CHAPTER 1
A/N: I started this because I wanted to get into the habit of writing a journal.
The contents of this fic is partly fictional and partly autobiographical. Fictional because my own life is too boring. Autobiographical because I want the realist feel. I'm practicing the art of journal writing without sounding too Highschool-esque. Please bare with me.
This fic will be in the universe that is parallel to "Desire for a Star", because the author is too tired to make up any other universe available.
DIARY OF HARUNO SAKURA!
April 13, 2013
I am currently writing this by the bay window beside my Grandmother's precious herbs. It's snowing outside. Middle of the April and its still snowing. I wonder if it is global warming and climate change, or is it the idea of God playing a joke on us all?I don't know.
By "writing," of course I mean that I'm typing on my tiny touch screen laptop with a flip open keyboard attached. I wish times were like the olden days where we could use a large feathery quill, dip it in ink, and then scribble on my golden hemmed notebook and pen those long elegant letters similar to the elvish language in "Lord of the Rings." Unfortunately I have two problems with that. First, I have horrible hand writing. I mean, I could probably try if I wish. If I really, really try to write neat and curvy at the same time, but my ideas flow out faster than I can write. In that case, I'd spend ten minutes writing a paragraph fit for a museum, but then it would be a boring and unfinished paragraph. Second, one can obviously see the impracticality of having a quill. If the feather tickles me I might sneeze. Then I might knock over my ink, then I might smudge my beautiful leather bound notebook-
That might be messy.
Besides, Grandmother would kill me, for all her previous herbs and plants are in the greenhouse in the winter. Yes, she would. Yes, yes. She would.
Luckily, I saved up to buy this little tablet of mine. It's very quaint and cute, and it flips open whenever I need to type something-which is seems like always. I not only use it for notes, but I also use it for drawing, writing stories, checking email, downloading PowerPoints, writing essays... Let's just say I use it for practically everything. So you know what that means -the day I break this is coming soon.
I feel the need to write a journal entry today, because of all the shit that has happened to me during the last few weeks-or months, even. I may actually have to give myself an award for the "worst life ever." Seriously. None of the friends I have knows about this, but I seriously do have the worst life ever. The only reason I don't go suicidal is because I have a thesis to work on and it would be a waste of tuition. I also have a cool house to live in, with my Grandmother. Who is always remindingme that she's on her deathbed and asks me to do all sorts of chores around the house in preparation for her death. It used to scare me a few years ago, but now it's just a regular day when Grandma says, "Sakura, come snip some lavender for a bouquet for dear Tsunade. It's her birthday tomorrow. You need to learn how to make a bouquet yourself now, for one day I might die just like that, and what will you do when it's your professor's birthday?"
I didn't answer, because I knew she would not like my answer.
So, I grab the tiny pair of silver scissors and begin to clip. I clip everything she asks. The two strands of lavender, one ofhorseshoe lilly, a few strands of star grass, a meter long of pale pink ribbon, and pretty wrapping paper. Then she arranged it into a basket with a bottle of wine and some fruit.
"I'll deliver it to her tomorrow." I said.
She nodded.
After that, she finally left me alone for a while with my thoughts while she flipped on the national geographic channel. She usually reads medical books or recipes.
Where were we-oh right. Now to detail my life.
I live in a wonderful old house that is almost ancient. I swear the walls are made from stone. Or something that's equally heavy and ugly. Grandmother painted over them, so now they're not eyesores. The best part about this house is that it is huge. Most of the space is used as greenhouse or for herb gardens. Grandmother has been taking care of her precious herbs almost all her life, and she is an excellent doctor that specializes intraditional medicine. Although, I suspect she begin her studies with herbs because she wanted to poison Grandfather... Speaking of him, Grandfather is long dead. If he didn't diedfrom complications due to diabetes I would've asked for an autopsy to prove what my Grandmother is capable of.
I think it's my Grandmother's dearest wish in life for me to go into medicine. Yes, medicine-with countless herbs to memorize, countless body muscles or bones to read over, and if one mishaps happens, it all falls apart. No, no, no! I swore to myself that I would not go into medicine for three reasons. First is because I am a coward. Second, because I am not responsible. The last reason is that I love the arts. Painting, reading, stories. So I chose arts.
My grandmother did not give up. She contacted my university Dean, who supposedly is her cousin twice removed or something, and asked him to place me in a health science minor-specializing in traditional medicines. I had no choice. For five years in a row, my professor for each traditional medicine course is taught by Tsunade-sama. Who, of course, is a total slack,but that doesn't mean I can slack. She adopts this "do as I say, not as I do" motto in life, and often give us pop quizzes while crunching on chocolate in front of us. Evil.
In truth, by the time we get to our fifth year, she's cut down the class-size to a tenth. There's only like... four or five students in our class now. My best friend, Ino is in my class, along with Tenten. Then there's this really weird but androgynous kid names Sai, who's the only guy. The last one is this girl who just transferred and I swear that she's in her teens. I mean, isn't there a rule in university that won't allow kids younger than 16 or something to attend? I can guarantee this kid is stretching it even at 16. Since I don't want to feel inferior to her, I often avoid her. It's not a surprise that she has the best grades out of all of us, and seconded by Sai.
