A/N – And I'm BACK with more Kuroshitsuji Crack! Bwahahahahah! :3 haha so this story was inspired by the game for Wii called Wii Ski and Snowboarding. Me and my sister were playing that game and we just HAD to make Kuro avatars! We actually filmed some of our insanity on camera and posted it to YouTube. If you'd like to see our insane but hilarious rants, go to .com/user/shadowluv4eva (This is my YouTube account, yes) and go to my playlists under, I think its other stuff, and you'll see a bunch of episode for Wii Ski With Ciel! This was a lot of fun to write as well as play! Please review to let me know what you think! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything including Kuroshitsuji, Ski Roundtop (I know it's not in Colorado, it's in PA where I live haha) or Wii, only a copy of the game Wii Ski and Snowboarding and the idea of this story :)
Warnings: Some creepy pervs out there may say there are suggestions and hints of, let's just say 'bonding' between characters. If you are completely against any pairings between Ciel, Sebastian, Alois, Claude, or some dude at the counter, WHATEVER! Then don't read this story. I just do it for comedy and am in no way supportive of the gay crap people come up with, no offence, tehe :3
NOTE: I updated this to fix grammar mistakes
Now ENJOY!
Wii Ski With Ciel
"Sebastian, what is this?" Ciel Phantomhive asked his demon butler. He was holding out an envelope addressed from the queen.
"That, Bocchan, is a letter!" Sebastian said sarcastically.
"I know that, idiot!" Ciel complained. "I just don't understand the content of it." Sebastian took the letter from his master. It said:
Dear Ciel,
You've been working so hard lately so I thought I'd treat you. I'm sending you to Ski Round Top in Colorado for a vacation! I thought my special puppy deserved it!
With love, The Queen
-Woof
"It seems she's giving you a vacation, Bocchan," said Sebastian.
"Huh?" Ciel cocked his head.
"You know, time away from work-"
"WHAT! Is she insane? I never take breaks away from work!" Ciel exclaimed.
"I'm sure it would be fun Bocchan. We can have some butler-master fun time together!" Sebastian replied.
"What are you suggesting?" Ciel asked appalled.
"What did you think I was suggesting, you little-!"
"Hey!" shouted Ciel. "Besides, I don't know the meaning of 'fun'"
"Am I gonna have to teach you the fun song again, Bocchan?" Sebastian smirked.
"Sebastian!"
"Ok, ok, but seriously Bocchan, I'm sure you would enjoy getting out. The queen already paid for out rickets.
"Whatever." Ciel sipped his tea. "So where is this Colorado place? I don't recall it being in England."
"It's not," said Sebastian. "It's in America."
Ciel spit out his tea. "WHAT!" he screamed and grabbed Sebastian by the collar. "I CANNOT GO TO AMERICA!"
"And why's that?"
"America is even more heavily populated with unicorns that England! If I go there I'll surely die!" Ciel panicked.
Sebastian almost burst into laughter. "Bocchan, even if that were true-"
"It IS true!"
He sighed. "Even if that were true, you wouldn't die, I'd be there."
"NO! You don't understand!" said Ciel as he started pacing in circles. "Unicorns are more powerful than demons! It could kill you with one stab of its horn! I don't care what I have to do to get out of this, but I'm not gonna risk my life to a unicorn!"
This was the worst excuse yet in Sebastian's opinion. "Tsk, tsk," he said, "such a stubborn child."
"I'm not a child!"
"Well then, would an adult be afraid of unicorns?"
"They should be!" Ciel challenged.
Sebastian glared at him.
"Tch." Ciel glared back at his butler. He was giving him one of those creepy grins that said 'come at me.' "Whatever!" Ciel gave in. "But I order you to not let any unicorns come near me!"
"Yes, My Lord."
"Fine. Now what am I supposed to do in Colorado?" Ciel asked.
"The queen supplied us with a 2-day pass to the ski/snowboard resort at Ski Roundtop," his butler replied.
"Ok then. Go pack for this trip then. When do we leave?"
"Tomorrow morning!"
"Fine, get out and do… stuff. And wipe that grin off your face!"
