Hollyoaks/ Natural instincts

Chapter 1

Jen looked at her, mesmerised, unable to move, Tilly looked so beautiful her pale skin against her warm ginger hair as she sat at the back of the class. Jens eyes wandered over Tilly's face, the way her hair fell across her forehead, how her eyes sparkled and glinted with mischief and those soft full lips. Not a day went by without Jen thinking about that kiss the day they went to see the Gormleys. It was so simple then, Tilly had caught her off guard at the art exhibition, there had been an instant attraction to this slim young woman, her confidence and charm and her defensiveness when Jen critiqued her painting. And yet, bumping into her the next day had felt like fate had intended this to happen, a chance to make amends and talk more. It wasn't like Jen to offer people she didn't know rides in her car, but she just had to persuade Tilly to join her, spend time with her.

The day at the beach offered so much promise; they had laughed so much and were so at ease in each other's company it was as if they had known one another for ever. There had almost been no need to ask questions about each other, they just seemed to fit. Tilly was fun, bright and thoughtful. They both loved art. Jen found herself wanting to share all she knew, they laughed at the same things and were at ease playing with the peanuts on the rug. Jen kept missing Tilly's mouth but Tilly was a better shot. Even then when their fingers touched passing the warm drink between them, it sent shivers through her. Jen hadn't had this much fun or felt this alive in ages. It was as if everything that had happened had been washed away by this gorgeous young woman in front of her. She could sense Tilly watching her, she knew that telling Tilly about her break up was a risk but it was one she was prepared to take. Nothing felt strange, not even helping Tilly on with her shoe after she fell, even though Tilly wondered if it should.

When that moment came and they kissed it was as if nothing else mattered. Jen closed her eyes for a moment reliving the feel of Tilly's lips against hers, the gentle movement of the kiss and the pressure of Tilly's lips responding to her own. She remembered the feel of Tilly's neck under her hand as they kissed and feeling herself being held by Tilly. It was gentle but intense, it felt like coming home. She knew at this point she had found her soul mate.

Jen was brought back to reality by the sound of the bell, what was she going to do, it was such a mess. All Jen wanted was to put the clock back but she couldn't. The last few weeks had been the hardest of her life, she was so torn between her desire and need to be with Tilly and not breaking her commitment to be a teacher, and the professional behaviour expected of her. She and Tilly had tried to be just friends, but even after that first kiss and despite the shock of finding the truth about Tilly's age during the fire, nothing could stop how she felt, or it seemed how Tilly felt.

Jen had been amazed by Tilly's maturity, wishing she could manage her emotions half as well as her student but she knew she was alternating between hot and cold with Tilly because of her own inner panic. This must be terrible for Tilly being accepted, then rejected. Yet when they had their snatched moments together she found herself unconsciously looking at Tilly's lips desperately wanting to kiss her, to feel their fullness against her own, to taste and feel Tilly's tongue with her own. More and more she found herself needing to touch her, small snatched touches, finger tips, hands brushing together, so much so she was becoming unaware of herself doing this. Stroking Tilly's skin with her thumb, she didn't know what it was about her thumb but it was just so sensitive to the touch. All she wanted was to caress Tilly, guide her thumb over her face, across her lips and down Tilly's neck over her collar bone and onwards. And that was why they hadn't seen one another this past month.

That day in the art room had ruined everything, she had ruined everything, and yet it had taken Tilly's anger to show her that she had been the one responsible for their pain and current separation. It was oh so clear in hindsight, Jen just could not resist being close to Tilly that day. Oh God how much she had wanted to hold her, to feel her body close to her own in the art room, smell her freshly washed hair and feel the softness of her skin. Tilly was such good company that they had been painting and chatting for ages, getting closer again after another Jens rejections. Jen moved close to Tilly, she knew she could not stop herself. As she stepped forward Tilly had told her that being so close was distracting her, but Jen just had to feel Tilly, she stepped closer hearing her students breaths become faster and shallower, she pressed herself to Tilly's back and ran her right hand down Tilly's arm, to hold her hand with the brush. Her own heart was pounding inside her chest, and yet she could not let go , guiding Tilly's hand and brush showing her how to apply the paint in longer slower stokes.

It was so sensual that she forgot herself entirely asking Tilly if she could 'feel it', knowing she didn't really mean the brush strokes, but the sense of longing between them and her overwhelming desire to be touching Tilly. Tilly had turned, her eyes searching Jens, moving between Jens eyes, her lips and back again, Jen could barely breath she felt herself moving towards Tilly unconsciously longing to connect with her, to kiss her deeply, and then suddenly Tilly pulled away. Tilly had saved them both from what could have been a very passionate deeply sensual kiss in the art room. Jen smiled, relieved but hating to remove her body from where it had pressed against Tilly's. Later in this unconscious blissful state she had taken Tilly's hand in full view of the new students, she had stroked Tilly's arm and caressed her with her thumb and now they were both paying the price of her own lack of self-discipline. To make matters worse, Jen had stupidly accused Tilly, adding insult to the pain they were both in. What an idiot she had been, it was her who was the immature one, and now she couldn't trust herself, she had wanted to touch Tilly, she still wanted to touch Tilly, nothing would take that sense of physical longing away, only removing herself from temptation. Even when she met Tilly by the bench it was Tilly who reached out to her, who held her hands, Jen felt so connected, she stroked Tilly back gliding her thumb over Tilly's. It was simple for Tilly, so clear everything seemed possible, but Jen could not take the pain and the internal state of conflict any longer, they could not meet, she could not be trusted because she wanted so much to be with Tilly, her soul mate.

Jen snapped back into consciousness, the students had finished filing into the room and Tilly had her head down. Jen smiled at her, she had missed her so much it had felt like a physical ached around her heart. She caught Tilly's eye as she lifted her head, she looked so tired, paler if that were possible, perhaps it was too much revision or maybe she too couldn't sleep like Jen couldn't. Jen moved her gaze round the room and asked the class to be quiet.

It was the last day of term before the holidays and the last day of Jens teaching placement at the college and then completely after the end of supervised natural arts and bush craft course was over until near to Christmas, six months away. Then she'd be back at uni. Perhaps she and Tilly could rebuild their relationship; she had been invited by Diane to join her and Sinead and her friends on holiday in wales, and she was sure Tilly would be going. Even the thought of this made her heart beat faster. Today's lesson was about preparing the students ahead of the trip, 'Ok guys, we are going to look at painting, drawing and photographing nature, and how we can use what we see to design a piece of abstract art for next years course work…'