Felt like I need to update. Sorry for this story it's so bad. Like usual potty for my English.
She looked at the young man beside her. She worried for him, he didn't look fine at all. He had red eyes with bags and grays under and his clothes hang loose on his already narrow body. She didn't like the way he leaned against the wall either - like it was the only thing that held him standing.
She didn't like what had happened with them. Before both of them always took their time to see each other but now they had talked in what felt like ages. They both had so much to do. He running the village and Astrid taking care of the academy. That they didn't have time anymore wasn't the only thing, it was like a big gap between them. A gap that made them like strangers to each others. A gap that made so they didn't know what to say or do when they met.
He felt the fair-haired woman's glance on him. Even that they didn't talk anymore he could always tell when she looked at him. He glanced at her through the corner of his eyes. She was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen but there was something holding him back.
He sighed. He didn't feel good at all, his head spun and hurt, his stomach turned and he was cold sweating. It was also something else, something much deeper. He tried to stay strong, to be the chief his dad wanted - the chief the village needs - but it was so hard. The whole 'running the village' thing was too much for him and he didn't know how much longer he could do this.
He needed Astrid by his side but he didn't know how to to do. Everything was so messed up. They should have married a few weeks back but the wedding had been thrust forward for Thor knew how long. When had they went from being teenagers to adults?. One thing was sure and that was that he wanted to go back. HE wanted to be a teenager who explored island again, he wanted his dad back.
When he straightened his head begun to spin. He tried to focus. It was an important meeting and he needed to be there. Don't be stupid Hiccup, you're completely fine. But he wasn't fine. The room they had begun to feel extreamly small and stuffy. He struggled to breath. Air, he needed fresh air
He took one step toward the exit and was close to collapse. He took support against the wall and walked the last steps to the door. when the cold air filled his lungs, his head cleared up a bit.
Astrid saw when he left the room. Something was wrong, he couldn't walk properly and why did he who was chief leave right in a meeting. She decided to see if he was okay so she followed him out.
She found him sitting on the stair, his head in his palms. "Hiccup how are you?". Her voice was hesitant, she wasn't sure how he would react on that she had followed him out. He winced - he hadn't heard her come. "Oh, hi Astrid I'm fine… completely fine". He didn't look at her. "Yeah sure I can see that" she snorted, did he think that she would believe that, she knew him too well.
"So why don't you leave me alone?", he heard that his voice was cold but at that moment he didn't care.
She stared at him. It wasn't usual for Hiccup to get pissed with her.
"Hiccup please I can see that your not fine, speak to me".
"Astrid I have already told you I'm all right" he sounded like a machine- completely without feelings.
"Hicc - babe please" Astrid felt hopeless. He who always told her everything and now she couldn't even reach to him anymore.
Hiccup lost his temper.
"I said I'm FINE". He had turned around to look at her, his face blank but his eyes flashed. "Just leave me alone, I don't want you here!".
He knew that he had hurt her, he could see it all over her face but at this moment he didn't care. "I don't want someone to care about me and I don't want someone to be there for me, especially you!". The took a pause to catch his breath. "Just leave me alone, I can do perfectly without your help!" he continued.
"Maybe you all still call me useless behind my back, and laugh how stupid I am to think that you like me". He lowered his glance to the ground so Astrid couldn't see the tears that started building up in his eyes.
"Even after five years I'm still afraid that you all will go back to ignore me, that I'm will go back to be 'Hiccup the useless'". He looked right into her eyes for the first time in months and she could see that he spoke the truth.
"Do you know how hard it is to go up every morning and be afraid, to go up every morning and hope that you still like me, to go up every morning and be chief over the people who hated me five years ago?!".
She was shocked. His every word was like a hit in her stomach, did he truly think that of them. "Don't say that, you know we that's not going to happen", her throat was dry and she had to force every word out.
"Oh do, that's good to know since I didn't know that before".
"What prevent you from that when I mess everything up, since I always seems to do that", he spat the words out like they was poison.
"You don't mess everything up … well not for the last five years, and if you do that's okay".
"OKAY, HOW COULD WHAT I DONE BE OKAY?!, his voice was full of raw anger and self hatred, he continued in a low voice, "and now you all have to take the strike from it".
Astrid didn't know what to do, what did he aimed.
"Hiccup what do you mean by that?". He met her glance. Their eyes were both red and puffy from tears.
He fell down on the stair, his head ones again in his palms but this time his body shook with sobs.
"He is dead, Astrid, he's dead a-and it's my fault … I k-k-k … I k-killed my dad". He broke down and Astrid couldn't only stand there and watch her loved one in pieces. She sat down and tug him into a tight hug and for the first time in weeks the gap between them were gone; he needed her.
"Sh-sh-sh, don't think like that, never!". She stopped to think through what to say, it had to be the right things, to scream at him for being so stupid is not the right thing to do (even if she wanted to).
"It's absolutely not your fault and nobody blame you, you wanted only to do - what you thought - was the right thing. I'm not going to lie, it may take a long time before you finally can come on turn with it, but we're here for you - me, your mom, Gobber, the twins and the whole village".
She knew that at this moment there was nothing that could make this better so they just sat there, together, for the first time in forever.