, silk sheets. She ran her index finger across the material.

"I took a sip," Sam whispered, not wanting to startle her mom.

"I heard Jack yelling," Sarah whispered. "Do your friends know?"

Sam thought back to all the times she had told her friends how terrible or nasty her mom was, but in fact it was mostly the stuff her moms boyfriends did, or how her mom spent all her paychecks on her boyfriends and Sam's wellbeing. Sarah wasn't all that bad. She took care of those she cared about and those she couldn't care about.

Sam responded, "I told them that you yell at the cat and have hair under you arms."

Sarah chuckled and Sam smiled.

"That's…either Nicolai or Dungeon," Sarah said.

"It's Dungeon," Sam said. "Can Jack go? Can you find someone else, someone better?"

"He's coming home with money. You know we need that. Besides, I'm more concerned about you and that Benson boy."

Sam blushed. "Mom, there is nothing up with me and Freddie."

"There is. I can tell. That blush of yours says otherwise," Sarah said playfully as a door slammed.

Sarah jumped again and looked out of her bedroom door and noticed that Jack was gone. She smiled and went to the cabinets and pulled out a can of soup. Sam held out her hands to catch the can and the portable can opener her mom kept in her purse.

"You know the drill," Sarah said.

"Sneak into the teacher's lounge and heat it up? I know," Sam said heading to her room.

Sam shoved the can and can opener into her backpack and put her bag over her shoulders. She headed out the door and down the stairs to the streets of Seattle. The window to her mom's room was visible and she saw her mom giving a slight wave.

If only there was someone good enough for her, Sam thought.