I am sooo sorry I haven't updated in forever. I would love to write up your requests. Just please, no vagueness (WAR!1!) or impossible-ness (ALEK AND VOLGER GO TO THE MOON...)

And it's sort. Sorry...

.

.

.

1. This is Sparta
Someone is playing a bagpipe. Badly. A sheep is being roasted on a spit, and the men are wearing knee length skirts. Many people are drunk. A scuffle breaks out when someone loses a bit of spare change. The accents are impossible to understand. More bagpipers join in.
"This is madness," Alek mutters.
"This! Is! Scotlaaaaand!"
.

.
2. Nyan Cat
"I need you to feed the Nutritional Yet Aeronautic Navy feline, Mr. Sharp."
"You mean the NYAN cat, ma'am?"
"Call it what you will."
"I've never seen it in action."
"Here, let me show you."
"Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyaa nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan-"
"Does it ever stop?"
.

.
3. Leeroy Jenkins
"Be quiet, creature, the Germans will hear you!"
Bovril nodded and burrowed into Alek's jacket. The first night in Istanbul, and already surrounded. He silently raised his revolver, hand shaking. Don't make a sound, he told himself. Before he could shoot, someone sneaked up behind him and yelled, alerting the Germans!
"Liliiiiiiiiiiiit... ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVEN!"
.

.
4. The Most Interesting Man In The World
"You know, I don't always talk to girls, but when I do, I talk to gorgeous ones like you."
"Please go away, Jaspert."
"I don't always buy a girl a drink, but when I do, I buy her Don Equis."
"I told you, I have a boyfriend."
"I don't always get punched in the face by an angry man, but when I do-"
"You get punched by Andy, here."
"Exactly."
.

.
5. The Cake Is A Lie
Deryn hummed throughout her chores. She whistled while she walked Tazza. She smiled when she mopped the halls.
"Why are you happy all of a sudden?" asked Alek.
"Doctor Barlow told me that, if I did extra work today, she'd give me a scone! A real proper scone, with cream, too."
"Dylan," he said, "The scone is a lie."
.

.
6. Rick Rolled
Doctor Barlow waited impatiently for the telegram. This would be an important transmission from Japan. In fact, it could greatly impact foreign policy. Suddenly, she heard the clicks and beeps. She spelled out what she heard.
"N-E-V-E-R-G-O-N-N-A-G-I-V-E-Y-O-U-U-P. Stop. N-E-V-E-R-G-O-N-N-A-L-E-T-Y-O-U-D-O-W-N... Oh, blast it!"
.

.
7. Numa Numa
"Man, Scott Westerfeld wrote us in as extras."
"Tell me about it. The two Romanian dudes in Samheran. That's all the recognition we got. Oh, and Zaven dissed us in German."
"Hey, not cool. Thank God no one knows any Romanian sterotypes, or we'd be stuck with them."
"Transylvania's in Romania. So, yeah."
"Really? I never knew that."
"Dude, I though you were from there!"
"Naw, I'm from Budapest. You know what else is Romanian? That song Dragostea Din Tei!"
"Jeez, Vladmir, just call it Numa Numa like everyone else. I always thought that was Swedish, though."
"You know who probably doesn't know the real name?"
"Scott freaking Westerfeld."
"Damn straight."
.

.
8. AYBABTU
Captain Hobbes grinned in victory. The battle was nearly won.
"Send a telegram to the Germans."
"Yes, sir! What should it say?"
He thought for a second.
"All your base are belong to us."
.

.
9. Anti- Joke Chicken
"Alek, I heard a good joke! So Charles Darwin walks into a bar, and-"
"Alcoholism isn't funny, Dylan."
"Fine. So, a Russian, an Englishman, and a Japanese bloke go on a kraken and-"
"It's good that they can get along."
"Knock, knock!"
"Come in."
.

.
10. Yo Dawg
"Alek?" said Doctor Barlow. "I heard you like spoilers. So we put a spoiler on your spoiler so you can pilot your walker while Dylan is a girl."
In the stunned silence, she added, "And we heard you like mudkips."