Title: Love.
Author: Helena Aenea
Archive: if anyone wants it, tell me where
Rating: Tame, very tame.
I'd give it a U (G for 'mercins) but the film classification people
would probably give it a PG-13 at least for homosexual ideas.
Paring: Dumbledore/? Dumbledore/Snape Harry/Ron
McGonagal/Hermione
Note: Only a brief reference is made to ?, but it would
spoil the surprise if I told you now who he is. Also I refuse to be squicked by underage sex. I had sex when I was 15, besides the house
of commons has voted to reduce the homosexual age of consent to 16 in line with
the het age of consent (in England) and I reckon that wizards are more sensible
than the house of Lords. However if you
are there isn't actually any sex as such (I can't write it no matter how hard I
try) but if you still don't like the idea DON'T READ IT! You have been warned.
Note 2: this is my first HP fic, please tell me what you
think good/bad/useless. Please be
constructive, I have marshmallows to toast on flames though.
Spoilers: what you haven't read the books? No, no actual
plot spoilers for any of them.
Summary: Everyone (nearly) finds out who they love and have
fun except Albus who has a forbidden passion.
Disclaimer: not mine, hers points to JKR I wonder
what she would think if she saw this… anyways, I'm not making any money here,
and she ain't loosing any (don't tell me she was going to use any of these
ideas.)
I am drawn to the mirror of Erised, every night I look in it and I always see the same, my one
true desire – the one thing I know that I can never have.
"Headmaster?" Typical of my bad luck with such things, I am
interrupted in my musings.
"Yes Severus."
"What is it that you see?"
"?"
"What is it that you come back every night to see?"
I don't want to tell him, I don't want to tell anyone and I
search for something to say, but when I look into his eyes I can tell what he
wants me to say. I don't speak but
instead I step closer to him, bend my head slightly and kiss him, hard. He is not who I really want, but he will
do. Perhaps in time I will be able to
stop wanting _him_ and be happy with what I can, and do, have.
~~~~~
I wake in his arms, he is smiling down at me, I look into
his eyes and I know,
"It's not me you see in the mirror is it?"
His answer is whispered, "No."
"Who then do you see."
"It does not matter, not now, not ever."
I reach up and run my hand through his hair and remain
silent, waiting for him, I will wait forever if I have to.
"I loved him when I was young, it ended, it had to end."
"Nothing has to end, Albus, nothing."
"This did."
And I know that he will say no more, not today and I realise
that we are going to be late down for breakfast and, kissing him lightly, I
rise, throw on my robe and leave, as I do so he catches my arm.
"I…I, don't want you to leave me Severus, please"
"I have to change Albus, look at me – what would the
students think?"
"Tonight then?"
"Of course headmaster, I don't let things go that easily."
I smile to reassure him as I leave.
~~~~~
I don't know what the students will think, but I was shocked
when Severus came into the hall, late, looking happy. Severus Snape, happy? That must be a first. He walked over and sat by Albus and I
understood, I never thought that. Well
not everybody is easy to read, I return my attention to my breakfast and my own
dillema – I too am in love, although I do not show it like Severus does, with a
student no less. I do not know what to
do, and this is not something which I am accustomed to. I always know what to do, always.
~~~~~
Only five minutes ago I was panicking about my unfinished
potions essay but now… I don't know what's gotten into Snape, he looks…happy.
Snape, happy? How odd. I hope his good
mood will last.
Snape is still in a good humour, what luck! He hasn't even asked for our essays and has
given us a potion to make that is supposed to make you happy. I'm not sure how but then I never seem to
make these things work properly any way.
I think he's gone mad, he gave Gryffindor 20 points when Hermione was
helping Neville and took 50 form Slytherin when Malfoy complained.
"What's
gotten into Snape?"
"Dunno, you
should be more grateful Ron."
"Didn't you
see him and Dumbledore at breakfast?" Hermione has turned round and is talking
to us, and Snape hasn't noticed yet.
"No, why?"
"Harry, you
are stupid, isn't it obvious, they are _so_ doing it!"
"No way!"
"Not so
loud Harry, Snape'll here us."
Personally I don't think he would care,
"No Neville, take it off the flame first."
I am surprised that Herminone had thought of Snape and
Dumbledore together. I guess my Muggle
prejudices are getting in the way, because it makes sense. I think, though, that I am slightly more
surprised to catch Ron staring at me when I turned back to the potion.
Snape decides that we have had long enough and that we must
now drink the potion – as always the proof is in the pudding. Normally Snape seems to delight in turning
us back when potions fail and we turn ourselves various improbable colours,
today though he checks that we have all made it correctly before making us
drink it. I drink it and for once
something we made in potions class tastes nice. It doesn't seem to _do_ anything thought – even Neville is still
the normal colour, but then I am still not sure just what it was supposed to
do. Snape dismisses us – with no
homework!
