Author's Note: Hello everyone, I'm TheDoctorWood and this is the first fanfiction I've ever written. It is a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy/Torchwood/Doctor Who crossover with a twist. I hope you all enjoy it, comments and crit are like the elixir of life to me right now because I'm just beginning my journey as a fanfiction writer.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters or original content of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Torchwood, or Doctor Who.
The Doctor leaned over the console of the TARDIS, tears brimming in his eyes, as he pressed the buttons to leave this awful place forever. The screams of those poor people still echoed in his ears, as cybermen and daleks raged through the streets of London, killing everyone they could. It hurt so much to know he would never see her bright smile again, hear her bell-like laugh ringing through the dark corners of the TARDIS as they joked together, hold her, as she cried, when an innocent person was hurt on one of their excursions. His beloved, tender, sweet, beauti- BANG!
The TARDIS shook violently, nearly sending the Doctor flying, as sparks erupted everywhere. "What?" said the Doctor, thoroughly confused, as the ship ground to a halt in some completely random point in time and space. The Doctor checked his monitors. Apparently some very strong signal had disrupted the flight course of the TARDIS and drawn it down so that the source of the signal was just outside the door. The Doctor ran to the door of the TARDIS, intent on looking to see where he had just landed, when there was a loud knocking from the other side. Knock, knock. The Doctor froze. 'Who would be able to stop the TARDIS in mid flight, and was now knocking at the door? Well, looks like I'm gonna find out now, eh?' he thought. Plastering on a smile, he strode towards the door, grasped the handle, and pulled it to him.
The sight that greeted him was not the one he had been expecting. Usually when something had enough power to stop a TARDIS mid-flight, it looked sinister, evil, and very often, some unpleasant shade of green. However, what waited just outside the space ship's doors were 5 people…well 4 people and 1 android.
The only woman in the group stepped forward. "Hello! I'm Trillian," she said boldly, holding out a slender hand to the Doctor.
"Well, 'ello! I'm the Doctor" he replied, and shook her hand. This one was definitely human; American, judging by her accent. She stepped back, and the others took this as their cue to introduce themselves. A man in his early thirties, with wavy brown hair, looked very confused as he held out his hand to the Doctor. "Arthur Dent," he said in a distinctly British accent.
"Pleasure, Arthur."
A man with long scraggly blond hair and a huge, dumb grin on his stubbly face extended his hand to the Doctor. "I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox, president of the Galaxy." Obviously not human, though oddly enough, he had a southern American accent.
"Well that's quite the title."
"Ford Prefect," said the last man. This one was holding a flowery towel and a little electronic book with the words "Don't Panic" emblazoned on the cover. The Doctor immediately recognized the book as "The Hitchhiker's Guide the Galaxy," having himself been interviewed extensively for most of the articles in it. So, this motley crew were hitchhikers. "Oh boy, I'm in for a wild ride," thought the Doctor.
Trillian glanced with distaste at the android that was staring morosely at the ground. "That sad excuse for a robot over there is Marvin."
"Actually, I'm an android, not that you care," sighed Marvin in a depressed tone. The other four groaned.
"Well, nice to meet you all, I'm the Doctor. What can I do for you this…" He glanced at the sky of the planet, looking for an indication of the time.
"Evening." Ford offered.
The Doctor nodded in thanks and looked expectantly at the group, waiting for their answer.
They all looked around at each other, waiting for someone to speak. It was the Zaphod fellow who finally broke the silence. "You see, Doctor-whoever-you-are—"
"Just the Doctor, actually."
"Ok, well, you see Doctor, we're sort of looking for a ride."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, to the long lost, maybe nonexistent planet of Margathea."
"Oh yeah, I know Slartibartfast. Great guy," the Doctor said, a flood of old memories coming back to him. They all stared at him blankly. "Anyway, I'll give you a lift. I"ll be going right past there anyhow, on my way to Barcelona-- the planet, not the city," he said, in response to Trillian and Arthur's confused looks. They obviously had not been travelling the universe for very long. "Well, come on in if you want a ride."
Zaphod and Ford walked right into the TARDIS without a moment's hesitation. Trillian quickly followed suit. Arthur, however, looked skeptically at the small phone box. "Um, Doctor, I don't think all of us are going to fit in there."
The Doctor winked and leaned in close to Arthur, "Trust me," he whispered.
Arthur shrugged and squeezed past the Doctor's shoulder, then stepped into the TARDIS thinking, 'Things cannot get any weirder, so why bother getting worked up in the first place?' However, as soon as the magnificent interior of the TARDIS registered in Arthur's somewhat unimaginative human brain, he got very worked up indeed, grasping on to Trillian's shoulders in order to steady himself.
Marvin stood on the ground outside the TARDIS and looked at the Doctor. "I don't suppose that it's bigger on the inside," he droned. The Doctor winked at him, then ushered the android through the door.
"So, all of you just take a seat or stand somewhere. In a few minutes you should be on the planet of Magrathea. And DON'T touch anything!" The Doctor directed his glance at Zaphod, who was excitedly looking at all the different buttons like a child looks at… well, buttons that can be pushed, and can cause unknown things to happen.
"To Magrathea!" shouted Zaphod, punching his fist in the air, with an over excited grin on his face.
"Why exactly do you want to get to Magrathea?" The Doctor asked politely, fiddling with knobs and dials on the console. Zaphod opened his mouth to speak, but then faltered, looking at his fellow friends for help.
"He doesn't know," said Marvin. "Pointless, isn't he?"
"Hey, I know that I need to get there!" Zaphod said defensively. "I'm just not sure why I need to get there."
"Well, that's brilliant!" exclaimed the Doctor. "That's actually how I do most of my traveling. You see, if you know why you need to be somewhere, there's no fun in it!"
Trillian looked up smiling from where she was sitting on the floor. "I agree. That's why I hopped on a spaceship with Zaphod last month. Just wanted an adventure. I didn't care where we were going or why."
"My kind of girl," the Doctor said. "Now, lets take off." He smacked a button with his palm, and suddenly the whole TARDIS began shaking as she took off. "Everyone grab onto something!"
Trillian grasped the pillar next to her, Arthur, one of the railings right next to Ford. Marvin had switched himself off, and cables had emerged from his feet, anchoring him to the floor of the TARDIS; his smart design was tailor-made for situations like this. Zaphod however, had not grabbed onto a pillar, nor had he grabbed a railing. And he did not have cables to bind him to the floor, (well at least not that he knew of-- and there was a lot that he did not know of.) No, Zaphod grabbed the thing nearest to him, and that thing just happened to be a large lever on the console of the TARDIS. As the flying phone box leapt this way and that, Zaphod's firm grip yanked the lever from its intended position, setting the lot of them on a new and unknown course.
The TARDIS gave a loud groan of discomfort, and began to shake more violently. Things smacked against the outside panels, as the phone box zipped through wormholes and stars; past planets made of rubber, with lots of earthquakes; and moons inhabited entirely by ballpoint pens. As the TARDIS struggled to find a fixed energy point to land safely upon, it detected a spot of residual energy, locked on, and dragged itself, along with its terrified passengers through a rift in time and space.