A/N: I decided to write a story for the Animaniacs section- which makes this the second time I have actually left my comfort zone and not failed epicly. No, I did not have anyone look this over, but I reread it numerous times and used my Spellcheck, so hopefully it's not too horrible. And I was having trouble with the title, by the way. Not very original, I know, but... I have left my comfort zone and I don't feel too uncomfortable! It's a start!
American Idol: Warner Edition
Alexia Moonlight
"Hello, and welcome back American Idol, season 1 million and 53. I'm your host, Brian Fleanest, and we're in Burbank, California!"
Burbank was a sunny place, with hardly a cloud that day. Now, the city was even more crowded with long lines of hyper teenagers, excited family members, and the occasional 50-something-year-old posing as a 20-something-year-old.
The city of Burbank was crowded for a special reason. It was a special season- 1 million and 53. Eventually, after so many years of hosting, Ryan Seacrest had kicked the bucket. It was a surprise to the entire American population, plus a generous portion of Tahiti, since there had been internet rumors that he was immortal. The network had replaced him with a newcomer- who was said to be a werewolf- named Brian Fleanest in the ten thousandth season.
Now, Mr. Fleanest was a man with a very large, very plastic smile. He had a full mustache-beard combo, with almost-black eyes to match his almost-black hair.
A little fly landed in his teeth, and he responded by biting down on it, crushing it's little fly body. No one bothered to tell him that he had fly blood and guts in his teeth.
Keep it G-rated, please, Narrator!
After the network sensors were done being grouches, Mr. Fleanest gestured to the building where auditions were being held, stating to the camera, "This is live from Warner Brother's Studios, where auditions are being held. Here is the very building... er, water... tower?"
It was, indeed, a water tower. Standing proudly in the middle of dark gray pavement, the bright yellow-and-red tower bore the Warner Bros. shield logo, and tourists and auditioners gazed up at it longingly. That is, until a toddler started throwing a fit because some random person running by caused her to drop her ice cream cone. Then people stared at her parents, who were highly embarrassed, especially when they noticed the camera filming them.
The contestants were lined up from the base of the tower to the gates leading out of the studio, and even farther than that onto the street. The overjoyed newcomers, in groups, boarded the elevator after the discouraged and depressed rejects exited at the bottom.
"Hey, whath happenth tho you?" One boy, about 19 with outrageous dental headgear and a lisp asked a crying 17-year-old-girl as they passed each other.
The girl sniffled sadly and her long blonde hair, still un-frizzy despite the California heat, swished glamorously. Her tropical blue eyes shone with fresh tears as she told the boy, "I got kicked out for being too perfect."
"Well, whath your name?"
She sniffle again. "Mary-Sue."
"Good luck with thath."
The elevator moved upward, and an unfortunate person who had not yet fully exited ended up falling off the edge. A group of paramedics quickly marched to the scene and pulled the poor person onto gurney. After loading him into an ambulance, they each pulled out a memory-erasing laser and zapped everyone within their range.
Wait, what just happened? What's going on here?
Oh, right, the auditions!
The five dazed and confused young adults, their memories erased by paramedics, stepped off the elevator when they reached the top. Workers of the show ushered them through the door of the tower, where they picked out auditioner number 2211853 and told the rest to sit down in the waiting room.
Auditioner number 2211853 was shoved into another room, where the three judges sat at a long white table. The American Idol background was at the back of the stage where 2211853 would have to stand and show off her talent to the three judges: Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner.
Upon seeing the three Warners, 2211853 immediately started to hyperventilate and fell over onto the ground. Yakko turned to Wakko, who turned to Dot, who leaned forward and returned her gaze to Yakko.
"Should we help her?" Dot asked innocently.
"Ehhh, give her a second. Three, two..."
2211853 quickly sprang up from her place on the floor with a hyper shout of, "Omigod, omigod, omigod, you're the Warners!!!" It was even clear that she had spoken with so much creepy enthusiasm that extra exclamation points had been added to her sentence.
"Uh, yeah." Yakko said slowly, figuring that if he talked to fast, 2211853 wouldn't be able to understand him. "Would you mind telling us your name so the narrator won't have to keep referring to you as 2211853?"