Transfiguration, fun! Not.
Normally it's good, after an hour with Snape but today what with Snape's
good mood and all, we aren't really looking forward to Mc'Gonnagall's
lesson. Turning matchboxes into toads
can be fun, but mostly we just listen to her droning on about the theory behind
it all. Transfiguration its self is
fine I guess, but Mc'Gonagall never teaches us anything interesting. She will be surprised when the time comes
for our practical exam, me and Ron and Hermione have been saving this little
surprise for sometime… she'll never guess – she thinks we're all useless and
could never… But then I am my father's son, and if he could do it by himself,
so can I. That'll show her. Whilst I try hard to listen to what she is
saying and avoid trying to catch Ron staring at me again I look over at
Hermione, she is too busy staring at Mc'Gonagall to notice me… Hang on,
Hermione staring at Mc'Gonagall, uh?
~~~~~
The day goes by too slowly, it seems that it will never
end. I long to see him, to be with him
again, yet I must wait until tonight before I can have him to myself
again. No doubt everyone is astonished
that I am suddenly happy, but I can hardly be my usual self, no matter how much
they need to learn to handle it. Being
soft on them will never make them fit to fight, but today I am happier than I
have ever been, and I can't not express it.
~~~~~
I am going to have to tell him. I can't hide it for ever and he deserves to know. I don't know how he'll take it, sometimes he
can be so… well, I can't even think of a word for Severus… I'm sure there is
one somewhere.
I don't know how to tell him though, I can't just say it out
of the blue, he'll die of shock, and I can't have that.
~~~~~
Hermione is staring at me, she is, I've been thinking about
this all lesson, I kept thinking that she couldn't be, but she is. I still don't know what to do though, I'll
have to decide soon though, I can't just ignore the issue for ever.
~~~~~
Is professor Mc'Gonagall looking at me, no, I'm seeing this
though rose tinted specs. She's
probably just looking at everyone – to check that we're working no doubt. I
don't think I've heard one word she's said today.
"Class
dismissed, Miss Granger, can I see you please?"
What, what did she say?
"Now you've
done it Hermione."
"What?"
"She wants
you to stay behind, didn't you even
here that?"
"Yeah Ron,
like you were paying any attention you've been staring at Harry all day."
Ron is right, now I really have gone and done it. And I'm going to get yelled at by professor
Mc'Gonagal, perhaps if I change that would impress her and then I… No, we
agreed not to tell before the exams.
Just what I need, this is really going to make my day.
"Hermione?"
"Yes
professor?"
Oh my God! She's not, yes, she is, I can see it in her eyes,
she's going to kiss me.
"Hermione?"
"Oh,
professor!"
"Minerva,
please."
"Minerva,"
I know I sound like a purring cat, I don't care, I've wanted this for too long.
"Can you
see me tonight?"
I think I 'm going to pass out, however that potion was
supposed to work it seems to have done something.
"Oh,
Minerva, yes, yes, of course I can, my room mate sleeps heavily, I can get out
fine, I'll see you then."
Oh, I can't believe it!
I reach up and kiss her lightly and dash off for my next class.
~~~~~
Sitting in the common room doing homework I again notice Ron
staring at me.
"Ron, can I
talk to you?"
"You are."
"No,
upstairs."
We leave the common room and go up to our room and I am once
again glad that as members of the sixth form we have our own room.
"Ron, I
don't think that you've done a scrap of work all day."
"What…I, I"
"You've
been too busy staring at me to do anything.
I'm surprised that you haven't turned yourself purple or the desk into a
toad…"
"I, I…"
"Oh do shut
up Ron."
I lean in and kiss him, that shuts him up.
"Harry…"
I smile at him.
"You don't
mean this."
"Yes I do
Ron, I love you, have done for years."
"I…" the
look on his face is priceless. I push
my work into his hands.
"Go, copy."
"Awww."
"Exitare!
Scribere! Then come back up here."
"Um, OK."
He looks like a little kid now.
"Do you
_want_ detention Ron Weaslly?"
"I…Thanx, I
won't be long."
"Don't
rush." I call out as he leaves.
~~~~~
At last the day is over, I can have some time to
myself. I return to my rooms, not
surprisingly Severus is already there.
He pulls me into his arms and kisses me roughly.
"Severus…"
"Mmm, hmm."
"You wanted
to know who I see in the mirror or Erised."
"Yes, I
want to know who it is that you couldn't have."
"Who I
can't have now. We were lovers when we
were here at Hogwarts. I can not allow
myself to be his. Not now, not ever."
"But
why? There is nothing forbidden, and if
he is as old as you…"
"Not
forbidden, just wrong."
"I fail to see
how… NO! You can't!"
His shock tells me that he has worked it out.
"Yes
Severus, Voldemort."
Finis.
