Why did it have to hurt so bad? Why did it have to feel like the world was being torn apart by a black hole and she was being torn apart along with it? Why did it have to be like this every time she saw him? She should have expected this, should have known that this time was going to mimic all the others. That he was going to be as painfully oblivious as he always was. Always thinking that they were playing some complex game where the rules were never the same, making it harder and harder to see who won. It always came back to this, her beating herself up because she should have known, her life up til then was always clear cut nothing good ever happened without something bad in return. All the really good things she had never lasted, because the bad was always just around the corner waiting for her.
She allowed herself to be in a bubble of security, but she learned because the bubble popped and now she was left in pieces. She had found a home, a family, a place where she felt she fit in the universe. She felt she had finally found her purpose. Then it was all ruined by her falling in love with him. She never knew where she went wrong. At first it was "harmless" flirtation, then it became something more and she found herself actually speaking the truth. She went from being ankle deep in questionable water to neck deep in a riptide. She knew it was dangerous, but she could not stop herself, now she was riddled with terrible anguish that was her constant companion. She was stuck with a void, an awful void that manifested itself with a great paralyzing pressure every time she saw him. Often making her want to scream in agony. Now she was stuck with that void which could only be attributed to her shattered heart. Now all she was left with was one question. Why?