"Night Sammy," Dean says to 6 month old Sam as he lays in his crib. "I love you Sammy," I say as Mom lifts me up to kiss him on the head. She leans down and kisses him as I did. Dad walks in. Me and Dean run into his arms yelling, "Daddy!" He scoops us up into his big strong arms. Him and Mom smile at each other. Dad takes us out of the room. He brings Dean to his room. Dean climbs in bed, "Night, Shay," He say to me. "Night D, I love you," I say as dad brings me to my room. He lays me down. "Night Night, daddy," I say. He walks out.
I hear mommy scream. "Mommy," I call out to her. I get out of bed and walk towards the sound. It's coming from Sammy's room. I see Daddy run in there. I walk in. Dad is leaning over Sam's crib. I see something fall from the ceiling into Sam's bed. I look up. So does daddy. Mom is on the ceiling with her stomach bleeding. "Mommy!" I scream. She catches on fire. I scream. Dean comes running in. He shields me behind him. Dad picks up Sammy and hands him to Dean, "Take your brothers outside. Don't looks back. Go, Shay, Go!" He yells at me. I rush all of us out. Seconds later dad runs out and shield us from the explosion.
I jolt awake dripping in sweat. I'm shaking. I look around. I'm in my room at the bunker. I sigh. My clock says it's 8:26 am. I get up and get dressed. I put on dark blue skinny jeans. A black tank top. A flannel and my leather jacket. I sit on my bed and pull on my boots. I brush out my long blond hair ~like my mom~ and pull it into a ponytail. I walk out of the room. I have a slight hangover but I'm used to the pain by now. I see Dean walk out of his room to. Wearing his usual clothes. Shirt, flannel, jeans, boots. He flashes me his signature smile. "So Sis, how ya sleep?" He asks knowing the answer. "I slept great Dean," I say my voice dripping with sarcasm. He rolls his eyes, "Still having nightmares I see." I nod. "Comes with the job, D," I reply. We walk to the war room. Sam is on the laptop. Cas is sitting in a chair. "Morning boys," I say sitting down. Cas already has my coffee ready. "Thank you Cas," I say taking a sip. He nods. "So, anything yet?" I ask Sam. "Nope, no job yet," He answers still clicking away on his laptop. I sigh. For the past few weeks things have been way to quiet. I finish my coffee and stand up to go put it in the sink. "Hey I'm going out. See you guys later," I say after I come back. "Where are you going?" Dean asks. "None of your concern, little brother," I tell him. "Hey I'm only 1 minute and 15 seconds younger than you," He says. "And your point is?" I ask. "That you need to not treat me like I treat Sam," He says. "Oh D, if only you were born first. But you weren't so, get over it," I laugh and go to the garage. I get in my 1968 black Chevy Camaro. I start her up and back out. I hear the shuffle of invisible wings. "Hey Cas," I look over at him. "Dean is worried about you, Shay," He looks at me. I focus my gaze back to the road. "He has no reason to be," I reply. "I know about the nightmares," I can feel his gaze on me. "How?" I raise an eyebrow. "Um… I read your journal," He gets quiet. I sigh. "Cas have you been checking on me again?" I ask already knowing the answer. "No," He sucks at lying. "Cas, I told you not to. I'm fine. Nightmares come with the job. And everyone has em," I tell him. I really wish he would stop doing that. "Well I'm sorry that we are all worried about you. You've been distant. And drinking a lot lately," He is getting louder. "Cas I promise, I'm fine. I'm being 100% honest," I try to get him to calm down. I look at him. His big blue eyes seem to peer into my soul. "OK, but promise to tell me if things get out of hand?" He asks. "I promise. And you know when I promise something I mean it," I tell him. I hear a whoosh. I look and he is gone. I pull up to the diner. I get out and lock my car. I walk in. I find a booth in the very back. My waiter comes over. He looks like he's in his mid 20s. He has dirty blond hair. He is tan and looks like he works out about twice a week. He has a nice jawline. A small nose and nice lips. He has golden brown eyes. He looks like he got pulled out of a magazine. But he also looks arrogant and cocky. He smiles at me, "What can I get you today pretty lady?" He asks me. "Um a salad and a beer, please?" I ask. "It'll be out in a few," He winks and walks away. I roll my eyes. He is trying to hard. But I could lead him on. He comes back with my food, he slides me a price of paper. I look at it. It's his name and number. "Thank you, Max," I say batting my eyes. "Your welcome beautiful. So what's your name, green eyes?" He asks. I wink. Someone calls for him. He walks away. I eat my salad. I finish my beer. He comes back with my check. I pay in cash. "No tip?" He asks with raised eyebrows. I lean towards him, "Maybe you could get one later. Meet me at the bar across the street at 8:30 tonight," I whisper. He nods. I walk out swaying my hips knowing he's watching me. I get in my car and laugh. He probably won't get a "tip". I drive back to the bunker. It's only 10:05. So I have a lot of time. I park in the garage. Cas was waiting for me. "Heya Cas," I say. "Hello, Shey," He says in his normal Cas voice. I roll my eyes. "What now?" I ask placing a hand on my hip and rolling my eyes. He looks at me funny, "Why are you moving your eyes like that?" He asks. I sigh, "Cas I tell you this all the time, it's called rolling your eyes. Humans do that when they are annoyed." He looks offended. "Shey, I know about your date tonight, please don't go?" He asks. "Why not?" I reply getting madder than I should. "Because, Sam found a job. And Dean wouldn't like that," He answers quietly. He looks small in his trench coat. "OK Cas. I probably wasn't going to go anyway. That guy was trying way to hard," I giggle. He smiles, "Thank you, Shay." I nod. We walk inside. "So I heard you found a job? I ask. "Yea, I think it's just gonna be a normal salt and burn," He says. "So me and Dean can handle it on our own," He doesn't look at me. "Sam, why don't you want me coming?" I say. "I didn't say that…" He starts but I cut him off. "You guys haven't let me go on a hunt in weeks. Why is that?" I ask. I hear Dean walk in the room. "Cause, you're holding us back," He doesn't sugar coat it. "Wow thanks Dean, tell us how you really feel," I say sarcastically. "Well it's true, you and these nightmares. And you won't talk to anyone. Also you have been off your game, you've been drinking more than I have. And that says something," He says. "You all feel the same way?" I ask. Sam and Dean nod. Cas doesn't move. Dean elbows him. He finally gives in and nods. "Wow, OK guys. Then I'll just leave then. I'll go solo," I say with no expression on my face. But deep down that hurts. "Fine," Dean says. I get up and walk to my room. I start throwing things in my bag. Clothes, pictures, weapons. I get everything packed. All that's left is the desk, bed, and laps. I leave the room. "So this is goodbye?" I say as I see Dean walking in the hall. "Yea I guess so," He says. "Be careful Shay," He wraps me in a hug. Cas and Sam walk up behind us. "Goodbye brother," I tell Dean. I move on to Sam who towers over me. "Goodbye Sam," I hug him. I walk over to Cas who hangs his head. "Goodbye Cas," I hug him. He hugs me back. I kiss him on the cheek. He frowns, "Wait why did you press your lips against my face?" He asks. "It's called a kiss Cas," I give him a weak smile. He nods. "Goodbye boys. Don't die, again, and don't look for me," I say and walk out to the garage. I get in my car. I back out and drive off. I don't look back.
