Disclaimer: enough said. I do not own DGM, just a ..umm….one, two, three million stalker photos and a pair of Kanda pants.
There Were Bean Sprouts in the Bathroom
There were bean sprouts in his bathroom. Everywhere. Kanda blinked. He looked straight ahead. There was no mistake. Small, pale-green, fragile leaves were attached to a similarly pale-green and fragile stalks. Yep, bean sprouts everywhere. Moreover, their number was so great that the room glowed with an ominous, phosphorescent light.
Kanda took a step back. There is some kind of mistake. Yup, yup, it has to be. Yeah! That's it! It's a mistake! He came at midnight from a long two week mission from Tibet, obviously tired, walked into some room (apparently not his) and slept through the night. That has to be true.
He closed his eyes, satisfied. His lips, that usually formed a sharp, knifelike segment, softened. He turned back amused at this side of himself. Even the serious/severe Kanda makes silly mistakes. BUT NO ONE, NO ONE MUST KNOW ABOUT THIS. He left the bathroom, and confidently walked to the door. At the door he paused. Whose room did he spend the night in, anyway? He turned around searching for details that could possibly identify the owner (a.k.a. bean-sprout-obsessed-idiot) of said room.
Hn, it's pretty empty. A bed and some other furniture were the sole inhabitants of the Bean Room. It was dark and cool. Kanda's eyes traveled over the space with scrutiny. Nothing.
Suddenly, Kanda's tongue turned to lead. He felt a horror, a horror that in a fraction of second turned him into a pathetic creature that was shaking like a rag in the hands of a cleanliness-obsessed maniac. In the room, on the nightstand, under his sight, with an offending simplicity, there was an hourglass with a lotus inside.
Kanda approached the nightstand slowly, as if the said furniture would sprout legs and run. He even arched his back, unconsciously preparing for a fight. Yet the nightstand was not impressed. It did not run. It presented the object on its top with an indifference that made Kanda even more uncomfortable. The hourglass stood there purely and simply, as if there were millions of hourglasses with lotuses trapped inside, standing on every nightstand in every apartment of the Dark Order.
The exorcist finally reached the nightstand and picked up the hourglass. No doubt, it was his. Three petals down, ten still up; seems like no one touched it. Kanda sighed, confused. What the hell is going on?
He took the hourglass, turned around, and trying not to look at the bathroom left the apartment.
Kanda felt safer in the dark hall that was as empty and plain as the author's imagination. He closed the heavy door with a small creack . As if to make it rest in peace, he looked at the door with a shudder before wandering away in search of his own room. But the "wandering away etc." part did not happen. Instead of Kanda, there was standing a live impersonation of fury, hatred, bloodlust and other pretty qualities from Pandora's box. On the door, with bold, phosphorescent orange letters was written:
YUU-chan! Welcome Home!
Under the phosphorescent atrocity, there was a picture of a rabbit that in real life would have been dead a long time ago because of Natural Selection. It (rabbit) had human face with an eye patch on one eye (he presumed it was an eye; it looked like a plate sized button).
"LAVI!!!!" The hall resonated, not so empty anymore. "I'm gonna kill him, then fry him, then kill him, then stab him in the stomach with Mugen, then slowly, oh so slowly I will pull the katana out only to stab him in the eye… Then I will kill that fucking bastard!"
With a speed that clearly cannot be described by miles/second ratio, Kanda "approached" Lavi's room. He took out his katana and licked it. He felt the murder in the air.
His eyes squinted into narrow beams of purple light. He knew that behind that door, an innocently sleeping Lavi will meet his death. Kanda sneered; he did not see the two Finders shitting their trousers at the sight of Death Cosplayer (aka Kanda). With a wide gesture, the demon (aka Kanda) took the door down (he could use the doorknob, but then it wouldn't be so dramatical).
"Hn, sleeping so innocently and sweetly, Usagi –chan? YOU FUCKIN' BASTARD! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM? And why bean sprouts? Wait, that's not the point. YOU MORON, IDIOT *^%$# %^&*()*!!!!!(The author is an innocent little girl; she does not use such dirty, dirty words!)
In a moment of enthusiasm, Kanda pulled ferociously the cover off the sleeping silhouette. And remained mute, with one arm holding the sword in a vertical position, and with the other one clenching the bed cover.
From the bed, scared transparent eyes stared at him like a lemur. The person was trembling of fear or maybe because of the surprise attack. The creature was sitting on the bed, with its knees slightly bent. Its mouth was agape and Kanda could even see the pearly teeth. The hair was white, too white, almost like snow. Everything about this thing made him shudder. Creepy. It seemed almost transparent in the moonlight.
That's it. The color of the eyes was the moonlight. Kanda was now sincerely scared. This creature did not seem to be human or akuma, or any of the creatures Kanda had seen so far. A bean sprout. A human sized bean-sprout.
"Bean-sprout?" Kanda's hoarse voice chased away the terrified silence.
He was still standing with his arms raised, like a sorry parody of a Death Angel. Said bean-sprout swallowed hard, and stared at Kanda. It was almost naked, only a pair of short white pants (boxers?) was hugging its small frame.
"W…wha… what ar..arey-y-you d-d-doing …sir?"