A/N: I don't even know...
Status: complete
Time: 30 minutes
"Okay!" Mira cried exuberantly. "I've got a perfect activity for Valentine's Day!"
"What is it?" the majority of the guild asked curiously.
"Picking dates out of a hat! Whichever two scraps of paper I pick out of this hat," she beckoned to Makarov's hat, which was lying in a crumpled heap on the counter, "are a pair! The people have to go on a date!"
Natsu scoffed. "A date? I've got better stuff to do!" he turned to Gray, who was sitting, shirtless, discussing something animatedly with Juvia. "Droopy eyes, fight me!"
Gray faced Natsu, rolled his eyes, and told the dragonslayer irritably, "I was talking to someone, you idiot slangy-eyed fire-breathing oblivious stupid head!"
Natsu sneered. "Right. I bet you've got the hots for Juvia. You would never decline a fight from Natsu the great any other time. Dude, you're whipped."
"Natsu!" a soft voice called out. "Could you help me?"
He flinched, glared at Gray, and muttered savagely, "Gotta go, Lucy's calling me."
Gray snorted. "Yeah. I'm the whipped one."
Natsu stumbled over to where Lucy was sitting and asked impatiently, "Yeah? What do you need my help for?"
"Nothing," Lucy grinned. "Just seeing whether you would come or not."
"You are truly weird." Natsu glared fiercely. Then he sighed. "To hell with sanity. I'll participate. I ain't got nothing better to do, anyway."
Mira cheered silently. She was going to match him with Lisanna, and Lucy with Gray. "Alright!" she shouted. "Seeing as everyone but me is participating," she shot a pointed stare in Natsu's direction, "I'll pull the names out of the hat since I'm the only one who's excluded!"
Shouts of "Hurrah!" and "Get it over with!" rang through the guild.
"Couple number 1!" Mirajane pulled two names out of the hat. "Lucy and... Gray!"
The guild cheered.
"Number two," Mira reached into the hat and cursed herself. Stupid Mira! She had forgotten about making sure Natsu and Lisanna's were together. "Natsu and..." Natsu rolled his eyes, "... Gajeel..."
"What the hell!" Natsu and Gajeel simultaneously exploded.
"I ain't goin' on a date with flame brain!" Gajeel choked, his eyes bulging.
"Oh yeah? I'm not going on a date with metal head either!" the fire mage exclaimed.
"Calm down!" Lucy pulled Natsu's sleeve.
"Just... no, Godammit! I'm not going on a date with metal head!"
"Same here!"
The pattern continued, Natsu and Gajeel both whining, moaning that they "... wouldn't and couldn't..." go on a date.
"Natsu!" Lucy interrupted the fire dragonslayer. "Come with me and we'll talk about it."
Natsu was way to quick to comply. "Okay, Luce."
They trudged out the door, bickering as usual.
"Okay," Mira tried to help, "that was a failure."
Murmurs of agreement swept through the guild members.
"Yeah. I know, but we can still try-" she stopped, sighed, and admitted, "Okay, fine. We can't try again. Um, you're dismissed, I guess."
The congregated members left, their heads shaking, smiles rueful.
"I'll go check on Natsu and Lucy, assuming that flame brain's still in the land of the living." Gray strode out of the guild hall.
Mira slumped down on a seat, abandoning her post, ignoring Cana and her requests for more alcohol.
About a half hour later, Gray returned.
"They are not talking," he grinned wolfishly. "I guess Natsu really did get some."
Mira's eyes widened, and she whipped around to face Gray, her alabaster hued hair doing a pirouette around her heart shaped face. "Eh?" she looked incredulous.
"Yup," Gray grinned wider. "They were making out on her floor."
Mira tripped over herself and sprinted out onto the street, narrowly missing a plump, grouchy, elderly looking woman.
When she reached the door, she realized that she had nothing to say. I mean really, what could she say? "Hi, Gray told me you guys were making out. Are you friends with benefits?" Um, nope. That was not suitable.
She knocked on the door and waited. Curses sounded from inside and she heard the throwing on of shirts, the fixing of makeup, and a resounding smack.
"Ouch!" Natsu whispered from inside.
"Sorry," Lucy murmured. "I've gotta look like I scolded you."
Mirajane heard the scurrying of feet and smiled brightly as the door swung open.
"May I come in?" she asked politely.
"Of course!" Lucy responded cheerily, her tone strained and her eyes anxious.
"Great," Mira stepped into the apartment.
"So, what's up?" Lucy asked.
"Well, for starters, you should get a new door. This one isn't soundproof." Mira winced as Lucy's expression dropped.
"You heard? Well, obviously you did. That was stupid." Lucy laughed nervously. "Don't tell anyone!" she pleaded.
"I won't," the (in)famous gossiper promised.
"It's not like we're dating or anything," Natsu chimed in and Lucy agreed, nodding frantically.
"It's like... best friends with benefits." Lucy concluded.
"Okay..." Mira looked disbelieving.
"We're not lying!" Lucy defended.
"Yeah!" Natsu agreed heartily.
"Wait," Mira gazed around the apartment, looking at anyone but her friends, "don't you have a boyfriend, Lucy?"
Lucy nodded, her face consumed by an angry red blush. "Yeah." She confessed, bowing her head in shame.
"You know what, I'm not even gonna ask." Mira rose, walked to the door, and called over her shoulder, "See you guys later."
As soon as she left, Natsu and Lucy exchanged glances.
"We're screwed," Natsu murmured.
"Yeah, pretty much." Lucy agreed.
And Natsu started kissing her again.
"Totally." Mira, who had recorded the kiss, chuckled evilly.
IDK what it's about, it's a story idea of mine, which wasn't even for Fairy Tail. Whatever, I hope you indulge in idiotic authors like myself.