Rating: M
A/N: I took the concepts of air, control, and light and wrote this. Older!Kainora To address the feedback that may be negative, I would just like to say, please, please, I plead to you, please read my entire story because you start criticizing me. I would like to think I wrote it more tastefully than other smuts. It really wasn't about the the sex, for me. I wanted to write about their connection as people. If anything, I used the sex as a writing device, if anything.
"I'm ready."
The words replay in his ears far more times then he is willing to admit.
It happens in the fifth year of their relationship and it comes much faster than he is prepared for.
She chooses specifically to tell him when he has a mouth full of pastries. Her eyes are big and expectant as she grabs his hand, smiles, and reiterates, "I'm ready, Kai."
He can hear the trees of the island sway behind the window. It echoes loud in his eardrum; the sound of the wind vibrating against the glass, telling him that something is coming. Something has the possibility of jeopardizing everything.
He splutters on his words, the sentence coming off jumbled and babbled; incoherent and stammered. The jelly-creamed donut lays forgotten on the floor as the filling drips down his chin and onto his knee in thick chunks.
His mouth hangs out as he stares at her with a shocked expression. He backs himself towards the kitchen door. All he can stammer is a broken and choked out, "No you're not."
He doesn't respect many people in the world. That much is true. Adults, police, teachers aren't worth his regard, courtesy, nor admiration - but if there was one person that he believed deserved it - it was her.
"No you're not," he insists, airbending the donut cream off his body. His voice is angry.
The wind starts to moan, the gust lashing and pushing the sky clear from clouds as the roaring starts to peak -
She doesn't expect this reaction; she cannot understand where this animosity is stemming from.
Her eyes narrows and her eyebrow arches; the motion telling him she is becoming crossed, "I can speak for myself, thanks."
"Well, obviously you can't because – because you aren't," he replies back at her, crossing his arms, in a matter-of-fact act. "You're so young. How can you say that?"
He can hear the wind start to force the ocean to crash against the rocks of the shore.
"Kai, I'm nineteen. We've been dating for five years. We've known each other for nine. I'm ready." The smile that was originally on her lips has now long faded.
"Spirits, if I ever made you feel like I was pressuring you, I'm really sorr -"
"Kai, you didn't!" she tries to calm him, her body making her way towards his fleeting form, "I made the decision for myself. I want to. I'm ready. I'd thought you'd be happy?"
He places his arms up, almost in fearing defense, "No, no, no, no, no."
A windstorm is emerging, something terrible —is coming. It is threatening the very basis of his stable, familiar ground. He feels it in his bones. He can't let the breeze become a storm, a monsoon, a hurricane. He can't let it become something bigger – into something that he has no control of.
He shakes his head one more time before retreating away from the kitchen.
What is wrong keeping things the way they are? He likes the breeze. He hates the uncontrollable. He hates the unknown.
The conversation leads into a fight.
He loves her. He loves her. He loves her. He loves her.
Maybe she doesn't understand it.
He's never loved anyone the way he loves her.
And that's the reason why he can't do it. Not to her.
Kai can't ruin her like this. He can't hurt her like this.
Jinora's different. She's special.
She's everything that is good and pure wrapped into a person; and for some reason she reciprocates his devotion.
He was happy enough to breathe her air; he was happy enough with just a light breeze.
What they have is simple; straightforward. He loves her. She loves him.
He's lucky. He knows that.
He can't screw it up. He can't risk anything.
Jinora's different, she's precious to him, and he insists he can't.
Finally after a month of no talking, Kai breaks.
He explains to her with tears in his eyes why he can't – and she breaks into her own tears, her heart surging.
"I want to show you how much I love you, that's all," she insists, "It won't cause a windstorm, it won't cause a rift –"
Kai shakes his head, "No, once we do that – we can't go back. I don't want to change things. To change us, to create a turbulence. Haven't you seen the mess a storm can cause? The dead shrubs, the washed-up debris on the shore. Jin, I don't want to mess things up with you. If there was anything I got right in life, it was you. Why can't you see this?"