"Understood," Sebastian left, still smiling, annoying Ciel.
"Well," Ciel said when his butler was gone, "This will be interesting.
The next day, Ciel and Sebastian headed off to the airport. (Yeah, I know they didn't have any airports back then, get over it haha) The flight was only a few hours. It was morning in Colorado when they arrived.
"Holy crap it's even colder here!" remarked Ciel.
"That's because in the winter it snows a lot here, Bocchan!" Sebastian said treating Ciel like he was in first grade, but according to his math grade, he totally could be. They headed off to their hotel. After they had checked in, Sebastian put all of their belongings in order while Ciel just lay on his bed.
"I'll be in the bathroom putting stuff away if you need me, Bocchan," he said.
"Ah," Ciel replied without even opening his eye. If he hadn't said anything, Sebastian would have assumed he was dead. When his butler was out of the room, he thought: 'Ok, there's no unicorns, it's just a hotel room.' Ciel tried to relax. Then he felt saliva on his ear! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! A UNICORN LICKED MEEEEEE!" he screamed like a girl and jumped up to his feet on his bed.
"CIEL!~"
"What the-" Ciel saw that it wasn't a unicorn, but Alois Trancy!
"What are you doing here? And why did you lick my ear? AGAIN!" Ciel demanded.
"Oh Ciel, you're so funny! Did you think you were the only one who got a vacation, hmm?"
"Bocchan!" Sebastian came bursting into the room. "What's wrong? I heard you scream!"
"What took you so long?" Ciel replied angrily.
"Gee sorry! I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"
"It could have been a unicorn!" said Ciel.
"Right, like that's gonna happen!"
"Any who, Trancy, don't tell me you're-"
"Going to Ski Roundtop tomorrow too, yup! Stole the words right out of your mouth, right Cielly-chan?" squealed Alois.
"Don't EVER call me that again!" Ciel replied disgusted.
"KYAAAAAAAA! Ciel is so mean!~" Alois cried dramatically.
Ciel sighed. "Here's an idea, get out!" Ciel ordered, "Or he'll carry you out!" He pointed at Sebastian.
"Huh?" Sebastian had been preoccupied looking at his scrapbook of kittens that Ciel had tried many times to burn, but he just kept showing up with a new one every time he tried.
"Fine, fine, fine, Ciel! I'll see you tomorrow!" Alois left with Claude, who ironically didn't say anything. Alois probably glued his mouth again.
"That little…"
"Now, now, Bocchan, control your temper!" Sebastian reminded him.
Ciel scowled. He really felt like strangling his butler, but told himself it wasn't worth it. "Just hurry up and unpack!"
"Yes, My Lord." With that, Sebastian finished unloading everything. The time soon came when it was time to get ready for bed. They went through the normal procedures of the night.
"Goodnight, my Lord," Sebastian said to his master.
"Yeah, yeah," Ciel muttered as he drifted off to sleep.
"RISE AND SHINE, CIEL!" cheered a happy Alois. Ciel literally fell out of his bed from that awakening.
"Get OUT Trancy!" Ciel shouted. "It is 10 o'clock and I need more sleep!"
"Are you kidding me? Get up you lazy bum!" said Alois.
"Sebastian!" Sebastian was soon at his side, considering he slept on the floor on the other side of his bed like Ciel ordered him to. "Get rid of it!"
"Ciel's such a tattletale!" complained Alois.
"Oh well, Bocchan, I would have gotten you up soon anyway," his butler said.
"Fine." So Alois insisted on taking them to the café. When they got there, Alois said:
"So what do you want, Ciel?"
"Tea."
"How about coffee?"
"I want tea," Ciel replied firmly.
"Coffee it is then!" concluded Alois.
Ciel sighed. "Why do I even waste my breath?" Soon Alois came back with this so called 'coffee'.
"Here ya go Ciel!" said Alois handing him a cup.
"Uh, I'd advise against that, Bocchan." Sebastian came over. "Coffee has a lot of caffeine in it and something tells me you'll get a little… hmm, I guess you'd say addicted."
"Well Trancy won't get me anything else." Ciel took a drink. "Holy crap, it's good! Why don't you ever give me this stuff, Sebastian?"
