Alec could hear Isabelle's screams, but no matter where he looked, he couldn't find her. He knew she was somewhere in the Institute, he knew that she was terribly close to him, but nothing he did brought him any closer to finding her. Each and every scream tore through him, shattering his heart even more. He was her protector; he was supposed to be the one person who could keep her safe no matter what. And right now he was failing so miserably at protecting her, now she was in pain and he was aimlessly running around the Institute trying to find her.
The longer he searched, the crazier he felt himself becoming. Why wasn't anyone else searching for her? Why was he the only one who seemed to care enough to even try to help Isabelle? Why was he so terrible at protecting his family? Alec turned the corner to see that the training room doors were shut, even though they'd been wide open the last time he'd run through. He practically flung himself at the doors, knowing they were locked even before he did so. Alec tried everything he could think of, but even the unlocking runes weren't working, and Isabelle's screams were becoming more and more desperate.
It wasn't long before Alec had resigned to beating on the door, his willpower diminishing by the second. His legs gave out and he hit the floor when Isabelle began screaming for him, her wordless screams suddenly turning into his name. Alec had no idea what was happening to her, but that didn't matter. He didn't need to know the specifics to know that his little sister needed him. And he wasn't by her side. He was a very pathetic excuse for a rescue mission, the last person Isabelle should put her faith in. Isabelle's screams suddenly cut short and-
Alec woke with a start, sitting up in bed so that he could better catch his breath. When the door creaked open, Alec knew he'd likely been yelling something because of his dream. That was the only thing that would bring Isabelle to his room in the middle of the night. And here she was, sitting down on the edge of his bed, taking his hand ever so gently, her eyes filled with worry. "Are you okay?" she asked, and Alec almost snorted. He was supposed to take care of her, but more often than not, she could be found doing things like this, taking care of him when no one else was there to do it.
Moving so that she could come sit on the bed beside of him like he knew she wanted to do, Alec mustered up all the courage he could before responding. "It was just a nightmare, Izzy," he said, forcing his voice to be as easy and carefree as he could. "I'll be fine, you know that." Isabelle moved to rest her head on his shoulder, and Alec knew there was no turning back. For as long as he could remember, Isabelle had been the one who would help him through his nightmares. They all knew why he'd begun having nightmares, but Isabelle was the only one who had ever actually made any effort to help comfort him when he had them.
Isabelle was silent for several minutes, and Alec began to wonder if she'd fallen asleep. Just when Alec had almost confirmed that she had, Izzy spoke up again. "Happy birthday," she said, and this time Alec did snort. He hated his birthday more than anything, despised it even. It simply wasn't the same anymore, and he hated the reminder of all that he'd lost. Isabelle very well knew this, so she only squeezed Alec's hand tighter. The last thing Alec wanted to do was wake up and face the day ahead of him, but he was able to fall back asleep with Isabelle by his side, pulling on the strength his sister always gave him.
Getting up the next morning was much harder for Alec than it normally was. Since he had turned eighteen today, his day would be packed full of meetings and paperwork and interviews. All of which he wanted nothing to do with. But all of which he would put a smile on his face and act like the perfect little prince for. Just like he always did. Just like he always had to. Because no matter how much Alec wanted to deny it, he was the Clave's prince, and now that he was eighteen, he was the official heir to the throne. Even if taking the throne after his father was the last thing he wanted to do with his life.
But if Alec had learned anything in his life, it was that sacrifices had to be made. Especially when it came to his family. So he got out of bed, not at all surprised to see Isabelle coming back in his room, the clothes he was supposed to wear for the day hung over her arm. She knew how much he hated their royalty, so she'd taken to helping him get ready for days like these instead of letting the "helpers" that were assigned to them. "You ready for today?" she asked as he moved toward the bathroom.