Jinora shakes her head and places a soft kiss against his lips, their mouths open; their tongues inert. They don't want to start passion, they simply want to breath each other in.
She laces their hands together, the shine of the moonlight's cadence bouncing down her long hair and arrows. She examines their bounded fingers, "Well it depends on the storm, right?"
She pulls at his wrist, her movements, forcing his eyes to meet hers. "It depends on the storm. Not all storms are the same. Not all storms causes a mess. It depends on alot of factors. It depends on the velocity of the wind and the temperature of the air. It depends if everyone is prepared for the storm. If everyone is ready for it. I'm not saying it won't cause a turbulence. It happens many times. Some storms…causes rifts. Sometimes all there is left is debris and for people to pick up what they have left. But I believe, at least for me…that" her voice quiets,"That after a storm is a rainbow."
They are so close, he can count every lash on her eyelids.
"I love you," she says with a still tone; her voice rounding and pronouncing every word with so much precise articulation, he's sure he's never heard those exact words before, until this very moment.
She holds his hands in hers.
Jinora wants to explain it to him. "Our bodies are like prisms. Spectrums of colors. We're rainbows."
"Yeah?" he murmurs, his voice growing quiet, unwilling to break the atmosphere she had created.
"Blue," she says, "I've shown you my blue. You're all I want to see when I'm at my most blue," she cups his face, and he instantly turns into the soft skin and twines their fingers together.
"At times when I'm vulnerable, at times when I am at my most saddest, you're all I want to see." Her voice grows low, "And even if you're the reason for my blue, all I want to see is you."
"Yellow," she continues, "At times when I glow. At times when I'm brighter than the sun. It is the time when I got my airbending tattoos. It is the time when I got my own bison. It is the time when you told me you loved me."
Jinora closes her eyes; his touch skimming down her neck in soothing caresses, "When I'm with you, I'm at my most yellow."
Kai takes her wrist and kisses it; a soft, mellow "I love you," is spoken into it.
"Green," she whispers, "Green is when I'm at my worst. And my best. It's envy, it's growth. Green is being with you, learning about myself, changing myself. Knowing where I'm good, and knowing the parts of me that still needs improvement. Becoming better. You just make me a better person."
"Orange," she states, "It's the color of excitement, adventure, energy. Everything you provide for me everyday. You force me out of my comfort zone, you force me to see life differently."
Jinora's voice softens, "The memories. Traveling to the ruins, sneaking away to see the baby bison. You balance me, you're the missing part; you complete the part that I sometimes forget to have: fun."
"Purple," she says with finality, "The part that keeps me grounded. The part that tells me I am more than just Aang's granddaughter. The part that tells me I'm not just Tenzin's daughter. That I'm Jinora. That I'm different from my wealth and my family name. That I'm just me, and being me is perfectly fine."
"I've shown you every color of me, except for one." She takes his hand and cups it over her breast, a loud thud echoing beneath his palm. His eyes look in awe at her hands. His eyes travel up to lock with hers. "There is one color you haven't seen. It's the color of red. It's the color of love, and hurt, and passion. Red is all three. It can either break you or build you. But that's is only up to us to decide. And I want to show it to you. If you'd let me. We'll never know if we never try. You never know we might have something…very beautiful at the end."
Kai takes her neck again and pulls her into another kiss.
He agrees.
Airbending is the element of freedom; and he ceases all control as his breath breaks against her mouth.
Jinora tosses her neck to the side, allowing his lips to suckle the sweet and sensitive spot on her neck. She sighs in reply as her legs trail up his own. Her legs are as light and graceful as they are on the training field.
Their auras connect together and she swears she is floating. She feels his every memory, experiences his every thought, owns his whole existence.
A chuckle escapes the back of his throat as he takes her hand in his and kisses it, the palms of their hands passing balls of swirling air between them.
His lips trail down to her modest chest and he latches onto the tip. She feels liquid warmth pooling in her stomach as his tongue flattens around it.
She opens her eyes to look down at him; her stare changing something in him as his pupils start to smolder.