2211853 stared blankly at him for a moment and blinked once, then all of her peppy-perky-chirpy emotions came back to her suddenly. "Yeah, OK!!! My name is Maycie, but everyone just calls me MayMay."
The Warners looked her up and down. Aside from the hyperness, she seemed to have no personality at all. They weren't even sure what color her hair and eyes were- they were blocked off to the mortal eye by a blinding wall of utter craziness.
"Can you sing?" Wakko asked after an awkward moment of silence, and twitching in 2211853- er, MayMay's case. MayMay nodded quickly and enthusiastically, and- oh, what the heck. I'm running out of adjectives to describe her happiness! She's really happy, OK?
"Well, if you're gonna sing, please do so now before I get bored." Dot said in a commanding-yet-sweet tone. Even though she had purposefully tried to sound a bit mean, MayMay did not seem phased.
"OK, I'm gonna sing now, OK? Can I start? I wanna start now, so here I go-" Before Yakko, Wakko, and Dot could pull out their hair at being so annoyed with her, she finally began singing...
In... a good voice.
In fact, it was better than Mary-Sue's voice, and Mary-Sue had had pretty good voice. Upon hearing this MayMay girl sing, all three siblings immediately made their decision.
"No."
MayMay, who had stopped singing at the sound of her rejection, sniffled and whined, "But whyyyyyy?"
"Because you annoy me to death, simple as that." Yakko told her, not even bothering to slow down his speech again. Who cared if she didn't understand them? All he had to do was press the little red button at the top of the table and people would be ejected through a secret spring-trap door in the stage.
"Look, girl, tone down on the hyper," Dot advised. "It's not cute."
"You're pretty," Wakko said and stuck his tongue out of the side of his mouth. Yakko and Dot stared at him. "What? She is!"
Dot rolled her eyes. "Could you just tell us why you said no, Wakko?" she asked.
"Oh, right. Same reason as Yakko."
"She annoyed you to death?"
"No, she talks too much."
"Oh, ha ha." Yakko said. "Well, should we just let her go or should we eject her?"
Dot analyzed MayMay for a few moments. MayMay was standing stiff as a board and crying silently, with the occasional sniffle in between. But then she'd twitch and the whole 'tragic' effect would be ruined.
"Ah, what they heck. Let's eject her, Yakko. She's annoying and we haven't used the button all day."
Yakko grinned. "Alrighty, then! Three, two, one, FIRE!"
Yakko slammed his hand down onto the little red button, and in an instant, the tower roof lifted and MayMay was thrown from the stage. She sailed up, up, then her direction changed and she went down, down, until Yakko, Wakko, and Dot couldn't see her anymore. They could only assume that it was MayMay when they heard a giant SPLASH somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.
As the roof closed again, Yakko and Wakko high-fived and Dot yelled to whatever worker was listening, "Bring in the next victim- I mean auditioner number 2211854!"
The next auditioner happened to be the 19-year-old with the mammoth dental headgear. Upon seeing him- 'him' being number 2211584- the Warners simultaneously cringed- this was not gonna end well.
"Hi," he told them, stepping onto the stage. "I'm Therman."
"You, uh, you mean like a thermos?" Yakko asked warily.
"No, like a Therman."
"OK, then!" Dot said to break the awkward tension, though she had maybe exclaimed a little too loudly. She clapped her hands together and said, "Let's just get this over with."
Therman opened his mouth, but before he could sing, he was hit with a random wadded up piece of notebook paper. When he looked up to the judges table questioningly, Yakko whistled and looked up diagonally, twiddling his thumbs. When he noticed everyone in the room staring at him, he simply said, "Oh. I was aiming for the trash can." A perfectly good excuse, seeing as a random wastebasket had appeared next to Therman.
"Thath OK." Therman said. "OK, I'm gonna starth thinging now, OK? I'm gonna starth now."
Yakko slammed his head down on the table. "Oh, not again!" Dot moaned. Wakko stood up and yelled, "Please just start already!"
Therman nodded and started singing. Well, if you could actually call that singing. Maybe, in his case, it was 'thinging'. What ever it was, it sounded a little bit like a wounded elephant trying to murder an antelope while simultaneously giving birth to a puppy.
