Author's Note: Written for…
Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition. Team/Position: Montrose Magpies, Chaser 1 Task: Write about Sirius Black's 2nd year. Prompts: detention, plethora, ridiculous
Ludo Game Challenge. Prompts: crows, window, dirty
Never Again
"I need your help sliming my brother," Sirius announced at the lunch table, sending Remus into a coughing fit.
"I'm in," Peter said immediately.
"I was thinking maybe we could get Snape while we're at it…"
"I'm doubly in," James agreed, leaning over the table. "When do we do it and have you got any-"
"Never mind when," Remus interrupted. "Why are you threatening to prank your brother? Better question: why are you involving us?"
"Because my brother's become an idiot. I mean, he was never that bright, but my parents really did a number on him while I was away last year," Sirius explained, picking at his sandwich glumly. "Suddenly he's interested in blood status and refuses to talk to me because I'm in Gryffindor. I figure he needs to be taught a lesson, and I can't do it alone." He fixed his friend with his best puppy dog eyes. "Please? I need you guys."
Remus rolled his eyes, not believing a word of it. "Fine. You three are doomed without some adult supervision."
Sirius held back a retort in favor of dragging his friends up to their dorm where he'd stored a pail full of flobberworm goop he'd bought off Professor Kettleburn.
"This won't be easy," James said, kneeling down to examine the goop. "Especially not if we're getting Snape."
"They both have to head into the dungeons at some point, though. That's probably our best area of attack."
"We could do it after meals," Peter put in, wrinkling his nose at the pail. "Everyone will be heading in then."
"But then we'll get everyone else, and there'll be a greater chance of getting caught," Remus told them from his bed.
"I've got all that worked out," Sirius assured him. He reached under his pillow and pulled out a detailed sketch of what seemed to be a catapult. "All we need is a pot or ladle from the kitchens, and someone will need to get us a couple of branches. I've found an aiming spell so we can set it to target whoever we want. And we can use James' cloak to hide it and whoever's firing it!" He was practically bouncing with excitement as he explained the plan.
"This is ridiculous," Remus sighed. "It'll never work and you're going to get us all into trouble … but I'll do it."
Sirius grinned at him. It was nice seeing his friend come out of his shell and be reckless for once. He remembered vividly how shy and quiet Remus had been the previous year. He'd opened up some after the revelation of his condition, but certainly not enough to join Sirius and the others during their increasingly more elaborate late-night excursions.
He clapped his hands. "Alright, let's sort this out then. James, you've got the cloak so you get to sneak into the kitchens. Remus, I need your help with the spell, so that leaves getting the branches to you, Peter."
With their objectives in mind, the second-years split up for a few hours, until Peter trudged back into the tower with tousled hair, a ripped jumper, and an armful of sticks and twigs.
"What happened to you?" Sirius asked, helping to unload the wood.
"Crows," the boy wheezed, trying to catch his breath. "They were nesting in the tree."
"Good job. Thanks." Sirius clapped a hand on the boy's back before he and James got to work on building the catapult with sticking charms.
When they were finished, the machine stood two feet high and looked like a bunch of children had make it, as Remus wasted no time in telling them.
"Well, we are children, so thanks!" James pointed out.
Getting the contraption down to the dungeons proved to be more difficult than any of them had anticipated. They'd draped the invisibility cloak over it to avoid unwanted attention, but that still didn't help the fact that people would see the four Gryffindors heading down to the dungeons on a Saturday.
In the end they decided to wait until everyone else was occupied with lunch. Remus stood guard outside the Great Hall while Peter made sure the way was cleared all the way down to the dungeons for James and Sirius.
They positioned the catapult in a corner on the far side of the Slytherin common room, where no student would go unless they were headed for Slughorn's office. Sirius and Peter stayed with the machine – Sirius to set and aim the goop, and Peter to pull away the cloak at the right moment. Remus hid in a supply cupboard by the stairs, waiting to give the signal when he saw their targets, and James was to act as a distraction should any adults attempt to head into the dungeons.
It was a deceivingly well thought out plan.
None of the boys anticipated Slughorn skipping lunch, emerging from his office just as Regulus was heading for the common room. At the angle, directly across from the catapult, it was easy for him to see the slime soaring through the air, and Sirius' horrified face beyond it when the boy realized he'd shot too high.
"At least it works," Peter muttered as the corridor erupted with laughter from the hoard of Slytherins gathering to get a look at their head of house covered in slime.
Slughorn was quick in pulling the two boys into his office and sending a message to Dumbledore. The Headmaster caught James along the way. Remus, perhaps the most loyal of the bunch, surrendered soon after.
"The punishment is in your hands, Horace," Dumbledore said once points had been deducted and all boys had sat calmly through a lecturing. "I'm sure Argus would be more than willing to provide a plethora of possible detentions. Window washing, perhaps?"
Slughorn smiled in a way that left little doubt in Sirius' mind which house the man had once belonged in. "Oh, no, I shouldn't think that would be necessary. I have a classroom full of dirty cauldrons that need scrubbing and polishing by Monday morning."
Sirius felt the glares shot at him from his friends. And from Remus' direction, so low only he could hear: "Never again."