Obligatory Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas and Ferb or any of the characters associated with said cartoon. I do however think that they are awesome and wish they had been my friends when I was younger.

A/N: I wrote this story as if I was watching an episode of the cartoon and I hope that comes across. Critical reviews very welcome… flames, not so much.

Many thanks to Kissy Fishy for Beta reading this work! It reads much better now!

Skip to me Loo

- Scene 1 -

It was another fine summer's day at the Flynn/Fletcher household. The boys, Phineas and Ferb, were sitting out in the garden in their usual place under the tree, their pet platypus, Perry, fast asleep next to them. "Well Ferb," said Phineas suddenly, "This isn't getting anything done… what's next on our agenda?"

Ferb produced an old and battered looking diary, opened it up, licked his finger and flicked through the pages rapidly. For a moment there was only the sound of rustling paper. Before he could get to the page he wanted, a large hand reached over his shoulder and snatched the book away. Startled the boys looked up to see Buford Van Stomm standing behind them. "Me! I'm on your agenda today!" the square faced bully said, his black T-shirt with the skull on it looking especially menacing today.

"Oh, hey Buford," Phineas said brightly, "You need a hand with something?"

"Yeah, Halloween is coming up in a couple of months and I need a better way of tricking people this year," he said. His expression turned thoughtful as he said, "I'm thinking toilet roll this year. A lot of it!" His finger was thrust out and it poked Ferb in the nose, causing the green haired boy's eyes to cross trying to see it. "And I need you guys to build something so I can get as many houses as possible, as quickly as possible! Time is money!" Buford glared at the two boys.

Ferb reached out and took back the diary, still with Buford's finger pressing into his nose. Pulling out a sheet of graph paper, he showed it to Buford. The boy took it and looked at it closely for a moment before a grin lit up his face, "I like it!" his finger moved swiftly from Ferb's nose to point straight between Phineas' eyes and the pointy nosed boy put his hands up in surrender. "Phineas! I know what you two are gonna do today!"

Upstairs in her room Candace Flynn lounged on her bed, her cell phone stuck to the side of her head chattering away to Stacey. "So Jeremy was, like, 'Hi Candace' and so I was all 'Hi Jeremy'; playing it very cool. But then mom came over and totally stopped us talking so I had to go and I think Jeremy said he would call." She sat up suddenly, "Will he call me? Do you think that's what he said?" At that moment there was a crash of metal and Phineas' voice drifted in through the window; "Careful Ferb, that power source is delicate!"

Stacey told Candace that, as she hadn't been there, she actually had no idea what Jeremy had said but Candace, unfortunately, had stopped listening. With a growl Candace sprang off of her bed, "Sorry Stacey, gotta go! Need to bust my brothers!" Snapping her cell closed Candace stormed up to the window and looked out in time to see, vanishing round the side of the house, Phineas, Ferb, Buford and a wheelbarrow. The latter was loaded with bits of scrap metal, blue paper diagrams and a strange glowing yellow spinning object. "PHINEAS! FERB!"

"Hi Candace!" Phineas' voice drifted round the corner of the house leaving Candace fuming. She turned and stomped out of her room and down the stairs.

Reaching the garden she was met by the sight of Ferb welding chunks of metal together. His welders mask covered his face completely and he was surrounded by bright orange sparks. Phineas and Buford were standing to one side, looking at a large blue print laid out on a folding table. Both wore hard hats and walkie talkies. A bright blue megaphone sat on the table, holding one end of the blueprint down; Perry lay asleep on the other end.

"What are you doing now!" yelled Candace as she stomped up to the boys. She slammed her hands down on the table, waking Perry. The platypus gazed blankly at the tall blonde before rattling his bill, making his trademark strange noise at her and settling back down again to sleep.

"Oh hi again Candace." said Phineas happily, gesturing towards the blueprint and Ferb, "Isn't it great? Buford's asked us to help him create something so he can get through Halloween as quickly as possible this year. That way he can get home and enjoy the candy!"