Yakko took a shot at Simon Cowell and made a point to tell Therman this when he finished singing- er, screeching. Extra points to Yakko, because he did a pretty good imitation of Simon Cowell's accent- until he ended up choking, 'cause, you know, that's what happens when you try to imitate Simon Cowell's accent. It's just a law of the world.
Dot, apparently, said no because of the headgear.
Wakko was the only one who said yes, and even then that was because of the headgear. "What? I think it's cool!"
"Whatever," Dot said. "Send the next one in!"
Once Therman was sent off, not ejected, Dot turned an accusatory glance to Yakko and told him, "I know you weren't aiming for the trashcan."
Yakko shrugged and crumpled up another piece of paper. "I don't wanna be here." He said boredly and threw the new paper ball into the trashcan, a perfect shot.
"I'm hungry," Wakko said, "Can we get food?"
"No!" Dot exclaiming, swatting at Yakko's hands to keep him from making another paper ball because, for some reason, it was annoying her. Lord knows why. "Guys, just stick it out for the rest of the day. Then Simon and Randy and whoever the heck the girl judge is this season will be back tomorrow and we won't have to do this anymore."
"Why couldn't the judges be here, anyway?" Wakko asked.
"Woohoo! These waves are, like, totally wicked!" Randy yelled as he, Simon, and an unidentifiable girl splashed through a treacherous river. They were white water rafting peacefully, er, if that's possible, and then, suddenly...
"Like, omigod!" The unidentifiable girl, now revealed to be Stephenie Meyer, shouted. "Omigod, we're about to go over a waterfall! Like, Edward, saaaave meeeeee!"
"Edward Cullen does not exist, Stephenie!" Simon Cowell yelled as the three judges dropped off the edge of a waterfall, which happened to have pointy rocks at the bottom.
"You know, I really don't remember." Dot shrugged.
At this time, the next contestant, number 2211855, enetered the room. She was really small, and really short, and she had dark red-obviously died- hair falling in ringlets around her face.
"Hi," she said in an airy voice that you'd expect a blonde dumbo to have. "I'm Phoebe."
Now, obviously, since she was pretty, and super hot, Yakko and Wakko immediately jumped out of their seats and into Phoebe's arms, shouting, "Hellooooo, Nurse!" Phoebe just sort of stared at them for a few seconds, then giggled a lot.
Once the boys were back in their seats and Dot was done headdesking, Phoebe tossed her hair over her shoulder and said, "I'm gonna sing a song by Lady Gaga,"
She wasn't the bed singer in the world, but she didn't suck, either. The fact that it was a Lady Gaga song may have made her sound a bit worse, but oh well. Of course, everyone knew that she was bound to get through to the next round because she was hot, and Yakko and Wakko liked hot girls, and they would probably have thrown themselves in front of a UFO full of evil bloodsucking aliens and Michael Jackson brought back from the dead to get a hot girl to like them. Boys. Go fig.
"I say yes." Yakko said right after the song was done. He put his elbow on the table and his chin in his palm, confirming it again by saying, "Yes, definitely."
Wakko nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she's going to Hollywood."
Dot scowled, then realized, "You know, Burbank is a little too close to Hollywood to be having auditions here."
Yakko and Wakko didn't acknowledge her, since they were too busy staring at Phoebe. She was no Hello Nurse, but she was sort of pretty. Sort of.
"I say no, but it doesn't matter anyway. You're probably not even listening to me, you two, are you?"
Again, they didn't acknowledge her.
Phoebe flipped her hair over her shoulder again and said "Thanks!" breezily, then turned and strutted over to the door...
And ran into it.
She stumbled backwards, a bit dazed, then stared at the door for a few moments. Then she broke into a fit of giggles and turned back around to the Warners.
"Haha, did you see that? I ran into the door! Haha!" She laughed a bit more than composed herself, leaving and actually managing to make it through the doorway this time.
"Wow, she was pretty." Wakko said once she was gone.
"But sorta dumb." Yakko commented.
Dot huffed and said lowly, "I bet'cha under that hideous red monstrosity she's a blonde."
Wakko smiled and sighed, "I like blondes."
The brothers were no longer in their trance when the next girl- number 2211856- came in, since she wasn't as pretty as dumb Phoebe. Her features were nice, since she had golden brown hair and green eyes. And she was tall, but she wasn't skinny and she didn't have that much of a figure, so there was no 'Hello Nurse'-ing.
