Hey guys! This story is a Darvey one-shot which includes the 7*10 kiss and Harvey and Donna's reactions after the kiss. Aahh I still can't believe it actually happened! This is my first piece of fanfiction but I just had to write Darvey so here it is! Special thanks to Elsa M for inspiring me to try to write fanfiction 3. I really enjoyed writing this so hope you enjoy!
"Can't she see? The man she was meant to be with is standing right in front of her face. I just should have told her when I had the chance. But that's something I'm gonna have to live with for the rest of my life."
Harvey. The one. Maybe deep inside she had always known. His name echoed in her head. The thought of losing him jolted her, knocked her off balance. The feelings she'd run away from for so long now wedged in her throat, threatening to choke her as her legs gave up and she sank against the window sill. As if by fate, she heard his voice. He was saying something but nothing registered. It didn't matter. All she saw was him. All she wanted to do was to feel him in her arms. Her feet brought her to him and her arms reached for his neck as she crashed into him.
Her lips collided with his, silencing him mid-sentence. The world stopped for a moment; the seconds hung suspended in the air. All that existed was him and her, alone in an office, bodies crushed together. Their lips. Her hand. His hair. His lips were soft and warm against her own. She held him so tightly she could feel his heart beating wildly against hers. Her hands caressed him. His hair, his ear, his jaw, his cheek, his shoulder, his chest. The way she had longed to touch him for so many years but could not, instead watching from a distance, talking from a distance, barely touching. For all the nights she had let him leave. For all the times she walked away, watched him walk away. She felt him react to her kiss, leaning into her, hungry for her lips, passion so quickly replacing shock. As she pulled back, she felt him linger, felt his breath warm on her lips, felt the brush of his nose against hers.
She saw the warm brown eyes, the tortured face. His face reflecting all the feelings he could not put into words. For 12 years, he couldn't get them out of his mouth, always running, letting words slip, backtracking. Now they searched each other's eyes, asking questions and finding answers. She felt a little tear in her heart, a tiny crack splitting through it as her heart burst, leaking with all the words she never let herself say. Her hushed voice broke through the stunned silence.
"I'm sorry, Harvey. I just had to know."
His mouth hung open, the weight of a kiss 12 years in the making still heavy on his lips. He still felt her lips pressed against his, her hands in his hair, the whisper of her finger on his jaw. He felt the world spinning around him, toppling, twisting around him, as he stood stunned, his world knocked off kilter.
The kiss had done things to him. All his senses were overwhelmed by her, by the feeling of her, the kiss of her fingers on his skin. An intense, almost uncomfortable ache in his chest now replaced the quiet yearning he had always felt when she was around. He stood looking out at the skyline, half-dazed, holding onto the roof ledge for support. He caught himself wandering if was all just a dream. The soft night breeze played with his hair, reminding him of the way her fingers had run through his hair.
"Harvey." Her voice was soft in the quiet air, but he jumped, startled, as her voice pulled him out of his daze. He turned around to face her, feeling his heartbeat quicken at the sight of her, inwardly cursing the control she had over his body, his subconscious, his dreams. He stood facing her, the emotions swirling furiously around inside of him until one finally settled in his chest. The easiest one. The one he so often resorted to when faced with the mess of emotions that Donna caused. Anger.
Hot anger now began to fester in his chest as he realized the magnitude of what had just happened. His jaw clenched as he finally opened his mouth, his voice cutting through the tense silence like a knife.
"How could you do that, Donna?" his voice was nearly brimming with rage. "You betrayed me."
"What? When have I ever betrayed you?" She asked, caught off guard, her voice rising to match his.
"You made me cheat!" His voice shook with anger. "You of all people know how I feel about cheating." Pain flickered across his eyes for a brief second, a break in his armour. "You know how much my mother hurt me."
"I'm sorry, Harvey," she said. Her voice was torn. "I never meant to hurt you. But I was hurting, Harvey, for weeks, for months, for years. And I finally chose myself today. I can't apologize for that."
"Chose yourself by kissing me?" he asked, taken aback. "How does that make sen-"
She cut him off. "I was fed up Harvey. Of all those unanswered questions. Of wondering how you felt. I was so tired of doing this little dance that we do. I just had to know," she answered, her voice tired.
He saw the sadness in her eyes but he kept pushing, unwilling to let go of his hurt. "The one thing I've always been is loyal, Donna. You took that away from me."
"Loyal to what Harvey? Because from where I'm standing, you've been loyal to everything except us. You value loyalty so much? I've been loyal to you, Harvey, for more than 12 years. I stood by you every step of the way." She hated the way her voice shook and the tears began to fill her eyes, but she kept going. "I watched you fight for everything, everything but love. I watched you win every case you touched, I watched you be the hero of everything but your heart and mine. And I could never tell you because I knew you would run away. And I waited for the right time but it never came. So I did what I had to do, Harvey. Because you were too scared."
"Because I was scared? Oh don't you dare put this all on me."
"How is it my fault?" She asked, shock distorting her voice.
