22 Nov 2018: Rewritten this so it's a little more up to standards with the rest of my writing, while trying to keep it as close to the original as possible.

Alright kiddos- has everyone packed their bleach and mind soap? Good, 'cos you'll need it after seeing this atrocious mess of a crackfic! Enjoy ;)

Ganondorf thought that going on a camping trip in the Lost Woods with his fellow antagonists would be a good idea. He was wrong.

The villains were sitting around a campfire, and judging by the look on their faces also probably bored as hell. They thought it would be a fun idea to tell campfire stories to ease the night away, because nobody can sleep and has severe insomnia apparently. It had been Zant's turn - Unfortunately as good of a tactitian as Zant was, telling stories was clearly not in his forte.

Ganondorf stared disbelievingly at the twili.

"Are you kidding me?", he groaned

Zant remained silent.

Ghirahim was painting his fingernails with Cia, who was listening to Chandelier on her EyePod by SheikahTech, and muttering something about goddess dogs and twigs under his breathe. Cia meanwhile was fantasizing about Link's oh-so-goooood chest and how very, very- so extremely so that you can't even begin to imagine it- firm it must be.

"Zant, please promise me never to volunteer as storyteller again,"

"I just some need practise-" he defended only to be cut off by the only one canon to have any eyebrows whatsoever, and big ginger bushy ones at that.

"That was extremely boring and soulless-"

"Just like you," chimed in Ghirahim, twirling a lock of Ganondorf's ginger hair between his fingers. Yuga hit him over the head with a paintbrush.

"Don't be an ass, you dumb-blonde!" Yuga chastised. He was very butthurt about gingers being referred to as "having no soul". He was a very butthurt person in general.

"First, I am not blonde," he flipped his hair flamboyantly around, causing the previously non-existent pink glitter to fly everywhere and even land in the fire, thus causing the flame to magically turn a bright ugly pink. A unicorn jumped out and chased Ganondorf and Vaati into the woods. "Second, I actually needed to use a dumb blonde's soul to fill in the void of one when I revived his predecessor."

Cia overheard the way those two miniature Kefkas were referring to blondes and stood up, her boobs bouncing up comically.

"I'll have you two freaks know that blondes are not dumb-!"

"But you're not even blonde! Why are you so butthurt?!" a confused Vaati yelled from the deeps of the Lost Woods, who had managed to chase away the unicorn with the help of a certain ginger. How nothing happened to them camping in this place, like being transformed into a gang of stalfos or something, we shall never know.

"Shut up midget, Link is-"

"Oh for Din's sake woman, enough with that welp!" Ganondorf grunted, not unlike a boar.

As the two Kefkas, midget(Levi from SnK anyone?), porkchop and big-boobed anime lady continued their barrage of hair colour myths - Malladus muttered under his breathe something about women and deku babas.

Zant proceeded to sit down and read a book, the only light source was pink thanks to that goddamn prostitute and his gay rainbow-filled heart. Volga came back from the woods, because earlier he left since Zant's story was so boring. Unfortunately(for him) since no one can see his eyes and therefore he can't see anything he deeply inhaled one of the pink glitter ashes- causing him to start choking hysterically, and cough up pink fire.

Wizzro peeked over Zant's shoulder, his one red eye opened widely. He skimmed his eye other the pages, trying to make sense of what Zant was reading.

I couldn't decide if his face was beautiful or not. I suppose the features were perfect.

Wizzro was puzzled, until he remembered that one night in Cia's bedroom where they all(except Ganondorf because he is that mature, annoyed father-figure who always cooking eggs without bacon) came up with a challenge to read a terrible book each. From what he remembered, Ghirahim got Fifty Shades of Grey, Zant got The Shadow God and Wizzro got-

Twilight.

You know it's serious when both bold and italic are used.

Wizzro let out a bloodcurdling shriek upon realizing his mistake of peeping over the twili's shoulder. How could Zant look at such a thing, let alone read it! That book was known to mentally scar anyone who read it!

Zant screamed in response to Wizzro's god-awful shriek which began to extend far beyond the normal hearing capabilities of any living creature. The book fell out of his shaking hands and into the fire.

The two Kefkas, midget, porkchop and rabid fangirl stopped their bickering and ran over to the sight of the tragic incident. Ganondorf and Vaati's eyes starting to tear up due to some of the embers from the pink fire getting stuck in their eyes while Volga went into the woods to relieved himself his pink predicament.

But then...

Cue Ghirahim raising his arms in melodramatic fashion-

From the ashes of the book..

Emerged the powerful, ferocious..

Edward Cullen

Edward looked down upon the group of villains, his sparkling radiance shone up to high heaven. Then Rihanna's Diamond began to play at an earsplitting volume in an instance, causing Veran to die from a heart attack, while Onox was reduced to mere ashes.

Ganondorf shrieked like a little girl that had just seen a clown(funny enough he didn't shriek at Yuga or his dad Kefka), while Vaati's eyes were watering uncontrollably and felt horribly itchy especially since he couldn't scratch his eyes or else he would go blind. Actually, that may not be so bad of an idea right now.

Zant went to the fire and bowed down to Saint Edward, King of the Sparkling Fairy Vampires that decide the fates of all Living Things.

Ghirahim looked up, his eye pupils shrinking so much you would need a microscope to see them.

"He stole my song-!" Demon Prostitute Miley Cyrus wailed.