"I'm Lo." she introduced herself.
"Lo?" Dot asked. "How many times a day do people sing, 'shawty got low, low, low, low, low!' to you?"
Lo laughed, even though it was probably supposed to be an insult, since Dot was sort of against any girls that came in at the moment. "I only get that a couple times. Mostly people ask if I'm Chinese or something, or they'll be like, 'Lo and behold- it's Lo!'"
Dot nodded, uninterested, and said, "Well, sing something already."
Again, she was very good, but not spectacular. In the end she got one yes, one no, and one maybe, until Wakko eventually said yes because Yakko told him to pick one and hurry up, so Wakko had to resort to Eeny Meeny Miney Mo.
"Cool, uh thanks. So, uh, do I just leave through that door?" Lo pointed to the door where she entered.
"Yeaaah," Yakko said slowly. "And could you get the last person, too? We don't feel like asking a crew member."
"You mean you don't feel like asking a crew member," Dot corrected.
"What's the difference?"
Lo left through the door, and before it could even close all the way, the last auditioner, number 2211857, bounced in with his arms spread out in a Broadway-esque stance. "HELLO!!!" he shouted.
Each of the siblings blinked once then made the cuckoo sign.
"HI I'M LARRY!!!" He yelled. "MY NAME IS ACTUALLY LARRY JOE PAUL ROBBY ED SMITH BUT I JUST GO BY LARRY!!!"
"Is it just me," Yakko whispered to Wakko, "Or does this guy scream 'Mr. Director' to you?"
"No, I think he just plain screams."
Larry didn't even bother commenting on the comment, even though the comment had been commented loudly enough so that Larry would be able to hear the comment, but even so, the comment didn't phase him-
"We get it with the 'comments', Narrator." Yakko comment- oh, sorry.
Anyway, Larry was very crazy, to a hyper-extreme creeptastical level. If, of course, creeptastical counts as a word. Larry was tall, and chubby, and bald, and weird, and, of course, creeptastical. And, for the record, probably eligible to be on an 'America's Top Creepiest' list.
"HI I'M LARRY AND I'M GONNA SING A SONG!!!"
"Ehhh, you know, you really don't have to..."
"NO NO I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY-"
Yakko threw a paper ball at his head.
"-WANT TO!!!"
Yakko headdesked and Dot buried her face in her hands. Wakko slid down in his chair sadly, and they all felt a sense of impending doom as Larry opened his mouth...
"NO BODY'S PERFECT!!! I GOTTA WORK IT!!! AGAIN AND AGAIN TIL I GET IT RIGHT!!!"
"No!"
"NOBODY'S PERFECT!!! YOU LIVE AND YOU LEARN IT!!! AND-"
The siblings each slammed a hand down onto the eject button at the end of the table.
Larry was thrown out of the tower, and the three waited for the SPLASH sound of a chubby Larry-body splatting into the deep, dark depths of the Pacific Ocean...
"That might've been the worst day of my life." Yakko groaned as he fell face first onto the couch when all of the American Idol auditioners had left and they were free once again.
"Worse than Baloney?" Wakko asked.
"Ehhh, maybe not, but you get what I mean."
"At least we'll never have to do it again!" Dot chirped, trying to lighten the mood. It didn't exactly help, but before anyone could comment- er say anything about it, the phone rang.
"I'll get it!" Each of them yelled at the same time. Yakko, obvously, reached it first, but Dot sprang forward at the last moment and shoved him out of the way, grabbing the phone and putting it up to her ear.
"Hello?" she asked while Wakko did the usual 'I never get to get it' routine and Yakko stood, annoyed, with his arms crossed.
"Yes? Uh huh? Sure, yeah, fine, we'll be there, yes, bye." Dot slammed the phone down and slowly turned around to face her brothers.
She smiled nervously as Yakko raised an eyebrow and asked, "Well? Who was it"
Dot cleared her throat and stepped back, then said, "Well, um, the judges for 'So You Think You Can Dance' aren't available for next Tuesday night..."
"You signed us up to be judges again?!" The brothers exclaimed simultaneously. Dot nodded nervously and stepped back again.