"Because you'd get addicted, like now. I can sense it already."
"Oh what do you know anyway?"
"Everything"
Pawn!
Ciel just glared at him. Soon Alois and Ciel had finished their coffee.
"I want more!" said Ciel, high on caffeine.
"You don't need more Boc-"
"MOOOOOORREE!"
"Geez! Alright! Lunatic…" Sebastian muttered as he told Alois to get some more. Soon, Ciel had chugged six more cup of coffee and was running around the café like a maniac.
"Nice going, Alois," Sebastian muttered.
"You know, I gave him decafé."
O_o
"Well this can't be good!" said Sebastian. He got up and tried to get Ciel to calm down, which mostly resolved in his master running manically away. "Bocchan, you need to calm down."
"Make me! HA!" Ciel started laughing hysterically.
"Bocchan, I'll never let you have coffee again if you keep this up."
"NOOOOO! You can't do that!" Ciel screamed.
"Then shut your mouth! We're leaving." They all finally got out of the shop even though Sebastian had to carry Ciel out because he refused to leave, begging for just one more cup. Sebastian swore someone must have spiked the coffee, although you never hear of it. Soon they all headed for the ski resort. Ciel had fallen asleep in the car.
"Awww, Ciel's so cute when he sleeps!~" Alois squealed and started to pet his hair.
"Please do not touch my master," Sebastian said.
"Why? Don't try to keep him all to yourself!"
"What!" said Sebastian, "You have a sick mind, kid."
"Look!" Alois had taken off Ciel's eye patch and put it on. "I'm a pirate! Argg!"
"Will you please control your master?" Sebastian asked Claude, frustrated.
"I could, but I hate you, so no," Claude replied.
Sebastian sighed. He grabbed the eye patch and put it back on Ciel. Soon they arrived at the resort.
"It's time to wake up, Bocchan," Sebastian prodded Ciel awake.
"Huuuuh?" Ciel mumbled as he slowly got awake.
"You are never having coffee again," Sebastian said.
"But it's so gooooood!" Ciel pouted.
"Anyway, we're here!" Alois said, "This'll be so much fun Ciel!"
"Whatever, let's get this over with." The four went to the building where you rent skis and snowboards and gear. Ciel, Alois, and Sebastian got snowboards. Claude got skis because he's a wuss.
"Bocchan, it's cold outside, so make sure you wear your hat," Sebastian reminded him.
"Stop treating me like a child!"
"I'm just saying, Bocchan!"
"Let's go Ciel!" cheered Alois. They all headed over to the desk to redeem their tickets.
"Ok," said the guy at the counter. "You get to choose whether you want the resort or the mountain.
"OOOOOOO! We're going on the mountain!" Alois said.
"Ok then." The guy stamped their tickets and they were off.
"Trancy, why did you choose the mountain?" Ciel asked.
"Because it's less crowded so not as many people will see you fail. And there's more dangerous courses and a special trail you will LOVE!~" he squealed.
"Oh God, I wonder what that could be," Ciel mumbled. To get to the top of the mountain, they had to take a helicopter, so they all piled in and headed for the top.
"I just realized something," Sebastian said during the ride. "We should have gotten lessons first."
Silence.
"We're screwed." Ciel said. Soon they were at the top and the helicopter dropped them off.
"Ok, here we are at the top," Sebastian said, whipping out a map, "I have a guide here, with complimentary kitty stickers, happy face! And this will take us through the safest route."
"Safe? How is this safe?" Ciel asked angrily. In front of them was a wide expansion of clouds that was impossible to see through. The only way off the mountain was to ride it, and it didn't look pretty. They looked down at the course which was almost a ninety degree angle at first until it smoothed out a bit. So basically, they'd be falling.
"Do you see how steep that it? We'll die! I don't even know how to snowboard!" Ciel ranted.
"Don't you remember what I've told you, Bocchan?" said Sebastian, "If you can do this, than you can handle anything!"
"That was for violin! I don't think that's life-death situation either!" Ciel replied back.