That sums up my academic life... don't worry little tablet, more complaints will flow out later on. Now, to the biggest fuck-up I have ever had in my life!
I was engaged to this guy... Who is rich and cute and wonderful. He was my everything! He was sunny, bright, fun, goofy, awesome and completely perfect -until I caught him cheating on me.
Well, to make a long story short, I walked in on him a few month ago having sex with someone else. That someone else, was and is a man.
Yes, a man. A man, a man, a man!
I didn't really get a good look at that man, because at that moment, I went CRAZY. He should be thankful that I didn't bring my tablet with me that day, because I would've undoubtedly thrown it at him. I would've raised my bag, and swung it towards that ridiculously vibrant blond head of his. I would not regret it either. At that moment I think I just lost it.
After a tantrum-I am ashamed to admit, that yes, I did throw a tantrum. What is a girl supposed to do in a situation like that? Just take it when your fiancee is shacking up with another guy!?
Well, technically we were not really, truly engaged. He just put a crazily expensive wedding band around my finger two years ago, and somehow that made me think I belonged to him, and he to me.
Let this be a warning for all the lovely ladies out there. Don't give all the heart.
I am a very passive aggressive person. So by throwing a tantrum, it meant I turned around and walked out of his life.
However, I am happy to say, that I have gotten my life back on track.
Despite the constant pestering my ex-fiancee has done, I have refused him straight out. Ino even criticized me. Probably because Naurto has been pestering her, asking me to talk to him. She asked, and I quote her exact words, "Sakura, you don't leave space or second chances out for people, don't you?"
It's not that I have too much dignity to do so. It's the exact opposite. I really don't want to do so because I'm scared it will happen to me again -and that this time, I won't be able to put my life back together.
Another blow came after the discovery of the affair. I was fired from the company I was interning with. I was working as a translator at Uchiha Corp, but the week after my tantrum, I was called up to my boss's boss's office, and it turned out UchihaSasuke was the one who was fucking my ex-fiancee.
He is the type of person that nobody -and I meant nobody, is able to read. He is the type of person that without a doubt -is the definition of danger itself. I did not know what he called me up there for, but the moment I saw him I recognized him. Which surprised even me, because come on! All I saw of him was like his head, his upper body, and a sheet wrapping around his waist. How could I have recognized him?
Now that I think about it, it was his aura that I recognized.
He was born with this aura of authority, of power, of domination that does not take refusal or defiance lightly. So in the spirit of things, I screamed at him and yelled at him and threw his pretentious paper weight on his desk at his head and yelled, "I quit! I, Haruno Sakura, here by fucking quit! Quit! Motherfucker!"
I think he couldn't have cared less...because he looked more annoyed at his broken paper weight than at me, a screaming girl who is threatening to murder him in his sleep.
I really, really don't want to rethink back to how he looked or felt at that time. Especially, when I received a letter from his older brother to my grandmother apologizing for his brother's promiscuous behavior, and informing me politely my job is still there, if I want it back. I was so close to getting a real job, after interning in that stupid company for 3 three years part time.
I failed... of course.
Because of my stupid hubris, I refuse to go back. Nobody can make me.
Nobody actually did. Grandmother simply folded the paper up and tsked, "Well now. Isn't that just a surprise? There's all sorts of eggs in this world."
I think the subtext behind her sentence was, "I never knew Naruto was a gay egg."
Alas, it's all in the past.
The reason I'm writing this NOW, is because something that's equally awful happened today.
I was supposed to receive a call back from a series of interview I did to be a dorm resident assistant. I thought, I'm basically living at school now, why not apply to be a resident assistant, so I can watch over freshmen kids, and also live there for free? I went to the interviews and did as best as I possibly could, and they told me they would get back to me by the end of the it's Saturday night and I'm here writing stuff with a heavy heart. I didn't get their results and I secretly knew that I failed. Which is completely bullshit, because I was the best candidate out of all the other applicants. There was only three potential candidates in total. If I'm not the best, I can't be the last. So, I am the best.
Since that fell through, basically my dream of living somewhere else for the summer have just withered. I am stuck here in this old house, with my grandmother ruling over my life. I'm cutting up herbs and snipping leaves and grinding them and watching my grandmother treat patients and sometimes hear their painful screams from acupuncture. Most people take acupuncture like it's ninjas throwing stars at them, but in actuality it's a hair thin needle going into your skin. You're lucky if you even feel it.
Now, at the end of the day, with snow falling outside and the cold window pressing against my arm, I re-evaluate my feels for the first time for this past four month of so, ever since the year started... and I seriously, seriously think that...
I feel more disappointed about not living alone rather than having a gay fiancee all this time.
Did I love him?
Oh Sakura, that's a road you're not going down. Because most likely, you won't come up.
XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX
TBC
A/N: Edited version, re-upload.