Summary: Fighting for peace sometimes means attending a gay inn.

R&R

A Crappy Mission

The mission had been good up until the point Naruto had decided that attending the carnival Snow Country was famous for was a must and should not be passed up.

That was when the shit hit the fan.

Literally.

"I told you you shouldn't have stuffed your face that much, that fast," Sakura said as she eyed the door that separated her from her teammate. After a beat and still no answer, she knocked lightly. "Naruto? You didn't pass out or anything, did you?"

"Passing out would be great right about now! My stomach feels like it's being ripped apart!" There was a slight pause before he exclaimed, "I think I might actually die, Sakura-chan!"

"You're not going to die, Naruto," the woman rolled her eyes. "You have a chemical-induced food poisoning. And a mild one at that."

"I'm gonna die," Naruto groaned.

"Unlikely," she snorted. "The worst case scenario are a few headaches, fevers, some vomiting, and diarrhea." She couldn't help a smirk as she traced a pattern on the door, adding in, "Although, you already know that part."

"Oh my God, I'm going to die and you're making fun of me!"

"Naruto, for the last time," Sakura growled, "you are not dying. I personally examined you, remember?"

"What if you're wrong and you misdiagnosed?" That was the only plausible explanation as to why his stomach continued to churn madly, making his intestines quiver. He must be close to death.

For a moment there was a long pause. Naruto bit his lip, partly because of his unsettled stomach but also out of nervousness. Was she rethinking her diagnoses after all?

Finally she said, "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Now are you going to come out?"

Naruto answered with an unhappy moan.

Shaking her head, Sakura turned away from the door to meet with her other teammates who were patiently waiting in the living room. "It's official," she announced, "Naruto has taken over the bathroom as his new bedroom."

Sai, who had been sitting on the sofa upon her return, suddenly got up with alarm. "But if he commandeers the only facilities we have at our disposable, where will that leave us to relieve ourselves?"

"Ever heard of taking it outside?" Personally, from all the noise Naruto had been making, she wouldn't mind ever using that restroom again.

"Of course. But I was thinking about you, Sakura."

She had been leaning against the wall, playing with the strands of her hair. She needed a haircut when she got back to Konoha, her ends looked atrocious.

That's if I ever get back. Thanks a lot Naruto Poops-A-Lot Uzumaki! "Huh? Why only me?"

"Well, I read in a book that girls have a different way than men when going to the bathroom. It's called squatting, I believe."

"Sai," Sakura blew her hair out in frustration. Even after six years of working with him and she still couldn't believe half of the things that came out of his mouth. "What have I told you of thinking before speaking?"

He blinked. "Do it more often?"

"Exactly." Her eyes roved the small area, finding her last teammate sitting on a smaller love seat. She nodded to Sasuke as she took the seat adjacent to his. "Did you get in touch with Tsunade-sama?"

He nodded. "She said we should take all the time we need in order for him to get better."

At this she rose a pink brow. "That's it?" Sakura had never known her master to be so understanding. Or at least not try to poke fun. Especially with a situation as... unique as theirs.

Sasuke paused before adding, "She laughed."

Yeah. That sounded more like her.

"How serious is it?" he asked.

"He thinks he's dying."

"How serious is it really."

"Not. We can be on our way back to Konoha once Naruto comes out."

"I beg to differ," Sai interjected as he walked in between his two comrades. "As Team Captain, I think it best we give Naruto all the time he needs in order to recuperate fully before heading off."

"Common, Sai," Sakura groaned. "He could be in there for days. And I want my haircut!"

"What?" both Sasuke and Sai frowned.

"Naruto said he thinks he's on the brink of death. But really all it is is an upset stomach. I'll give him a special tea specifically for this sort of thing, give him a couple hours and he should be fine. To which, we can then leave."

"As a medic you have a responsibility to every person in your care. Is that right?"

"Yes, but-!"

"Then I will no longer argue with you on this matter. My mind is made up." Sai walked away down the hallway to go check on their fourth and abruptly ending the argument.

The first to break the silence that settled over was surprisingly Sasuke who bluntly stated, "He's an asshole."

She would have laughed if she wasn't so upset. "He may have won the battle. But the war isn't over yet."

"What are you talking about, Sakura? You heard the Team Captain." Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"He wants to stay longer because of Naruto? Fine, he can take up as caretaker." Sakura strolled over to the corner where her things were stored. Already packed because she had been hoping for an early escape. "It doesn't mean I have to be here when things get uglier."

"You're leaving for Konoha?" Sasuke was already halfway to her side before she could so much as blink.

"Not exactly," she explained. "Once that door flies open... Well, lets just say you don't want to be here when it does."

Their eyes connected briefly and it gave Sasuke enough time to grab his bags from off the floor where hers had been. "I'm going with you," was all he said, leaving no room for argument.