"As ready as I'll ever be," he replied, changing into the clothes Izzy had brought without really thinking about what he was doing. He didn't try to hide anything from her, not in the way he hid things from Jace and Max. But that was mostly because he knew that she would be able to see through it. "I'll put on the same façade I always do. I'll smile every time someone says, 'Your Highness.' I'll laugh when the noblemen from the Clave make the most idiot of jokes. I'll do everything I'm supposed to do," Alec finished, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
Before Isabelle could respond, Alec heard Max's voice. "Happy birthday," he said, his voice soft and careful, as though he didn't want to overstep himself. Alec stepped out of the bathroom and moved to pick Max up and kiss his cheek, smiling at his little brother's giggles before putting him back down. Max was the last person Alec would allow himself to be angry with today. There were some things that Max simply didn't understand, and the reason he hated his birthday so much, the reason he hated their royalty with everything he had were things Max wouldn't understand until he was older.
Alec barely understood all of it himself, but he forced himself to leave his room regardless of how he was feeling deep down inside. He knew what he had to do, and he wasn't going to let his emotions get in the way of that. What Alec really wanted to do was turn around and go back to bed, to not have to spend his day being someone he wasn't. But Alec went to breakfast, he greeted the noblemen with a smile on his face, he acted as though being there was the best thing that could ever happen to him on his birthday.
After breakfast Alec knew there was going to be meeting after meeting, and his hand absentmindedly went to the ring that he always wore on a chain around his neck. He looked at Izzy across the table, trying to draw strength from the only two things he ever truly drew any strength from. As always, Isabelle looked as happy as ever, plastering a smile on her face much in the same way that Alec always had. From birth, being royalty had been their full time job, so Alec wasn't surprised as he watched Isabelle act just the way he was acting, both of them hiding everything they had bottled up because that was what was expected of them.
So Alec walked to the first of the meetings sandwiched in between Jace and Isabelle, trying to keep his mind off of everything that was happening around him. He would simply do what he had to do, then he would allow himself to actually think about things later. But only when he was alone, only when he had the chance to process everything that was happening without the prying eyes of the Clave members around him. That process had worked for Alec for years now, and he wasn't about to stop using it now.
As always, the first thing Alec did when he entered the meeting room was to go around and greet all of the noblemen. There were a lot of "Good to see you"s and smiles that were much wider than they should have been. But Alec continued on, slightly amused when he wondered if any of them actually realized that he was lying to their faces. And yet Alec was terribly surprised when his smile turned from being forced to actually being a wonderfully genuine one. "Lydia!" Alec said, moving to Lydia's side without a second thought. "I'm so glad you're here," he said, meaning every last word of it. "It's good to see you again." Alec moved to hug her, immensely glad that there was such a welcome face in the crowd.
"Are you really happy to see me?" Lydia asked, not even beginning to try to hide the mischief in her voice. "Or is this your façade?" she asked, lowering her voice so that the noblemen around them wouldn't hear her. For the first time that day, Alec laughed. Well, that was not technically true if you counted how many times he'd forced himself to laugh already. But it was decidedly the first time he had genuinely laughed because he truly wanted to, and Alec appreciated Lydia for that beyond belief. "Now sit down, Your Highness. It's your time to shine," Lydia finished, and Alec knew that he would be the only one who could hear the sarcasm in her voice.
Lydia was only a year older than him, but that meant that Alec couldn't remember a time when she hadn't been around them. Her entire family had always been close to his, so they'd been close to being best friends seemingly since Alec had been born. And it was at times like these that Alec was almost certain that Lydia was the only person outside of his siblings who actually understood him, who actually understood how desperately he wanted this day to be over. That was partially because Lydia knew a lot about the lives of the royals, being the daughter of a Clave nobleman, she didn't have much choice but to be heavily involved in the Clave and the royal line. Just like Alec didn't have a choice either.
Alec thought he was going to be fine to get through the meeting, and he somehow miraculously was. He managed to get through most of the day with minimal pain. But then he hit the final thing he had to do for the day, and he wasn't sure how well he was going to handle it. Alec had to go accept his throne. Now that he was eighteen, he had to swear to take the throne when it was his time to do so. He would make his vows, saying that as the prince of the Clave, he would promise to one day become their king. And that was something Alec did not want in any way. But it was his duty. And he'd learned from a very young age that he had to separate his wishes as Alec and his duties as Prince Alexander.
