"Dean what's the matter with you lately?" Sam questioned, he had grown frustrated with Dean's attitude and the way he acts around him. It wasn't usual for Dean to keep secrets from his brother but something was definitely up.
"Nothing. It's nothing really, I'm fine." Dean wasn't sure that what he had kept bottled up inside would sounds to great coming out; he had no idea how Sam would react and it scared him.
"Enough, alright. Something's been up from the get-go. Just tell me." Sam pinched the bridge of his nose; he knew that his brother wasn't the type to share his feelings but Sam knew that something was going on with his brother and he had a slight inkling at what it was.
"Sam I just can't. Now drop it." Dean turned away from Sam and moved towards his duffle bag, he began to fold a pair of jeans to put away; in the hopes that Sam would drop the conversation.
"You can tell me anything, you know that. You're my brother Dean there's nothing I can't handle." Sam took a seat at the end of Dean's bed to try and gain Dean's attention, even though his brother was ignoring him.
"Sam I just can't, okay? All I'm saying is that you're my weak spot…and I'm yours." Dean still couldn't say what was on his mind, he envisioned a smiling Sam; happy and in his element and there was no way he could make that smile disappear.
"What are you afraid is going to happen? This is me remember…." Dean sat himself next to Sam and placed a brotherly hand on his shoulder.
"You have no idea what you're talking about." Dean hated to admit it but yes, he was afraid. Afraid of his brother leaving him once again and this time not coming back.
"Yes…yes I do. I know you, you're too scared to tell me how you really feel Dean!" Sam began to raise his voice, the moment the brothers lie to each other is the moment when they lose all trust. Sam just wanted answers a little short of the 'macho crap'.
"Really?" Dean was frightened that Sam might know something.
"Yeah, I know you better than anyone else in the entire world. Just tell me, please." Dean nodded his head weakly. He figured that Sam wanted to know so badly that he had to tell; whether Sam liked it or not he would give his brother what he wanted.
"Alright…I just…" Dean found it hard to formulate a sentence, his nerves were making him shiver; his body began to sweat, "I just want us to be together." He finally spat out.
"We are together Dean…" Sam gulped anxiously. He now knew that what he thought he knew about his brother's feelings was true.
"Like together, together. I like you Sam." Sam bit his lip and clenched his jaw for a moment as he processed what his brother had just said.
"Dean…I-I thought so. I've seen the way you look at me, the way you try and protect me from everything. I've seen how jealous you get when other women are around me." Dean hung his head, he was deeply embarrassed; too embarrassed to even look at Sam because he knew that what Sam was saying was all true.
"Then why did you make me say it, hu?" Dean was a little annoyed that his brother knew his darkest secret and didn't confront him about it, especially a secret this huge.
"I wanted to see if it was really true…" Sam had known for a while but throughout that time he hadn't come up with a practical and moral response to Dean's feelings.
"Well it is. What are you going to do, walk out on me or throw a few punches because you're welcome to do so man." Dean knew in his head how sick and wrong his feelings were after all Sam was his brother.
"What, why would I do that? Dean whatever you're going through I'll help you get through it." Sam didn't feel the same way as Dean did but he knew what it was like to be in love and it's a helpless feeling that you can't control no matter how hard you try its above you.
"Sam this is not a phase! God, I wish it were but it isn't. I've tried sleeping with girls and alcohol…for at least two years. It's not working Sam." Sam didn't know that Dean had been suffering with these feelings for that long.
"Dean I-" Sam was cut off.
"- There's no way you can help me, okay? There just isn't. I shouldn't have said anything. Just…forget it, okay?" Dean desperately wished that he hadn't of said anything because he hadn't been prepared for rejection and so far it hurt and it hurt badly like there was a sudden hole in the bottom of his stomach that couldn't be filled.
"Just calm down and we'll talk about it in the morning." It was getting on past midnight and they had been driving all day, they were exhausted and restless.
"Yeah, sure." Dean just wanted to get to bed as soon as possible and for it to have all just been a bad dream and that he would never have liked Sam and the both of them were fine.
"Dude, I got you breakfast. Wake up." Sam nudged Dean forcefully, like an ordinary morning. Sam had brought Dean a cup of coffee and a toasted bagel from the café down the street.
"Hu, oh. Thanks." Dean looked around to see the all too familiar cardboard coffee tray, the smell of fresh filter coffee filled his nose this early on Thursday morning.
"I got you the paper too." Sam threw the newspaper at the end of the bed.
"Cheers." Dean sat up in bed and grabbed a coffee, the coffee was hot and burned his palm slightly but he didn't mind it because the coffee was worth it.
"So, how you feeling?" Sam noticed that Dean didn't sleep right away last night as the motel table was ransacked with beer cans and a half empty bottle of whiskey.
"Little hung over but I'm fine. What about you-you okay?" Dean asked nervously, he tried to avoid eye contact with his brother because it now felt awkward between them.
"Yeah, no I'm alright." The boys left it at that, they didn't speak to each other much that day or even the day after that because it was too awkward and nobody really had anything to say except for the fact that Dean became even more angsty and broody. They didn't talk about Dean's unrequited love for some time almost like they had 'forgotten'.