Farkle POV.

I move my legs anxiously, as I await for the results from the test I just had. Butterflies danced around in my stomach, as I hope for the best.

I look over at my best friend Lucas' who was currently staring intensely at the 'Cosmo' magazine held in his hands.

"Well apparently, I've not been giving girls orgasms correctly" He murmurs, "And here I thought, I was doing a good job"

I roll my eyes, "Can we please not discuss sex right now?"

"So your pee burns slightly, I highly doubt you have a STI"

"My pee doesn't burn!" I hiss.

Lucas stares at me with a confused expression, "Then why do you make them noises?"

"I make no noise"

He snorts, "Well you clearly don't hear yourself pee"

I groan before I bury my face into my hands, as I rest them against my knees.

"Who the hell could you of got an STI off anyway?"

I lift my head and narrow my eyes at him, "I thought we weren't talking about this"

"We aren't taking about it, we're investigating. There's a difference"

"Fine, then can we not investigate?"

"I'm just asking a question, I didn't think you've slept with enough woman to catch a disease of them?"

"I'll have you know, I've slept with plenty of woman!"

"Who? Who are these women you've slept with?" Lucas asks, as he gives me a 'I'm not buying it' look.

"Well, there's Smackle, Creepy Charlotte, Bartender Bailey, McDonald's Mandy, Burger King Bethany, KFC Kaley and then...Riley"

Lucas gives me a look of disgust, "You actually had sex with Creepy Charlotte?"

"Like you've not had worse, how many girls have you slept with?"

He winces, "Irrelevant"

"It's gotta be in the early thirties" I note, as I think back to all the times I've encountered strange women in Lucas' apartment.

"Maybe early sixties" Lucas coughs, as he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"And I'm the one who's being tested for an STI" I cry out, in disbelief.

"Well I'm not stupid, I wear protection"

"I'm not stupid, I just get caught up in the moment"

"By the way dude, why have most of your sexual partners worked in the fast food industry?"

I shrug, "I was lonely, hungry and I might have been drunk"

"What's your excuse for Creepy Charlotte?"

"I was lonely, hungry and I was extremely wasted"

Lucas shrugs, "At least she's got a decent sized rack"

My head snaps when I hear footsteps walk into the waiting room, "Farkle Minkus"

I stand up, my head snaps in confusion when I see Lucas' stand up as well.

"Why the hell are you standing up?"

"Because, I want to support you and I need cheering up, I haven't got laid all week"

I roll my eyes, "Ugh! Fine, come on"

I walk into the doctors office with a glum expression, opposed to Lucas' having an absolutely beaming with happiness expression on his.

Dr. Wilson gives me a smile as she sees me enter the room.

"I've genuinely never been more excited!" He squeals quietly in my ear.

I narrow my eyes at him before sitting down on, the blue chair sat across from my doctors desk.

"Hello Farkle" The auburn haired woman greets.

"Hi Dr. Wilson" I murmur awkwardly.

"Is this your partner?" She asks gesturing towards Lucas.

My eyes widen as a spluttering noise escapes my lips, the dark blonde haired man next to bursts out laughing.

"God, No!" I cry out.

Lucas turns to me with an offended expression, "What? Am I not good enough for you?"

"We're not together!"

"And now I know why!"

I shake my head before turning back to my doctor, "Is it good or bad news?"

Dr. Wilson opens her mouth to speak but I interject.

"Actually don't tell me!"

"Tell him" My best friend says, amusement lacing in his face.

The auburn haired woman sighs, "Well, you've not tested postive for anything life threatening such as HIV but-"

"There's a but!" Lucas cries out happily.

"But you have tested postive for Chlymedia"

"This is the greatest day of my life!"

I groan loudly before hitting my head roughly against the desk in-front of me.

"Don't worry, all I have to give you is two pills then it will clear the infection but If you do leave it un-treated, it can cause fertility problems which is why I advivse that you call all your previous sexual partners"

Lucas laughs loudly before clapping his hands together, "It gets even better!"

"All of them?" I ask worriedly.

"Just the ones you like" Dr. Wilson says with a sarcastic grin on her face.

"Great" I mumur before I hit my head against the desk once again.

…

I groan loudly as I look at the pills sat on the table across from me.

"Come on just take the pills, then you can have more thrills!" Lucas jokes as he pats my back.

I narrow my eyes, "I hope you do realise, you've been no help at all"

"I've not been here to help, I've been here to laugh"

"Well you've done that perfectly!" I bite, as I grab the pills in my hands and swallow them with a pint of water.

Lucas' phone dings, he grins massively as he checks his phone.

"Maya's coming over, and apprently she's got a surprise for you!"

"Did you really have to tell Maya?"

"Of course I did, well actually techincally I didn't tell her, she saw my tweet"

"You tweeted about!"

He holds his hands up in surrender, "I just did a vote, on what STI people thought you where carrying around in that little rocketship of yours"

I narrow my eyes, "It's not a little rocketship"

"That's not what Burger King Bethany said!"

I roll my eyes, "She was just bitter because I told her, I prefer McDonald's burgers"

"By the way, a lot of people thought you had herpes" Lucas says as he shows me his phone.

I sigh loudly before I grab a pillow from behind me and bury my face deeply into it as I groan vigerously.

There's a knock on our apartment door causing my head to snap up before I groan loudly again, when I realise it will be Maya, coming here to tease me.

The door opens, I turn my head to see the small blonde stood there with a bright grin on her face and a white box in her hands.

"Well if it isn't, Mr. Manwhore!" She greets, as she takes a seat on the sofa next too me.

"What's in the box Maya?" I ask, as dread fills my body.

"Open it, you little slut!"

I roll my eyes before I open the white box, to reveal a small cake with the word 'Congratulations' written across it in bright pink icing.

Lucas laughs loudly before reaching over me to give, our female best friend a high-five.

"You're an actually asshole!" I cry out before grabbing a handful of cake and shoving it into my mouth.

"Hey! That cost me the grand total of five dollars"

I grimace, as I swallow the cake, "Yeah I can tell, it's disgusting"

"So Stud, how are you planning on telling all these poor girls that you infected them?"

Lucas laughs again as he pulls out the light pink cards from his pocket, "His doctor gave him special cards, for him to post to the girls!"

Maya laughs loudly, "This just gets better"

I shake my head, "I'm not doing that, I'm ringing them"

"Why the hell would you want to do that?" My dark blond haired friend asks.

"Because he's obviously stupid!"

I narrow my eyes, "I'm not stupid, I just think maybe it's a good chance to reconnect to one of the girls"

Maya snorts loudly, "Well that's how I'd love to reconnect with one of my ex-boyfriends by a phone call saying that there's a chance I've got Chlymedia"

"All you're going to get is numerous 'Fuck you's' down the phone" Lucas notes.

I roll my eyes, "Even so, I still think I should give it a shot"

"You're actually painfully stupid for a man, with a degree in physics" Maya says as she pats my shoulder.

"Yeah, just send the pretty pink cards"

"I'm not sending the pretty pink cards, I'm not a coward"

Lucas rolls his eyes, "Well, if you're going to ring these girls then you're gonna need some dutch courage"

Maya grins, "Does that mean it's vodka time?"

The dark blonde nexts to me returns her grin, "That is does!"

I nod, "Fine, let's get drunk"

"Just try not to sleep anyone, we can't really afford another number being added to the list!" Lucas jokes as he stands up and begins to put on his jacket, causing Maya to laugh loudly at him.

"You're both terrible friends!" I cry out, as I stand up and place my jacket on.

"We know!" They call out at the same time, as they head towards the door.