A/N: We've seen Ciel when he gets sick, and it usually leads to an asthma attack and vomiting, since they didn't have inhalers back then (though they somehow had cell phones and their own version of the Nintendo DS, courtesy of Funtom Toys.). But what would happen if Sebastian contracted a serious illness, like the supernatural version of pneumonia or something like that? How would Ciel react to his butler being unable to even get out of bed? Could anyone help him?
Well, you just need a doctor to DIE for. No, I don't mean Grell.
Anyway, on with this random thing I thought up just now!
My Demon Has Pneumonia?
This is what happens when a human gets sick: fever, runny nose, coughs, headaches, chills, exhaustion, sore throat, and in severe cases, DEATH. But when a demon gets sick, it's a hundred times worse. You can cook an egg in three seconds on their forehead, whole townships get flooded with demon-snot, coughing up black phlegm, skull-splitting migraines, chills so bad they have to jump in the fireplace or in boiling water just to feel warm, they can't even speak, and in severe cases, a slow painful DEATH!
How does a demon, of all unholy creatures, get so sick? Stab them with a death-scythe dipped in holy water. Or just dump them in holy water. That'd do it. Anyway, that's basically what happened to Sebastian: hit with a death-scythe and holy water in his lungs. I'm a human and that doesn't sound fun.
He survived, but soon found himself with the first stages of an illness: small fever and a cough. even though demons don't really need to breathe, Sebastian found himself coughing. This was enough to make him panic a little. Not once since the day he became a demon had he coughed, so what the hell was wrong with him?!
About a day later, his fever was worse, and he'd begun coughing up black phlegm. Now he was seriously worried. He'd once been friends with a demon who started coughing up black phlegm. He had met an agonizingly slow and painful death, choked by that vile black goop. It had been classified as the first recorded case of "Demon pneumonia." Not wanting such a pitiful end for himself, he informed Ciel of his condition and scheduled a doctor's appointment for the next day.
Ciel was having a hard time believing it, but then again, Sebastian couldn't lie to him. And he hadn't looked very healthy since the whole "death-scythe-and-holy-water" incident. He was paler, and seemed to tire quickly. Though he pretended not to give a shit, Ciel was secretly worried about his butler. After all, who would help him get his revenge if he was bed-ridden?
The next day, Sebastian's cold hit him where it hurts. He couldn't get out of bed even if his life depended on it. "He's in here," he heard his master say as the door opened, and who should walk in but Grim Reaper Jacky Anderson, who also ran a supernatural medical practice in the Undertaker's basement.
"Hey, Sebby," she said, making him smile weakly. "How're you feeling today?"
"To put it eloquently, like someone dumped Pluto's excrement on me, doused me in hell-fire, then proceeded to beat me to a bloody pulp with 100-ton marble-statues," Sebastian replied, trying to convey how horrible he felt.
"So, gross, feverish, and in pain?" Jacky summarized. Secretly she gave him points for being able to think in his state.
"Quite." was all the sickly demon could say.
"Well, time for the basic examination," she said, setting her doctor's bag down on the nightstand beside the little-used bed and taking out a raw egg and a stopwatch. "First, your temperature."
"Why do you need an egg and a watch?" Ciel asked. When his late Aunt An (aka one half of Jack the Ripper) had given him a checkup after he came back, she'd used a thermometer, not an egg and a stop watch.
"Because a demon fever would melt a thermometer and the mercury would make a mess," Jacky explained, cracking the egg on Sebastian's forehead. It fried in three seconds, at which point she took it off his head, added a little salt and garlic, and ate it. "405 degrees," she said. "Definitely a bad fever. Next I'll need to check your throat." she took out a tongue depressor and a scope. "Open up and say 'ah,'" she instructed.
Normally, Sebastian would make innuendo at this, but he just didn't have the energy to do so, and thus simply followed the Reaper's instructions. "Ahhh," he said as he opened his mouth wide and felt the wood press down on his tongue.
"Raw and glistening with a mix of blood and black phlegm," Jacky reported. "Not good at all." She removed the tongue depressor, letting Sebastian close his mouth. "Next, I'll need to listen to your breathing."
"Demons don't breathe," Ciel pointed out.
"demons don't need to breathe," Jacky corrected, taking a stethoscope from her bag. "At least, not as much as living creatures do. They still require air for their speech. After all, sound for speech is produced by air moving the vocal chords. The pitch depends on how quickly or slowly the air causes them to vibrate. It's a lot like how a guitar or violin's strings create sound for music, but that's an analogy for another day. The point is, demons may not need the oxygen in air to survive, but unless they live as a mute, they need the air itself to talk. Thus, their lungs are a little smaller than a human's."
She bent down to unbutton said demon's nightshirt, breathed softly on the stethoscope so it wouldn't feel cold, then pressed it gently to his rib-cage. "Deep breath in," she instructed, and Sebastian inhaled through his mouth, as his nose was completely stuffed up. "And deep breath out." Sebastian slowly exhaled. They did this a few more times before Jacky stopped when he started coughing violently. "Yep, your lungs are partially flooded with that black gunk." Jacky stated.
"So, what's wrong with him?" Ciel asked.
"To put it in human terms, he's got pneumonia," was the diagnosis. "He's got all the classic symptoms of the Demon version of a human ailment. Did he happen to get any holy water in his lungs recently?'
"About a week ago, yes," Ciel confirmed. "Is that why he's sick?"
"Most definitely," Jacky said. "You seen, when a human gets water in their lungs, it leads to either drowning, or pneumonia. If a demon gets regular or salt water in their lungs, it's really no problem. but holy water, that's another story entirely. Luckily, there is a cure!" She rummaged in her bag until she brought out a small bottle of what looked like some kind of tonic. "This is concentrated sin," sje explained. "Sebby, make sure you take one tablespoon of it ever 8 hours until it's all gone. If you can't lift the spoon, Ciel will help you."
"Wait, why do I have to help?! It's his cold, not m-" Ciel stopped his arguing when Jacky whispered something in his ear that caught his attention. "Okay, I'll do it!" he said, looking eager about something.
"Lastly, Sebby, unless you need to bathe to shit or something of that nature, don't get out of this bed," Jacky said. "I can look after Ciel while you're bed-ridden, so just take it easy and focus on getting better."
"But a Phantomhive butler who can't look after his master even while in such a state isn't worth his sal-" Sebastian stopped protesting when Jacky whispered in his ear. "I'll hold you to that." He replied.
"I know." Jacky said as she packed up, nodding for Ciel to leave the room with her. "Now get some sleep. The sooner you get better, the better off this mansion will be."
Sebastian nodded, took a tablespoon of the medicine, then curled up and went to sleep.
"What did you promise him to make him stay in bed?" Ciel asked once they left the room.
"I said I'd dress up in a sexy black cat suit and have sex with him once he was back to full health." Came the blunt, mentally scarring reply. Ciel blushed at the mental image of Jacky in such an outfit.
Eight hours later...
"What did Jacky promise you to make you agree to being my nurse?" Sebastian asked Ciel as he helped him take his medicine.
"She promised to make me a ten-Decker chocolate cake with chocolate mouse frosting and white chocolate chips once you get better," Ciel replied, almost drooling over the thought of such a wonderful cake.