Timehop: 3 years
'It has been 3 years today since I left my brothers. I haven't seen them since that day. I've been all on my own. But now I'm needing their help. I'm sick. A couple weeks ago I was on a hunt. Something happened. And the witch I was hunting it poisoned me. It's dead now. I killed it but there is something wrong. I have black outs. And the spot where it cut me and put the poison in is turning black. And it hurts like hell. And I should know cause I've been. But now I can barely walk. I'm not sure how I'll get there but I need to.'
I shut my journal and put it in my bag. I grab all my stuff and leave this shitty motel room. I get in my car and head towards Lebanon Kansas. Towards my brothers and my best friend.
Timehop: 5 hours
With my kind of driving I get there in 5 hours. I park in the garage. Get out of my car and limp to the trunk. I start getting dizzy. I see the impala so I know they're here. I lean on my car. I open the trunk and grab my bag. And slowly make my way inside. I keep my steps quiet. I walk into the war room. They are all talking. I smile seeing my family again. Sam looks up at me. He jumps up. So do the other two. "Hey little brothers and Cas," I say. My voice is barely a whisper. Dean walks up to me. He wraps his arms around me and swings me around. He holds me tightly. Pain shoots through my body. I wince and collapse in my brothers arms. I get my footing before he notices. I get dizzy again. Sam come over and hugs me tighter than Dean does. I bite my tongue to keep from screaming. He sets me down. I almost fall but I catch myself. Cas walks over and hugs me gently. "So, how long had it been? 2 years?" Sam asks. "Um 3 today," My voice is still quiet. "What's with the clothes?" Dean asks gesturing to my hoodie and leggings. "Oh they are just comfort clothes," I say trying to make my voice louder. I start getting dizzy again. "What are you doing back?" Cas asks. "Um I need your guys help," I say. I stare at my feet. Pain shooting through me. But I keep quiet. "With what?" Dean asks. "A few weeks ago I was on a hunt, alone, and it cut me and put poison in the cut. The son of a bitch is dead now but, I'm dying," I get quieter. "Wait what?" They say in unison. "What were you hunting?" Sam asks. "A witch," I answer. "So why do you need us? Just get the cure," Dean says. "I tried. But this was very complex," I say. "Where did it cut you?" Cas says. I lift my hoodie enough so they see the cut. The black has expanded. I hear a small gasp. Cas reaches out to touch it. Pain rips through me. My vision gets spotty. I bite the inside of my cheek till I taste blood. I lean against the wall for support. Cas removes his hand. The pain lowers to a throb and my vision is normal again. I pull my shirt down. "How long ago was this?" Cas asks. "About 3 and a half weeks," I answers. "I don't understand, this should have killed you by now," He says squinting at me. I push myself off the wall. I sway a little till I get my balance. "So what, Cas can't you do some angel mojo crap and fix her?" Dean asks. "It's complicated, this poison is very, very complex. And it had made its way through her system already. I'm not sure why she isn't dead yet but we need to find a way to fix her. And she doesn't have much longer," He fixes his gaze on me. "What do I need to do?" I ask. "Rest, and we'll see what we can find, what are your symptoms so far?" He questions feeling my forehead. I push his hand away, "Um, constant pain, blackouts, fever, bleeding black, can't eat or I'll throw it up, can't walk sometimes, and the black spot grows faster everyday," I answer. "So what do we do, sit here and let her die?" Dean is getting mad. "D it's fine, we can figure something out," I say. "Oh don't use that nickname crap with me. I know you're scared. Terrified. And I know that you don't want to die. Wanna know how I do, because I'm your twin brother, and I know you, so don't pretend to be OK when you're not," Dean is angrier than I've seen him in a long time. "Then why did you let me go? You knew the risk. You knew I could've died. But you let me go," I retaliate. "I let you go because I didn't want you hurt," He says. "Dean I am a better hunter then both of you. And you know that. I'm stronger then both of you. And when it comes to hunting, people always get hurt. It comes with the job. We might hunt not like the other hunters and the things we hunt might be more dangerous than the things people like Garth hunts, but you know I can handle myself," I raise my voice. His gaze softens, "Shay, you know I was just trying to protect you. I knew the nightmares wouldn't stop. I knew that you wouldn't be able to handle it." He looks at me sadly. "Dean I can handle myself. For 3 years when I have been alone. I took care of me, and I made it. But as you can tell Shit happens. So now I'm dying. And if I do end up dying then you need to take care of Sammy and Cas. And you need to take care of yourself. But I'm not giving up without a fight. So you boys do what ever you can to save my ass," I say. "OK, but you need to rest. And eat," Sam says. "OK. I'll try," I grab my bag and limp my way to my old room. I lean on the wall for support. I find my old bedroom quickly. I open the door, it looks like it did when I left. Except for the thin layer of dust on everything. Sam walks up behind me. "Dean looked for you," He says quietly. I turn around. "He did?" I say with a puzzled look. "Yea. For months. He couldn't find you. So he thought you were dead or something," He answers looking down at me. I turn back around and walk towards my bed. I put my bag down. "He was hurt when you left," Sam walks in. "Then why did he let me leave in the first place?" I start to get dizzy so I sit down. I tug at my sleeves pulling them over my freezing cold hands. "He was trying to protect you, Shay," Sam looks at me with pleading eyes. "Sam I'm going to get some sleep, we can talk about this later," I push him out of the room and lock the door. I go lay on my bed. I pull my knees to my chest and hum myself to sleep.
