The Adventures of WonderBoy and House:
Beer Bottles in Louisiana
Title: Beer Bottles in Louisiana
Fandom: House M.D
Story Summary: On the steps of a New Orleans police station, James Wilson and Greg House have their first real chat. House/Wilson friendship
Genre: Humor/Friendship
Focus: A House Wilson conversation
Rating: T/PG-13 for crude humor, allusions to sex, Wilson-bashing, and involving House
Author's Starting Notes: Hello, people. This oneshot was inspired by the episode "Birthmarks". I just could not resist writing something about House and Wilson and how their friendship started. So, this is before House met Stacy, even before Wilson came to Princeton-Plainsboro. In small recap of how this scene came to be, House saw Wilson at a conference, got bored and stalked him, wound up at a prison where he promptly bailed Wilson out of jail. This takes place on the steps of the station, and is an all-dialogue oneshot. Hopefully you'll like it. Read and Review.
Time Stamp: Posted October 24th, 2008
1:
"Well, you could really say thanks,"
"Thank you,"
"Not like that! You don't know me. I could be some creepy child molester who only bailed you out so that I could touch you in your happy place,"
"I'm not a child, therefore, that makes no sense,"
"Or maybe it just doesn't make sense to little wonder… wonder…. What specialty are you in again?"
"Um, what?"
"Doctor specialty. Come on, tell me, you're ruining the moment here,"
"Oncology. I work with cancer patients,"
"Well, I know that! What kind of oncologist doesn't work with little bald kids? You're probably their hero. Throwing beer bottles through the glass windows of their rooms during treatments to let them escape from their confines,"
"I don't-wait, what? How'd you know about the beer bottle?"
"Really, convicts talk quickly. All I could hear was brawl, beer bottle, guy with a dorky pocket protector. I filled in the blanks,"
"That's refreshing, for once I wasn't the guy with the bushy eyebrows, or handsome ties,"
"I'm pretty sure you're making that up,"
"Why?"
"Because that tie is hideous. Did your mommy pick it out?"
"No, my wi-um, ex-wife bought it for me for my last birthday,"
"What did you do to piss her off?"
"Nothing! I actually like this tie,"
"Well, I hate it. Why so stiff? You've survived jail! Loosen up a little. I promise not to bite,"
"…"
"No, really, you're not my type. I prefer people whose genetic organs don't dangle,"
"…. You're Doctor House, aren't you?"
"Why yes I am! What gave it away? Was it my gorgeous blue eyes, or my nurturing personality?"
"Probably the three day old stubble and the self-confident grin,"
"If you were as brilliant as me, you'd grin too,"
"I'm pretty sure I wouldn't, House,"
"Hey, this isn't fair. I don't know your name, Wilson,"
"You just used it,"
"Yes, but that doesn't count. Introduce yourself,"
"But you already-"
"Speak, man, I gave you freedom,"
"…"
"Rolling your eyes, not a brilliant trait,"
"Nor is sarcasm, or frankness. Wilson, James Wilson, M.D,"
"No need to get showy, Jimmy,"
"I actually don't like being called-"
"Jimmy, you hungry?"
"A little,"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Well, aren't you going to ask why I asked?"
"I figured you'd tell me eventually,"
"Never figure, I'm too unpredictable for that,"
"Not really. I'm pretty sure the next thing out of your mouth will be sarcastic,"
"That's not true!"
"That sounded sarcastic to me,"
"And you look homosexual to me,"
"…"
"Oh, come on, what grown man wears a shirt with a pocket protector to a bar?"
"Wouldn't that be childish in that case?"
"No,"
"But you said grown man which gives the illusion that-"
"Don't care! Let's go eat,"
"I think I'm actually going to head in for now,"
"What? No! I just paid four hundred dollars for you, Jimmy. Five more minutes please,"
"Uhh…. I can pay you back, Doctor House,"
"Just House,"
"Yeah, okay. I appreciate you bailing me out, but I'd rather be a free man,"
"Is that why you've got an ex-wife?"
"Isn't that a personal question?"
"Yes. Yes, it is,"
"Wow, they were right about you. You are blunt,"
"And they were right about you, as well. Your eyes really are 'the most gorgeous shade of brown',"
"Who said that?"
"Your cellmate,"
"My cellmate was… uhh, never mind,"
"Can we go eat now?"
"I'm not going to eat with you, House,"
"Aww, but I've been a really good boy this year,"
"Somehow, I doubt that,"
"Yeah, me too. How about this, you buy lunch and I'll deduct it from your balance,"
"…. Fine,"
"Rueben, no pickles, with fries, lots of fries,"
"Am I a delivery service, or something? You're coming too,"
"I know. I was just telling you now. You might want to memorize it,"
"Why?"
"Because we've got another few days of this conference, Jimmy. You can't get rid of me that easy,"
"So I'm learning,"
"Are you always this sarcastic?"
"I think it's contagious,"
"Like stupidity?"
"Or narcissism,"
"Now, where did you get the idea I was narcissistic? Have you been talking to Cuddy?"
"Lisa Cuddy?"
"Or, Doctor Funbags. You heard of her, eh?"
"Heard of her, I had an interview with her last week…. Why are you smiling?"
"Looks like you'll have time to pay off your debt after all, Jimbo. Welcome to PPTH in advance,"
"W-what? How do you even know I got the job? You don't even know what I applied for,"
"Cuddy's a sap for pathetic neediness. You are so hired,"
"Should I take that as a compliment, or an insult?"
"A compliment of course!"
"Oh. Thank you… I guess,"
"You're welcome,"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Jimmy?"
"Yes?"
"I really do want my sandwich now,"
"You know, there's a bowling alley next to the sandwich shop down the block from the hotel. If I'm forced to spend time with you, we might as well go there,"
"Wilson?"
"Yes, House,"
"I love you,"
"…."
"Come on, say it back,"
"I-I don't even know you,"
"You know you love me already,"
"Right, House, I love you like the air I breathe,"
"I just knew you were one of those guys,"
"What guys?"
"…"
"House, what guys? House? House! Hey, wait for me!"
F I N R & R B Y E
© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, Paint Me a Symphony) if somebody is out there pushing this as his or her own. They are lying. I may not own House M.D, or its characters, but I do own this.