it's time for another installment of Metal Gear Solid stupidity, from yours truly! ^_^ this time with lots of help from my ever-so-lovely assistant/Snake impersonator, Talman (talmanshark@earthlink.net)- he came up with about half of these, so much kudos to him. oh, and a little thanks to Verldhoozewine, too. ^_~
some of these are for MGS1, some for MGS2; some fit into either, but the ones that refer to events in MGS2, I put in that category. that said, enjoy! or something. ^_^;;
***
MGS1 bloopers
Ninja:*about to start dramatic monloque, then pauses as Snake connects
a modem cable into his exoskeleton* Um, what are you
doing?
Snake: Trying to log on... then dowload the Melissa virus into you.
More simple than flat out fighting with you again.
Ninja: Sometimes it sucks to be half machine.
--
Liquid: We end this now brother. *aims Rex's missiles at Snake, then
smacks the control panel as the machine suddenly loses power* Bloody Hell!
Work you piece of junk!
Snake: ....
Liquid: That's what you get when you purchase cheap equipment from
Microsoft... Does anybody know how to use this blasted
thing?!
Director: Try Ctrl-Alt-Delete?
Liquid: If it was that bloody simple, don't you think I would have
tried it to begin with?!
Snake: That settles it... I am the dominant one. *mumbles something
about Liquid's stupidity as he goes to get some coffee*
--
Snake: What do I do if I want to save?
Otacon: ....
Snake: ...what?
Otacon: That just totally ruined the movie'ish feel we had going for
a while.
Snake: ...damn.
--
Vulcan: Snakes don't belong in Alaska!
Snake: Technically, ravens don't belong here
either!
Vulcan:.....Damn you!
--
Revolver: I love to reload during a fight... Oops. *drops some bullets
down a grating*
Snake: An opening! *shots Ocelot in the ass*
Revolver: Hey! I dropped my ammo you dumbass!
Snake: You should've said cut.
--
Psycho Mantis: I can't read your.... What the..?!
Snake comes up from behind the desk and blast Psycho with a Nikita missile,
leaving a bloody mess all over the book shelves and walls
Meryl: ....
Director: SNAKE! You were supposed to shoot him, not blow him
up!
Snake: Sorry...
Director: Sorry isn't going to bring him back. Geesh.. *walks off,
rubbing his head*
--
Meryl: There's a mine field here Snake. Follow my every move so you
don't trip any *walks a long and most confusing path around the
mines*
Snake shrugs and runs straight forward to the other side, avoiding
them
Meryl: You suck, you know that?
***
Now for some MGS2 ones. ^_^;
--
Vamp: *spins towards Raiden, then suddenly slips on a puddle of blood
and falls flat on his face* ... GODDAMMIT!
Raiden: ... *turns around and walks out into the hallway, then bursts
out laughing*
--
Raiden steps onto the Heliport and arches a brow as a fat man on roller
blades streaks past
Fatman:*skids to a halt and eyes Raiden* What?! What are you looking
at?!
Raiden: Dead Cell must've been desperate when they recruited you.
--
Raiden: *tries to lead Emma through the patch of
lice*
Emma: Eww! Bugs! *balks*
Raiden: That is IT! I quit! *throws all the equipment down
and stalks off*
Director: *grumbles and looks at Snake*
Snake: What? I'm not going to mess with her! Make Otacon do it!
--
Vamp: *cringes, rubbing his chest where he just cut himself* Argh... I thought they said they'd get get my stunt double to do this!
--
Colonel: Now Raiden, to hang from the railing, just press the action
button-
Raiden: The what?!
Colonel: The action button! You know, the action
button?
Raiden: ... this thing? *a gunshot is heard on his end, then
silence*
Colonel: Raiden? RAIDEN?! ... dammit, I knew we shouldn't have used
the VR boy!
--
Ocelot: *pelts Snake with teacakes* Take THAT!
Snake: Dammit, not this again!
--
Ninja sits there playing chapter two in MGS2, sweatdropping as he reaches
the point where Vamp enters.
Ninja: Those cheap bastards....
--
Ninja of MGS2: Just call me DeepThroat
Raiden: DeepThroat huh?
Stage Hand: *coughs*RipOff*coughs*
Director: That's it! You're fired!
--
Raiden dresses in enemy soldier attire
Raiden: Won't they know I'm not one of them because of my lack of
accent?
Colonel: That's not important now. What's important is you complete
your mission flawlessly.
Raiden:...That didn't even remotely answer my question...
--
Snake: Raven?! *sees the shadow on the wall and turns the corner quickly,
firing a shot*
Raven figure: Raaaaaaaa! *fires bbs at Snake*
Snake: Gah! That thing put my eye out!
Director: Wheres the genius that left that there?!