Through All These Years
Chapter 1: Leaving
Korra and Asami in the three years that the Avatar has been gone.
Disclaimer: The Legend of Korra is owned by Bryke and Nickelodeon.
Scenes from Season 4 are used with an attempt at accurate dialogue. This dialogue is owned by Bryke.
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The nightmares haunt Korra every night. In the pitch black of night, she awakes with a phantom ache in her muscles and a feeling of breathlessness. She gasps and pants only for no air to come, forgetting that she is 'safe' now. Her limbs lay dead and paralyzed with fear disguised as poison. She would blink into the darkness, thinking herself blind (am I dead?), panicking until a pair of warm, comforting arms surround her, breaking the darkness. These were not the choking arms of death from her dreams. These arms are patient. Kind. Sweet nothings of "It's ok, you're safe, I've got you" gently flow into her racing heart and slowly calm her.
Every night Korra forgets she is safe. Every night Asami reminds her.
Every morning Korra remembers that she is a burden.
The amount of times she has awoken Asami with her screams on Air Temple Island rack the Avatar with guilt. Poor, ever loyal Asami refused to leave her side, and in Korra's suffering, felt obligated to participate in the suffering herself.
And suffer they did. Korra suffers at the wrath of death's door, so close to her not long ago. Asami suffers at watching her friend try to crawl back, helpless to do anything but be there.
Korra stares at the wall wondering why Asami was still there. A useless Avatar had no right for such a loyal friend. Friend isn't a strong enough word for what Asami is to her.
Asami had always been there. When Hiroshi was on the brink of destroying the lives of benders, Asami was there. When her own father tried to kill her and Korra lost her bending, Asami was there. When Korra fell from the sky, Zaheer trailing behind her on chains, Asami was there. It leaves Korra speechless.
The day of Jinora's ceremony, the day that the Avatar must return to the public eye in her pitiful, useless state, Asami is there.
A gentle hand lays on that of a broken Avatar's, trying to transfer comfort and strength through it, as if trying to bend the pain away.
"I just want you to know that, I'm here for you. If you ever want to talk or...anything."
Yet still Korra is speechless, too caught in the pain and emptiness left by the Red Lotus. Too numb at the fact that after coming so far, after overcoming her brashness and finally becoming the Avatar she thought she needed to be, she was suddenly useless. Useless to the world, her friends, and herself. The young engineer's efforts at reaching out had been denied with a slap in the face in the form of silence.
Asami is still there.
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In the fitful state of Korra's common nightmares, a new demon rises to haunt her.
Korra stands in an empty, warped replica of Air Temple Island. The only other presence in the room was the hunched form of a young sobbing woman in a wheelchair. Tailored leather with half a gear etched into the shoulders dressed this new presence of her dreams. Wavy hair cascaded down her back and shoulders to cover her face.
Korra tentatively walks towards this mysterious girl. "Hey...are you alright?"
The woman looks up, startling Korra with those familiar jade eyes, wet with sorrow. "Asami?"
Tears continued to streak down the gentle slope of her cheeks. "I just don't know how to help you anymore. I don't know if I can keep doing this." Asami's voice drops to a whisper. "You can't even help yourself."
Korra retreats, stumbling over herself, taken aback by what she was hearing. The first stirrings of guilt began to settle in her heart. "I'm sorry...you don't have to help me anymore." Asami returns to sobbing in the wheelchair as Korra slowly backs out the room and shuts the door.
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With the sliding of the closed door in her dreams, Korra jolts back into reality and takes in her surroundings. Asami has just entered her room with a friendly smile and a tray in her hands, as had become usual in the past weeks. Korra takes in this image. Asami is always there… and Korra is still a burden. Her heart aches, but from what, she could not describe.
She had to leave, had to spare Asami, who had put so much of her life on hold for her, from the spiritual baggage that no one should have to bear. The genius engineer and brilliant young CEO of Future Industries had more important things to deal with than a broken, helpless, useless failure of an Avatar.
So as she sat in bed a few nights later, tears streaking her cheeks from a fresh night terror and Asami clutching her tight, she looked into those caring green eyes and gave her double edged news. "I need to leave Republic City."
Asami's face fell, and all light (what little left there was after the past few weeks) left her eyes. Ever quick-minded, she recovered and gave a forced smile. "I'll help you pack. Whenever you're ready," she promised, and left the room.
Quiet tears cracked through the night.
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As promised, Asami packed Korra's belongings for her, all the while attempting eye contact with the broken Avatar, only to be met by the shunning turn of a head. Korra managed to sneak a glance here and there to treasure this last moment with the friend that had come to mean so much to her.
Her eyes roved over Asami's facial expression; the concerned line of her brow, the sorrow in her eyes, the attempt at a smile that Korra knew was meant for her. Guilt settled deeper into the pit of her stomach with the weight of remorse now stacked upon it. While she was leaving for Asami, part of her didn't want to leave at all.