"Why would you do that?!" They yell/asked. She shrugged and Yakko went back over to the couch and headdesked a couple times.
"This isn't going to end very well, is it?" Wakko asked.
"I'm probably going to headdesk myself into a coma," Yakko said, his speech muffled, seeing as his face was face down in the couch since he was deaddesking.
"Wouldn't that be considered headcouching?" Wakko asked.
"Who cares? We're going to die of boredom. Dot, call them back and say no."
Dot stomped her foot and screeched, "What?! Why?!"
Yakko lifted his head up and looked at her with a stern expression and said, "Dot, just call and say there was a mix up. And next we get a call like this, please ask me because I strongly dislike doing this and we're going to end up hurting ourselves because watching that many people fail on live TV can't be too good for a person."
Dot threw her hands in the air, defeated, and rolled her eyes and announced, "Fine, but I like to watch people dance."
As she turned to answer the phone, Yakko replied, "Then watch it on TV."
"But if I do that, I can't tell the contestants how much they suck to their faces."
"Get their addresses from a hobo selling maps of stars houses then tell 'em there."
Suddenly, before they could finish their pointless little quarrel, there was a loud and somewhat demanding knock on the tower door. The three approached the door. They were about to open it and talk to whoever was there when it was kicked down by a strong foot.
The siblings had jumped back to avoid being squished by the door, and when they looked up to see who had done it, they saw the three contestants they had said no to standing there: MayMay, Therman, and Larry. MayMay and Larry were soaked to the bone from being dumped into the ocean.
"Uh, what do you guys want?" Yakko asked cautiously, analyzing their angry expressions.
"WE'RE MAD AT YOU!!!" Larry, wet and smelling slightly like saltwater, yelled.
"Yeah!" MayMay agreed, her hair- which was still unable to be determined color-wise- wet and snarled.
"We wanth to geth through to the nexth lethel becausth we're good thingerth!" Therman lisped.
"Uh, sorry, can't help ya there," Yakko said. "You see, we're not the judges anymore, and Simon, Randy, and Stephenie are, so technically, you need to go beat up and possibly kill and consume them. Especially Stephenie, because I do believe that this Earth may be a better place if she were-"
"No." MayMay growled quietly, and suddenly, they were able to tell what color her hair was. It was dark brown, possibly a bit darker than usual due to being wet, but it was brown. "We're going to beat up and possibly kill and consume you three, because you three were the judges when we auditioned."
"Uh, Yakko," Dot said quietly as the three of them stepped back, and the three rejects stepped forward menacingly. "What do you suggest we do?"
"Ehhh," Yakko stammered, "I'd say... run for it!!!"
They turned and ran, and the rejects did the same, screaming and brandishing weapons they had pulled out from behind their backs. Therman had a thermos with a knife built in, Larry had one of those balls on the sticks with the spikes on it, and MayMay had a can of hairspray, which she shook violently, readying it for spraying in her opponents' eyes.
"Guys, run faster!" Yakko yelled. Then ran and ran and ran, and eventually stopped to take a breather, when...
"Yakko, don't tell me we're standing on the trap door."
"Sister sibling, I would love to, but I would be lying."
Therman laughed maniacally and slammed a fist down onto the button. The trap door sprang up, launching Yakko, Wakko, and Dot into the clear California air.
"Great." Dot said, deadpan, as they soared through the air. "We just got ejected out of our own home, and we're about to land in the Pacific Ocean."
"What's that called again? 'Poetic Justice?'"
"Good job, Wakko. Maybe Miss Flameil is doing an OK job of teaching you."
Dot scrunched up her face in disgust. "Whatever it's called, we just got ejected out of our own house by a bunch of geeks who can't sing!"
Yakko felt the need to point out that MayMay could sing, but they just didn't like her as a person so they said no, and then Dot swatted him on the arm.
Before Yakko could say anything back, they landed in the Pacific Ocean with a SPLASH.
I was going to end it after auditions ended, but I was bored at my mom's rehearsal so I continued writing. YES, MayMay is a direct spoof of a certain author, but it's only for fun and I hope that, if she even reads this, she takes no offense to it because it's just a joke and I was having trouble thinking up names. =) Thanks!