Kai kisses his way up her body again and covers her mouth; their licks shy, soft, slow.
She arches her back as he lowers himself and prods the tip inside, waiting for her approval for the tenth time tonight. "Are you sure you want to do this? Are you absolutely positive?"
He is rigid against her; soft sandwiched between hard steel.
Jinora adjusts herself, pressing the heels of her feet against the bumps on his back. She arches up to kiss him, a gasp leaving his voice. She rolls her hips with purpose and the tip slides in so smoothly, it forces a whimper out from him. His body tenses as he pulls away from her leg's tight hold. "J-Jin…"
She looks up to see the same mischievous thief she met almost a decade ago. Her hands skim down his undercut - the same haircut; the same little boy. Her hands trace down to round around the blue arrows on his forehead - something that wasn't there before; not the same little boy, anymore.
Who'd ever he think he'd be the one to steal something as her heart?
His umber skin glows with sweat, as his eyes burrows itself into her; the intensity in his eyes so piercing she feels herself blush.
She angles her elbows out and cups his face, gentleness swimming in her eyes, in her entire body, "I'm sure, Kai. I love you. I love you."
Jinora nods and he holds his breath, his chest slick, his breathing stifling as he presses forward; his mouth covering hers immediately, and her scream pouring into his mouth.
She twitches around him, clenches tight and so, so — he has to inhale — so unbelievably wet and sweet. He feels his heart drop as a cry emerges behind Jinora's throat.
Kai pulls back, and watches as tears pepper the corners of her eyes.
She looks away from him, almost trying to reassure him that's she's fine. She shakes her head, silently telling him it didn't hurt too badly – even though her clenched jaw and red eyes tells him otherwise.
He bows his head and kisses the water away, apologizing earnestly along the threshes of her hair.
Kai whispers his devotion into her neck, "Only for you, only ever for you," he reassures her.
He squeezes her shivering frame and she relaxes around him; his towering figuring falling more into her, reaching the deeper parts he never dreamed of feeling, and he closes his eyes - and he swears he cries out as well.
He says her name with resonance, the words hitting straight home as she assures after a few minutes, that it's okay.
She says it with a genuine smile now.
"Are you sure?" he asks for the eleventh time tonight, a husk pant attempting to be buried beneath his worried words.
His pleasure must come second to her comfort, and he knows that, and she knows that's he holding back for her.
She nods, "Please, Kai."
Making love between two airbenders is a whole different thing.
He hears the leaves start to rumble outside his window.
That is what they like to think as he rolls his hips shallowly, slowly, and in experiment into her. The patch of hair around his length brushes the nub between her legs and her eyes immediately flutter.
It only takes one small push, and maybe another swallow one – until she's arching and pushing back and meeting his hips.
It doesn't hurt. It's just different.
It's full, it's a stretch, it's pressure.
Kai takes her hips and sets a slow, controlled pace.
He grazes his teeth along her pulse, whispering her name over and over again with each push and tilt of his hips. He wants to explore every nook and cranny – he wants her to feel as good as he is feeling. She stares up at him, her eyes so full of trust and love that he has to hold back a sob; as their hips meets together, over, and over, and over again.
Was this how it felt to be a feather? To be like the leaf?
He feels light.
He feels attuned to all the senses of his body. He could hear the soft quiver in her voice. He could sense the small tug of her forefinger and thumb on his hair.
This must have been how it felt like to be truly in flight – not with gliders, or with the clouds, but with her; in his arms.
Her fingers skim the muscles of his back, following the contours of the bones that tense with every forward push.
Kai covers her mouth with his, a whimper breaking the back of her throat. "Kai." Her voice dangles in the air, high, out-of-breath.
He cups her modest breasts, no desperation in his movements; only care apparent in his palms.
He starts to pant; his breath in time with the gusting of the gale.
"I love you."
"I love you too. T-this feels —" she whispers, her eyes glazing, in a high haze.
"Me too."
He feels his soul almost leave his body and align with hers.