Timehop: 2 hours
My eyelids flutter open. I try to sit up but hurts to much. I hear a small knock on my door. I slowly sit up. Pain runs through me. I limp to the door. I unlock it and open it. Cas is standing there. "Heya Cas," My voice is raspy. "Hello Shey, I think we found something," He starts walking to the war room. I stumble after him. "Cas stop walking so fast. I'm crippled ya know," I try to speed up. But the pain just grows. I stop and lean against the wall. Cas walks back to me. He wraps an arm around me. I lean against him for support. "Thanks Cas," I look at him. He nods and continues walking. We make it to the war room. He helps me sit down. Sam pushes a burger at me. "Thanks," I give him a weak smile. He looks at me sadly. "So, Cas said you found something?" I ask hopefully. "I think. Dean found Crowley. We're going to see if he can find something," He says with more hope than I have. "Wait, if an Angel can't find something, what makes you think a demon can?" I ask. "Well Crowley has some connections, being the King of Hell and all," Sam reply's. "Oh OK," I answer. "Right now you need to eat. When was the last time you ate anyway?" Cas asks. "Well I ate yesterday morning, but I threw it up, so…" I trail off. "Eat," Cas demands. I agree and take a bite of my burger. It tastes amazing. I continue eating while Cas and Sam talk about something random. I eat about half of my burger when I start to feel sick. I set the burger down and stand up knowing what's coming next. I hobble to the bathroom feeling the vomit rise in the back of my throat. I make it to the bathroom and shut the door right before I throw up. I don't make it in the toilet. But instead on the floor. I get to the toilet before the rest comes up. I continue till my stomach is completely empty. I hear Sam and Cas outside the door asking if I'm OK. "I'm fine guys," I yell through the door. I get down and start cleaning the floor. "We're coming in," Sam says. The door opens. I look up at them from the floor. "You don't need to be cleaning that. Let me do it," Sam says pulling me off the floor. "Cas take her to her room. Get her to lay down and I'll be in there in just a moment," Sam demands. Cas obeys. He helps me to my room. He helps me lay down on my bed. He tucks me in. "Thank you, Cas," I look up at his blue eyes. He stares at me. Sam walks in. We look at him breaking the connection. Sam feels my forehead, "You're running a fever." I smile, "Well do you think I'll make it?" I tease. He smiles. "I hope so," He jokes. But I know the hidden meaning behind it. "We should check on the spot. See if it's spreading," Cas interjects. "OK," I pull my hoodie up enough to see most of my stomach but cover my breast. "It's spreading," He says. I bend to looks at it but pain rushes all through my body. I gasp and my vision goes black. I black out.