Candace glanced up at Buford who just stared back before saying, "I got targets! So what?"

Candace shook her head and fixed Phineas with an icy stare. "I'm not gonna put up with your weirdness today! Mom left me in charge while she went to the store and you will so totally be busted if you start with me!" her voice had gotten louder and more shrill as her rant went on. Ferb had stopped welding by this point and had lifted his mask to stare at Candace. Walking backwards, she pointed two fingers to her own eyes before pointing at all three boys in the universal "I'm watching you." gesture. "Busted." she whispered in a gravely voice whilst backing away.

Eventually, she reached the house and disappeared inside. For a moment there was only silence, broken by the wind rustling the leaves. Phineas turned to Ferb after a moment and said, "Have you noticed how Candace seems to get a little edgy when we're working on something?" Ferb just shrugged and dropped the welding mask again before applying the blue flame to the metal once more.

Just then a girl's face appeared over the fence, a pink bow in her black hair and her eyes wide and sparkling at the sight of Phineas. "Hi Phineas!" squeaked Isabella.

"Oh hi Isabella." said Phineas with a smile, turning round to greet his neighbour.

"Watcha-doooin'?" she asked, gazing lovingly at the object of her affection.

"We're helping Buford with his Halloween preparations. Ferb's had a great idea for a double barrelled toilet roll launcher! I think it's nearly ready for testing but we're short on ammo." Phineas said. Ferb looked up at Isabella and stuck one thumb up in the air, his face still hidden behind the welding mask.

"I can get you some!" said Isabella, keen to help out with anything that Phineas may be doing. "Mom recently got a good deal so she bought it in bulk. I'll pop home and pick up a load!" Phineas shouted out a thank you as Isabella ran off. Turning back to the table he saw that the blueprint had rolled itself up again. Looking around he noticed something was missing.

"Hey, where's Perry?"

- Scene 2 -

The object of Phineas' question had, at that precise moment, just ambled around the side of the house. Once out of sight he suddenly sprang into action and flattened himself up against the wall, a brown fedora being produced from somewhere and placed on the platypus' head. His eyes had changed from a blank, unintelligent stare to a cool gaze filled with steely resolve.

He was Agent P, secret agent for the OWCA.

Looking from side to side to check the coast was clear, he produced a small pistol shaped device, a three-pronged hook protruding from the end. Agent P aimed for an upstairs window that was slightly open and, with a near silent swish, the device fired the grappling hook. It flew with pin-point accuracy and latched onto the edge of the frame. Testing that it was secure, Perry pulled the trigger again and the device swiftly reeled in the line, pulling him up to the window ledge.

~ Doo-Be Doo-Be Dooo-Bah, Doo-Be Doo-Be Dooo-Bah ~

Swiftly leaping in through the open window Perry landed dramatically in the centre of Candace's room. Moving fast, he dove and rolled towards the door and out into the hallway, but stopped short when he heard Candace stomping up the stairs. Quick as a flash Perry snatched off the fedora and dropped back down onto all fours, assuming his blank stare again.

Candace appeared around the corner and gave a little scream of fear when she saw Perry outside her room. Perry responded by simply blinking up at her and rattling his mouth again. "Stupid platypus!" Candace yelled as Perry wandered around her and waddled down the hallway. As soon as he heard Candace's bedroom door slam closed he sprang upright, fedora once more on his head, and slipped into the bathroom. Tiptoeing to the cupboard in the corner he opened up the door and slipped in between the toilet rolls. The back of the cupboard peeled away and Perry dropped out of sight.

Deep below the ground, in a large steel room, computer monitors beeped and whirred. A huge display screen, attached to a large computer bank, flickered briefly; a grey haired, and grey moustached man, with a large black mono-brow, appeared. His dark green uniform was crisp and clean, the purple double M emblazoned clearly on one shoulder. Perry the Platypus dropped down to land in the large chair set up in front of the screen, just as Major Monogram was looking off to one side, talking to someone else. "All I'm saying Carl is that you should check before you leave the bathroom! Seeing something like that can be a shock to the system. Ah. There you are Agent P." said the Major when he caught sight of Perry and the platypus saluted crisply.

"Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks again and we need you to stop whatever scheme he is working on. He has been seen spending a large amount of time in the supermarket; specifically in the toilet roll section." Perry looked confused and the Major nodded, "Precisely what we thought. Whatever he is up to, it can't be good so… find out what it is and put a stop to it. Good luck Agent P."

Without a sound Perry saluted again and sprang away, determined to thwart his nemesis.

~ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ~

At the top of a large skyscraper there was a section that protruded slightly, the windows in this area stretching from floor to ceiling; it was one of these windows that a small hang-glider aimed for. Upon the glider's impact the window burst inwards with a terrific smash, showering shards of glass in all directions and Agent P landed, crouched and ready for action, in the centre of a large open room.

A large, open and mostly empty room.

Perry glanced around. Boxes were lined and piled up in some of the corners. Various devices were hung on the wall or discarded haphazardly. One section was filled with a sofa, a TV and various other bits that spoke of a normal life. But there appeared to be no-one home.

Perry crept through the room, moving with grace from one bit of cover to the next, eyes peeled for danger. Near the door to the balcony area was a large sheet that clearly covered a large device, metal skids poking out from underneath it. Curious, Perry started to lift the sheet when a voice drifted out of a nearby door; the voice was a little whiney and had a German accent to it. It was the voice of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, Perry's nemesis.

"Is… is that you Perry the Platypus? You know I expected you a while ago but I'm in the lavatory at the moment and having some problems… could you just wait a moment please? I… I'm nearly done here."

Perry looked over the back of the device towards the door; a look that mixed horror and concern in one expression. With that the door opened and Dr. Doofenshmirtz walked out. He was tall and gangly but walked with a permanent hunch which made him seem shorter; his large nose protruding from his slightly manic looking face capped with an unruly bush of hair. He was wearing his usual outfit of a white lab coat, trousers and shoes and paused by the door when he saw Perry's face. "Let me just switch off the light here, Perry the Platypus, and I'll be with you."

Doof leant over to a switch on the wall and with a click activated a trap! In a blur of mechanical arms and moving metal Perry was swiftly surrounded by a box of thick plated glass, bound by metal corners and secured to the floor with huge bolts.

"Hahaa!" laughed Doofenshmirtz as he walked towards the captured secret agent, rubbing his hands in glee. "My Platypus-Capture-Inator worked this time!" His voice rose to a near shriek as he turned to the covered device and held his arms out saying, "And now! You will see the brilliance of my latest scheme!"

Turning to look at Perry again Doofenshmirtz seemed to shrink back down on himself and become more human. His voice became quieter and returned to its regular whining sound, "You see, Perry the Platypus, recently I have been troubled by the large amount of toilet paper brands available in the supermarkets. It's ridiculous!" Gesticulating wildly he walked up and down the room, his frustration evident. "You see, it is making my shopping trips take longer and longer! One-ply, two-ply, quilted, recycled, this company, that company… it goes on and on and I-I-I just can't take it anymore!"

Walking quickly Doof went to the lavatory door and pulled it open revealing piles upon piles of different brands and types of toilet roll, almost reaching the ceiling. "See, Perry the Platypus, this is what I am dealing with here! I get so confused with brands and stuff that I just end up buying all of them!" Turning from the door he shouted, "But no more!" and, grabbing the large dust sheet, he pulled it off, revealing a large mechanical device. The metal skids supported a square base which was topped by an intricate array of many coloured wires and tubes that led to a large, triangular barrel, pointing upwards to the ceiling. On the back edge was a simple control panel with a green button marked "ON".

"Behold!" yelled Doof triumphantly, "The Toilet-Paper-Away-Inator!"

Perry, imprisoned in the box, just folded his arms and looked at Doof patiently. He knew the man by now; soon the entire evil scheme would come pouring out. He just couldn't help himself.