Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, and in about 3 minutes, you'll be saying "Thank god for that."

A/N: This is a crack version of the Suburbs AU that I wrote. While the original piece was rated M, this one is not nearly so rough. In fact it's not rough at all. It is told from the point of view of the chair, who is voiced by…oh, I don't know…let's say John Madden. Okay, OH, and this is for SLWF. So you can blame me for this….but you should blame her a little bit too. Okay, please enjoy The Jerk errr Chair.

I was born a poor black child. Wait, that's how The Jerk starts. This is The Chair. Okay. I was not born a poor black child. I was not born at all in fact. No, I wasn't hatched either. I was created. I am actually a T-888. A Terminator sent from the future to kill John Connor before he can lead the resistance against Skynet. No, that's a lie as well; I am actually a D-188. What's that you ask? Well I am just the most popular model in the world. The most popular model of dentists' chairs, that is.

But I'm no normal chair. Oh, no. I have been heavily modified from my original condition. I have been fit to meet the needs of my owners: FULCRUM. I live, well, I exist here beneath the Meadow Branch Subdivision in a secret lab where people are tested for subliminal image retention. I don't think anyone can actually do it, however. I've seen 89 people come and go; and by go, I mean die. Everyone of them has died, except for that one guy who just went insane. And he would have died except that he needed to say "salamander" to set the plot for this weeks episode into motion.

And he did say it, and he delivered it quite well. Now Chuck and Sarah are living across the street. Well, they're not living there anymore, because they've been brought here for testing. Which means they'll be dead, I soon I suppose. Looks like this might be the last episode of Chuck…well, kind of. You see the episode they will show next week was actually supposed to come on last week, so you'll still get to see that one, I guess.

But that all is beside the point. Chuck is now in the chair. They turn on the killing machine and he watches. When it's over, I'm pretty sure he's dead. But wait! He's not dead. But he doesn't remember Sarah? How could you forget a piece…oops, got a bit sexist there for a moment…how could you forget a fine young woman like that? And she looks heartbroken. I'm so sad for her. Such a pretty girl should never be so sad.

Wait! He does know her! And he's protecting her. And she's sitting in me, and may I just say…nice ass. Okay, I did. Now, he's protecting me, and now all the agents are dying. Uh-oh, the other agent in the other room that turned this thing on dropped his glasses and passed out. Too bad for him.

Now you might be wondering how I can survive the upload without shades. Well if you are, then you're a tard. I'm a frakkin' chair. I don't have a brain to get scrambled, dummy. Okay, now it's over. Chuck helps Sarah up, and….they wait. And they wait. And now they're kissing. Now their clothes are coming off. Now they're falling back into me. Oh no! They're going to do it on me. I'll never be the same again! Ack!

And now they're done, and I'm scarred for life…err…existence. But it doesn't matter. Because once they're gone, everything in the lab gets torn apart, including me. It doesn't matter anymore that I am the most commercially successful dental chair in the world, they tear me apart still the same. I was once just a piece of cloth. Now I've gone from rags, to riches…back to rags.

A/N: Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry, lol. You guys are awesome. Peace.