Dear Edward,

No air.

Its like living in a world without air. Without you can't breath. You were my breath, my air, my soul. Without you, I just can't breath. Its like the life is knocked out of me. It feels so hard to breath. You were gone, taking my heart- ney, my soul with you. How will I breath without air?

I guess that I just won't breathe.

No one understands.

I fee like breaking down. I am so alone. I don't belong with my friends, or even in my life. Jasmine wasn't my real friend. If she was, then she would've defended me, not laugh at me to my face. The same thing happened with Austin, Sara, Lindsey, Rick, Samy, and Nick. All of my- no, our 'friends' betrayed me. At least they stayed loyal to you.

No one is here to save me. I'm all alone. No one understands how lost, hurt, and alone I am. You don't know what its like to be me. I'm all alone in a pool of darkness. People don't have the descency to say things to my face. They lie and spread rumors about me that I can't handle. All because I know they're true. It reminds me of how horrible I am. I scream into my pillow inside the solitude of my room with the radio blaring up high. I am dieing inside, and yet people don't cease to kick me when I'm down.

When you left, my world came crashing down. My popularity dropped, and my friends stopped talking to me. This was all my fault. Everything. They had that very right to do that. That very right. They spread rumors, tell lies, and talk about me behind my back. Wasn't very pretty. Don't get me wrong- I haven't shed one tear on the whispers. I diserve every bitt of it. I've been bawling my heart out for my own idiosity. I did wrong with you. My fault. Please help me breath again.

I want it to be how it used to be. With us dating and we having our own pretty little perfect group of friends. I know we were so nieve, but if you were back here with me, I'd rather have it that way. Life was so much better with you around. Too bad that we had to grow up.

I miss you. I'll never forget you. I hope you will remember me.

I can't sleep.

If I do try sleeping, I wake up screaming in the middle of the night. I hop out of bed and don't sleep the rest of the night. Now, I just can't sleep. I think that they have a medical word for it- insomnia, I do believe. I would go to a docter, but I don't want to go back to sleep. I dream of one thing. You.

I wake up with scenes from the day you left swarming in my mind. I sware that I hear you whisper, "Don't give up," every time I jolt out of breath. I'm not sure what it means. T might mean that I'm going crazyer than normal. I hypothesize what you would mean if you realy said that. Maybe on life? Just leave my world. The only problem with that is that I you left me behind and I want to be with you. You left me alone in this world. I wish I were with you right now. I wish I went with you.

One day, I had the worst day of my life- obviously it had to be ONE day. But on this day, I was still recovering from when you left me. My dark hair lay un-brushed and tangled. My green eyes showed dull and void of any emotion. I didn't feel like picking somthing out and just grabbed somthing. This somthing just so happened to consist of the most itchy, ugly, smelly turtle neck sweater in the history of sweaters, and some jeans ripped off on one knee and grass stained on the other. Not my favorite outfit.

I was walking into my first period classroom(math, if you don't remember) and I sat down in my seat. I say there and stared into space. As I shifted in my seat, I noticed somthin wrong. I was sitting n somthing. As I sat up, I noticed that I had to pull on it. I felt the substance stretch out, until it snapped. I turned my body around and saw a gross, slimy, giant peice of bright pink gum. As I moved away from my seat to go to the bathroom to try and somehow get it off, there was a loud BING!!!! And everyone went to their seats and got quiet. In panic, I fled to my seat so no one would see the imberrising gum stuck to my hind quarters. As I glanced behind me, I saw wide-eyed, amused expressions in the back of the room. When I blushed, they burst out histaricaly laughing. THEY DID IT, I thought. THEY had put the gum onto my chair just so I'd sit on it. THEY used to be my friends.

For the rest of the day, until 7th period, I heard them follow me around, whispering, laughing, and giggling to themselves. All the while staring at me. "Yah, you're right... And then she... Ha ha ha! That is so true!..."

When seventh period came, I felt a sense of dread overcome me. PE, the worst idea ever made. I cannot play soccer, much less walk a strait line. Then, my school tries to incorporate some sort of health class into the PE. Ugh.

I just head for the girls locker room. When I got out, there was a note written on the wheeled whiteboard. It said: 'SPECTACULAR QUESTIONAIRE' which is another way of saying 'STUPID PAPER WITH EITHER MEANINGLESS OR PRIVATE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIVES'. Now that would catch the childrens attention. It is a mouthful, though. I am begining to see why they shorten it to 'SPECTACULAR QUESTIONAIRE'. Maybe, in the minds of coaches, spectacular means stupid paper or somthing.

Anyway, we then sat down in our assigned seats while the coaches did roal call. I don't see why it took both, because I'm pretty sure that they aren't THAT stupid. "Ok class, as you can see, we are having a questionair. We are just surveying you about random stuff. You won't have your name on it so they are confidentional. Don't worry, your secrets are safe with us. Be sure to fill out each question, am I clear?" there were a couple of 'yes coach' s and 'yeah' then a lot of the class whined about it. I stayed silent.

The other coach handed out the survey while the first coach answered obvious questions around the class. She almost flinged the paper t me when tit came my time to get one.

1. How do you see yourself as a person?

Heartbroken.

2. How many guys/girls have you gone out with?

One.

3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Dead or in a loony bin.

4. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Happy.

5. How is your diet?

I've been off of it latley, and don't see myself eating any salads very soon in the future.

6. What would you say the meaning of life is?

To live on after it ends.

7. What is your favorite food?

I can't have one favorite food, because that means that I would be willing to eat only that every day. I would get sick of eating the same thing every day, and could never live with it.

8. How do your friends see you as a person?

I used to have friends, but now they hate me.

9. Do you have any classes with your friends?

As I said before, I don't have any friends, but the friends that hate me now are in almost all of my classes.

10. What is your month and day of birth?

September 13.

11. What year?

Every year.

And the questions went on.