Disclaimer: I do not own The Vampire Diaries nor its characters. They belong to L.J. Smith, Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec, The CW Network, and whoever else.
Warning: Suicidal thoughts, vaguely implied rape.
Note: Extremely random one-shot. I wanted to try something different with Jeremy. Set directly after his last scene in 3x07. I have never written Rebekah before, and Vicki I very rarely write, so my apologies if I got them completely wrong. Feedback is very much appreciated though. :)
Lay Me In the Ground, Back Where I Belong
The hurt just wouldn't go away.
The streets are empty. Everyone is home, hiding from the monsters in the dark (they all know they exist, deep down in their bones, but they feign blissful ignorance).
No more ghosts running around, seeking their revenge or their peace.
Only the ghosts haunting Jeremy, the invisible ones. The phantoms that laugh at him; the ones that mock the empty pit of his soul. The ones that whisper he doesn't belong here.
The hurt doesn't get better. Ever. No matter how hard he tries to ignore it or fix it or fill up the void where the hurt lives, try to force it out with things that could make him happy.
Jeremy still feels a bullet in his chest every morning when he wakes up.
And they laugh, those phantoms. Echoes of memories; of ones real and ones forced upon him. Echoes from the void where part of his mind is missing. They taunt him, reminding him that he is incomplete.
That bullet hole wasn't the hole that hurt the most.
As hard as he tries, he cannot call Anna back. And he tries. Over and over. He thinks of every moment they've spent together, of every moment he's talked about her, of all the drawings he's done since her death, of the texts he never deleted from his phone, the voicemails he couldn't erase.
She doesn't pop up next to him. Her voice doesn't startle him from behind.
There is nothing (but the hurt).
Jeremy tells himself it's because she's moved on. He tells himself that she found her mother in those final moments, and they are together. Happy. He tells himself to be glad for her (because oh, what he would give to have his own mother back).
But the hole is emptier than ever now.
Bonnie won't let him use her to try and fill it again - he doesn't want to bother, anyway. She deserves better.
And he just can't force it anymore.
It's only because of experience with Anna that Jeremy knows he's being followed (stalked). The hairs on the back of his next, that sensation of being watched. Being hunted.
There aren't many options - but Jeremy doesn't care which one it'll turn out to be.
"Whatever you want, just do it," he tells the air as he comes to a stop. He's defeated and broken, he's lost everything (again).
The figure approaching from the darkness is blonde, so at first Jeremy braces himself for a lecture from Caroline that he's not going to bother letting her finish. But then she's closer, and he doesn't recognize her.
"Ahh, you're the doppleganger's little brother," the girl - woman, vampire, bitch - says with little curiosity while she looks over him as if inspecting him.
Jeremy swallows and turns. He starts walking again because he doesn't feel like keeping still while waiting for Rebekah - he assumes - to finally make a move. "Yep. Well, cousin, really," he adds. He's never made that distinction before. It's never mattered before.
(And then she filled Anna's head with worthless advice that won't do him any good, no matter what delusions Elena's filled her own head with.)
Rebekah is in front of him. Her eyes are narrow, her head cocked, and she looks displeased. "It appalls me, the lack of fear in the lot of you." She steps closer, invading his space, trying to intimidate him and unnerve him.
Jeremy just stares at her. He remembers a hand holding him by his neck and pinning him to the fridge. He remembers the confused face of what his ancestor and his uncle called a demon and thinking she was beautiful. He remembers the face of his sister becoming that of a monster. He remembers her holding him down and shoving her hands to places he didn't want them to go.
Rebekah makes a face, disgusted at his lack of reaction. She pins him to a tree - hands holding him there by his biceps, fingers digging into muscle. She grins a little when he winces. "I'll just have to teach you better."
"Go on and try," he whispers back. "This is old hat for me. And to be honest...I kind of like it," he tells her, but his voice is lifeless and blank, because he's not sure he can like anything anymore.
There is nothing inside him that can feel past the hurt.
(Anna, please.)
But she doesn't appear, worried and helpless and unable to do anything but try to comfort him through it as Rebekah's face becomes that of the demon, of the monster. There is no Anna there when teeth sink into his neck (he can never bring himself to drink vervain, but then again it probably wouldn't have done a thing anyway).
Jeremy is alone, with only phantoms and the pale original there to mock him.
Jeremy doesn't want to be alone again. Not again.
(Vicki.)
"It'll be okay, Jer," she whispers in his ear. There's no sensation of breath against his skin, there's no warmth of body heat as she stands next to him. She's angry and crying, and Jeremy knows that she hates him for shutting her out, for choosing Anna and Bonnie. But she stays there with him while Rebekah has her fun.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. He is. He's sorry he can't remember the moment she died. He's sorry he can't remember the fierceness with which he cared. He's sorry that it came to this, that he's calling her because there's no one else.
He really is sorry, because he wishes so badly that the both of them were Anna, and that he was pinned against the fridge again.
"It's okay, Jer," she lies, because that's what he needs as Rebekah yanks her head from his neck and stares at him, wondering if his sanity has slipped away.
"Right. You're the medium," Rebekah murmurs. She almost sounds interested.
Jeremy doesn't look at her. He stares at Vicki. He trembles, and tries to hide his body's involuntary reaction. He swallows down his shame while the phantoms of Katherine and Anna haunt him. Reminding him of his weakness, of when it was exploited and when it was something beautiful.
Rebekah slaps him. "Look at me." She slaps him again when he doesn't.
"Just look at her, Jeremy," Vicki tells him. "She can hurt you. She can hurt you really bad."
And Jeremy just laughs. "All I have is the hurt," he quietly replies, barely even a whisper.
Vicki's face trembles, and Rebekah sneers.
Jeremy closes his eyes, and prays that maybe tonight the hurt will finally go away.
(The truth is Bonnie never should have brought him back to life - because there isn't much for him to live for.)