"Twilight was first published on October 5th in the year 2005 while the first movie was released on December 3rd in the year 2008, making the book six years older than our debut game, the Legend of Zelda; Skyward Sword that was released-"

said Demon Prostitute Miley Cyrus turned around to face a blue and purple(like his undereyes) girl who's facial expressions were about as diverse as Kirsten Stewart's. Wait... Edward... Was Fi actually Bella?

"Why, hello there, bored as hell cute little blue will o' the wisp who is actually a robot-sword and may or may not be my sister!" Ghirahim said with false confidence, performing a bow.

Meanwhile Zant was busy nibbling the fungal-infection off of Edward Cullen's toes. Yuga turned toward Cia. He then proceeded to drag her off by the arm and into the Lost Woods where Saria's Song played itself endlessly on repeat like a broken record. Cia didn't retaliate whatsoever. Infact she kept up with the ginger who had just offended the IQ capacity of blondes a bit earlier.

Zant couldn't tell stories, Ganon and Vaati had nearly been impaled by a unicorn and Saint Edward, King of the Sparkling Fairy Vampires that decide the fates of all Living Things had come, while Diamond by Rihanna that was actually written by Sia(Cia) was playing at earsplitting volume while Ghirahim was trying to socialise with his sister who if she had a human form and stole his cape probably could pass off as Mikasa Ackerman.

It was then...

THAT WRETCHED GODDESS DOG CAME IN AND STOLE THE GIRL!

The audience of liars, murderers, and no eyebrows except for one guy with bushy ones and a non-canon anime chick with thin white ones looked up in disbelief as the stripper had unfortunately slipped into his habit of screaming out his nickname for Impa- who prefers cats - along with her apparently taking some girl, no idea who, just after a dramatic pause, spreading his arms out like he was trying to grow wings(or maybe hug Demise). Zant slowly looked David Bowie in the eyes and said;

"You know I absolutely hate Twilight,"

Ghirahim let down his arms, and smile deviously at Zant.

"I am aware."

Ganondorf grunted like a pig and he felt a sleeping Vaati fall onto his lap, right on those huge, muscular thighs-

"Could somebody get him off of me?" Ganondorf asked. Nobody raised their hand. A high feminine voice inquired;

"Can I take a picture?"

"Fine."

Yuga stepped out from the crowd of misfits and got out his EyePhone, preparing to take a pic. The sound of crickets could be heard chirping in the background. Volga breathed fire on a twig and watched it burn. It was satisfying. Ganondorf soon realised that the camera sound effect hadn't played. He waited a bit more until he realised what his apparent lovechild with Kefka was doing. He was taking a video. And that was weird.

Like, why?

A smug, slender smile crossed Yuga's red lips.

He quickly scurried off into the woods.

"Well, goodnight everyone." Wizzro said, despite being an entity that could not comprehend the feeling of sleep because he was pretty much a ring-

Meanwhile in Middle Earth

Gollum howled pitifully. He had lost his precious. After he had miraculously survived the fall into lava, he found himself a new ring. Now it was gone. Those filthy Bagginses!

After few long, drawn out moments that felt even longer than the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy - Yuga had returned. He budged his apparent half-sibling by Kefka into the seating area(and that was the dirty, smudged ground that said sibling wanted nowhere near his white stripper outfit) and pressed on something. He(who up until Hyrule Warriors Legends could have passed off as a strange female) then showed the EyePhone out for everyone to see.

The video had been edited so that Careless Whisper was playing in the background with red roses bordering the screen completed with cringe-worthy Japanese lines littering the screen.

"Ganondorufu oni-sama!"

"Aishite!"

"Anata ga aishiteru!"

Ganondorf covered his face with his palm, shaking his head. Of course he shouldn't have let Yuga take a pic or in this case vid.

"Aw hell yeah, Ganon x Vaati!" Malladus laughed.

"I shall now go and write a glorious fanfic to honor the wonderful masterpiece that has been made!" Ghirahim then proceeded to take out his Banana Laptop and open up notepad, before noticing the state of his clothing.

"...Why would you do this to my God?" Zant wailed. He could never get the image out of his mind now. Thanks alot Yuga!

Then Demise came out of the bushes and was singing You're Welcome from Moana- You know, now that I think about it, he does kinda look like the lovechild of Maui and Te Ka...

The more you know

They all stared at him, except for you-know, who just ran up to demonic Maui and wrapped his arms around him. Then Careless Whisper began playing loudly, although not the horrible aforementioned earsplitting volume that accompanied Diamond that was actually written by Cia not Sia for Rihanna. Ganondorf picked up the still sleeping minish and carried him off to their shared tent. Very faintly, Malladus whispered;

"Off to the Master Bedroom, where all the magic happens."

Which cost him a punch to the face from Zant.

Cia looked grossed out at the whole event of Ghirahim being rocked back and forth in Demise' arms, the latter whispering his pet name for him- Gigi, as he gently lulled the hyperactive and very insomniac demon sword to sleep. She was even more grossed out when the Devil himself licked Gigi's forehead with that huge black tongue as a grotesque form of a goodnight kiss.

"In all my years of watching..." She muttered disdainfully under her breath.

Soon, everyone went to their tents(Unfortunately for Yuga, Maui had squidged in with him and Gigi) and more-or-less fell asleep...

Except for Zant of course. Thanks Yuga!

You're Welcome!