Disclaimer: Don't sue. Or, you could go ahead, but you'd probably only get my shrine dedicated to everything Harry Potter related. (Just kidding… it's only dedicated to the wonderfulness that is Harry Potter himself)
Because I Can
It's funny, what people think. And the things they think of. And the things that they make themselves think. And, I suppose, sometimes the things I think and think of and make myself think are funny too. I guess all of that is partly funny, and partly sad, and partly extremely strange and partly something I can't explain or describe. But mostly, it's just crap.
People see me, and I know what they think, what they feel. Or at least, what they think they think and what they think they feel. They think they are thinking things like "Oh, he's so brave and so strong and so fearless!" and "He's saved us all!" and they think that they feel hope and joy and gratefulness.
And they're right, because they do.
But they also don't.
They think "Oh, he's so brave and so strong and so fearless, so let's test his bravery and strength and fearlessness some more!" and "He's saved us all, so let's depend on him to save us over and over again." They feel hope and joy and gratefulness and awe and countless other things. They're hopeful because I've done it before, why not a couple hundred more times? They're joyful because well, they don't really have to worry; after all, I'm going to save them all anyways. The feel grateful because I've done so much for all of them, and they know without me they probably wouldn't have what they have. They feel awe because I've survived what was supposed to be impossible. Because I've achieved something that nobody ever hoped to achieve, even if it wasn't consciously done or because of some special powers that are unique to me alone. Some feel pity for me, because I've lost my parents and the life that might've been mine. And some even feel anger because I've ruined their master's plan and defeated him so many times. Some feel doubt, because to them I'm a mere child. And the list goes on.
And then there's what I think and what I feel.
I don't know exactly what I think. I don't know exactly what I feel. But, at the moment, I know one thing at least.
I am afraid.
Not that that is really news to anyone. Well, except perhaps any idiots who believe that it is actually possible to be unafraid of everything. But everyone would be surprised at what I am afraid of.
See, a lot of people probably think that they know what I think. What I feel. But they most certainly do not. They think that they know that I am afraid because I'm insecure. They think that they know that I am scared because in the end, I know that it will all come down to me and him. They think that they know that I think that no matter what happens that is how it will end, that that is the only way it can end. They think that they know that I feel fear because the outcome might just be victory for the dark, and loss for the light. They think that they know that I think that I may be ill suited for the task of ridding the world of one of the most evil and powerful dark lords that have ever existed. They think that they know that I am afraid of failure.
But they are all wrong.
They are all so very, very wrong.
I am not afraid because I think that I am incapable.
I am afraid because I know that I can.
I know that I have the power to defeat the self-proclaimed dark lord. I know that in the end I will win. I know that I will strike him down and defeat the evil that is terrorizing our world and all the people that dwell within it. I know that I will conquer this great evil. I know that I have the power to succeed where so many others have failed. I know that I can save the inhabitants of this world. I know that I have the ability to avenge the countless victims of his ruthlessness. I know that I can have my and many others' revenges for the unnecessary deaths of so many innocents.
And I know that I can kill him.
And I know that I will then be a murderer. I know that when it happens my soul will be torn. I know that when it happens I will then be a monster, not unlike him.
I know that others won't see it as such, that they will only see me as a hero. I know that they will put me high on a pedestal, and glorify my name and my existence. I know that I will be remembered for generations, known as a hero. I know that they will praise me for my deed, even if the deed was to commit murder; to condemn someone to death.
And I also know, that I will never truly think of myself as a hero.
I will hear their joyous words and celebrations. I will even join in. I will pretend to be happy. I will grow old and they will continue to honor me.
And for now, I will remain here, and I will think. And I will know. And I will watch people who think, and know, and think they think and think they know. And even after all that has happened I will still watch people who think, and know, and think they think and think they know.
And when the time comes I will defeat him, and it will hurt me. But I will do it anyways, and live with the pain. I will bear it so that others don't have to. And they will never know because I will hide it from them. And then I will be old.
I and no one else shall ever know… well, perhaps one person.
The next young one who needs to do the same will come along. I will be there to teach and guide.
And then when the time comes he will do the same as I did. And it will hurt him as it hurt me. But he will do it anyways and live with the pain. He will bear it so that others don't have to. And they will never know because he will hide it from them. Then he will be old.
And only he and I shall ever know, until the next young one who needs to do the same comes along. He will teach and guide. And it will continue like that for as long as it does.
But until that time when I must do what I must do comes, and perhaps, even after, I will still be here, still pretending. I will let them believe the lies that they believe. I will let them think that they know me. I will do this for as long as I can. And when I can no longer, when it is time I will kill him and become that which I fear to be so much. I will do this for everyone. I will do it for myself.
I am afraid of that time that fast approaches. I am afraid of what it will mean when it arrives. I am afraid that it is nearly upon us. I am afraid of what it will make me do. I am afraid, not because I doubt my ability to do it. I am afraid because… because I know…
Because I know that I can.
A/N: Wow… that was a weird one. Okay, so obviously I started this thing thinking Harry, but now I'm not so sure. I'm kinda starting to think Dumbledore. I mean, he did have to kill Grindelwald. Well actually, he defeated Grindelwald… these days I keep thinking that defeat and kill in the Harry Potter books are two totally different words… well, bye! See you never! (Probably…)