Why.
The buttons on my phone are worn thin
I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in.
I threw my phone back at the bed of the hotel. Where was she? Max; the ultimate leader, the best there was, collected and together, never answered her fucking phone. Typical. Of course, there was the slight problem that, as usual, she'd found a reason to be pissed at me. Also typical. It's not like I've seen her much lately for me to do something wrong. In fact the only reason I hadn't seen her was because she asked me to stay away, a normal occurrence after each heavenly idyllic kiss. Although Max was a fantastic leader, the paramount of all the flock, her flaw was obvious. While I masked all my emotions, concealed them behind an emotionless mask, Max covered hers away completely, ran away from them all. Ignorant to the fact she even had these sensations. It infuriated me.
But I've broken all my promises to you
I've broken all my promises to you.
I tried many times to smash her shell, allow her emotions to be free, but instead, she shatters my heart. Cowering away, and Max has never been one to cower. I'd vowed to myself not to try again, but each time I see her smiling face, oblivious to how God damn beautiful she was, I couldn't help but want to launch myself at her, show her the real me. Expose myself to her, be all that I am. I wanted to stop hiding behind my mask. Yet I couldn't. Max would never accept me like that, so I allowed myself little moments, when I would smile, let my soul leap through my eyes, hoping she would see, and acknowledge that I was in love with her.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
She always left, she always hid. I couldn't do it anymore, I couldn't allow myself to just sit back and not try, knowing what I was missing. She haunted my thoughts every second of every day, I wanted to be with her. Why did she have me feeling like this? How does she have this effect on me? I slammed my fists against the wall of the hotel room, resting against it. A dull throb in my head.
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
Why wouldn't she see that I was in love with her? That my world revolved around her? That her very presence lightened up my whole life? Could she not understand that every time I see her, my heart skips a beat. My breath catches in my throat. So why? Why would she just leave me. Could she not understand that my heart wasn't just breaking, it was shattering.
A phrasing that's a single tear,
It's harder than I ever feared
And you were left feeling so alone.
I glanced around the hotel room, empty. My eyes glistening. How long would Max leave me this time? How long would she give me the silent treatment? It usually differed between a week to up to a month. I cursed, wondering why I put myself through this all the time. Why I let myself become exposed when I know she will just break me. I sat down on the bed, leaning back and placing my hands on my own, muscle twisted stomach, allowing my time to pass by in a blur of ceiling paint drips. A statue to eternity.
Because these days aren't easy
Like they have been once before
These days aren't easy anymore.
Memories distorted and fuzzy soared back at me. Times when I would of just sufficed to have her look at me. Just to see that glisten in her eye and know her complete focus was on me. Even when I wasn't looking, I could feel her gaze on me. Soaking it in. But ever since that first, unforgettable kiss on the beach, when her lips connected with mine, and I felt that surge of energy, the fireworks, my soul radiant with exhilaration, I could never go back. It got harder and harder for me to tear myself away from her. Stop mistaking our closeness for something of pleasure, rather than necessity. If only I could steal one more kiss, just one more, to subside my desire. That was how I'd gotten into this mess in the first place.
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...
The shadow of her fleeting figure, getting further and further away in the night sky, pained me to view. The thought that I'd tried to get her to see, and she'd run off, once more. Although, looking though the window this time, wanting the pain to know I was still alive, rather than this dull inferno of nothingness, I could see no figure, no shadow of the girl I loved retreating away. The idea of her super speed overrode my confusion and I was greeted with a vast new and intense pain. She just couldn't get away from me fast enough.
I should've known this wasn't real
And fought it off and fought to feel
What matters most? Everything
Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she didn't feel the same way. It could of just been me, my want and my desire, thinking, wishing that what she thought of me, matched what I thought of her. But obviously, my life was not lucky. Of course someone as fantastic as the great Maximum Ride would not fall in love with me. Fang? There was a better chance of a meteor crashing to Earth and landing on my head. It was all clear to me now. She did not feel the same. I'd stolen each blissful, yet unwanted kiss, without her permission, which was why she was always so pissed off at me. This was not what she wanted. This reality hit me like a sledge hammer, a violent pit of disgust rising in my stomach, my one and only love did not feel the same way. Unfortunately, I loved her enough to respect that choice. I would stop trying. My heart would not take anymore.
That you feel while listening to every word that I sing.
I promise you I will bring you home
I will bring you home.
I shut my eyes, yet hearing a slight creak to my right side, towards the door made me jerk upward. My eyes shot open, yet it was dark. Pitch blackness flooded my sight and I was forced into a senseless pit of gloom. My ears pricked at the next slightest movement. A brush of wind as something came closer. A whisper that I couldn't quiet make out. I positioned my body defensively. Bracing myself for the worst. "Fang?"
"Max?"
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
To me, to me, to me...