So Alec grabbed the ring once more when they started asking him to make his vows, biting down on everything that was telling him to run away from the situation. "I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, do hereby-" Alec's voice caught, thoughts of his family running through his mind without any control. He tamped them down, looking at Jace for direction without really meaning to. When Jace ever so slightly nodded his head, Alec took a deep breath, diving back in to everything he knew he had to do. "Do hereby swear my allegiance to the Clave. I promise to uphold the values of the Clave and to strive to do whatever is in their best interest. I will take my rightful place on the throne when it is my time to do so, taking my throne in the name of the Clave until the end of my days."
As soon as the ceremony was done, Alec rushed out of the room. There was no need for him to stay any longer. His parents were the ones who would stay and mingle with the noblemen who would congratulate them on the fact that their son, the new heir to the throne, had finally come of age. Alec moved away from Isabelle when she tried to stop him to speak with her, knowing that she would understand that he simply had to get out of there. Alec didn't stop until he was in the greenhouse, closing his eyes as he all but fell to the ground in his favorite spot by the creek. His only hope was that he could clear his mind and erase all the grief and pain he was feeling before he needed to do something related to his new duties as heir to the throne.
Before
"Gabriel?" Alec asked, his voice soft, not wanting to disturb the peace of the greenhouse. "What are you doing in here? The party is still going." Alec looked at his older brother with the open gentleness that his seven-year-old self could generally be found using. Gabriel looked up from where he sat by the edge of the creek, his arms wrapped around his knees as though he was trying to hold himself together. He smiled at Alec, but Alec didn't let that fool him for a second. He knew when his big brother was trying to trick him, and he could tell that this was one of those times. So he sat down beside of Gabriel, willing himself to be able to help his brother with his pain for once in his life.
"I just needed some fresh air, Alec," Gabriel responded, his voice very carefully guarded. Alec couldn't tell what Gabriel was feeling, but he knew that Gabriel was lying to him. "It's really stuffy in there right now because it's so crowded, so I just thought I'd take a break for a few minutes." Alec knew that if he asked Gabriel why he was lying that he would simply say that he was protecting Alec, that it wasn't anything Alec needed to worry about. So for several minutes, Alec simply sat beside of his brother, his anger and frustration building the longer he tried to figure out how to help Gabriel.
After a few minutes of silence, Gabriel moved to pick Alec up and place him in his lap, wrapping his arms around Alec almost as though Alec was the one who needed comfort at the moment. "Can I tell you something, Alec?" he asked, his voice much quieter than it had been before. Alec simply nodded, scared of what his brother might be about to say. "I don't want to be a prince," Gabriel said, spitting it out as though it was poison on his lips. "All the ceremony, and for what? A corrupt Clave that only cares about the Shadowhunters? I hate having to be the perfect little prince all the time. Why is so much expected of us just because we're royal? Our blood doesn't make us any different from the other Shadowhunters; it doesn't even make us much different from Downworlders. Alec, I'd give anything to get out of being king one day."
Alec whirled around on his brother then, suddenly terrified of the turn this conversation was taking. "Don't say that, Gabriel," he pleaded, holding onto his brother as though he was the only thing keeping him grounded at the moment. "I need you here. I love you so much. You're my big brother. You can't leave me. Gabriel, please." Gabriel moved to kiss the top of Alec's head, obviously understanding that Alec clearly thought he was planning on abdicating, of shutting himself out from the rest of the Shadow World simply because he didn't want to take the throne one day.
"I'm not going to leave you, Alec," Gabriel finally replied, the gentleness in his voice soothing Alec only ever so slightly. "Don't you dare worry about that. Now let's get back to the party before someone notices we're gone and works up a fuss because of it," he finished, getting up and taking Alec's hand before Alec had time to protest. Alec couldn't help but giggle when Gabriel held the door to the greenhouse open for him, bowing and saying, "After you, Prince Alexander."
Hi! So please, please come talk to me about this fic! I am very excited about it because I've had this thought for quite a while, and I just got the guts to start writing on it about a week ago!
If there are things about this AU that don't quite make sense yet, bear with me a little as I work to get where I want to explain it all! But if you have any questions or comments at all, please let me know! You know I love hearing from you guys!