"Don't worry Ciel! I'll be there for you!" Alois said, embracing him in a hug.
"Get off!" Ciel pushed him away.
"And besides, Claude and Sebastian will help us, since they can do, like, EVERYTHING!"
Ciel looked down at the steep slope again. "You know what?" he said, "I'm just gonna pass. Seriously, there's no freaking way this is safe, your ghetto kittens aren't gonna help either, so I'm just gonna wait for the next- AHHH!" Ciel had taken too long and Alois had pushed him over the ledge. Ciel's screams had already started to fade away. Alois looked at the butlers.
"I got bored," he said.
"My kittens are offended, Bocchan," Sebastian said, even though Ciel clearly couldn't hear him. The three followed after Ciel as he rode, more like tumbled, down the mountain.
"Way to go, Bocchan!" Sebastian cheered his master on, once they'd caught up to him. Ciel was literally flipping in midair, because, you know, it's kind of impossible to ride down a ninety degree angle hill, so everyone was just free falling with style. Ahh, the wonders of physics. Ciel was screaming the entire way down.
"I'M GONNA DIE!" he shouted. At last, the land smoothed out somewhat for them to actually ride on, but unfortunately, for Ciel, it was impossible to stop flipping around at the speed he was going and slammed into the large rock wall in front of him.
"Bocchan!" Sebastian said.
"Cieeeelluuu!" Alois followed Sebastian over to where Ciel lay motionless.
"Are you alright, Bocchan?" Sebastian asked frantically.
"Nyaa huh," Ciel stuttered.
"Wow, he must have a hard head," Claude remarked.
"Let's hurry and get off this death course," Ciel said getting back onto his feet. They all headed off down the path, much smoother now.
"Ok, so where are we?" Alois asked.
"Well," Sebastian pulled out his map covered in stickers, that was surely going in his album, and looked at it, "That sheer drop we just came off of was called Dragon's Lair, now we're at Giant's Realm."
"At least there's nothing here to kill me," Ciel muttered. They glided around on the powdery snow, enjoying the scenery and getting even more used to the feel of their boards and skis.
"Isn't this fun, Ciel?" Alois asked.
"When I'm not about to be killed, it's not so bad," replied Ciel.
"Woah, look ahead, the path gets narrower!" said Claude.
"Where are we now, Sebastian?" Ciel asked his butler.
Once again, he pulled out the kitten covered map. Were there more stickers on it that last time? Ciel couldn't be sure. "According to this, we are on Griffin's Peak."
"Why do all these courses belong to someone or something? I want one!" Alois said.
"The peak is- oh," Sebastian paused.
"Oh what?" Ciel asked.
"It's kind of a cliff, hehe."
"WHAT?" Ciel yelled, "I already fell probably half the mountain! I don't need any more mileage on me! Why didn't we go a different direction then?"
"Well sor-ry! I didn't-AHH!" Before they knew it, they reached the end of the cliff and were, once again, falling off a cliff, not quite as big though. Ciel kept screaming while Alois was enjoying the fall. Somehow, everyone made it down in once piece, but Ciel wasn't sure how Alois didn't break his neck after flipping in midair then crashing to the ground. Ciel landed on his face.
"That was AWSOME!" Alois cheered.
"Uhhhhh, why am I the only one who gets hurt?" Ciel complained.
Sebastian could have given him several reasons but didn't say anything. He could have laughed at the fact his master was the only one with his pants full of snow. He thought he was finally getting what he deserved.
"Let's keep going," said Claude.
"Right," said Ciel still on the ground, "As well progress into this never-ending labyrinth and we all get sucked in and never return! As well ultimately get eaten by unicorns!"
"Riiiiight," said Sebastian sarcastically, "Come on, get up, Bocchan." Sebastian tried to get his master off the ground.
"Nooooooo, I don't wanna!" Ciel complained like a little kid.
"I guess this exercise is too strenuous for you, Bocchan, from eating too many sweets," said Sebastian with a smirk.
"Are you calling me fat?"
"Hmm, who knows?" Sebastian teased.
"That's it! Let's go!" Ciel immediately got up and headed off. Everyone followed. They continued down the path for a while and soon, they'd lost track of Claude.