Dean was just attacked by the hell hounds. He is laying there dead. Sam is holding Dean, crying. I step closer and fall to my knees next to him. I lay Dean's head in my lap. A tear runs down my cheek. "Dean," I whisper. The tear falls on Dean. His green eyes stare up at me. "Sam, come on," I nudge my little brother. "Help me pick him up, will ya?" I ask him. Tears still sliding down my cheeks. He stands up and picks up Dean. "We aren't burning him," Sam says. "OK. I wasn't planning on it," He stands up. We carry Dean to the car and lay him in the back. I grab the keys out of his pockets and get in the drivers seat. I start up the Impala. Dean would have never let me drive her. I start driving towards Bobby's. I drive like my brother does. Fast. So we get there pretty quickly. I pull up. Me and Sam get out of the car. We walk up to the door. I don't even knock. "Bobby, he's gone," My voice is barely a whisper. He walks up to me and pulls me in for a hug. I start sobbing. He pulls away and walks to Sammy. "How ya doin, boy?" Bobby asks him. Sam just hangs his head. "So when are we doing it?" He asks. "We aren't. We will bury him. It's not right to burn him," I say. "Well OK," He says. "Where at?" He asks. "I think I know a spot," Sam says walking out the door to the car. I follow him. We get in. I look in the rear view mirror. I see Dean laying there. Sam directs me to where we are going. We get there. Sam makes a grave marker, and I start digging. We finish and I'm sweating. Sam goes and gets Dean. He lays him in the grave. "Any words you want to say?" He asks. "Well… Dean you're my twin. And I'll miss you. But, I'll see you sooner or later, D" I start crying again. I feel someone shaking me. And telling me to wake up. Sam starts talking about Dean but his voice fades. I open my eyes. Cas and Sam are standing there. Cas was the one shaking me. My face feels wet. I was probably crying in my sleep. "Are you OK?" Sam is worried. "Yea I'm fine," I answer sitting up slowly so I don't hurt myself. "You blacked out. You were shaking. Then you started crying. What the hell happened, Shay?" Sam asks looking a mixture of anger and worried. "Sam, the pain was to much and I blacked out. My stupid brain just decided to bring up a old memory," I don't sound very convincing. "Well are you OK now?" Cas asks me. "Yea I'm fine, how long was I out?" I ask. "About 10 minutes," Sam answers. I look down. "What's wrong, you look troubled?" Cas asks. "Oh it's nothing. I'm just thinking," I answer. "Thinking about what?" He continues to question. "I'm comparing the times, of each time this has happened. That's the fastest one yet," I say. "What was the first ever time?" Sam asks. "Um, 1 hour and 36 minutes," I answer. "And the time before this one?" He questions. "14 minutes," I reply. "They get shorter every time," I continue. "How often do these happened?" Sam takes a step closer to me. "Well they only happen when this son of a bitch causes me to much pain," I say pointing at my stomach. He nods, "When was the last time this happened?" I think for a second, "I get about 1 or 2 a day. My last one was last night. I got to my hotel around 2-3 am. I was walking in and my stomach hit the table when I was setting down my stuff. I fell on the floor and had another memory," I answer him. "What memory?" He continues to question me. "The one when dad died," I say quietly. "Oh, are they all bad memories?" He crouches down next to me. "Most of em," I answer. He nods. He feels my forehead again, "Your temperature is back to normal. You should stay here and rest. Cas will you stay with her?" Sam looks at Cas. He nods. "I'm going to call Dean, see what's taking so long," With that he leaves the room. I pull my sleeves over my hands. Cas sits in the chair near my bed. I remember waking up sometimes at night and seeing him there. I smile at the memory. "Why are smiling?" He raises an eyebrow. "It's nothing," I say. He leans back in the chair. "I'm gonna get some shut eye," I say. "OK," He says. I turn on my side slowly, trying to cause the least amount of pain possible. I curl into a small ball. I fall into a peaceful sleep.
Timehop: 4 hours
My eyes slowly open. I turn my head and see Cas. He fell asleep. I smile. He probably hadn't slept in a few days. He used to not sleep at all. I get up. The pain hurts but I'm kinda used to it now. I leave him there. I yawn and rub my eyes as I leave the room. I hear Sam and Dean talking to someone in the war room. I hear a familiar accent. I walk in there. "Well, is it the lovely, Shay. Haven't heard from you in a long time," He says. He always says that. "Hey Crowley. Long time no see," I hug myself. "You look different since the last time I saw you. I just can't put my finger on it," He taps his chin with his finger. He is wasting time. "Crowley let's cut to the chase, can you save me or not?" I cross my arms and look him up and down. He is wearing his same old black suit. "Well we might be able to make a deal," He says. I roll my eyes, "What?" He smiles. "Well I might know someone who can help, but it's going to cost you," He says. "What?" I ask looking down. Knowing my brothers don't approve. "Hold up, no Shay. You are not making a deal with this demon. We can find another way," Dean says. "D, this is my choice, just listen to what he has to say, OK?" I look at him. "Fine, Crowley what do you have in mind?" He clenches his fist. "Dean what the hell! You can't let her go through with this," Sam doesn't even look at me. "Sam this isn't our decision to make, Sam!" Dean yells back. Cas walks in quietly. "What isn't your choice, Dean?" He tilts his head sideways. "I want to hear the deal Crowley wants to make with me. And they don't want me to make a deal with him," I answer him, not looking at him. "No," Is all he says. Sam and Dean are still yelling. I just tune it out for a while. After about 10 minutes I get tired of it. "Boys," I say quietly. No answer. "Boys," I say little louder. No answer. "Boys!" I yell. They stop and look at me. I get lightheaded from yelling so I lean against the wall. "Let's… just hear… what he has… to say," My breath gets ragged. Cas gets me a chair. I ease into it slowly. Wincing when a sharp pain shoots throughout my body. "Fine," They say in unison. "Finally, I thought they'd never shut up," Crowley says. "Start talking, Crowley," Dean says. "OK, Rowena might know something. And I know where she is. But she won't do anything for free. So what are you going to offer her?" He asks. "I have something for her. Picked it up on a hunt. She'll be pleased with it," I say. "And what can you offer me?" He says. "Crowley, this poison can kill anything. I watched her kill a demon with it. What if I give you a list of the words and ingredients you need to make it, you can do a lot of damage with