A/N: Hey, writing this while listening to "Early Sunsets Over Monroeville" by My Chemical Romance. This is a fic that kept me up for two nights straight and made my phone bill go sky high while I talked for endless hours about it with my friend and made my friend get an idea which she told me that scarred me again for life. Enjoy. Oh rated T for later chapters and because Faia tends to cuss in an un-Pokémon like way, more Bleach-like.
Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon. Nana might. Of course Nana will rule the world one day with the munchkin army. Nana was allowed in because of her magical transporting abilities and her ability to inspire fear into even the most brave-hearted, just by smiling.
Ash's Little Problem
Birthday Surprise!
Ash Ketchum, age 14, was just about as happy as a fourteen-year-old could get. He'd just won his 4th badge, he was on his way to his and Dawn's next contest and there'd been absolutely no sign of Team Rocket. The perfect way to end his last day at fourteen. Everything was absolutely perfect. Ash was going along in a perfectly fine reverie until a voice said "Wake up baka! You almost walked into a building again!" This wasn't any ordinary voice, this was the kind of voice that drilled through walls, the kind of voice that invaded little children's dreams and reminded them of tests or evil teachers that they had to face the next day. Needless to say, this was to perfect to snap our hero out of Dreamland. Ash stopped just in time to avoid hitting a poor unsuspecting tree and turned to glare at his rescuer.
"You didn't have to call me stupid!" Ash grumbled.
"It got your attention didn't it?" The girl retorted. Ash's rescuer, a no-nonsense, tall, green-eyed, brown-skinned girl named Faia, walked on, completely ignoring his injured pride. So Ash's perfect day was slightly spoiled for a moment, but Ash cheered up as soon as he remembered what the next day was. As they walked into the Pokémon centre, Ash felt things could only keep getting better. That may be true, but life wouldn't be life if a few unplanned, inconvenient bumps didn't spring up along the way.
-T-h-e-N-e-x-t-D-a-y-
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" two voices yelled in Ash's ear at the top of their voices.
"Wha-Whaaa?" Ash exclaimed as he sat bolt upright in bed. After spending 3 minutes wondering why his friends had screamed in his ear he finally remembered what was so special about that day. "It's my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled and ran out of his room to announce it to the whole world, leaving two of his friends standing next to his bed, slightly embarrassed for him, well one was.
"Do we have to give him his cake?" Dawn asked, already planning her elaborate method of stealing the cake, jumping out the window, hiding somewhere where no–none could find and happily munching on the decadent treat Brock had prepared.
"Yes," Brock replied and grabbed it before Dawn could get it.
"Oh, all right," Dawn grumbled, thwarted, and followed him out.
-O-u-t-s-i-d-e-t-h-e-r-o-o-m-
"It's mah birthdaaaaaaaaaaay-"Ash yelled as he ran around the Pokémon centre. "It's mah birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"he began again and was suddenly cut short by the fist of the girl he woke up at 7:30 a.m. punching him in the face. "Ow," Ash said, "Don't even you have to be nice to people on their birthdays?"
"Yep," Faia replied, "Except when those people wake me up at 7:30 a.m! The sun's barely awake at this hour!"
"Well some of us actually aren't so lazy as to sleep past noon," Ash retorted. Funny, he thought I never noticed- but sadly his thoughts were interrupted as Brock and Dawn finally caught up with him.
"Ash you forgot your cake!" Brock called.
"But it's all right if you don't want it!" Dawn added
"Cake!" Ash exclaimed and began to happily devour his cake. The surprise would have to happen later.
-L-a-t-e-r-t-h-a-t-d-a-y-(-a-p-p-r-o-x-i-m-a-t-e-l-y-1-:-0-0-p-.-m-.-)-
After Ash had finished devouring his cake, while Brock watched on in wonder, Faia in tiredness and Dawn in tears, they had set off and were now in the forest between that town and the next. Ash was slightly sulky because they wouldn't allow him to open his presents. They had said he could open them in the next town. Ash had said they wouldn't be in the next town till tomorrow which was after his birthday. They (now only Dawn and Brock, Faia was just getting angry) said he could wait. Ash said he couldn't and if Faia hadn't decided that it was time for her fist to make contact with his head and then proceeded to drag him out of the Pokémon Centre. So there they were walking relatively fine in the forest while Pokébirds (my word) trilled happily to one another. Ash was walking behind Faia and sulking:'Why can't I have my presents now! It's my birthday. At least I think I'm finally growing taller than Faia. Stupid girl, with her stupid temper to match her stupid name.'While Ash was thinking this he looked up from his moody contemplation of the path to glare at Faia. Now, since he was behind you can guess what he saw first. Yep, Ash caught a good look at her ass. It's time for the surprise.