The air is hot and humid around them; they can't control the temperature in the room. The air in her fingertips grazes and cools the layer of sweat on his back. He tries to pull away, but their skin stick together; brown against white skin, and he thinks he has never seen anything more beautiful.
Her walls clamp tight on him, almost asking him to not leave.
The clouds stir clear from the window, the foam of the ocean breaking against the shore.
Gusting winds clear the clouds from the sky.
It's coming. It's coming.
"K-kai," she whispers again, arching her toes into a curve. Her nails dig into his hips, ushering him to change their pace.
Each time his body leaves her for a second, he looks down at her. He reassures her with his eyes and tilts his hips and falls back home. It's his way of telling her, he isn't leaving for good – he's never leaving her.
"I love you, oh, how I love you," he whispers, almost in a plea, hoping for her to understand him.
She feels free in his hard, tight arms. She can no longer control herself as his fingers almost clumsily rushes to the apex of her legs.
Her heart increases, electricity overwhelming her every thought and she almost feels like she is mediating – her mind blanks – and it is just him. Her eyes blur as she moans his name fervently. His hands press her hips down, and he groans as her walls clench a vice grip around him.
It intensifies: the blowing, the swirling of the wind. The sounds numb his mind, until all he can hear is something that sounds like white noise.
He see's white.
He closes his eyes, holding his breath as his presses as far as he can reach – another set of contractions stretches around him. The pressure is so intense that his pace increases and suddenly he's weightless –
He's sure this is how it must feel when Jinora projects her spirit.
This isn't being set free. It isn't a simple release. It's something deeper.
It is red.
Despite the lack of air between their mouths, they never pull away – not even for a second. They can't break away. Instead they pull tighter, inhaling – they're each other's oxygen.
"So," she whispers, a smirk in her voice as she holds herself up by her elbow, "How was it for you? The windstorm I mean."
His eyes travel from the ceiling and to her face, his gaze stopping to study her through unreadable lids. He presses his body up, using his folded hands to balance him, before cupping her cheek and kissing her. Their eyes close on contact, and their breathing grows synched.
His arms wrap around her and he buries his face into her neck, "Spirits – I love you," he murmurs, caressing her back.
He tackles her neck with his teeth, biting into the skin, and forcing a laugh from her. "Stop, Kai, stop," she giggles. "Just tell me. Tell me."
He pulls back and cups her face, his eyes lowering to her lips, before pulling back and laying on his back, the cushion of air deflating around him. He stares at the ceiling in concentration. "When I was younger, I did what I had to do to survive. I stole, I lied, I did things I'm not so proud of. It was a bad time. To imagine, I almost landed myself in the slammer at age 10. I say that's a record all on its own."
His voice stops, and she doesn't have to look at him to know why. After a full minute, he talks again, but with a tension and strain in his tone, "I told myself that I'd always manage my life. That I'd have full control. That I'd always know what came next, you know? That I wouldn't let life or people push me around. That's how I survived: Planning my next move and knowing theirs. And when you said…that we'd - together - well, I wasn't so sure what to expect. It was unknown to me. I thought we wouldn't survive the windstorm; and…that the windstorm would destroy us for sure. I thought there wouldn't be anything more stronger than a windstorm. Honestly, I wanted things to keep being gentle between us. I wanted the familiar breeze that I always felt when you looked at me."
"Kai…"
"But Jin…it was bigger than any windstorm, hurricane, or monsoon. It was gentler than any light breeze or zephyr. It was suffocating, drowning; it was weightless. Air is the element of freedom. I was one with my element. I was free."
He continues, "We made something far bigger and stronger than any windstorm. And you know what that is?"
Jinora shakes her head.
He smiles softly at her big, curious eyes, "A rainbow."
Jinora pushes him back, towering over him, her long hair falling off her shoulder and over his chest, shielding him. He looks up at her in mesmerize, wringing pieces of them back behind her ear, "It wasn't a windstorm at all, Jin. Jin it was red. And it wasn't just any red. It was love, and it was beautiful."
He kisses the tears away that peak at the corners of her eyes, "I love you, Jinora."
She smiles back, "I love you too."