ZOMG SHEIK
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: All of the Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. So please don't sue.

Note: This story is possibly the worst story I have ever written. And it's also disturbing. Read on.

Chapter One: Sheik's Birthday

Jigglypuff ran up to Zelda, who was sleeping.

"Happy Birthday Zelda!" said Jigglypuff, holding up a small box, covered in wrapping paper.

"Aww, thanks," said Zelda, taking the present, "What a nice gift! Thanks so much!"

"Oh, uh… sorry about waking you up at about three in the morning," said Jigglypuff, cheerfully.

"That's okay, as long as everybody cares for me!" said Zelda.

Zelda noticed a present about twenty times bigger behind Jigglypuff's back.

"Uh… that gigantic present is for who?" asked Zelda.

"Sheik!" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully. "Remember? It's his birthday today too!"

"What? Sheik doesn't do anything for you!" said Zelda, angrily. "I'm a better person than Sheik!"

"Well… Sheik cares about me more!" said Jigglypuff, "And at least Sheik doesn't use me as an ingredient in her cakes!"

Jigglypuff glared angrily at Zelda.

Zelda sighed, and went back to sleep.

A few hours passed.

Zelda rested peacefully and comfortably in her little abode, as she visioned enchanting, bedazzling, elegant, wonderful, enchanting, calm, gracious and enchanting pictures of ecstatic, attractive, tall, muscular elf bodybuilders with clean cut hair, stunning eyes and perfect, ginger eyes.

Zelda sighed. "They are gorgeous," she muttered to herself.

Zelda then started resting a little less peacefully and started dreaming about more 'pleasant' things which are too scarring to children and too grotesque to describe to the readers of this story, with somehow ended with her doing some strange hip motions as she fantasised about some particular things.

Pit walked into the room.

Pit looked at what Zelda was doing.

"ZELDA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY COUCH?!1" screamed Pit, petrified.

Zelda woke up.

"What a pleasant dream," said Zelda, grinning slyly.

Zelda looked at Pit, who was hyperventilating and too shocked to say any legible English words.

"What's wrong, Pit?" asked Zelda.

Zelda noticed she lacked clothing.

"What, you haven't seen a lady before?" asked Zelda.

Pit started to cry, due to the shock.

Zelda noticed she was on Pit's brand new antique ancient couch.

"Okay… so what? I got a bit carried away with my dream… I sleepwalked a bit…" said Zelda, surprisingly calm.

Pit tried to gather himself, still gasping. "Y- you… hu- humped my couch so- so hard… th- that… you broke it?"

"Oh," said Zelda, noticing that the couch she was on was broken.

"Nevermind," said Zelda, "You can always get a replacement…"

Zelda grinned.

"THAT COUCH CAN'T BE REPLACED!" screamed Pit, in breakdown, "TH- THAT COUCH IS THE ONLY ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN ON THIS EARTH, AND Y- YOU JUST RUINED IT? WE'RE ALL DOOMED ZELDA, WE'RE ALL DOOMED!"

Pit started crying.

"Okay then…" said Zelda.

"That's it, no birthday present for you! I'll just give it to Sheik!" said Pit angrily.

"Oh come on, that's not fair!" said Zelda angrily.

"Well… you've kind of doomed the whole human race here," said Pit angrily, "Why do you expect a birthday present if you've denied us all life after death?"

"It's not fair!" said Zelda.

Zelda stormed back up to her room, and walked up to her cupboard.

"Hmmph," said Zelda, muttering to herself, "It's almost as if people appreciate Sheik more than me!"

The End (of the chapter)

Review, even if you hate it! Bonus points for internet lingo in your reviews!