it. So what do ya say?" I ask him. Remembering everything she put in it and every word she said. "It killed a demon?" He raises his eyebrow. "Yep. Faster than it killed me. But I watched him die. Painfully and not pretty either," I say. "Usually I just ask for souls. But I think we might have a deal," He answers with a smile. "Fine, so is it settled?" I ask. "We have to seal the deal, darling," He grins. I sigh and roll my eyes. "Fine, make it fast, I don't have much time to kill," I say. Cas helps me stand up. I limp to Crowley. "You boys OK with this?" I ask turning to them. "Not in the slightest, but whatever will save your sorry Ass," Dean says. "Ok here goes nothing," Crowley bends down. And we kiss. Not long but we do. And it's disgusting. I pull back almost immediately as we do. I wipe my mouth and shudder. "Well, I'll go get Rowena. I might be back in a day or so. All depends on if I travel fast enough," With that he leaves. "That was gross. I'm going to go wash my mouth out with soap," I go to limp away. I hand grabs my wrist. I turn around. "You going to be OK?" Sam searches my eyes. "Yea I'll be fine, why?" I tilt my head sideways. "Just wandering," He let's go. I head to the bathroom. I brush my teeth about 3 times before I'm satisfied. I look in the mirror. My long blond hair is a mess. My green eyes have dark circles under them. My face is unusually pale. You can barely see my freckles anymore. I look like I was hit by a train. I wonder how far it's spread. I grab the end of my hoodie and lift up slowly. I lift it up past my bra. It's spread almost past where my bra starts. It's also gone down past where my pant line. I push my hoodie back down. And pull at my sleeves. It's so cold in the bunker. I open the bathroom door. Cas is standing there. "I was about to knock. Dean wanted to know what was taking so long," He says. He looks into my eyes. "I'm OK. I do need a shower though," I answer. I start to walk towards my room. I stop when I start getting dizzy. I lean against the wall. Cas walks over to me. "What's wrong?" He asks, his eyes full of worry. "I just got dizzy, I'm fine, Cas," I say. I push off the wall and almost fall but Cas catches me. I look up threw my eyelashes into his deep blue eyes. "Thank you Cas," He helps me stand up straight. He just nods and walks me to my room. I grab a bra, underwear, short shorts, and a tank top. I grab my hairbrush and start walking towards the door. Cas helps me to the bathroom. "OK Cas. I'll be fine. You can go now," I say as I shut the door. I peel my clothes off. And turn on the water. I step in. Right when the water hits it, it immediately start to hurt. Feels like a knife being twisted in my side. Pain rips it's way through my body. I stumble and my back hits the wall. The pain starts to make me cry. I yell. I try to crawl out of the shower with little success. But I manage to grab a towel. I cover myself. Pain still coursing through me. I'm surprised I haven't blacked out yet. I scream when the water hits it again. I hear someone bang on the door. Tears still running down my face. I see black blood flowing through the towel and into the tub. I hear the door open. I can't take the pain anymore. I close my eyes. Someone opens the curtain and turns the water off. Pain racked through me as someone picks me up. I wince. I slowly open my eyes. Dean is carrying me. I look at him. He looks at me. Eyes that match mine look at me. "D…"I whisper before passing out.
Timehop: 5 hours
Dean P.O.V
She tosses and turns in her bed. Wincing when she does. It's been 5 hours. She still hasn't woken up. This is all my fault. If I had never said that stuff she wouldn't had left. And she would be OK now. I look at her. She looks so small in the shirt I gave her a long time ago. It's still big on her. All the color has drained from her face. Her face scrunches up. She looks like she is in pain. Her blond hair is messy. She looks so fragile. A black spot is forming on her bed. She is starting to bleed. "Cas! Sam!" I yell to them. They come running in. "She's bleeding. Someone get me a needle and something I can use as thread. Also get a bottle of alcohol and some gauze. Now!" I demand. They run out of the room. I go over to her bed and pull back the covers. Her whole body is drenched in sweat. And she is running a fever. I lift up her shirt, ~Thank god we got her dressed earlier~ the black spot is growing. Her cut is pitch black. She is whining. Her eyebrows knit together in pain. "It be OK, Shay," I whisper to her. Sam comes in with alcohol and the gauze. "Sit it on the desk and grab her hand," I order. He listens. I grab the bottle and pour a small amount on the cut. She screams and clenches Sam's hand. Cas comes in and hands me a needle and thread. He looks at her. His eyes droop. She stops scream and is whimpering. She curls into a small ball. Cas walks over. "I would like to try something," He say looking at me for approval. I nod. He touches her face with his hand. Her facial features soften. She doesn't make anymore noise. He stumbles back and hits the wall. He cries out in pain. "Cas what the hell is happening?" I ask yelling. "I… took her… pain," He is out of breath. I look at him. Then her. She looks so peaceful. "Thank you Cas," I say. I thread the needle. I start to sew. But it just slides out of her skin. "It's not working. What's happening?" I ask out loud. "The skin around it has softened. Meaning if you touch it your finger would go straight through," Cas answers. I look at her. How has she done it. She must be stronger than I thought. "OK. There is nothing we can do but wait for Crowley to get back," Sam says. So that's what we do. We wait.
Shay's P.O.V
One dream weaves to another. I'm floating. Then thrown into another nightmare. But this nightmare I had to live through. Years ago.
Dean is out getting food. Me and him were watching Sam. Dad was gone on a hunt. Me and Dean were 14. Sam is 10. Me and Sam were on the couch in a shitty motel. Flipping through channels on the TV. We stop on some cartoon Sam likes. I get up and go to the table where my phone lays. I call Dean. It rings a few times before he answers. It's noisy wherever he is. "Dean where are you?" I ask. "Getting food," He lied. I know him. "Dean, where are you?" I ask sterner. "I'm getting some money, for food and for Sammy's books he needs for school," He says with sigh. "You know that's my job. But OK. Be home soon because Sam is hungry," I say. "Ok," He answers. With that he hangs up. I go and sit back down near Sam. He leans his head on my shoulder. "Sammy, Dean will be home a little late with food. I'll wake you up when he gets home, OK?" I look at him. I feel him nod. A little while later his head droops. He fell asleep. I lay his head in my lap and play with his hair. After a while I doze off.