"I asked you what more meant. But you couldn't answer. You were leaving me again. So I had to move on."
"I asked you for time, Harvey. You didn't give me time! The next day, you went to her. You always did take the easy way out," she could hear the edge in her voice, pain forcing itself to be heard.
"The easy way out?" She could hear the irritation in his voice. "You didn't give me a choice. You didn't ask me what I wanted. You wanted to figure it out yourself. You ran. So don't blame me."
"I ran?" Even her laugh sounded broken. "I'm not the one who runs."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh you know what I mean, Harvey."
"No." He straightened. "No, I don't. Why don't you refresh my memory."
She took a deep breath and then threw the words out at him, cold air filling her lungs. "You ran to Paula when I said I wanted more just like you ran after you told me you loved me." She felt exposed in the cruel night air, so vulnerable beneath his gaze. Still she held her ground, looked him straight in the eyes.
She had never been a risk-taker, except with him. Love me how. I'm leaving you Harvey. I just had to know. He always took risks, except with her. The irony of it all.
He faltered, watched the pain settle in her eyes. He knew how much he had hurt her, was still hurting her. And he hated it. Hated that she didn't know. Hated that he couldn't tell her. "I didn't want to lose what we have, Donna," he said, his voice now soft.
"So you'd rather be safe than take a risk? Is that what you want to be for the rest of your life? Safe?"
"If safe means keeping you in my life, then yes, Donna. I want to be safe."
"Then maybe you are just a coward after all."
She saw the hurt flash across his eyes. "I'm not a coward, Donna."
"Then answer me."
"Answer what?"
She held onto his gaze, fierceness replacing the fear in her eyes. "Love me how?"
Her words knocked him off balance, his jaw falling ajar. The seconds stretched out.
"Donna." He could barely speak.
She searched his eyes, desperate for answers. She had always loved his big brown eyes. He so often struggled with getting words out, but his eyes always spoke so loud. A blessing and a curse in one.
He looked down, away from her gaze. He knew that his eyes would betray him.
He swallowed, "I can't, Donna."
"Why?"
He looked up, his eyes meeting hers again. "You know my track record. I screw everything up. I lose everyone.. that I get into a relationship with." He stopped, his voice broken. "You know the truth," he said finally. "You know how I feel. But I don't want to ruin everything we have, Donna. Don't make me answer."
"No, I don't know how you feel Harvey. I can't life my life this way anymore," she said, shaking her head. "I know we're complicated Harvey, but love is the one thing that is not complicated. If we forget fear, and consequences, and everything else, it's really the simplest of things. You know if you do or you don't. So just tell me, Harvey. If the truth is no, I can handle it. I'll move on, Harvey. But I need to know, so I can live my life. Can't you see we're stuck?"
He had never seen her so broken, so open, so exposed. But once again he stood tongue-tied, unable to find the words, still held back by the fear that made him keep her at arms length for all those years.
She could tell he was choking on words, struggling to get them out. Fighting this war against himself, against this wall he had built up from when he was just a boy. Protecting himself. Only the walls had constricted over the years, suffocating him, blinding him. From the fact that someone could love him so purely, so selflessly. So he had settled for everything that was easy, and that made him feel safe. Risk was for the courtroom, not for his heart. No, never for his heart. That was locked away.
Again he looked away, hiding the longing in his eyes. "I can't," he finally whispered again, choking on the words. They tasted bitter in his mouth.
Disappointment washed her face, settled in her chest. She turned away, away from those tortured brown eyes. Those eyes that had the same look they had night she had told him she loved him. The night had she left him for Louis. In his office alone. Again she walked away broken, leaving a just as equally broken man behind. A man once again left surrounded by nothing but the sound of silence and regret and the words that never made it past his lips.
He ran into Mike at the revolving doors. He looked concerned. Great. Just what he needed.
"Harvey, what happened? I just saw Donna leaving. She seemed..shaken up."
"Nothing. Nothing happened, Mike." He snapped, irritated.
Mike stopped short, understanding dawning on his eyes. She had taken his advice. She had told Harvey.
"Harvey.." he started. "Look I know it's not my place, but.." he paused, unsure whether he should continue.
"No, you're right. It's not," he retorted, reaching for the door.
Mike sighed. "Harvey, listen," he said. "Look, I know what you have with Donna."
"Mike. Stop right there-"
"No, you're gonna hear me out. You once told me you envied my relationship with Rachel. What you have with Donna, it's real. As real as it gets. Don't let her go because you're too scared to take the next step. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."
"Mike. You don't understand-"
"I know Harvey. I know you're gonna say it's complicated. That it might not work out. And a 100 other excuses I'm sure you tell yourself every day. You need to wake up, Harvey. You're gonna lose her."
There was a long pause before he finally gave up, "I know," he said, tired of denying it. "But can't you see I'm not good enough for her? I act like I have everything under control, but when it comes to love.." His voice trailed off. "All I do is hurt the people I love. That's why I keep her at a distance. Because she's everything to me."