-A-s-h-'-s-P-o-v-
'Stupid girl with her stupid temper to match her stupid name'I thought and looked up to glare at her (but behind her back because it's a bad idea to glare at Faia twice in one year). I looked up and accidentally caught a good view of her ass. The weird thing thought was that I couldn't stop looking. Suddenly I felt this pressure building up in my head that I'd never felt before. It continued to build and build and build until-
-B-a-c-k-t-o-G-e-n-e-r-a-l-P-o-v-
Faia was very annoyed. It was that boy as she liked to refer to him as. Dog told her not to worry but she did anyway. It wasn't that she cared about him oh no. It was that he was getting into trouble. And who was the one who had to keep on rescuing him? That's right her. The boy had even managed to injure himself badly with one tree branch. They had been walking along there had been a relatively large tree branch in the way and her being the nature lover that she was, decided not to rip it off the tree and throw it God-know-how-far and called back to them that to duck snapping Brock out of his lecherous daydreams and Dawn out of her God-know-what ones. Unfortunately the boy didn't wake up so he walked straight into the tree branch. Now he was sitting on the ground in a daze with his nose spraying blood while the other two fussed over him. 'They're not even trying to stop the bleeding' she thought 'Sometimes I think wonder what they'd do without me' and then shuddered at her imagined consequences. "I heard a stream not too far away," she announced, drawing their attention, "I'll get the water to wash off the blood and Ash, tilt your head back to stop the bleeding," and walked away, with Dog following her.
"Sometimes I think you actually care for that boy," Dog said as she walked next to her.
"Don't count on it," Faia mumbled back and broke out into a run. Dog sighed and followed.
-A-b-o-u-t-2-h-o-u-r-s-l-a-t-e-r-
Ash was sitting on a stump, by himself, in a clearing. He was there because he wasn't exactly sure it was the branch that had caused his nosebleed. Sure it had felt hard when it was bashing him in the face, but it hadn't felt that hard. But then that meant only one other thing could have caused it (no duh idiot). The perverted thoughts (give him a round of applause). So there he was, re-imagining the perverted thoughts that he'd been thinking earlier. Only this time, they got worse. First he imagined he dressed, camo green hat with Pokémon emblem, camo green jacket that was a size too big for her, baggy pants that were the same colour and black tight-fitting shirt, also with the emblem. Then his mind began systematically taking off each item off clothing.
"Hey there!" said a voice that sounded like his.
"Who's that?!" Ash asked looking around
"I'm your perverted side!" the voice answered brightly, "We'll talk later." And went silent.
Guess what happened next?
Yep, whoosh. Lot's of blood. And then some more. Faia was gonna kill him.
-E-n-d-o-f-C-h-a-p-t-e-r-1-
End A/N: Yep, this is it. Pokémon emblem on her shirt and hat look like two semi circles with space between them, then there's a space where the black stripe-circle-thingy would be and then there's a white dot. And the green is the lightish-darkish green you see on camouflage things. Here's something for my friend who's kindly reading this for me so I can get some preliminary feedback. She wanted a Nana part so here it is:
-A-n-d-s-o-m-e-w-h-e-r-e-n-o-t-s-o-f-a-r-a-w-a-y-i-n-a-s-e-c-r-e-t-h-e-a-d-q-a-r-t-e-r-s-
Nana was surveying her monitors. The boy had already experienced on nosebleed, signalling he was having perverted thoughts. They were obviously about her sister, since he was looking at her at the time. Now he was alone by himself, this was the moment of truth. 'Come on, come on,' Nana thought staring even harder at the screens would make whatever she was looking for happen faster. Finally, it did. "Yes! Yes!" she cried and laughed manically, her laughter echoing around the surrounding area.
"Success?" her cousins asked themselves, pausing in their walk through the forest.
"Success," they agreed and continued walking to meet their cousin
-T-h-e-E-n-d-
Liked it? Then Review! I didn't put that on the last story I published and then no-one did even though I got two alerts. If you like it then review it. No criticism makes me feel depressed which means I'll update slower.