I hear the door open and close. Someone is here. I keep my eyes close and pull the gun from the cushions. I feel someone kiss the top of my head. It's dad. I put the gun back. And lay there trying to fall back asleep. I hear the door open and close again. Dean's home. I hear the crinkling of a bag. He brought food. "Why weren't you here with them?" Dad is mad. And slurring so he is drunk. "I went out to get food, sir," Dean answers. "At 11:30 at night?" He is really mad. "I got back late. I-I'm sorry, sir," He stutters. I know what's coming next. So I move Sam's head out of my lap and open my eyes. I stand up slowly. Dad isn't facing me. Dean gives me the death glare, mentally saying 'sit back down'. I don't listen. As Dads hand is coming down I run and push Dean out of the way. His fist connects with my jaw. I fall to the ground. He looks at me in shock. I slowly stand back up. "Shay," Dean mumbles. He wants me to move. But I plant myself in front of him. John won't be hitting him tonight. "Shay, move," John says. "No," I stay put. "Shay Winchester, move. Now," He demands. "No, John," I use his first name. He slaps me. I hit the floor again. I stand back up and stand in front of Dean. John grabs my chin, "You will NOT disrespect me like that. Ever!" He yells. I can feel a bruise forming on my cheek from where he punched me. Dean tries to move me. But I stay in place. "You waste enough space, don't waste my time," He slurs. He goes and lays in the bed. "Shay, I was handling it," Dean mumbles to me. "Dean, not tonight," I go and pick up Sammy. I take him to the other bed and lay him down. I pull a blanket over him. He smiles in his sleep. It makes me smile. I kiss his forehead, "Goodnight, Sammy," I whisper. "Dean you can take the couch. I'll take the floor. I grab an extra blanket and pillow and make a small pallet on the floor by Sam's bed. "No, you've done enough tonight. I'm taking to floor," He says. "Dean it's OK really. I got it," I say rolling over. "I didn't want to do this," He says with a smile. He picks me up and takes me to the couch. I just laugh. Until John throws a pillow at me. I giggle. Dean smiles and tucks me in. "Goodnight, Shay," He says smiling at me. "Night, D," I say rolling over.
The dream fades away and into a next one. I hear someone singing.
"Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better," That's that's the song mom would sing me and Dean to help us sleep. It was her favorite Beatles song. I start humming along. Then full blown singing.
"Hey Jude, don't be afraid
You were made to go out and get her
The minute you let her under your skin
Then you begin to make it better," I open my eyes. Sam and Cas are standing around me. Dean is sitting in a chair next to me, he has has tears in his eyes. "Dean," I whisper my voice cracking. He leans down and hugs me. I wince when he brushes against my bare stomach. I look down when he moves. I'm wearing Dean's shirt and my shorts. My whole stomach is black. "Sam, Cas," I whisper. The walk over. Sam hugs me. Cas hugs me. I try to sit up but fail when it just pains me. "How long was I out?"I ask in a raspy voice. "5 hours," Sam answers. "You started bleeding. We poured alcohol on it ~you screamed~ and tried to stitch you up but, your skin has softened and basically if I poke it me finger would go through," Dean says. "What happened?" I ask. "We heard you scream. Dean barged in. You had a towel on. You were laying in the bottom of the bathtub. Bleeding. Dean turned the water off and picked you up. Carrying you to your room. He got you dressed," Sam says. I look at him with wide eyes. "I didn't see anything. I promise," Dean says knowing what I'm thinking. "Well he got you dressed. You called our names out in your sleep. And whined. And whimpered. You're sounded like a wounded puppy. But Cas did this thing where he took your pain and transferred it to himself," Sam finishes. I look at him. "Cas, I'm sorry. You didn't have to do that," I stare into his intense blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Shay. I didn't know it was that bad," He says looking away awkwardly. "So…" I looks around. "Did I say anything else in my sleep?" I ask. "Just our names, and "no" a lot. You also said John," Sam says the last part quieter than the rest. "What were you dreaming about?" Cas does his signature thing were he tilts his head sideways. "Just some old memories. As usual," I say acting casual. "What memory?" He continues to question. "Dean, remember the night I blocked dad from hitting you?" I look at him. "Yea, how could I forget. The next day your face was bruised and swollen," He says. "Well that one, and a lot more," I tell Cas. He nods. "Wait you blocked dad, from hitting Dean?" Sam asks. I nod. "Why wasn't I told?" He asks angry. I painfully sit up. "Well, Sammy you were 10. Remember the night you fell asleep on the couch with me. In that small town in Colorado. Dean went to get food," I look at Sam. He nods. "Yea, Dean came home later than dad did. Dad was drunk. He got mad. Was about to hit him. But I pushed him out of the way. He hit me instead. Punched me in the jaw. Then slapped me because I called him John. Told me I was a waste of space and went to bed. I carried you to your bed. And went to lay on the floor. But Dean picked me up and put me on the couch. He slept on the floor. Even when it was my turn," I smile at the end. "You father was an unholy man," Cas says. I look at him, "Yea, he was," I agree. I see him pat my foot. But I can feel it. "Um, guys something's wrong," I say. Dean jumps up and they all walk to me. "What is it?" Sam looks worried. "I can't feel my legs," I throw back the covers. Black is spreading over my knees. "It's cutting off her circulation to her legs," Cas says. "Damn it Crowley, where are you?" Dean mumbles under his breath. I hear someone bang on door in the war room. Sam runs out there to see who it is. "You're going to be alright. That's probably Crowley and Rowena. Here to fix you," Dean says his eyes full of worry. "Guy they are here!" Sam yells. "OK!" Dean yells back. "Cas get her, I'm going to move stuff out of your way," Dean gets up. Cas walks over and picks me up. It hurts but it's bearable. We start walking towards the war room. I see long red hair. She is here. And then I see Crowley. "So what am I needed for again?" She turns around and see me. "Oh my, that looks kinda gross," She says. I pull my shirt down. "Fix her," Dean says. "Well not with that attitude," She is being difficult. "Rowena, please, help