"Goten!" I call out as I hear the telltale signs of a window being opened in another room. "Have you finished your schoolwork for today?"
"Nooo," comes the reply, sounding dreadfully sorrowful in my ears. I sigh as I realize how he's pulling at my heartstrings already without ever being aware of it, but as I examine the pile of dirty dishes by the sink just waiting for my attention I have to acknowledge that he does have a point. It is such a lovely day outside...
I temporarily abandon all thoughts of washing and cleaning, and make my way to the room that my sons now share. I catch Goten leaning much too far for my peace of mind out the window, his eyes firmly fixed on a brightly coloured butterfly.
I have to smile, watching him so joyous in his innocence. He cups his hands and the butterfly settles in his palm, brushing his skin lightly with its wings. It doesn't stay long, and he makes no attempt to capture it and make it stay, although his eyes are wistful as they follow the insect's unrestricted flight.
"Goten," I call him softly, my hands on my hips as I attempt to look stern. He looks back at me with wide black eyes that are so dear to me, his delightful smile faltering as he glances over at the pile of books on the nearby desk.
"They're not as nice without Niichan," he protests, sure that I will make him return once more to their pages. I frown at him and he sighs, dragging his feet sullenly as he walks across to the desk. I reach it before him however, which isn't too surprising considering his hesitance, and pick up each book in turn, returning them all to the shelves they came from.
"Kaasan?" he pipes up wonderingly as he watches.
I pause long enough to smile down at him. "Put your gi on, and we'll go outside," I tell him, and am rewarded to see his face light up like a sunburst through the clouds.
He's ready long before I am, so I shoo him gently out of the house while I change into some old clothes. I reflect as I'm changing upon the differences between my sons, as well as their similarities. Both are ever-smiling, just as their father was; both can be as stubborn as I am, when things don't go their way; but Goten does not have the shadows lurking in his eyes that I sometimes glimpse in Gohan's. Goten has never had to fight, not as Gohan has.
There were times when I almost hated Goku for that, for taking my sweet, innocent child and forcing him to battle over and over again against monstrous creatures that had no right existing outside the realms of nightmares. I almost hated him. Almost. Always within me there would be a tiny voice compelling me to see beyond just my own family to the countless numbers of people they were fighting to protect. I never liked listening to that voice, but it was my only comfort during the times when they were both gone, away from me.
That first year alone was by far the worst. Goku was dead, Gohan kidnapped by the Devil himself, and none of my friends nor my father could convince me that it was for the best. I knew in my mind that the Dragonballs would be able to resurrect Goku, but it hurt me dreadfully that he would deliberately choose to stay away. The tales of aliens and planet conquerors held little meaning for me then. Goku was Goku, my husband, the father of my child, not some alien who was supposed to have eliminated the entire population of our world!
Not someone who would be the only hope of saving our world.
I'd wanted a husband who could look after me - but I didn't want to have to share him with so many people. He was supposed to have been mine - but I had to let him go. He wasn't the type of man who could ever truly give his heart just to me. He cared for me, yes, but he cared for others also - so many others, it seems, far too many for me to challenge.
Gohan is like him in so many ways, but with him I know I'll always have a place in his heart. He changed so much after the Demon King took him from me. I was afraid at first that he had been taken away forever, turned against me so that he would never again love me with that purity I cherished. He went against my will for the very first time when he declared he would go to Namek so that he could help resurrect Piccolo and the others. For others, just like his father. I remember feeling despair, thinking I'd lost my son's love to the Devil. It was only later that I realised it was the Devil who'd lost to Gohan. Gohan's childish heart had ample room for us both.
So much like his father.
It's truly a beautiful day as I step out into the light, letting the sun's warmth embrace me as an old friend. I stretch my body, reveling in this moment of respite that I permit myself. These times are rare, and I feel a little guilty to snatch them from the grasp of time as it passes relentlessly by. The guilt is partly old, partly new: the old from denying Gohan such moments so many times in the past, the new from the fact that time was money, and I have precious little to spare these days.
I refuse to ask Gohan to work to help pay the few bills we incur, not when he's been studying so hard for so many years. He is truly becoming the scholar I'd hoped he'd be - and what I value even more, he seems to enjoy it as much as he once did fighting. Watching him this morning as he headed off on Kintoun towards his new school in Satan City, he was more excited than I can remember him being in a long time - not since the day I'd told him he would soon have a sibling.