"If she's everything to you then tell her, Harvey. You take risks every day. Take a risk where it counts."
"What if I ruin everything? What if I lose her?"
"Maybe you can't see it," Mike said, "but you're already losing her. She's strong, Harvey, but love makes us all weak. Don't hurt her by not taking a chance."
"It's not that easy Mike. I had panic attacks. If she leaves me for good.. I…"
"No Harvey, it's as simple as this. Do you love her?"
"Yes," he surprised himself with how easily the answer slipped out. "Of course I love her."
Mike found himself smiling, he'd finally gotten through to him. "Don't you see? That's all the answer you need."
Harvey's eyes widened as it dawned on him. After all those years. Imagine your life without her. It was so simple. Of course. All those years of struggling. He saw her face and he knew the answer and he almost laughed at the simplicity of it all. Donna. He finally let himself feel it, the longing for her overpowering him, engulfing him. Her eyes, her smile, her voice, her kiss. All he could see. All he could hear. All he could feel. A smile lit up his face, that Specter smile that took over his whole face. "Thank you, Mike."
"You're welcome, Harvey. Now go tell her. You're not getting any younger. You know that, right?" Mike laughed, a cocky smile lighting his face.
"You know what Mike, it's your lucky day. Because I'm just gonna let that slide. This time," Harvey said, unable to wipe the smile from his face. "Thanks Mike," he said again, clapping him on the back a little bit harder than necessary. "I'm gonna go make things right."
Donna sat on her couch, a glass of wine in her hand, the events of the evening flashing through her head. Another messy evening, another one to add to the long list that had added up over the years because of him. She would wipe the memory of that kiss out of her mind. Just like she had wiped away memories of the other time. She had laid it all out on the line today, again. He had run away. Again. That same familiar cycle. She was tired. Tired of it all. She knew how Harvey was. How he ran away when things got real. With Scottie, with Zoe, with all the woman who dared to touch his heart. So she had pretended. Because you can never go back. The feelings just go away, eventually. But she couldn't leave. She was stuck. He was her best friend, the love of her life, her other half. It would break her. It would break him. In typical fashion, she found herself once again thinking about how it would affect him, how it would hurt him. Habit of 12 plus years.
A knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts. She sighed. She knew it was him. She knew what he would say. He would say, "I don't wanna lose you," or "I can't be me without you," or something along those lines. And he would expect everything to go back to normal. She decided to open the door anyways, to tell him she was done. Completely done. Done putting him over herself. She unlocked the door, swinging it open, ready to slam it back in his face as soon as she was done telling him everything she needed to say. But then she saw the look in his eyes, and it froze her on the spot. A soft smile lifted the corners of his lips, and she could feel herself melting under the intensity of his brown-eyed gaze.
"Donna," he paused. "I broke up with Paula. I told her. It's you. I think she knew. We both knew."
"Know," he corrected himself.
She stood stunned, the air frozen around her.
"Know what?" she heard herself say. Her voice sounded so small, so far away.
Harvey looked into those big, beautiful brown eyes with hints of hazel and green and his chest ached from just how much he loved her. Those eyes that had once held so many secrets, but now were emptied of everything but hope. A wild sort of hope that lit her face up because he knew his eyes said it all too. He knew she read the answer in his eyes. But he wanted to say it anyways. Words were long overdue. He opened his mouth to repeat the words he had said what felt like a lifetime ago. "You know I love you, Donna." This time, though, he leaned in and said softly in her ear. "You know how." And this time he was not leaving. A smile spread across her face. That beautiful smile that made the world stop. The smile that turned his stomach into knots, sent flutters through his heart.
"I know."
He took her face in his hands, his hands gentle, tender against her skin. He felt the copper waves slip through his fingers, felt the slight tremor run through her body in response to his touch as he leaned in to press his lips onto hers. The kiss was soft and gentle, but mingled with longing and hunger as he held her close to him, his arms wrapped around her waist. She stood on her toes as she kissed him, leaning into him. Into the warmth of him, into the feeling of his arms around her, into the taste of his lips on hers. And he found home in her touch and she found home in his arms, in a kiss so sweet it almost tasted of whipped cream.
"Speaking of whipped cream," he said as they broke away, a grin plastering his face.
"Who was talking about whipped cream?" she asked, a smile stretching across her face in response to his.
"Oh you were thinking it," he said, still grinning, producing a can of whipped cream seemingly out of nowhere.
A lilting laugh, "Harvey… how?" she asked. "Where did that come from."
He laughed, his eyes twinkling, before he reached over to take her face in his hand again, his expression turning serious.
"I love you more than anything, Donna. Don't ever doubt that," he said in the tone of voice he only ever used with her.
She got caught up in his eyes again, in the overpowering beauty of the moment, realizing how much she loved him, how far gone she was. Her heart was completely his.
"I love you too, Harvey," she said, her voice thick with emotion.
She looked into the face of the broken man that she loved. He had broken her too over the years, she realized. Except now their broken pieces fit together perfectly, their smiles made to fix each other, their bodies made to hold each other.