me. I can offer you something in return, just, please?" I beg. "Oh all right, what happened?" She asks rolling her eyes. I recite everything that happened that night. "Oh my, how are you still here?" She says. "But let me see it. And how far it has gone," She says walking near me. Cas takes a step forward. "Cas it's OK," I look into his eyes. He nods. Dean clears the tr and Cas lays me on it. I pull up my shirt. It's not enough. It has grown past it. "Boys leave," I say. "No we are staying here," Dean protests. "Dean, do you really want to see my boob's," I joke. "I wouldn't mind," Crowley interjects. I roll my eyes. Sam and Cas drag Dean and Crowley out of the room. I lift my shirt farther. Rowena gasp. "Oh my," She says quietly. " Please, Rowena, is there something you can do?" I ask. She nods. "But what's in it for me?" She asks. "I have it," She knows what I'm talking about. "Oh OK," I pull my shirt back down. "You can come back boys!" I yell. They run in. "So. Rowena, can you fix her?" Dean asks. "Yes, I can. But it will take some time. And my book. And my things. Which I don't have," She says. "What do you need?" Sam asks handing her paper and a pen. She makes a list. Then Sam and Crowley leave. "So where is it?" She whispers. "You'll get it after I'm fixed," I say. She sighs. "Hey can someone get me a hoodie or something. It's freezing in here. And get me a pillow. I don't like laying flat on my back. Dean leaves and comes back with a pillow. I lift up. It hurts but is bearable. Cas takes off his trench coat and lays it on me. I've never really seen him without it before. "Thank you Cas," I say. Something is tickling my throat. I start to cough. Black spews out of my mouth. "Oh that's just gross," Rowena backs up. Dean hands me a tissue. I cough into it. And black blood pours into it. Rowena takes another step back. Cas steps forward and puts two fingers to my forehead. Warmth spreads throughout my body. I feel like I'm floating. I stop coughing. Everything feels good. But I hear Cas gasp and fall to the floor. "Cas!" I yell sitting up. Pain rips through me. The warm fuzzy feeling is gone. I feel like I'm drowning. My vision blacks. My back hits the table. I'm out.
Dean's P.O.V
Shay falls over. Her eyes roll to the back of her head. I rush to her side. Feeling for a pulse. It's still there. I see black creeping up her neck. There's not much time. I remember Cas on the floor. I go help him up. He looks at me. "I don't know how she handles it. The pain is unbearable," He says raising his breath. "Rowena, help her," I demand. She takes one look her and shakes her head. "She's too far gone. There's no waking her," She says. "I'm calling Sam," I say walking out of the room.I find Sam's name in my contact list. I click his name. It rings twice before he answers. "Sam, hey, you need to hurry up," I say. I hear moving in the background. "Why what happened?" He asks. "Cas did the take away pain thing and he fell. She freaked and sat up. I guess the pain was bad. She fell back and we can't wake her, the black has reached her neck, so shake Ass and get here," I say. "We are going as fast as we can, Dean," He says quickly. "But we have almost everything," He continues. "Well hurry up, Sam," I say hanging up. I walk back in the room. She looks like one of those princess she used to like. The one who pricks her finger. Sleeping Beauty! That's it. Her hair is fanned out around her head. "Cas, is there anything you can do?" My eyes pleading. "I'm sorry, Dean," Is all he says. "Rowena, when they get back, you better hurry," I say looking at her. "Oh Dean, I will try my hardest," She says sarcastically. Shay whimpers and rolls over. Look at her. How can such a strong person look so weak and fragile. I sigh. If only there was a way to help her. "So I guess we wait," I pull up a chair and sit down. "And Rowena, don't even try to pull anything," I look at her. "Me? Now why would I do that?" She fakes being surprised. She rolls her eyes, "If I wanted to try something I would've done it already, and she has something I want, so," She shrugs her shoulders. "What is it, Rowena?" Cas asks. "What is it you want from her," He continues. "Oh just a little ingredients and a book. Nothing that matters," A faint smile playing at her lying lips. Shay whines and starts mumbling. I get closer to hear. "Cas… I'm so… sorry," She curls up in a tiny ball. "Cas, what is she talking about?" I look at the confused angel. "I'm unsure," He answers tilting his head. Cas walks over to her and places two fingers on her forehead. He closes his eyes. He pulls his fingers away, "She is dreaming about having to say goodbye to us." His eyes droop sadly. I look at Rowena. She even looks a little sad. I look back to Shay, hoping that Sam will hurry.
Shay's P.O.V
"I'm sorry," I say to the three boys sitting in front of me. "I shouldn't have ever even went. This is all my fault," I look down at my feet. I walk over to Dean. Wincing with every step. He wraps his arms around me. "I love you, D," I whisper, tears streaming down my face. He kisses the top of my head. "I love you too," He hugs me tighter. I look up at his eyes that match mine. Sorrow fills them. I let go of him and walk to Sam. I look up at my little brother. Tears are streaming down his face. I wrap my pale, skinny arms around him. He gives me a gentle hug. "I love you little brother," I say. I can feel him smile. "I love you, Shay," He gives me a tight squeeze. He let's go. I walk to the angle. His blue eyes show everything I need to know. But I want to hear him say it. "Cas…" I say tears shining in his eyes. He swoops me up in his arms. "I love you," I whisper in his ear. "I may not understand how to love someone. Or use that word correctly, but if I'm using it how I think I should, then I love you too, Shay," I smile into his chest ignoring the boys gawking. Cas goes to let go but I shake my head and pull him close to me. "Please, just hold me," Tears run down my face. I look up into his big blue eyes. They hold my world. I stand on my tip toes and kiss him. A kiss that could last for infinity. A kiss so soft and caring I don't ever want to let go. "Goodbye, Cas," I cling to him until the dream fades. Everything is black. I'm guessing this is what death is. I just cry.I feel something cold and sharp poke my stomach. Then I feel a sharp pain in my side. It starts to burn. I cry out in pain. I try curl into a small ball but something it pinning me down. The pain in my side worsens. I just scream and wait for it to be over.