Not that she would. "Fine."

Sai came back from asking Naruto if he needed anything to stumbled on his two teammates already heading for the door. "What's going on here? Where are you two going?"

"Sasuke and I will be spending the night elsewhere. Seeing as Naruto will need his rest to recover properly, we don't want to be a nuisance."

"I agree you two are quiet annoying, more so with all the sexual tension between you."

Sasuke and Sakura glared at him.

"But that doesn't mean you have to leave," he finished.

"Look, Sai," the medic nin walked right up to him and for a second, Sasuke was afraid she was going to kill Sai with her Kiss of Death. Not as far fetched considering he had seen her use it on their target earlier that day. But she merely blew at her bangs and said, "I'm a girl."

Sasuke blinked. That was it? That was her big counterattack to fight off Sai's explanation as to why they were leaving in the middle of the night? Where was the yelling, the punching? Where was her fiery tempor when they needed it?

He was sure he would have collapsed to the ground in shock when all Sai did was nod his head and say, "I will let you know when we are ready to depart," if it hadn't been for Sakura latching onto his arm and ushering him quickly out the room before Sai could change his mind.

They were twenty feet away from the inn when Sasuke could no longer hold in his curiosity. "What the hell was with the 'girl' comment back there?"

"Sai has been reading a book called Women in The Ages. Basically it says that the only thing women are good for is cooking, cleaning, and sexual favors." She snorted. "An outdated book, if you couldn't tell."

"And he thinks you're incapable of taking on the challenge that is looking after the idiot." Sasuke shook his head. "He is an asshole."

"Who cares so long as we aren't the ones suffocating under Naruto's stink."

They came across their fifth inn in the last half hour. Being the famous carnival that it was, Snow Country's resting establishments were packed when it came to finding a suitable place to spend the night.

Sakura was hoping that this was lucky number five as she approached the front desk. Otherwise, she and Sasuke would have to spend the night under the stars -there was no way she going back to that place. But before she could say anything, the man -or was it woman?- said in a husky voice, "I woun't waste ma breath, honey. We don' serve yo' kind here."

"Our kind?" Sasuke frowned. "You mean shinobi?"

"Ahh! Yous those ninja folk. Nah, I meant, you an' princess bubblegum ova der? I don' think dis place is yer cupa' tea."

"Because?" Sakura inquired.

"'Cuz you two are as straight as da pole I dance on."

"Oh," Sakura turned to Sasuke, finally understanding what was going on. "This is one of those places Sai was telling us about when we got here. The ones exclusive to taking in girl-on-girl or guy-on-guy clientele only?"

"What do you think are the chances we can convince Sai and Naruto to switch inns with us?"

"Please," Sakura ignored her partners rude gibe. "My friend and I have been awake for hours. All we ask is for a nights rest. Could it somehow be arranged?"

"Well..." The wo/man rubbed at her/his chin in thought. "Since yo' two are kinda cute, I s'pose I can make an 'xception dis once."

Sakura could have cried tears of joy. "Thank you, thank you! You have no idea how happy you've made us." Without a second thought, Sakura snatched the key to their room and bolted up the stairs, leaving Sasuke to stare after her. After he felt eyes stare at him longer than they should he, too, quickly made his way up to their room.

Sakura was already dropping her things on the floor and taking off her shoes when he entered. Not bothering to remove her clothes she plopped right onto the big bed. "Finally I can get some sleep." When she didn't feel the weight of a second person alongside her, she peeked open one eye to find her partner standing near opposite the end of the bed. "Sasuke-kun? What's wrong?"

"There's only one bed," he muttered.

"Yeah, so?" Sasuke glared at her. "You don't want to sleep with me?"

"Yes...no. I mean," he gulped. "Do you?" That wasn't what he had originally meant to say. But the words were already out and oh, would you look at that? Sakura was already sitting up and extending a hand for him to take. After a few seconds he did.

"I want to sleep with you, Sasuke-kun," she reassured sleepily. Sleep was fast invading her system. Too bad she couldn't say the same for Sasuke. The one time she was looking forward to his silence, and he decided to find his inner chatterbox.

"You do know that when I meant 'sleep', I actually meant-"

"Yes, I know what you meant but it's almost two in the morning and I haven't slept in over fourteen hours. I can barely keep my lips open to say all this, let alone wrap them around your co-"

"But you will? Wrap them around my co-"

"Please. Let me get some sleep. Just until the sun comes up and then..."

Her words trailed off. Sasuke turned to see her fast asleep. Not that it mattered. In just four hours the sun would be up and he would have her all to himself. So it was probably best he take her lead and get some sleep. He would need his rest to keep her screaming all morning.

He only hoped Naruto's bowel movements lasted that long.