"Pssht, bet the loser fell of a ravine or something," Ciel mocked.
"Heh, heh, funny," Alois said, "That happened to me last time I was here. Fell off that ravine twenty-eight times. Don't know how I'm still alive."
"You've been here before?" Ciel said surprised.
"Yup!"
Pause.
"You should have died," Ciel mumbled.
"So where are we now, Sebastian?" Alois asked.
"Well let's see, I saw a sign a little ways back saying we were on a new course, and the map says it's called…" Sebastian froze.
"What? What's it called?" Ciel asked impatiently.
"You don't need to know."
"Yes I do."
"You really do NOT need to know! Let alone want to!"
"You worthless butler! Tell me what it's called already! I ORDER you!" Ciel demanded.
"It's, um… called… Unicorn's Hoof…"
Ciel froze in his tracks. "AHHHHHHH! Get me out of here! Get me out of here RIGHT NOW!" Ciel fell to the ground having a spaz attack
"HAHAHAHA! This is great!" Alois laughed.
"Bocchan, it's not tha-"
"NOOOOOOO! AHHHHHH! I'M GONNA DIE! WHAAAAA!" Ciel continued to cry.
Sebastian sighed. "Come one, Bocchan, let's go so we can get you away from the unicorns," he said in a jokingly manor, but only led to more screams from Ciel. Sebastian had to grab Ciel's arm and practically drag the screaming child down the course. Alois thought this was absolutely hysterical.
"Come on, Bocchan, we'll be at the station soon so just come along!" Sebastian said, struggling to get his master on his board.
"Can't… go… any further… need… oxygen! GAAAH!" Ciel fell back on the ground again, suffocating. "Seba…tian! Need… inhaler!"
"Now look, Bocchan, you gave yourself an asthma attack!" Sebastian picked Ciel up from the snow and carried him the whole way down to the station. When they arrived, Claude was there waiting for them.
"What took you so long?" Claude asked them.
"What happened to you? We totally lost you," Sebastian said, stopping in front of him.
"I'm FREE!" Ciel cried when they'd reached the bottom. He jumped out of Sebastian's arms onto the ground into the snow. He laid there murmuring words of thanks to the ground.
"What happened to him?" asked Claude.
"We took a stroll down unicorn lane!" Alois said.
"UNICORNS! NOOOOOO! Don't let them get me Sebastian!"
His butler sighed. "Let's head into one of the shops to get warm." The foursome went inside one of the restaurants.
"Hey Ciel!" said Alois, "I know what'll make you feel better!"
"What?"
"COFFEE!~" Alois held it out to him.
"GIMME!" Ciel grabbed to mug and drank it down like there was no tomorrow, which we all know there is one, considering the world won't end until year 2000. (lies, all lies :3)
"Oh God, not again," Sebastian muttered. "I think I'm getting a migraine. Demons don't get migraines! See what you do to me, Bocchan? You and your stupid issues!" Of course, Ciel didn't hear him because he was hopped up on coffee again. Soon they decided they have had enough 'fun' for the day and headed off to their hotel rooms. In their room, Sebastian put Ciel to bed. A 13- year old midget can only handle so much coffee.
"What and interesting day, Bocchan!" Sebastian smiled.
"Eh huh," Ciel mumbled. All of a sudden he started giggling uncontrollably.
"What's so funny, Bocchan?"
"Your FACE!" Ciel continued to laugh.
"Well, that was rude," Sebastian said offended.
"Soooo?" Ciel said.
"You're loopy."
"Hehe, loopy… WEEEEEE!" Ciel got up and started spinning in circles.
Sebastian sighed. How many times had he sighed today? "Well, I'll leave you to put yourself to bed, Bocchan. Look forward to more unicorn fun tomorrow!" Sebastian said and left the room."
O_o
"EH?" Ciel shouted. He totally forgot it was a 2-day package. XD
A/N – Yay! More unicorns! Hahaha hope you like it! Please review! See, I even used my manners! That's rare for me! DO IT NOW! Hahaha See ya guy! Until my next crack fic, tata!
~Reyrocks