"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always."
~ Albert Schweitzer ~
He'd spent the better part of the day lost in thought. The blessed curse, his eidetic memory, allowed him to contemplate and analyze each moment of the past three days. From JJ's (and Cruz's) abduction, to the subsequent return of Emily, and a whirlwind twenty-four hours spent frantically searching for their missing colleagues. And now their friends were safely returned to them. Cruz was expected to make a full recovery, in time.
JJ, however, acted as if nothing had even happened...and that worried Reid.
During their celebratory drinks last night, Reid had sensed that not everything was done with. Suddenly a knock sounded, echoing through the apartment. Moving towards the door, he wondered who could be at his door in the middle of the night.
Opening his door, he found a familiar blonde before him, "JJ? What are you doing here? It's almost 1AM!"
Guiding her inside, Reid was surprised to see a sheen tears in her eyes. Taking her by her shoulders, he asked, "Are you okay? Is Henry okay?" Even if he knew, deep inside, that for her to show up here with tears in her eyes, something had to be wrong.
It were as if every stronghold JJ held in place around her emotions crashed down, as all she could say was, "Spence." before collapsing into his outstretched arms, and tears raced down her cheeks.
After several minutes spent holding her in his arms, she finally regained a somewhat tenuous grasp of control on her emotions. "I'm sorry. I just...I didn't know where else to go."
"It's okay. I'm glad you came here." Leading her to the sofa, he gently sat her down, "JJ, what happened? Tell me what to do, what you need."
He watched as the well-fortified walls that guarded her emotions fell back into place. "I um," she shook her head, eyes downcast. "You know what? I'm sorry for bothering you. I just - I'm gonna go. I'll see you later Spence."
She jumped up, making every effort to escape. What she was trying to outrun though - Spence had a feeling it was not something in this apartment - and something she couldn't outrun, no matter how hard she tried (or how far she ran).
She made it halfway to his door before he stopped her.
Reaching for her hand, he pleaded, "JJ please. Whatever drove you to come here - you can trust me. You obviously have to something to say, and I'm willing to listen. No matter what."
"I hate what I've become. These past few years - ever since my "transfer" - I've been a part of so many secrets. Everywhere I turned, in every aspect of my life, I couldn't escape it. I spent so long lying to everyone I care about - to you, and the team, about Emily; to Will about what I was really doing that year - I felt as if I were drowning." She paused, taking a deep breath to fortify herself. Reid placed his hand on hers, trying to offer some sort of comfort.
"Last night, while we were at the bar, I said 'No more secrets.' And I meant that. From the bottom of my heart. Tonight, after Henry went down, Will and I had a talk. Well, it started that way. It ended - well, not well."
There was something about the way she spoke that worried him. He tried to catch her eye, tilting his head to catch her attention, but she wouldn't give it. Instead, she continued on.
"There was something I hadn't told anyone. About before. Well, except for Mat Cruz. He found out just before everything happened in Afghanistan." Taking a deep breath, she squeezed his hand, which still sat comfortably around both of hers and rested in her lap. "Spence, I was pregnant."
It were as if the world froze. All at once, Reid thought his heart would explode. Focus. You can't do this right now. Be strong. For her.
He squeezed her hand, nodded. Keep going.
"Will and I - we'd been trying for a little while. Will thought it was the perfect time to have another baby - now that I'd been reassigned from the BAU. I'd been hesitant, I still wanted to get back to the team, thought I might be able to if things worked out in Afghanistan. But how could I say no? I found out I was pregnant a few days after I got back to the Middle East. Every emotion possible hit me when I found out. And then our convoy was hit by an IED. I assume it was set up to allow for Askari and Hastings to rejoin Al Qaeda, not that we ever confirmed that. I was knocked unconscious. When I finally woke up, back at the camp, Mat was there. He'd found me in the medical tent right after I found out. He was the only person I told. And then he told me that I'd lost my baby."
"JJ." Spencer Reid felt as if the world was crashing down around him. How could he possibly comfort her? After everything she'd been through - to learn about this…
"At first, I convinced myself Will could never know. Why make him face that pain? It was better he never know. But I couldn't live with that between us. So tonight, I told Will the truth. And when I finally did, he told me to leave. And not to come back."
As the word truth escaped her lips, her body was racked with sobs. He could only watch as she shook, from head to toe, trying with every part of him to just hold her tight enough. To make it just a little bit better.
Through her tears, JJ continued on, "I guess for him, it was the final straw. To know that I kept that from him, I broke him Spence. I watched, unable to do anything, as he fell to his knees. And I couldn't do anything - because I caused it.I destroyed him with three simple words. I was pregnant."
Shaking his head, Reid had one thought. Do not let her do this. Do not let her bear the weight of this alone.
He made her look at him now. She had to understand what he was going to say. That he meant it. More than anything. "No. JJ, no. You did not cause this."
"You'll survive this JJ. You're strong - stronger than anyone I know. Strong enough to overcome everything that happened, then and now. And you'll use that. Use that strength to get through this. And I'll be right here - whenever and however you need me. I promise."
A smile. A small one, but a smile nonetheless. I'll take it. For now. It's better than tears. "Thanks Spence. For everything. For letting me in at one in the morning. For listening. For just being you."
He hugged her, hoping to give her just a little of the comfort she'd offered him in the past. "I don't know how to be anyone else. And you're my best friend JJ. There's nowhere else I'd rather be, than here with you, if that's what you need."
She squeezed him tighter at his words, while lifting up to place a lingering kiss to his cheek. "Silly Spence. I'll always need you, with me."
Together they sat there, content to be held in each other's arms, in front of the fire - until the sun rose on a new day.
"One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity."
~ Albert Schweitzer ~
A/N: I hope you've enjoyed this "200" post-ep. Please let me know what you thought!