Disclaimer: Not mine...etc. etc. etc.
Lucy felt the cold slowly seeping into her bones. It was as if layer of invisible ice had taken control of her body, numbing her muscles and senses, freezing the unspilled tears that glistened in her eyes. She stood at the window, not seeing what lay beyond, her breath fogging the glass. A small bottle was clutched tightly in her hand.
Her erratic heartbeat told her it was time.
Getting the arsenic had been remarkably easy. The man at the apothecary had asked her no questions and she had told him no lies. Lucy detested lies. They had destroyed her perfect fairytale life. Lies had stolen her husband from her. Lies had convinced her to come to Judge Turpin's house that night. The night that....
Masks. Laughter. Fear. Confusion. Pain.
...the night that still poisoned her dreams. Lucy pressed her forehead against the windowpane and closed her eyes. Yet however hard she tried, it was impossible to escape from the truth. The judge had raped her. And now she was pregnant.
When she had realized it her first impulse had been to scream. She didn't want his child. How could she care for a baby that was conceived in mockery, panic and pain? She hated it! Just as she hated its father. It was dirty! The spawn of wickedness and sin. Once it was born she would have to look at it every day. She would watch it grow and undoubtedly become the monster its father was. And every day she would be reminded of...of...
Lucy started shaking as tears began to flow down her face.
She had made up her mind. Turpin's child had to die.
But how? If she killed it after it was born, where could she hide the body? Would she be able to hide the body? Once the babe was in her arms would she really be able to kill it? Lucy doubted it. Her nerve would surely fail her and what then? Abandoning it somewhere in the hope that it would die of starvation and exposure was as equally difficult. People would know that she had been pregnant. Moreover, the doctor who would help her give birth to the monster would be aware of its existence. If the child went missing, she would be suspected and tried for murder. She would spend a short while in prison before dying a drawn out and painful death at the gallows staring at a jeering crowd.
In the last moments of her life she would see people laughing at her pain.
No! Lucy had no choice. If she was careful and drank only a little of the arsenic she would be alright. Her unborn child however, would surely perish. She would be safe, she would be happy and everything would return to normal. She could continue to take care of her daughter and nothing in the world would ever harm them again. She promised herself to be more careful this time around.
Murderer, her mind screamed at her as her throat closed up and more tears began to fall. To take away a life that still hadn't had the chance to breathe, to see or to love, was a crime. And what if the creature inside her was innocent of the father's sins?
In the cradle at the corner of the room, Johanna woke up and began to cry. Pulling herself together, Lucy put the bottle of arsenic on a small table, walked over to the crib and picked up her little girl, rocking her gently. Gradually Johanna's sobs subsided. She giggled and gurgled, her tiny fingers reaching out and grasping Lucy's hair. Lucy averted her eyes as a wave of despair washed over her.
Johanna had Benjamin's smile.
Without warning, memories flooded Lucy's mind. Benjamin laughing. Benjamin holding her hand. Benjamin playing with her hair. Benjamin...
It's a warm summers morning and she is standing in front of the mirror, admiring her new dress. It's white. Her favorite color.
Lucy kissed Johanna's forehead and placed her back into the crib. Her baby girl – the only child that
could ever make her happy. Because she is his, and they are in love and that's all that matters. Taking a deep breath, Lucy walked over to the little table beside the window and picked up the small bottle of poison. Grabbing a jug of water with her other hand, she poured herself a glass.
The door behind her swings open and Benjamin enters, holding a bouquet of roses in his hands.
With one swift movement she uncorked the bottle, letting the plug drop to the floor.
"For you," he says, smiling. She takes the flowers, inhaling their sweet aroma. "Thank you," she replies, beaming at him. Benjamin reaches out and strokes her cheek.
She let the white powder inside spill into the water, twirling the liquid until it became as clear as the fluid in the jug.
"You look beautiful," he whispers, as their eyes meet.
Lucy raised the glass to her mouth. Pausing for a second, she shut her eyes...
"I love you," he adds before kissing her.
...and drank.
Lucy collapsed onto the floor, gasping and twitching, her lips stained with the memory of his.
A/N One of the reasons I love Sweeney Todd is that ALL of the characters are somehow evil...except for Lucy and Johanna. So I tried to give Lu a little more character depth with this fic, make her appear a little less saintly. Anyway, please, please, please post a review and tell me what you think :)