A/N: This first chapter will go from directly where the midseason finale left off, from Rayna's pov, her thoughts in my perspective. I want to show the journey how I would love to see it. Let me know your thoughts and ideas and I hope you like it :)
It had taken a lot for her to get to this point. For her to finally see what he had probably seen from the beginning. How had she let it get this far? She hadn't been happy, but she kept on going because this was what her company needed, it was what her career needed and she loved him. At least that's what she had told herself. In all honesty she had no idea what she was doing and from the moment she had decided to show up to that premiere instead of the Bluebird, she had been unhappy.
Her life had become such a mess. Her children were miserable and the times they weren't, they ended up doing things or saying things she had never thought they would. They hadn't been raised that way. But she should have seen it coming, she should have talked to them, paid better attention instead of just going with it all and then go on tour, thinking it would get better.
And while this whole relationship was supposed to be good for her label and well, she did win 6 CMA awards and her album went to number one and she got tons of press, she had sacrificed a lot and was this really the way she had wanted to become successful? Riding the coat tails of being the Kind and Queen of country music? She did more press than she ever did, had given away private information not just about herself but had practically sold out others around her and finally realized just how familiar this situation was becoming.
She could still remember the night she saw Deacon so many years ago as she was just about to walk down the aisle. He was fresh out of rehab and the look of shock and pain etched on his face made her want to hold him tight and never let go. He begged her not to do this, told her over and over how he would do better now, he wasn't going back, he was there to stay now, sober and a better man and he loved her and she loved him. But the words of her sister, of Coleman, of basically everyone close to her echoed in her head. He was toxic to her and their unborn child needed a safe environment and a happy home, a stable home, one he would never be able to provide. And so she stood her ground and told him she had moved on and she was getting married to someone who she could depend on and they were having a baby. She could see his heart crumble and it was so hard not to run back and tell him it was all a lie and she did love him. But instead she turned around and went back inside her house and closed the door, only waiting a moment before sliding to the floor and bursting into tears.
Teddy had accused her years later of cheating on him emotionally since the beginning. She had always been in love with Deacon and while she loved Teddy too, it wasn't the same kind of love.
And here she was again. She had told Deacon she had moved on and so should he. She had said Luke and her had a clean slate, one she could never have with deacon. But she knew it was all a lie, a cover up. She was terrified that they would end up as they did back then, that he would end up as he did, tearing her down and going right back to alcohol and drugs, like she had feared him to do every time something went wrong. Yes he had been great with Maddie and she could see he had changed. But that fear was still there and so she chose the safe option. She chose the next Teddy and while she knew this would end badly, she couldn't go through it. She saw the anger and pain on Luke's face this time as she finally admitted to herself and to him how she really felt. Yes a big part of her decision was Deacon, but more so it was her and the life she now barely recognized. This wasn't what she wanted, not for her and definitely not for her girls.
Her life had turned into almost a reality show. She had been chased down the street by paparazzi for heaven's sake. And their new celebration of Christmas was a fake one with camera's and acting happy with over the top decorations and outfits she would never wear. She almost felt embarrassed when Deacon caught her in that situation. And it hit her when he questioned her on what she had done, how she had sold out their relationship to a magazine. Yes, she wanted to keep Maddie out of it, but she hadn't asked Deacon, she just took what they had and gave it away for all to see, something sacred she had vowed never to give away. And he said exactly what she had been thinking deep down for so long, he couldn't understand how she could live her life like that. And then again he professed his love to her when she had gone to explain it at all and her fear got the best of her again and she shot him down harshly.
She realized it all now, she really did. It felt like such a relief to drive away from Luke's ranch. That was it, no turning back. No more rock, no more King and Queen of Country. It was Rayna Jaymes again. No more apologizing for whatever didn't suit Luke or apologizing to her kids for going along with all the over the top ideas he had and how their lives were changing for the worse.
It was back to the three of them and hopefully somewhere along the line, the four of them. If he would ever talk to her again after she kicked him down over and over again. She knew this was far from over though. The press would soon find out that the wedding was off and so would their honeymoon tour be that everyone had worked so hard for. Her career might take a hit and maybe so would her label. But she had to do this. It was necessary. They would make it through, she always did. She had gotten where she was because she wouldn't give up and she had worked long and hard for all of it. She wasn't about to give it up. It would be okay. But before all of that happened, she had to go home and let her family know that it was over. They weren't going to Australia for Christmas, there would be no tour and definitely no boarding school.
As she drove home, tears running down her face, she let it all go through her mind, wondering how this would all turn out. This would be okay. It would. Wouldn't it?