Part of her wanted to be selfish and stay here, near Asami and keep her all to herself. Part of her wanted to keep Asami by her side 24/7 through this whole ordeal so that she did not have to burden it alone. Even worse, part of her was glad that her friend had dropped her entire life to coax her through the now unbearable struggle of daily life.
Most of her wishes that no problem existed to cast it's shadow over their budding friendship, and that they could go back to the days searching the Earth Kingdom for airbenders, finally getting along without the shadows of teenage drama and crazed family members trying to upset the balance of the world.
Balance. It always came back to that, and for a brief time, Korra thought she was finally balanced. Then she almost died. Now she's more out of balance than ever.
Now, the Avatar is guilty and afraid. Guilty for failing the entire world, by being an inactive blob of a person stuck in a wheelchair while the world went on without an Avatar. Guilty for feeling the selfish wishes of wanting to stay like this where Asami felt obligated to be with her. Afraid for what those selfish feelings meant. Afraid that no one, Asami, Tenzin, or anyone else, would ever see her the same.
Too soon it was time to leave. Tenzin peeked his head into the room to notify them that the Southern Water Tribe ship had arrived to take Korra away. Finally, Korra allowed her eyes to meet Asami's, and she saw her own remorse reflected, fake smiles struggling while they mirrored each other.
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A cool breeze blew through the docks and around Korra's farewell committee. Korra looks up at each of her friends, all trying to smile when there is nothing to smile about.
Bolin, steady as the earth, tries to cheer her up with a twinkle in his eye. I don't deserve him either. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I can't wait for you to leave."
Mako frowns in a joking frown that only he can ever pull off. "How else is she supposed to take that but the wrong way," he says, grumpily. Korra allowed herself a wry smile.
"I mean because I've never had a pen pal before!" Bolin exclaimed. He turned back to Korra. "I'm gonna write you so many letters and, just to get the ball rolling, here." The earthbender pulled an envelope out of his pocket and held it out to his friend. "Spoiler alert: Pabu and I already miss you."
Bolin clasped his hands together and smiled sweetly while Pabu purred and Korra realized how much she would miss them; miss everyone...miss Asami. But they all deserve better; she can be with them once she gets back on her feet. They shouldn't have to see her when she's so weak. "Thanks. That's sweet."
Suddenly, warm hands enveloped her shoulders, hands that make her consider staying. Korra turned her head to look back at the other girl. Concern was obviously etched into the older girls face, and Korra found herself losing touch with what little self-control she had in keeping herself together. How could she get through her nightmares without that touch?
"Are you sure you don't want some company in the Southern Water Tribe?" Asami asked with subtle desperation. "I'm happy to come with you." Korra's heart sank. She'd been dreading this possibility. Of course, I want you with me. But they couldn't. Korra turned her head. She couldn't look at Asami like this, it would only make her miss her friend more. This…trauma? …was something that Korra had to solve on her own.
"No. I appreciate it, but I'll only be gone for a few weeks," she lied. A few weeks were not synonymous with forever...but she had to do this. She felt Asami release her shoulders and step back. Immediately felt like she lost a part of herself. Korra's eyebrows furrowed together. "A little time alone will be good for me" and for you . . .
"Now, I don't want you to worry about a thing while you're gone. Your recovery should be your number one concern." Tenzin's sudden interlude was enough to temporarily distract her. "Jinora, the airbenders, and I have everything under control."
She didn't think it possible, but her heart sank even further. Here she was, not only shirking her friends, but her Avatar duty: what she was born and bred for. And now...now she was useless, but at least she could get out of everyone's way. Let the real heroes save the world. Maybe it was fate; maybe the Avatar was always meant to bring back the Air Nation so that they could do what she can't.
Korra remained silent as Asami wheeled her onto the boat and handed her off to her mother and father. Strong hands clasped Korra's and gave it one last squeeze with the first genuine, albeit remorseful, smile she had seen from Asami all day. "I'll miss you." After waiting for a response that never came, the young CEO walked away.
As the boat pulled out of the harbor Korra feebly waved back to her friends.
"Bye Korra!"
"Get better soon."
"Don't forget to write!"
Like the strength that left her the past few weeks, Korra leaves Republic City. Except Republic City won't be weaker for her leaving. Cobalt eyes look to the speck on the horizon.
Asami is there.
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Author's Note:
Hey everyone! So I uploaded and "finished" the old story about three years ago and decided to come back to it. Looking back over it, I feel like there's a lot more I could have done with it, older/wiser, that sort of thing, so I am redoing the whole story, changing bits and themes here and there hopefully. Hopefully my writing has gotten better and not worse after a semester of no English classes! If anyone has any advice for me about where this story is going please feel free to leave a review, it'd be much appreciated.
Also, there were some severe mistakes in Chapter 1 of my original document that had all of my brainstorming notes on it, apologies for that! I'm still getting used to the whole upload process of stories, and if anyone has any helpful tips that would be appreciated as well.
Thanks for reading!