Dean's P.O.V
"I love you, Cas," She whispers in her sleep. Tear streaming down her face. She clings to her blanket. Then she just lays there crying. I hear Sam come in. Me and Rowena go but Cas stays with her. "Finally you're here," I say running to them. "Rowena, work your magic," I look at her. Sam hands her a bag of stuff. "You boys might want to hold her down in a minute," She says grabbing a bowl that's encrusted with jewels and ancient symbols I can't begin to understand. She throws in some weird green herbs, that smell REALLY bad. I curl my lip in disgust. She throws in a bunch of stuff. The pulls a silver knife out of the bag. "Hold on, what're you doing with that?" Cas says when Rowena lifts Shay's shirt. Me and Sam take a step forward. "Calm down, boys. I just need a small bit of what's on her side," She says waving the knife around. I back slides the knife into the cut in her side. She pulls it out and scrape the black goo into the bowl. She stirs it. She grabs her book and starts whispering words I can't understand. She pours it on to the giant cut in Shay's side. It sizzles and pops Shay screams out in pain. She curls around herself. Me, Sam, and Cas run and pin her down. For someone so small she is pretty strong. We pin her down. She keeps screaming. Tears rush down her face. She kicks Sam in the stomach. Cas moves froms her right hand and took Sam's place at her feet. I grab her other hand. The cut begins smoking. The black is retreating from her neck, its healing her. Shay continues trying to fight us. But after about 15 minutes the black is completely gone. The cut is still there. Small drops of blood fall from it. She lays completely still, barely breathing. She hasn't woken up yet. "Rowena, what the hell!" I yell at her. "Hey, all i did was heal her. Its up to her weather she wakes up or not," She says in defence. I sit down. I put my head in my hands. I grab Shay's hand. Its freezing cold. "I'm so sorry, Shay," I whisper. I get up and go to my room. I close the door. I look in the mirror. I see Shay. I punch the mirror. Cutting my hand and shattering the glass. I push down the bookshelf. I punch holes in the drywall. I sit in the middle of the floor. Crying and hating myself. If i would've never said those things. She would still be here. It's all my fault.
Cas's P.O.V
Dean left. It's silent in the war room. I stare at Shay. s if it as magic, her color starts coming back. I nudge sam, who was staring at the floor. The darks circles under her eyes go away. She doesn't looks so skinny anymore. The cut seals back up. She is back to herself. Her beautiful, perfect self. Her eyes twitch, her eyes open.
Shay's P.O.V
I open my eyes. Everyone is standing around me, except Dean. I sit up, I don't feel any pain this time. Cas and Sam rush to my side. "Cas, Sam," I whisper. They smile. "Wheres Dean?" I ask. "He went to his room," Sam answers me. I move Cas's Trench Coat. I stand up and walk to his bedroom. I knock on the door softly. He opens it. Joy dancing in his eyes. He wraps his arms around me. He crys on my shoulder. I run my fingers through his hair and comfort him. He pulls away, tears shining in his eyes. I smile at him. "I love you, little brother," I say, my voice barely a whisper. "I love you too," He says. I turn to Sam and Cas who are standing in the hallway. I run and hug Sam. "I love you Sammy," He wraps his giant arms around me. "I love you too, Shay," He says with a grin. I let go and walk to Cas. He smiles. His blue eyes dance with love. He wraps in a hug, that is just like my dream. "I love you," I whisper in his ear. He already new. "I still don't know how to use that word, but i love you too," He says. I smile. The boys surprisingly just left. So i kiss him. He kisses me back, awkwardly. I smile while he is kissing me. "Cas your people skills are definitely rusty," I laugh when I pull away. He chuckles. I grab the angel's hand and lace my fingers through his. We walk back to the war room, hands intertwined. They all look at us, and our hands. Crowley looks mad but Rowena just looks surprised. "So when did this lil thing happen?" She asks. I just blush. I look at Dean for approval. He smiles and nods. Then I look up at Sammy. He is smiling too. I look at Crowley. He is pouting. I just giggle. I look up at Cas. He is glancing at Sam and Dean. As if asking for their approval. They just grin. "So, where is it?" Rowena ask. I completely forgotten about our deal. "Come with me," I let go of my angel's hand. It falls limply to his side. I walk to my room. Rowena in tow. I walk in my room and dig through my bag till I find a old worn book. I throw it on my bed. I dig some more till I find a small pouch. I look inside. I see the different colored crystals and herbs. I zip my bag back up and turn to Rowena. "Here," I hand her the book and the small black pouch. She looks the book over. Her eyes filled in awe. "So this is the real deal, the real Book of Shadows?" She asks. "Yes, but you have to promise me that you won't use against the boys or Cas," I cross my arms. She nods. "But you might not want to tell Crowley you have it, he kinda wants it. Here put it in this so they can't see it," I hand her the bag I get from the closet. She slides the book and tiny bag in there. We walk back out. The boys are all talking. I smile, I'm finally with my family again. My smile widens. My vision blurs with tears. They slide down my face. The boys look up from their run to my side. "Are you alright, Shay?" Cas asks. I nod. Dean wipes the tears off my face. "Why are you crying?" Sam asks worry in his eyes. "I'm just glad I have my family back," I smile. Somewhere in that Crowley and Rowena left, but I don't care. They take turns embracing me. When it's Cas's turn, he hugs me, I can feel his invisible wings wrap around me. I feel a home. I have my brothers, and I have my angel. And it'll stay that way. As long as I have a say in it.