His eyes held a haunted look during those weeks immediately after the Cell Game. I think he blamed himself for his father's death, and that weighed heavily on him - too great a burden for a child to bear. I often wonder if Goku knew how that fight would end, if that was why he left me one more child, a replacement of sorts...
Goten is busy investigating an ants' nest. I observe him quietly for a few moments, running my eyes over features that are an exact copy of his father's. He is a constant reminder of Goku, even more so than his brother is. I indulge him a little too much because of this, I fear.
I miss him.
Sensing my presence, Goten looks up with his smiling face. I am unable to resist returning the smile, feeling my heart swell beneath my breast. Goku used to smile like that once...
"Are we going to practice now?" he asks bright-eyed, his voice bringing me out of my thoughts. I nod, still smiling, and we move to the small clearing where for the past three years I have taught my youngest son how to fight.
The others might find it strange that after all the protests I've made over the years regarding Gohan being taken from his studies to train, I'm now the one interrupting Goten's studies. Perhaps I was a little obsessive at first, but as the years went by it became more and more just a convenient excuse to try to convince Goku not to take him away again. I didn't want Gohan to have to face the dangers that he ended up confronting. Nor do I ever want to see Goten in a similar position; but I know my sons. Gohan will fight again if he feels there is need, and I feel that Goten would as well.
As much as I loathe the thought of them fighting for their lives, the notion that Goten might go into battle completely unprepared is even worse. That is the main reason I started to train him; that, and the fact that he is never so vivacious as during these sessions. Besides which, with the roughness of the way he 'plays' with Trunks whenever I meet with Bulma, he needed the lessons just so he wouldn't be covered in bruises at the end!
Bulma once remarked that if Goku were still alive, we'd probably have some problems in discerning which were the fathers and which the sons. I have to agree. I married a warrior, just as she did - and moreover I was once one myself! Combat runs in our children's veins, and it is something I have learned I cannot deny.
"Kaasan," Goten calls me, recalling my wandering mind to the present. "I have something to show you!" His expression is eager, so I nod my head for him to demonstrate whatever it is - most likely some new technique he learned during his last visit with Trunks earlier in the week. He grins happily, and bounces backwards so that he is some distance away from me. He has learned to be very careful with me, since his strength is so much greater than my own. I wait expectantly, but am unprepared for the gust of wind that buffets my body, and even less prepared to face the glowing form of my young son as he stands before me.
"Change back!" I half-order, half-plead, my nails rending the flesh of my palms as I clench my fists.
"But Kaasan," he starts to object, "I just - "
"I said change back!"
Almost instantly the wind dies down, and the shadows flicker back to where they should be. My heart pounds so heavily that I feel it might burst. Barely aware of what I am doing, I take a firm hold of his shoulders, shaking him roughly with each word that emerges from my lips.
"Don't you ever do that again, do you hear me?!"
"Kaasan?" His voice is tentative after my sharp command, his now-black eyes revealing uncertainty where a minute before they had been shining with confidence.
I take several long breaths to calm myself down before I even attempt to speak again.
"Go back inside, Goten," I tell him, my voice as mild as I am able to make it.
He frowns slightly, disappointment and unhappiness clearly evident in his expression as he slowly obeys my order.
As soon as he is out of sight I sink to my knees, unable to stand any longer.
I stay there, motionless, for quit some time, simply concentrating on breathing in and out as I try not to remember the changes my baby boy had just willingly wrought upon himself.
And I'd helped him accomplish it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at myself or cry in despair. He'd be able to protect himself, yes, but he'd also be a target if another creature such as Cell ever turned up... I tried to comfort myself with the low possibility of that ever occurring again, but just knowing that it was possible was enough to chill me to my bones.
Worrying about the future was not something that put food on the table, however. I managed to compose myself once more before returning to our house. Gohan would be coming home soon enough, and I didn't want him to have any reason to be concerned for me. He'd taken looking after us all very seriously after Goku's death, doing his best to comfort me despite his own grief. Even now, the only thing that made him hesitate to go to Satan City was his worry about leaving us alone for so long each day. I would not have him be troubled by my own anxieties, especially not on his first day of school.
Once inside, I change back into my normal clothes, and peer into Goten's room to see him staring unhappily down at one of his books. I repress my desire to sigh, instead returning to the kitchen and the chores I had put aside earlier.
Despite my inner turmoil, the dishes still need to be done. No matter what extraordinary powers my sons possess, they're still just boys - with very healthy appetites.
With a slight smile on my lips, I roll up my sleeves and return to my work.
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